Short story... The original idea was intended to play a part in Between ORs and Medical School... but I scrapped that idea and instead it popped into my head earlier the other day while on the train at 6am. I was still half asleep when I wrote most of it. I'm not even sure how good it is, I edited it and added some things, of course. But story wise I have a feeling Padme might sound out of character, but then with it being in Anakin's perspective, maybe that makes sense? I don't know. I'm just throwing this out into the world and waiting to see who takes a bite out of it.

My courses are almost done for the Fall so with luck you can expect more frequent updates soon!

Enjoy!

-DFD

He always hated being away. He hated how their duty kept them apart. He hated how they had to keep their marriage a secret. He hated how he had to sneak out of their apartment while it was still dark so no one would know he hadn't been in his room in the Jedi Temple all night. But most of all, he hated how he wasn't there with her right now. No matter what she said, he knew she wasn't alright. Padme Naberrie Amidala Skywalker is a strong woman, fierce, loyal, benevolent; she puts everyone else before her, a trait he admires greatly. But in this instance, he wishes she wasn't. The way she had taken to her work given recent events could in no way be healthy. Normally when he was on world, she would find a way to put some of her work off until he left. Normally they would spend time together doing little things normal married people do. But ever since… Anakin shook his head, he didn't like to think about it either, but ever since it happened, it almost felt as though she was avoiding him and the problem, in fact, when his deployment orders came, she had almost seemed… relieved he was going. He had offered to find a way to convince them to let him stay, going so far as suggesting intentionally damaging his durasteel arm to give them more time. She had refused, and again claimed she was alright. He had wanted to push the subject then, but instead he reluctantly agreed to leave.

In his quarters aboard the Resolute, Anakin paced the length of the room with his hands folded behind his back. He had been gone a week now, and he was certain Obi-Wan knew something was off with him. If his former master knew the truth he was certain he wouldn't think his behavior odd at all. Any man would worry about their wife in the way he did. Glancing at the chrono on the wall, the hour indicated it was past two in the morning, making it around ten at night back on Coruscant. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be this far away from her, not when he knew she was still crying herself to sleep. She pretended she wasn't, but she never pushed his embrace away when he wrapped his arms around her, comforting her. That was what he should be doing now. Not pacing the small room on a warship heading for the Outer Rim.

His eyes drifted to the holocomm on the nightstand next to his bunk. He doesn't call her often, not because he doesn't want to, but rather because they both know if their marriage were discovered it would create a massive scandal and he would probably be expelled from the Jedi Order. But his wife needed him and that was more than enough reason to take the chance. Screw the Jedi, hang their precious code, nothing else matters to him. Grabbing the comm, he keyed in her frequency and waited. She answered after the third ring and did not look happy to see him. "Anakin? What are you doing? Did something happen?" She was dressed in a simple nightgown and her hair in slight disarray, he took note of how her eyes seemed almost puffed, most likely from crying again.

"Nothings wrong, Angel," He assured her, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I just wanted to see you."

Her eyes narrowed at him, "That's not very smart. What if someone catches you? Or this conversation is intercepted?"

Anakin smiled, "Doesn't matter. I love you. We shouldn't have to hide that," He said.

She didn't reply immediately as a knit formed in her brow and rested her cheek on her fist, a pose she often takes when she was in thought. "You called for a reason, didn't you?" She asked, "You called to check on me."

"Is there something wrong with that?" He asked.

"No, but you shouldn't-"

"I shouldn't be here," He said, cutting her off. "I shouldn't be here. I should be there with you- for you…" He feels his throat tighten as he remembers that day as if it had only just happened. "We shouldn't…" Anakin swallows, trying to find a way to get the words out. "We shouldn't have to pretend it didn't happen," He finished, his voice notably softer as the sorrow seeps through his words.

Padme shook her head, "We shouldn't be talking about this," She said, her arms wrapping tightly around herself. He could tell she was uncomfortable with the topic. He was too. He hated thinking about it. He hated remembering how quickly their happiness turned to despair but they had to talk about it.

"We lost a baby- our baby," He said. "Normally you're the one who says we should talk about our feelings, and what we think, but lately I've had to rely more on the Force to even know what you're feeling."

"Keep your voice down," She warned. "If you're caught-"

"I don't care," He said slowly. "I don't care about the Jedi, I care about you." The night she miscarried was beyond horrible. He could still see the blood, and he clearly remembered how terrified she had been and how powerless he had been to help her.

His eyes glance to the shut door of his quarters and imagines the twenty odd steps to the quarters Obi-Wan occupied and how easy it would be to bang on his door and drop his lightsaber in his former master's hand and quit right then and there. He'd quit, declare his love for Padme and then hop on the first ship back to Coruscant, back to her.

"Ani? Is someone there?" His eyes turn back to the hologram of his wife.

He shakes his head, "No, no one is there," He said and paused. His ambition to be a Jedi Master was well known but that desire paled in comparison to what he wanted with Padme. He had known from the moment she agreed to marry him that if he had to chose between the Jedi and her… it would be an easy choice. He'd choose her every time.

"I'm coming home," He declared. "I'm done. I'm done with this war, done with the Jedi-"

"Don't say things like that," She reproached, "You can't throw away everything you've worked for."

"Yes I can," He said. "I told you when we married if you asked it of me, I'd leave."

"I'm not asking you to leave."

"You don't have to," He said. "You forget how well I know you, Padme. I know you think I'm important to the war effort, but there are other Jedi."

"What about Ahsoka?" She asked, "Won't she need someone to finish her training?"

He hadn't thought about that and while he feels bad about leaving her on her own, he knows she will understand, perhaps more than anyone else. "Obi-Wan could train her. Or Plo Koon; she'll be fine," He said.

Padme sighed and looked away.

"What is it?" He asked.

Her eyes didn't meet his, "I don't want you to quit," She said. "I don't want you to throw away your dream for me."

Anakin smiled and shook his head, "Being a Jedi isn't my dream. I like being a Jedi… most of the time; but my dream, the thing I want more than anything, is a life with you. I'd do anything to have that." She bit her lip in a way that made it difficult for him to tell if his words pleased or scared her. "Padme, I want this," He started, "I want to come home, I want to be with you, and I want the galaxy to know that I'm yours. I want us to go to Naboo where we can both take the time to mourn and whatever else we need to do." He could almost see the wheels in her head turning when he finished. His wife is nothing if not thorough when she plans something, seldom is she ever impulsive. He can imagine she is worried about scandal, about how news of her miscarriage might start to leak, how the media will hound them until something far more interesting comes along, and how this scandal will affect her career. In truth, he isn't too worried about how it will affect her career. She is brilliant and anyone who says otherwise is a damned fool. As for the media, yes they are annoying, and yes they would be the center of attention with extremely personal questions bound to be thrown their way along with several fabricated stories they would no doubt have to clear up… and yet, was it truly so bad it wasn't worth revealing the truth over? The media would have their show for a while, but after that, they'd be free. And when news of her miscarriage comes out, while it is a serious invasion of privacy, it would also mean they could take all the time they needed to work through this crisis.

"Anakin…" She sighed and the smile on his face grew. She wants it too. He knows she does. "Are you sure?" Her eyes soften with the question. He was wrong before when he thought she wanted it. She doesn't want it, she needs it. She needs him to be there with her, she is just too stubborn to admit it.

"Yes," He said, not even needing a moment to think about it, "I'll do it now if you want. I can be home by the day after tomorrow if I leave now."

She goes silent again, her mind running the idea through her head one last time before she nods her head. "Alright, Ani," She says, "Come home to me."

END