Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
(Who will guard the guards themselves?)
Characters: Sally Jackson, Percy Jackson
~Pairings: Implied Annabeth/Percy
Word Count: 1,142
Trigger Warning: None
Note: Takes place after The Blood of Olympus
Sally was washing dishes when the knock at the door came and with a sigh she placed them back into the sink, set down the rag and shuffled towards the door.
She hadn't been sleeping well since Percy's disappearance and if anything Percy's brief message from what seemed like ages ago had only made it worse. The one time he called, the one time he made contact she hadn't been there and it hurt. So now she stayed awake throughout the night not daring to sleep in case the phone rang once again with her precious baby boy on the other side.
Shaking off the feelings of guilt and placing a very forced smile onto her face Sally opened the door.
"Can I help you?" She asked, her voice hallow to match her eyes.
"Mom?" The voice was timid, almost frightened, but that didn't matter because she knew that voice. She knew the way it flowed, the way it fluctuated and with a sharp intake of breath Sally looked up into the eyes of her only son and cried.
Loud sobs of joy and relief pulled past her lips as she gathered him up into her arms and pressed kisses into his hair and onto his cheeks.
And she can feel his arms entwining her, his body shaking with her, as he releases his own tears and for a moment they just stand there, hugging tightly, thanking the gods that both are safe, until at last they pull apart, but Sally doesn't let go of him, she can't. She's worried that if she does that her precious child will disappear all over again, lost in a world that wants to kill him.
"It's okay Mom," Percy says softly, comfortingly. "I'm okay, I'm here and I'm not leaving I promise."
Sally nods, but she only believes the last part, because it's obvious that Percy himself is not okay.
His eyes are too old, she notices sadly. Ancient sea green gems that had long since lost their shine and glow. For his credit he seems to be trying for her, a small (fake) smile here, a small (fake) laugh there, but she can tell. A mother can always tell when her child is hurting.
Slowly she leads him to the couch and after a little bit manages to get him to tell her what happened, but she can't help but notice how wrong the story seems. It's not the way that Percy is obviously editing out the violent bits, or the way he's toning down the scary parts, no he's always done that, it's how he's telling the story.
Usually when he tells her about his quests and adventures he's excited, animated, but not this time. This time every word that comes out of his mouth is almost in monotone, there's no excitement, no embellishment, just an empty voice stating facts in chronological order.
The only time he truly seems excited is when he tells her about Camp Jupiter and the opportunities there and how he thinks he can finally be happy with Annabeth. In this moment of the story he looks happy, even a bit wistful, but it's gone all too soon and his voice once again becomes dull and grating.
This has only happened one other time and Sally finally knows why her son looks so dead inside, so she waits patiently for his story to end, before she takes his hand and asks softly.
"Percy, sweetheart, who died?" It's almost a whisper and Percy's whole body goes tense, like he wants to run. "Please Percy it's only going to get worse if you keep it bottled up inside, you know this."
He nods, but his face is tight and he looks like he's holding back tears, Sally waits in silent support. Finally Percy speaks.
"Leo," the name is said in a tight, wavering voice. "Leo died, he went up in a ball of fire and he quite possibly saved us all."
"Oh Percy," She mumbles, pulling him close. "I'm so sorry. He sounds very brave."
"He was an idiot, an idiot who just couldn't stick to the stupid plan and instead blew himself, just to save the stupid world and take all the glory," Percy laughs hollowly and it sends chills up Sally's spine. "The stupid idiot should have just let me die instead!"
"Don't say that!" Sally yells in shock, her eyes wide in disbelief. "Don't you ever say that!"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Percy struggles to backtrack, trying desperately to undo what he'd just said and failing. "I'm sorry I just didn't, I mean I couldn't, I-I—"There's no hiding the tears now, they rush from his eyes in waves, he buries his face in his hands.
"I can't keep doing this," he sobs. "I can't keep watching everybody I know die. Especially when it's some stupid son of Hephaestus, who has to go and play hero by blowing himself up in a fiery ball of death! Mom it's like Beckendorf all over again and I keep having nightmares, but everything's blurring together. Sometimes it's Beckendorf on the dragon and Leo on the boat, but it doesn't matter who's where because they both die every single time, no matter what I do and I just can't live this way anymore! I just want to be normal. I want my biggest problem to be girlfriend problems and my biggest fear to be next week's test, and I don't want to be moved around the Earth like the gods' stupid chess piece. I just want to be normal!"
It's like he's begging her, asking her to change what the Fates have already put into motion and begging her to tell him that everything will be alright, but she can't. Because Sally knows that after what he's been through nothing will ever be truly alright for Percy ever again and that hurts more than every time Gabe had hit her.
So instead Sally steady's her breathing and pulls her greatest gift close to her and whispers words of comfort into his ear and he cries, he cries until he's fallen asleep in her arms and yet Sally still doesn't move. Instead she simply waits for what she knows will come, waits for the war after the war, and it comes so much sooner than she wishes.
Her precious child begins to whimper, names, pleas, coming from his lips as his beautiful face twists into something scared and hopeless and all she can do is comfort him when he wakes, console him. Before he once again falls asleep and the cycle begins anew, over and over she does this, because that's her job.
It's her job to watch after her baby boy, because while her son may stand guard over the world, she will be the one who forever stands guard over him.
Once upon a time I drew the parallel between Beckendorf and Leo's deaths and decided then and there that I had to write a story about it.
Now I know Leo is technically dead, but everyone thinks he is including Percy, also I refuse to believe that Percy wouldn't suffer some sort of PTSD in the after math of all the battles and wars he's been in
Anyways Please Review :)