Questions
by MauMauka and Makia Durron
A/N: Hello again! The crackfic below is inspired by a real-life couple that Maumau's mother knew. Makia is working on her sequel to "The Hair", so stay tuned! No lemons in the story below, just lots of fun!
"Hey Cougar?"
"Yes, Jake?"
"You read the Bible, right?"
"Si."
"Well, I have a question. Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?"
Cougar propped himself up on one elbow and gave the blond hacker a confused look. "Que?"
Jensen sat up cross-legged on the other bed. "Did they have belly buttons? You know, navels?"
Cougar stared at him blankly for several long moments, sighed, and lay back down. "Go to sleep."
"But I wanna know! I mean, if they were the first man and woman, they wouldn't need umbilical cords, but since we all have belly buttons, they must have come from somewhere, right?"
"Jensen, mi amigo, shut the hell up and get some sleep," Cougar ordered.
Jensen huffed and threw himself back down on the bed. "I still want to know" he muttered petulantly before closing his eyes. He promptly fell asleep and began snoring. Cougar tried to join him, but the question, like most of Jensen's before-bed questions, had begun to burrow into his mind like a tick. "Damn it!" he cursed as he punched his pillow and glared at the hacker. "Fucking questions! Always with the fucking questions right before rack!" he snarled as he tried vainly to fall asleep.
Another night, another op over and done, Cougar was drifting happily into slumber-land when Jensen spoke up. "Hey Cougar? If Mickey's a mouse and Donald's a duck and Pluto's a dog, then what's Goofy?"
"You are!" the sniper groaned. "Mierda! Why the hell do you ask me these things?"
"Because you actually think about them instead of threatening to kill me like the others do."
"Go to sleep, or I'll blow your brains out" Cougar threatened tiredly, but the hacker only laughed and blew him a kiss. Cougar vowed to have his revenge at that moment.
Cougar finally saw his chance when they were holed up in an abandoned store. Each member of the team had their own bedtime quirks, and Jensen's was checking the locks on each and every door and window several times before he retired for the night. Cougar had distracted the hacker that night after he had finished with the locks by goading Jensen to put a movie up on his computer. They lay down after the credits rolled, Jensen already yawning and drifting off to sleep. Due to the lack of heat, they had zipped their sleeping bags up together to conserve warmth. At just the right moment, the sniper leaned over and whispered in Jensen's ear: "I know whether the back door is locked or not...do you?"
Jensen's eyes flew open. He stared at the ceiling in shock, desperately trying to remember if he had checked the door. "Oh, you fucking little BITCH!" he hissed as he rolled out of the sack, leaving Cougar chuckling evilly behind him. Jensen rushed to the back of the store and pulled on the door; it was securely locked. He returned scowling. "That wasn't very nice." He crawled back into the bag and tried to relax. Just as his eyes were closing again, Cougar leaned in close enough that his lips brushed Jensen's ear as he spoke up again. "When you were checking the back door, did you check the front?"
Jensen bolted upright and stared down at the sniper. "Has anyone ever told you that you're the devil?"
Cougar smirked up at him,stretching provocatively inside the comfy sleeping bag. "Si."
Jensen screeched in frustration and stomped off to the front door. Out of the darkness, Clay snapped "Jensen, if you don't fucking lie down, I'm going to duct-tape your ass to the floor! And Cougar, it's mean to take advantage of people with no common sense."
Cougar's laughter echoed throughout the store as Jensen cursed them both and went to check the windows.
END.