Well this was turning into a banner fucking day! When I look back on this day from hell I realize that I can either blame myself or blame Jacob and since I love to cast off blame…..blame Jacob it is! Where the hell is that waitress??? Just because I don't have a cock doesn't mean that bitch can ignore me! I can't believe I'm in this dump to drink! I'm Isabella Swan, 28 year old author and the owner of unbelievable bad luck. Welcome to my fucking world!

"Hey skanky! Just bring the bottle this time! Saves you having to come over here and saves me from having to wait 45 fucking minutes for my mother fucking whiskey!" I shouted in my most unladylike outside voice. She flipped me off but brings me my bottle of Jack. The bitch struts off like a queen. Then the fucking ass of the century decides to show up……Jacob.

My soon to be dead best friend for life….the maker of the "Bella needs cock" list and the claimer of the "hos before bros" rule shows up with the whore he'd fucked to start off my shitty day. Jacob was tall, dark, built, with long dark hair and an outrageous sense of humor. He was also gayer then a two dollar bill, as my preacher granddaddy would say. Everyone thinks we're together enough to make for some interesting cockblocks on both sides. Not tonight, tonight Jacob is going straight to hell along with his little friend, because I am out for blood.

"Bella sweetness, this is Seth. Seth this is the reason for my fabulousness Bella." Jake drawled. Great just fucking great, the big shit is drunker than I am……God hates me.

"Hello Seth is it? Gives a second. Here's some money go get a drink or a coke if you aren't old enough." I threw the money at the jailbait piece that Jake drug in there. Seth looked offended but I didn't give a damn. I was gonna get me a piece of Jake's flesh and I wasn't sure candy ass would have the stomach for it.

"Jacob William Black what the fuck is your malfunction?" I snarled at him. He seemed shocked and lost. Then he just grinned that same shit eating grin and sang out, "Other than that tired outfit girlfriend not a thing!"

"Jake come one you know what you did!" I was fuming at his impromptu little song. "Fine, RuPaul allow me to refresh your pea brained little mind….two words, Edward Cullen!" I spat at him.

"Edward Cullen? What about him? We haven't seen his rich, seriously fine ass since high school, when you wouldn't even fucking look at his car without blushing! Why the trip down memory lane sweets?" Jake asked sincerely. The thought that Jake didn't set me up for a laugh was making its way through my Jack induced haze.

"Jake you didn't know that the CEO I met with at Masen Publishing was Edward?" I asked as my face indeed did light up like a fucking Fourth of July night.

"You haven't to be kidding" Jake sounded shocked "I sent you up there to meet with the only Masen at Masen. The head guy has got to be the third or fourth one to lead it. From what I heard, the man is reclusive and old. It couldn't be Edward CULLEN, sweets; you just need to get laid!"

"Jakey I know what I saw, heard, touched, smelled and fainted at!" I was near hysterics again. "The man held out his hand and said "I'm Edward Masen Cullen and you must be Isabella" I fainted right after the handshake." I shuddered from the memory. "I fell at his feet AGAIN! Jake and he laughed again. Holy fuck I think he finally recognized me! Of course, if you weren't off fucking the twink of the day YOU WOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN THIS!"

"Well, doll face, I'm here now so chill out, you aren't doing your pours or facial lines any favors! Now would it be so bad if he did recognize you? I mean you are stunning and in desperate need of some cock! It's a win win Belly a WIN FUCKING WIN!" Jake said and then proceeded to laugh his ass off. I think the Jack is hardcore working when I'm actually thinking of taking Mr. Fairy Leather Pants advice. I'm saved from such crap when his twink of the day shows back up…Sean, Sam….Seth!

"Am I allowed back at the big kids table yet?" Seth cooed at Jake. It was disgusting that Jake could get such quality tail. Last real cock I saw was attached to……Mike Newton and that's why I don't have straight vodka nights anymore. "I'm not sure, jailbait, how old are you anyway?" I spat at him. Surprisingly, Seth laughs and says "I'm 21 honey and I'm graced with genes that make me look young!" Damn it all to hell, I actually like the boy!

"Look Bells, just tell us everything….Seth and I can help you figure it out. Your own Fairy Godmothers if you will!" Jake squealed at me. Yes, the grown man fucking squealed. Why not it's not like my day can get worse right??

"Alright ladies pull up a stool and poor a shot and listen…………"

AN: Okay so I'm new to all of this. I'm going to post this slow. I hope I didn't offend too many Jacob or Seth fans out there. This is a story about how two people have issues getting together because of their insecurities not other people. Please let me know what you think. Will be AC/AH. I also love the cuss words, fucking obviously!