A/N: So, this is just a ridiculous little idea I had for a humorous fic. I don't celebrate Christmas, but this is just a parody, so hey, it's not a big deal to me to write it then. It's kinda funny, kinda cute I guess…I don't know. Decide for yourself.
Disclaimer: I do not own GX or Santa.
Jaden sighed heavily as he sat in the backseat of the car, staring at the snowflakes fluttering down. Lifting his head tiredly, he looked at the back of Atticus' head pleadingly. Then, he looked over at Alexis, who was sitting next to Atticus in the front seat. Both seemed extremely cheerful about going to the mall. He, on the other hand, wasn't.
He hated going to the mall during Christmas season. The crowds didn't bother him. Neither did the lights or decorations. No, the hustle and bustle of people buying gifts didn't make it dreadful at all.
The reason he did not want to go was simple yet embarrassing: Jaden was afraid of Santa Claus. Yes, it had been that way ever since he was a little boy. It had always been that way and always would be. Somehow, something about that man seemed evil and sinister. Even though his parents had tried to calm him down by telling him Santa didn't exist, he didn't believe them. They just wanted to shut him up. But he knew the truth about Santa.
"Atticus," He begged, breaking himself from his thoughts, "Can we just NOT go? I mean, we're not going to be doing anything in particular, just getting scarves and stuff. Can't we just go back home?"
"Nope." Atticus replied, smiling, "Lexi and I need some new clothes, and so do you. Besides, you have to get your mom a birthday present, remember?"
"Yes," He muttered grimly, "But I don't want to go to the mall. Can't we go somewhere else?"
"We're going to the mall." Alexis told him, frowning, "And that's final."
He shrank back in his seat, terrified at the very thought of the jolly old elf picking all those poor, innocent children up and setting them on his lap. And the way he bellowed at them! He had to be planning something sinister; that just wasn't natural. Not to mention his extraordinary reindeer. Either they were aliens or Santa used witchcraft. Yes, that must be it. After all, how could he give gifts to the entire world in one night? It was impossible, unless you were God or Satan.
Wait…Satan, Santa…Jaden's eyes widened. "Oh no!" He whispered, trembling in fear, "Santa is Satan's brother!"
Alexis turned around. "What'd you say, Jaden?"
"Nothing, absolutely nothing." He gasped, clutching the leather of the seat.
Seeing his panicked expression, she grew concerned. "Jaden, you're never like this. What's wrong?"
"I-I…I don't want to talk about it right now." His face turned red. There was no way in hell that she'd ever know his secret. It was too embarrassing.
"Aww…" Atticus sighed, twisting his face in a disgustingly sweet manner, "You WUV her!"
"I DO NOT!"
"Yes, you do…" Atticus cooed, "Don't worry, Jay, I can hook you two up. Right, sissy?"
"Atticus, if you want to maintain the privilege of keeping your driver's license, then I suggest you back off."
Atticus shook his head. "Alexis, Alexis, Alexis, how rude you can be! But I will forgive you since you are my sister and I love you dearly--"
"Atticus!"
"Ok, Ok. Yeesh."
"Oh, look, we're here!"
"Finally." Atticus grumbled, pulling into a parking spot.
"NO!" Jaden yelped.
Atticus and Alexis both turned to stare at him.
"It's not that bad, Jay." Alexis told him.
"Yeah, not for you." He muttered under his breath, but then lied trying to explain his outburst, "I just hate the mall…"
"But you wanted to go last month." Atticus pointed out, confused.
"Only because they were selling rare cards!" Jaden protested as they dragged him against his will through the sliding doors.
Immediately, he felt sick in the pit of his stomach. Christmas music wafted softly from the speakers, and white lights, holly, poinsettia, and fake snow littered the windows of shops. Swallowing hard, he told himself he would be all right.
"Stay calm, Jay," He told himself, "I mean, there's no guarantee he's here, luring everyone to believe he's a hero or something. He's probably not this year…after all, he's very busy I'm sure…"
He laughed nervously, then seeing no crowds of children and no large gathering of elves, calmed down. He supposed that maybe his enemy wasn't there that year. Maybe he'd quit. Thinking this, Jaden felt a lot better.
An hour passed uneventfully. Then, as they were walking out of American Eagle, he saw it. Gasping, he froze in his tracks, seizing Alexis and Atticus by their arms and accidentally pulling them down. However, he remained oblivious to this. He only continued to gawk, open-mouthed at the horror before him.
To add to the atrocity, there were children lined up, almost endlessly, and being set on that wretched man's lap. He was leaning in their chubby faces, his curly white beard tickling their noses while he guffawed at every word they said. He turned and looked at Jaden, his eyes twinkling, his cheeks red and rosy, with a smile that would warm the coldest heart.
"RUUUUUUUUN!!!!!" Jaden howled, dashing for safety.
Atticus, thinking that Jaden wanted to run towards Santa, grabbed him by the wrist and galloped in the direction of the jolly old elf. "Come on, Jay, you're going the wrong way!"
"No, no, no, no, no, NO!" Jaden thrashed wildly, trying desperately to tear himself from the older Rhodes' grip.
"Come, come now, we're going to see Santa." Atticus chirped, dragging the struggling younger boy away, "And you're going to tell him how good you've been this year."
"I can't!" Jaden wailed, trying to tear Atticus' hand from his wrist, "I can't!"
"Why not? Afraid you're too old? But Syrus sits on Santa's lap and he's your age…" Atticus scratched his head, confused.
"That's different," Jaden whimpered, "Sy is--AH! NO!"
It was too late. Before Jaden had time to think, two grinning elves seized him and tossed him into Santa's awaiting embrace.
"HO HO HO!!!!" Santa bellowed in Jaden's face, smiling warmly, "Have you been a good boy this year?"
"Gyaaaaaaaaaa…." Jaden croaked.
Assuming that Jaden had affirmed it, he nodded approvingly. "Well, then, what would you like for Christmas, little boy?"
"Blugh, ugh, gyack…" Jaden's eyes grew huge as he stared into Santa's red, bespectacled face.
"A kayak?" Santa rubbed his beard, "I don't know how I'll fit that down the chimney, but I'll try if you've been EXTA good. Have you?"
Jaden whimpered in response.
Santa only nodded. "Good."
Finally, Jaden could contain it no longer. "AAAAAAHHHH!!!! RUN AWAY! IT'S SANTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S SATAN'S BROTHER, HE'S SATAN'S BROTHER!!!!!!!"
Everyone stared at him.
"Ho?" Santa looked confused. "I thought you said you'd been a good boy."
"NO! LEMME GOOOO!!!" Jaden wailed, "DON'T EAT MY BRAINS OUT!"
Atticus, meanwhile, was on the ground with a camcorder, rolling and laughing. "This is gold! I can't wait to put it up on YouTube!"
"Yes, YES!" Jaden shouted, flailing like a maniac, "Show the world that Santa is EVIL!!! See, he's got all these children lined up like it's an assembly line and he's gonna make gingerbread men out of them!"
Alexis sweatdropped. "Wasn't that from the Hansel and Gretal horror story you read?"
"No!" Jaden insisted, still struggling for his freedom.
"Ho, ho, HO!" Santa suddenly shouted.
The lights went out in the mall. People screamed as a hoard of angry reindeer came crashing in through the roof.
"You've been very naughty!" Santa told Jaden, frowning.
Jaden screamed and tried to run. Atticus continued to laugh hysterically for some unknown reason. Alexis hid her mouth from behind her hand and snickered.
"Please," Jaden begged, tears of fear in his eyes, "Leave me alone! I don't wanna die! Wait, I know what I must do!"
He whipped out his duel disk from nowhere. "Avian! Burstinatrix! Sparkman! Bubbleman! Take that guy down! Attack!"
Four holograms appeared and rushed towards the poor old man. He screamed as they attacked, sending him flying into the Christmas tree. It fell over, knocking out Bastion and Harrington, who just happened to be nearby talking about the science of tennis. The ornaments flew in various directions, crashing through store windows and breaking priceless china. Store managers screamed and cried. Shoppers ran about in a frenzy, wailing about the apocalypse and tearing their hair out. The mall become a madhouse. And then, the fights began.
Alexis stared as shoppers began arguing over whose fault it was. Mindy and Jasmine got into a fist fight and went rolling down the escalators, Abercrombie bags flying. Professor Banner got into a kung fu fight with the Chancellor in the middle of the candle shop, soon setting the store ablaze. The fire alarm rang as the flames spread to the Christmas trees connecting every store. The sprinklers came on, drenching all the shoppers as they threw each other into windows, getting pastries, ceramic, and polyester stuffing in their clothes. Jaden continued to call his attacks on Santa.
"What's going on here?" came a strong voice.
Everyone stopped fighting and looked up at the security guard. He surveyed the damage and sighed. "Another one afraid of Santa, eh? As you were!" He pulled a lever, causing the mess to disappear. The mall was calm once more as Christmas music resumed over the loudspeakers.
The shoppers went about their business as though nothing had happened, ignoring the slifer as he rocked back and forth in a state of severe psychological disorder.
"Well, Jaden," Alexis teased, "I never knew you could be afraid of anything, especially not Santa!" She burst into giggles.
Atticus went over to Santa and helped him up. "Now, let me tell you what I want for Christmas." He grinned cockily.
"I'm not sure…" Santa groaned, looking over at the reindeer, which were by then toppled over on one side. "What are those anyway?"
"Ah, just some robots I made. Like 'em? I did it just for this prank!" He laughed, "And Jaden fell for it good!"
The old man frowned. "That's not very--"
"I know, I know." He sat on Santa's lap and smiled, his chocolate eyes glinting with mischief. "Santa…I've been a very naughty boy this year, if you know what I mean…"
Santa groaned. "Why do I have to deal with these types? That's it. I quit!"
"Hey, wait," Atticus called after him, "You forgot to ask me what I wanted this year! And I have a lot; Mindy, Jasmine, Amanda, Lydia, Reina, Michelle, Kelly…"
Santa kept walking.
A/N: That was a total crackfic, a bad one at that. XD I might do another one sometime soon. I dunno. Anyway, it was drabble. But it was fun. Poor Jaden. Yay! Torture the anime characters!