"I hate Tuesdays..." John Constantine grumbled as he searched his coat pockets. He finally pulled out a crumbled box of cigs and pulled out the last bent cig before tossing the box over his shoulder. He dug into his pockets again before pulling out a small book of matches and after lighting the last pitiful match he tossed the empty book onto the floor as well.
"What exactly do you hate about Tuesdays?" Chad asked as he picked up after John and tossed the trash into the bin that was less than a meter away from them.
"It means that the weekend is over." John barely acknowledged Chad as he glanced at his wrist before remembering that had broken that last week in a drunken haze. Or had it been when he had been tracking that demon with Papa Midnight? Did it matter? He hoped not.
"John the week starts on Monday," Chad said as he returned to his place next to John.
"Yeah, I choose to ignore Mondays. Makes them more bearable," John said as he glanced around.
"What are you looking for?" Chad asked after watching John look around in the sky.
"Where's Ben?" John asked.
"Ben?" Chad looked around confused, "Who's Ben?"
"You know...Ben. Tall. Makes noises. Huge hands," John said before he took a deep drag of his cig before sighing. "He'd be mighty useful right about now."
"John," Chad said after a moment of thought, "I have no clue who the fuck you're talking about."
"Tsk, tsk Chad," John smirked, "Language. What would Renee say?"
"I think she'd be more upset about me being out and about with you than my language," Chad stated. "Now, who is Ben?"
"You know, Ben," John said with a dismissive wave of his hand, "Tells the time, does that annoying thing where it chimes every quarter hour and hour. It's enough to drive a bloke mad."
Chad barely held in his groan, "I want to punch you so hard right now. Probably should too all things considered..."
"I resent that," John said, "I gave you immortality or damn near immortality."
"Not by choice, mine or yours," Chad pointed out.
"Details," John dismissed once again. "So…?"
"'So…,' what?" Chad asked.
"Honestly! I expected better of you Chad. Do you have the hour?" John asked.
"I, honestly, should punch you. I'd be doing society a favor. You're honestly the most deplorable man I've meet."
"Yet."
"Its a quarter after 10."
John grumbled as he took the last drag of his cig before stepping on it. "You would think by the way the man spoke on the phone he would be on time to a meeting. Damn near barking mad he was…couldn't quite tell who or what he was talking about but you don't call me unless you know exactly what kind of service you're requesting."
"Do you know what he looks like?" Chad asked as he glanced around looking for a man that looked to be in need of an exorcist.
"No, though I believe the man to be freakishly obese if his huffing and puffing was an indication. Man sounded like he was about to have a heart attack and not the type brought on by emotional stress if you catch my drift. I could almost hear his chins slapping each other as he spoke. Probably did..." John said with a small chuckle.
"You are an asshole you know that right?" Chad asked.
"But almost never wrong," John said with a grin, "100 pounds says I'm right."
"And if you're wrong?" Chad retorted
"Are you Mr. Constantine?"
Chad barely held back his exasperated sigh as a large man, or land whale (he honestly couldn't be sure it wasn't), waddled up to them in what looked to be a cheap department store suit that was barely being held together at the seams.
"Ah, but why live in a world that doesn't exist Chad," John gave Chad a crooked grin before turning to the approaching wha—man, he meant man—and addressing him, "Yes, John Constantine, at your service. And please call me John."
"Mr. Constantine I do not have time for small talk. I am need of help. I believe that my nephew is possessed and I want you to get rid of the demon who dwells in his body," the man was very gruff and short.
John could already tell he wasn't going to like him, "Yes, well, I would need to see said young man. If I could meet with his parents and—"
"Those two drunkards are dead, crash. It's probably one of them that possess that boy and causes all those freakish things to happen. We've tried all sorts of methods to stop his freakishness: beatings, starving, working him but still it continues. I stand to reason that this would be the only way to rid him of his freakishness." The man's face morphed into sour expression. There was such venom in his eyes that it even caused John to question the man's motives, not to mention the fact that it sounded like the man was abusing said child.
Normally, John would have left this client go and tell him to lose his number but something drew him to see the boy. Call it guilt but, he felt that he needed to help the boy or at least see that he was OK.
"John," Chad growled. John saw his clutched fists and knew Chad was a moment away from beating the man to death. Then he would probably ask John to resurrect him just to beat him to death again.
"I got it Chad," he murmured. "Mr. Dursley I would be happy to help you. When do you want me to come on by?"
"I could just—"
"Chad aren't you the one who puts me in check? Since when did those roles reverse?" John joked as he and Chad walked down Privet Dr. he was in his usual attire, cig included. "God, these houses are terrible and all the same. Who would want to live here? Honestly, its enough to make you want to blow your brains out."
"He's abusing that boy," Chad ground out.
"I know that but, until I step into that house and see what's going on I won't be able to do a thing. There might be some merit in that he was saying—in the weird happenings, relax Chad—and I won't know until I step into that house. Then you and I will use whatever we can to get that boy out of there."
"Fine," Chad ground out.
"Besides what you were suggesting would require a chicken, a goat and a blue moon. Don't know how difficult it would be to get the goat but, a blue moon doesnt happen till December and I'm not inclined to wait around that long are you?" John said as ditched the last of the cig he had been smoking on the way to the house.
Chad just stayed silent for moment agreeing. Then a thought struck him, "I get why you would need a goat as a sacrifice but, why would you need a chicken?"
"Lunch, I skipped breakfast," John shrugged. Finally arriving at the correct house, he walked up the pathway to #4 and promptly knocked.
After a moment a long faced slim lady answered the door. She glanced at both of them for a moment. There was a pregnant pause as neither party spoke before she finally spoke up, "Yes, can I help you?"
"Yes, is Vernon in?" John asked.
"Yes...may I ask what this is about?" she eyed them suspiciously.
"He contacted me about helping him with a problem..." John wasn't sure if the woman knew thw details so he choose to keep them to himself. "If you could get, I'm sure he could clear things up."
The woman eyed them once more, "Wait here." She then closed the door on them.
"Lovely lady, I can see why they're together..." John commented. Chad simply stood there stone faced.
It was another five minutes before the door opened once more and the woman stepped out along with what they thought was a baby whale in the most ridiculous school boy outfit they had ever seen not to mention the thing looked like it was barely holding on to dear life by the seams on the boy's fat body.
Tailing them was Vernon. Needless to say he took looked like he was going to inconvenience a lot of people's days with eye-gaugingly horrific outfit.
"The boy is inside, I got him nice and ready for you two. Family and I are going out for the day to give you all the time and room you need. Good day to you sirs." He said altogether too joyously before the entire family hopped in to the car at left.
"I do believe I'm going to have to drench my eyes in holy waters if I am ever going to get that image out of my mind. They are by far the worst people I've ever met and I work with possessed people on a regular basis," John said in utter befuddlement as he watched the car drive away.
"We could come back in December and do the ritual anyways…," Chad said.
John paused for a moment in thought before opening the door and stepping inside. What he saw made him frown. "We just might Chad, we just might..."
It had taken the entire morning just to get the boy to understand that they were in fact not going to hurt him like his uncle had intended and get his name. John and Chad watched as the boy hungrily ate the food that Chad had made the boy. The boy was unnaturally thin and the rags he wore wouldn't be fit for a bum on the street.
"So…," John said after he saw the boy nearing the end of his food. "Harry. Your uncle did mention that weird stuff happens around you. I'm a bit of a paranormal...detective in a matter of speaking. Do you think you would want to talk about what happens?"
Harry finished the bite of eggs he had in his mouth before wiping his hands and mouth with a napkin. The boy obviously had good manners despite the horrendous he had the displeasure of calling his guardians.
"Um, well...things happen around me. My teacher's wig turned blue a couple years ago, that earned me a month in my room with one meal a day. Then there was the time that my aunt wanted me to wear my cousin's old sweater and I didn't want to and it shrunk down to the size of a doll's jacket; that got me a beating. Then just last week when my cousin and his gang were chasing me I sort of…appeared on the roof of the school," Harry listed off every occurrence he could think of when something odd had happened.
John and Chad listened intently as Harry had spoken. The more they heard the more they were sure that the boy was not in anyway possessed.
"Where you highly emotional when these things?" John asked.
"I guess so," Harry shrunk, "I don't mean for it to happen. I just really wanted to get away from my cousin and his friends and I had made a wrong turn into a dead-end. Then suddenly I was on the roof."
John frowned. He did not like where this was going.
"Harry why don't you go take a shower and get a change of clothes. We're going out for a bit and you're coming with us. Ok?" Chad said as he cleared the table. Harry nodded and went to the cupboard under the stairs. When they saw the small bed inside and Harry grabbing some clothes from the inside their hearts dropped.
The plate in Chad's hand shattered under the force of his grip.
"Yes, we most definitely will be returning in December," John said grimly.
John and Chad watched the boy as his head seamed to be on a swivel, taking in as much of the sights as possible. They were in London. Chad had insisted on taking the boy out to enjoy the day. He had correctly guessed that the boy had not been taken on a trip to see the city and had jumped at the opportunity to the city he had only heard about.
"So what do you think?" Chad asked quietly
"I'm not 100% sure but I'm almost positive he's able to use magic," John murmured back.
"Like you?" Chad asked.
"No," John shook his head, "I am only able to use the magic I do because of the demon's blood that runs through my veins. He can do it naturally," John said. He quickly cut the conversation short and handed Harry a couple pounds before sending him over to grab some ice cream.
"Naturally? Is that even possible?" Chad asked.
"Is it possible?" John scoffed, "Of course it's possible Chad, we exist in a universe where a man wearing a cape and a mask with no super powers fights crime and an over powered alien is literally the most powerful being on our world. So the fact that he can use magic naturally is very possible." John said as he watched Harry smile at his large ice cream cone.
"Like Black Alice or Doctor Fate?" Chad asked.
"Alice has one ability, the ability to take others ability so as magical as she is she really doesn't have any powers that makes her unique," John said. He spotted a fish cart, "You want fish and chips?"
Chad shrugged.
"Here," John handed him him a basket of fish and chips before taking his own, "And Fate's powers are mostly tied to his helmet, amulet, and cloak."
"Wasn't he trained to be sorcerer for twenty years?" Chad asked.
"Yeah Kent was but, Khalid wasn't," John pointed out. "It doesn't matter. The point is, this boy can use magic naturally. I've heard rumors there is an entire world hidden from the natural world where hundreds of magical human exist. I believe we may have just discovered someone part of that world."
"So...what exactly do you want to do?" Chad asked.
"Well," John said as he finished up his chips, "I'm not entirely sure. Either way we need to get the boy away from his family. And I believe with the correct training Harry here could be a great sorcerer."
"Alright...so what's the plan?" Chad asked.
"This isn't going to work."
"It's going to work."
"No, it won't."
"Yes, it will."
"I can almost guarantee it won't."
"And I can guarantee it will."
"You're barking mad if you think that simply walking up to them and saying that you want to take the boy off their hands will not work."
"Dinner?"
"What?"
"If I'm right you will owe Harry and I dinner."
"You're on."
John smiled before turning up the path once again to #4 Privet Dr. where he knocked twice. After a moment the same woman as before answered before scowling and turning to call for Vernon.
John simply smiled as he wanted for the obese man to answer the door.
"What is it you want? I paid you two good money to deal with that boy and I will not pay a pence more," Vernon growled.
"Oh we aren't here about money. We're here about the boy. I'll cut right to the chase, I want to take the boy off your hands..." John finished with a large smile.
"Do you hate me?" Chad grumbled.
"I just think that, as Harry's first meal with us, it should be special," John shrugged.
"£100 per person special?" Chad groaned as he looked at the restaurant that Harry—Constantine—had chosen.
"And well worth it I say!" John had a very fake look of snootiness.
"How exactly would you know? You've never even been here!" Chad countered
"Well, it has three Michelin stars, one of only two in London," John said matter-of-factly. "They don't just hand those out you know..."
"No, I doun't know and neither would you," Chad said as he glanced down at Harry who looked at the restaurant with wide eyes. He sighed heavily before holding the door open and allowing Harry and John to enter before following. "I have to stop betting against you John, my wallet doesn't seem to want to agree with me when I do..."
John gave a wide smile.
"And stop smiling. You never smile and it's starting to creep me out," Chad said.
"Children make the heart fonder," John said.
"That's not even a saying," Chad countered.
"It is now," John smiled once again.
"Hello, welcome to Restaurant Gordon Ramsey," a well dressed maître d' greeted them, "do you have a reservation?"
Chad sighed for what seemed like the 100th time that day. It was going to be a long day…
Chad smiled as he saw Harry's smile. They had gone clothes shopping on John's dime this time—thank heavens—and Harry had spent the last hour running around Harrods choosing whatever met his fancy. Though Chad did have to step in and direct him away from the leather pants. He shuddered to think the boy had almost pulled a pair.
"I swear that boy has a vendetta against my wallet," John muttered as he fished out a cig and stuck it between his lips.
"Oh I wouldn't say that John," Chad chuckled as he saw the total on the register climb above £1000. "I think this is just God evening things out."
"This better count for something," John grumbled as he searched for a match.
"Excuse me Sir," the cashier suddenly said, "there's no smoking indoors."
"I'm about to line your guys' pockets with £1000 here," John glowered, "I think for the next 5 minutes I am allowed to do whatever the fuck I want. Don't you?"
"But, um, Sir…," the cashier started.
"Well, I guess I'll just take me business elsewhe—"
Chad grabbed the cig and tossed it. He turned to the cashier and gave her a small nod. She in turn gave him an appreciative smile. She quickly finished ringing up the clothing and other items Harry had grabbed before turning back to the John, "That will be £1322.50"
John grumbled before handing over his card, "'Let's go to Harrods!' he says," he grumbled as he threw a glare at Chad, "'Best in London!' he says. Best at cleaning out my pockets..."
Chad smiled at John. John glared back. Harry grabbed a chocolate bar. John cried.
So there's probably about a million grammar mistakes, I am looking for a BETA to help with that. So if there is someone who wants to do that, please send me a Private Message. Alright. I'm done. Review please, not really sure I will want to continue this story. If you are wondering if people from the DC world are going to show up, I can firmly say that the only characters that will ever make an appearance will be those in the Hellblazer/Constantine comics (sorry no Batman or Superman) but of course there will be references to DC characters periodically.