Author's Notes: This is my first time writing a fanfiction. I'm not requesting for you to be kinder to me or anything, but just give me a chance, even though you've probably read about a thousand of these Mary-Sue trashing fanfictions. Okay, now that the serious note is gone, please do not hesitate to review! I have decided to present my story in a play format. I hope I have not made the Harry Potter characters sound too... out of character! Also, for those people whose names have been written in (Mary-Sue's long and well... unique name), no offence!
Enjoy, I present to you "Mary-Sue, the untold parody"! :D
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or any of the references made to "My Immortal" by a (possible) troll author, Tara Gilesbie. Or Facebook, for that matter. :D
Setting: Hogwarts Express
[SCENE 1- ABOARD THE MARY-SUE, I MEAN, HOGWARTS EXPRESS]
[Lights on]
The trio are in place, innocently sitting inside a compartment. Harry is staring out of the window, Hermione is reading a book and Ron is eating some chocolate frogs.
NARRATOR
And on this ghastly day, our trio is happily seated in a train compartment, awaiting another year at Hogwarts. They seem unaware of the danger that lurks in the arrival of this new year. What will it be?
RON
We're still alive, you know.
HERMIONE
Oh Ron, hush! I'm trying to read here. And you, there. Would you stop narrating?
NARRATOR [waving hands around]
Oh, but I was supposed to narrate, or it would really be a waste of a name wouldn't it?
HARRY
Hermione, Ron, just let her continue.
NARRATOR
Oh, thank you! Now as we speak, a dark evil is approaching-
RON snorts.
NARRATOR
Ahem. As I continue, a girl pushes the sliding door of the compartment gently.
A girl does push the compartment door open. She stares around at the trio.
NARRATOR
She was no ordinary girl. Indeed, with her- [turns to author] how do you expect me to spit out this crap!
AUTHOR
I can make you wear a tutu, a clown's nose and rabbit ears and then post it on Facebook.
NARRATOR
Oh, fine. Now, ignoring the threat from the author, we continue with the mindless description of the girl. With her flaxen hair that curled beautifully to her waist and her entrancing violet eyes, she captured the attention of no one. But she was so mesmerizing and beautiful, her lips were red and luscious, her figure full and her movement lithe, she still drew no one's attention. Her eyelashes batted helplessly as she drew her plump lips to an "aww"-worthy pout. Tears threatened to roll down her rosy cheeks and she raised a perfectly-manicured hand to her full bosom.
MARY-SUE CAITLIN- oh whatever she was called.
Oh, please do help me! My name, by the way, is Mary-Sue Caitlin Sharon Kathy Theresa Brenna Celyn Corinne Eithne Flannery Gemma Ilona Kai Linnea Maeve Eversparkle! But you may call me Mary-Sue for short.
NARRATOR
At the sound of her name, the trio stared at her in shock and recognition. It was a wonder she did not die of saying her own ridiculously-long name. What a pity.
HERMIONE
You're one of them. I've read about your species in the books!
MARY-SUE
Oh, my best friend 'Mi! How you do adore looking through those thick-paged books! Oh, what queer terms you use, I am a witch, like you! But oh, I do need help!
HERMIONE
My name is not 'Mi and I have never met you before.
[in subdued voices, to RON and HARRY]
She's a Mary-Sue!
MARY-SUE
Oh, I have been blessed with the talents to be able to hear anything even from a few thousand miles away if I wish to! And my skin, it's so flawless and smooth-so pale white and icy cold! Oh, my Grecian nose and cherry-blossom-like lips, oh it is such a torture! Not to mention those pair of colour-changing eyes! They change colour at my every will!
[dramatic fainting]
Oh, what a horrible thing! Oh, how I wish I was never stained with such a curse! I hate how ugly I look even though I've got such a full figure and such long, stick-thin legs! Oh, oh, oh! And I dress like a 'goddess', with such curve-hugging clothes and black eyeliner, oh, I should just convert to Satanism, even though I am too pure and too innocent to convert to that religion!
But of course, I need your help, that is why I arrived in the first place!
NARRATOR[yawns]
Ahhhh, so now she stops. Good grief. But as you know, in a Mary-Sue story, the boys are always smitten with Mary-Sue. Such is the case with Ron. But because they are the golden trio, so they do not worship the ground she steps on. Well, such is not the case with every story I've read... [shudders] I do hope Hermione knocks the sense into him though.
RON
Oh, we'd be pleased to help you!
[catches the dirty look from HERMIONE]
Um, just so you can get out of here fast.
MARY-SUE
I need to find a compartment to sit in!
HARRY
Not ours!
MARY-SUE
Oh, but Harry, you are supposed to be smitten with me, to look at me with those love-sick eyes! What has happened to you! Oh, but won't you save a damsel in distress?
MARY-SUE attempts to kiss HARRY.
HERMIONE
Look, just keep quiet and stop sexually-harassing Harry. I really need to read this book. Harry, won't you allow her to sit there so that we can have some peace?
NARRATOR
So then Mary-Sue shoved her ten piece luggage onto Ron and spent the whole train ride staring (or perhaps trying to enchant him) at Harry. He shot a helpless look at Hermione, who only told him to wait till they arrived at Hogwarts. Poor Harry-he may not be able to last all the way then...
What do you think of this?
Please do not hesitate to review! Thank you :D
-Shontelle J. Wright