Chapter 1.
Not a lot of people would assume this about me, but I m an equal opportunity kind of guy. If I like a girl I like her. I don t care if it s socially acceptable or if you think I m crazy because you think I can do better. I want to find the woman that will make me happy, not one that will be my permanent arm candy. For instance, not a lot of people would think that I could have a crush on Lauren Zizes. I m not stupid (despite what people think about me because I m blonde and southern) and I m not a hypocrite. Especially after Finn dogged me, I wouldn t go after her when Puck is still trying so hard to break out of his shallow shell. But damn I liked that woman.
She has the prettiest hair I have ever seen. Luscious and brown and soft. She has really pretty eyes too, and I love her smile. But what really drew me to her, is she is so confident, but doesn t really have an ego. She s happy being herself and isn t ashamed of her size, but she doesn t put others down to feel that way. She has a mouth on her, but only to defend herself or her friends, and I can respect that. She s funny, and she is into so many things that most chicks at this school would rather chew their own arm off than willingly do with their boyfriends. Like watch sports, or play video games. I know this, because I hang out with Puck and Lauren all the time. Or at least I used to. Before I realized how bad my crush on Lauren was getting. She was helping me with my homework and then out of nowhere I wanted to kiss her so bad. I made the eye contact, she looked at me kinda confused as to what I might be thinking, and then I let the moment pass because that s just what I had to do. I ended up spending a lot of time at home after that. I can t be around her right now and be a good friend to Puck. And frankly, I m not really that close with anyone else.
Quinn really hurt me, Finn was involved in that, Santana was crazy, Brittany is always with her, Artie is always with them, the double Chang usually just hung out with each other. Kurt was cool, but he transferred to Dalton. Rachel was ten shades of crazy. Really nice underneath it all I could tell, but it was just too much for me. I tried dating Mercedes, but we went out a couple times and it just didn t feel right to either of us. She ended up feeling kinda awkward about it and there went another decent friend. So I m broken out of my daze by our glee guest teacher Miss Holliday. Bring on the sex ed. It s a little too late for most of us anyway. I notice Puck and Lauren getting all giggly and I have to clamp down on my jealousy. I know that I could have Quinn back, and that I was with Santana before and people at this school would say that they were the better options, but I want that woman. I have had fantasies about her ever since Puck reverently told me the story of his salvation and her joining the club while I was back in Kentucky. I get distracted as her breasts shake from laughter. God I need to figure out what I m going to do about this.
Over the time spent in this cesspool known as the New Directions I have come to the conclusion that these people grow on you like a damn fungus. But despite my rather acerbic way of describing them, I ve come to love all these little weirdos. I get along with each of them in a different way. I looked through the room, loving all the awkwardness coming from this singing/convo sex ed thing we re getting from Holliday. As I look to Sam I notice him looking all melancholy and filled with sighs. I ll be honest. I had a crush on him almost straight away, he s so nice for someone so pretty. But I shoved those thoughts aside. Besides the fact that I m dating one of his best friends, I honestly have no doubt of his lack of interest. I know I m beautiful, I m happy with myself the way I am and I m not changing for anybody. I m also plenty realistic. I know I don t fit everyone s perception of beautiful, and I don t really care. People are into what they are into. I have my likes and dislikes, I won t judge another soul out there for theirs. I like Puck. Or Noah as he asks me to call him in private when things get a little heavier. I can tell he really cares for me. Maybe even loves me, which honestly scares the holy ever loving rainbow shit out of me. I ve never been a commitment type girl. Yeah maybe some of it stems from the insecurity that everyone will get bored with the novelty eventually and want to find something more normal . It s a bull shitty thought to have, but everyone has their doubts right?
I just don t see myself with him in the long term. And not even because I think he ll leave me. I just don t feel it. That gut deep feeling of oh shit I m falling in love . Not because I m fighting it, it just isn t there. I really like him, I m attracted to him, but he s starting to get that look on his face that says he wants to make sure that I m not going anywhere, and that life just isn t for me. Not with him. He s great to date, we get along well, I just don t know how to break it to him that I don t think he s my forever. I get drawn back into the group discussion by a joke from Puck about making our own porno. At least I hope he s joking. Still, his laugher is as infectious as always and takes me right there with him. I chance a glance over at Sam, and see he still just looks so deep in thought. I ll have to talk to Puck and see if we can corner him after school into talking about whatever is bothering him. One way or another I ll find out, because Lauren Zizes is nothing if not a good friend to those who earn it.
.
I could tell Lauren and Sam were both lost in heavy thoughts today, and really, it made me nervous. I may not be a genius with school work, but I know how to read people. This has been going on a few weeks now, and I can feel something in the wind. Something is changing and I don t know if I ll like it. But no one has ever accused me of being a coward. I m getting this shit figured out today. I think we should invite Sam to your place today for a Firefly marathon, or something equally Sam geeky. He seems like he needs to talk, and you know he gets all gushy after anything Joss related. Lauren said as she sidled up to me. I have to say I love this girl s style. She had no issue being casually affectionate. As she came up, she eased her hand into my back pocket and whispered right in my ear. She knows just how to play me into her evil genius plans. That s cool babe, we need some quality time with our boy anyway. He s been a homebody the last month. But after Sammy boy goes home you and me should start on that video.. . I bit her shoulder in just the right spot to get her to moan a little. My girl has the sexiest moan I have ever heard. And considering all the porn level milfs I ve had in this town that is quite a feat. And for someone who doesn t really sing much it s damn near musical. After her moment of weakness she decided to reclaim her dominance and shove me away. Not at school Puck . Her tone was final and her eyes were narrowed. I knew she was serious, but I could tell from her shallow breaths and slight blush it had affected her the way I wanted it to. We ll talk about it later? Fine. She huffs. But she smiles so I know she really just thinks it s funny. And she knows I m joking mostly. She s cool like that. I don t know what I did to deserve her. That s why it worries me she s been so quiet lately. As we finish up at her locker, I grab her hand and head over to Sam down the hall. Evans! Firefly my place tonight? If I wasn t kinda concerned, the way he jumped out of his skin would have been hilarious. OK I still laughed a little. What? It was funny. I don t know man, I m kinda behind on my English paper, you know that s not an easy class for me, and ten pages is a lot when you re dyslexic. That s why Lauren will be there. I said with a triumphant smirk, she squeezed my hand to show her approval. You know she loves English and it s not like she hasn t helped you before. He can t even argue with that. Yeah Sam. You know I don t mind. She smiled at him. One of her real friend smiles, not a lot of people gets those. I get antsy after an hour or so anyway. Just show me your outline and I ll help you with some notes on what you can do to flesh it out. He looked at her and smiled back. I knew he would come back with us and we can get this shit out in the open. Like I said. I may not be book smart, but I know people. And I know something is coming. I don t know exactly what, but I ll handle it like I always do. Like a badass.
I was pretty damn nervous as I rode over with Puck to his house. Lauren was taking her own car, and stopping by her house to get her laptop so we can start typing up my paper later. Our moms love Lauren because she actually gets us to study when we tell our parents we re going to hang out and study. She wants a wrestling scholarship, but she wants to get good enough grades she can qualify for other ones too. Take the strain off her parents a bit. They aren t struggling, but college is expensive. I m broken out of my own thoughts by Puck s fingers snapping in front of my face. Dude, are you OK? he asks with a look of concern. Seriously man, you have been so out of it lately, and your face always looks like someone just shot your dog. I couldn t help it. I m a babbler and I just broke. I like Lauren. Like, like-like her. God that sounds stupid. I m so sorry! I never want to do anything to fuck up our brohood man. I just. I can t fucking help it! She s so awesome, and just cool about stuff, and she s nice without being too nice or fake nice. She s sexy without really knowing it, but not ridiculously insecure. You talked so much about how awesome she was, and I really listened. She s so freaking perfect for what I want it s damn near retarded. I promise I would never try anything Puck, but the longer I m around her, the more I like her, and the harder it gets not to become a total asshole and just do what I want. Please just hit me now and forgive me so we can get on with our day. I think I actually said that in one breath, and he just had to see how terrified I was. I honestly thought he might hit me when he really realized everything I just said. So I was completely surprised that he just started to laugh.
Sam, I m sorry, but you re a cool enough guy that the fact you re not a shallow dick isn t surprising to me. I knew something was off. Can t say I actually saw this coming, but at the same time I m not surprised. Then he sighed. Look bro, I get why you like her, and I m not mad. You did the right thing and talked to me about it instead of scamming on her behind my back like I did to Finn, before I actually got my head out of my ass and learned to behave like a human being. I m going to give you the same courtesy of my honesty. It doesn t thrill me. You re a good looking guy Sam, and I can t say that I wouldn t feel threatened if Lauren knew you were an option. I get the feeling that she s not as serious about me as I am about her. Talk it out with her, whatever happens, happens, and no matter what I ll still have your back man. She s good people and she doesn t play games, so if you re honest with her, we ll both figure out how to handle this. To say that I was shocked was an understatement. I gaped like a fish for a few minutes before I could form a response. Thank you, Puck. I honestly didn t think this would go so well. But I don t want to take your girl out from under you. Let s just go in and watch some shows and veg out. We don t need to talk about this today. Talk about what? said a female voice to my right.
I just smashed my head into the dash of the car. All I could think to say was Fuck me running. Oooookkaaaay. Let s get inside and get this party started I guess. Lauren said with a raised eyebrow. Clearly amused. At least someone was going to have fun tonight.