You're laying in bed on a sunny afternoon. The day is bright and cheerful but you keep the blinds half shut. You hear your wife laugh in the garden, enjoying the sunlight. You sigh and take another sip from your whiskey. You're slightly less than sober.
You've been married for a couple years now, and an odd feeling simmers in your stomach some days, one of words stuck in your mouth, of goodbyes never said.
Now, you don't want anyone to get you wrong, you love Suzie Q. She is caring, lovely, funny, a sweet person, beautiful and has curves that...
Before you can finish your train of though, you find your hand inching slowly towards the hem of your pants, toying with it as you think of your wife. You imagine her, only in her underwear, leaning over you. As you devour her petite body through your eyes, you reach her face. Her captivating eyes, her golden hair...
Immediately after you picture her hair, her features change quickly, suddenly turning into someone else. His golden locks used to drive you crazy.
You're embarassed, and tempted for a second to remove your hand, but decide that your wife will probably be gone for the next few hours, and that you've had one too many drinks, and you unlace your pants carelessly.
You start slow, bringing your half-soft dick out of its prison. You run your fingers through the back, and caress the head. You're still only half-mindedly toying with it.
A smile flashes inside your mind. Not your smile. A cocky, confident, but cautious smile, one that says I'll kick your ass and make you enjoy it. You recognize it immediately. It's infuriating, yet you can't help but notice the lips that line it look plumper than you remember them. Were they always like that? Are you just too drunk? Either way, you can't stop your mind as your thoughts wander to those very lips, wrapping neatly around your cock, sucking and slurping and at the same time, his bright green eyes looking straight at yours, somehow still with that cocky know-it-all stare even with his mouth full. You want nothing more than to run your hands through his captivating blonde locks, and as you sink further into your fantasy, your strokes get longer and faster.
His eyes were confident up to the very last time you saw him. Maybe if you'd dealt with his cockyness differently, you would have at least gotten the chance to say a proper goodbye. Would you have spoken about your feelings? Did you feel back then the way you feel right now? You don't have any answers. Your hand gets shaky but you keep going anyway.
You remember, half-ashamed, half-aroused, the times you trained together. The way his sticky figure was tightly covered by his sweat-covered clothes, the long, captivating breaths he took when practicing the Ripple. You wonder if he would have been able to keep his breath regular in rougher circumstances. You quickly banish the thought. You remember his bandana wrapped around your forehead. A part of you wants to use it to... but you stop yourself. You respect him too much.
You feel your grip get shakier and shakier but you keep going, stroking yourself like you've never done before, panting and sighing like a teenager again, imagining how the warm inside of his mouth would have felt, how soft and wet his tongue would be.
You suddenly picture him walking through the door that very moment, seeing you a horny, out of control mess. What would he think? What would he say?
What would you say? You wonder as you recall your fights with the Pillar Men, the chariot race, the final encounter with Kars. Would you be proud?
You go over the edge, spilling your seed all over your stomach and chest. A few drops even reach your face. One, inevitably, lands on his headband. As your trembling cock ejects your semen, tears start falling from your eyes. Whether from pleasure or unbearable sadness, you moan Caesar.
You are overcome by laughter, even as you cry and remember vividly when blood started coming out from under the cross-shaped rubble. You remember catching the antidote, and his bandana.
If you can see me now, you think, know that it's also thanks to you.