Someday
By Miss Becky
Disclaimer: Spike belongs to Joss Whedon. If he was mine I'd give him a better home than the basement.
Summary: Someday she'll tell you. A Spike monologue set after "Help."
Rating: G
Spoilers: For S7 "Help."
Feedback: is always craved. Review or write me at beckyg19@yahoo.com
Just a short piece I had to write after last night's episode.
****
Alone again. In the dark. Alone.
The pain in his head has made him lucid. It won't last for long, but for now he is grateful for the silence.
He liked hitting that boy. The boy deserved it, the boy tried to hurt the girl. And hitting the boy made him hurt, created blooming fires of pain in his head. He deserves that pain, so hitting the boy was good for him too. Punish them both.
Alone in the dark, but not really. He is never alone. They are all down here. The girl he killed on Charing Cross Road. The old man who begged to be allowed to live. The woman in the Sunnydale magic shop who would not sell him a curse. Cecily. Mother.
The thing, from beneath.
Spike is here, too. Evil undead soulless monster killer. He does not want to be Spike anymore. Not ever again.
And William. He is always here now, burning inside.
The voices are back. They're only whispering now, and he can still choose to not hear them. Soon, though, they will be shouting. Soon they will be screaming. And he will cringe beneath them and plead with them to stop please stop.
But not yet.
Someday she'll tell you.
He hears her voice a lot, actually. Telling him things he needs to hear. Reminding him that he is evil, that he is a monster, a thing. Gloating in her power over him. Telling him that he needs to pay for what he has done, he needs to be punished. What he needs is a long sojourn in hell, just like Angelus. Couple hundred years should do it. What's a century or two of torment to an immortal creature like him?
But what he *wants* to hear, what he longs to hear...
There are so many things he wants to hear her say.
That he is not a monster.
That she will help him.
That she forgives him.
That she loves him.
Someday she'll tell you.
He helped save the girl. And she rewarded him, gave him hope.
The voices are louder now. They are rising in pitch, laughing at him, screaming shrilly. It is harder now to think. He covers his head with his hands, cringing abjectly beneath them.
But he has hope. Someday he will look up, and from among the voices that never stop never stop please stop stop stop
One day she will be there. She will speak.
stop stop please no don't hurt the girl sorry i'm sorry please stop just stop
Someday the other voices will go silent, and there will be only hers.
Someday she will tell him.
****
END
By Miss Becky
Disclaimer: Spike belongs to Joss Whedon. If he was mine I'd give him a better home than the basement.
Summary: Someday she'll tell you. A Spike monologue set after "Help."
Rating: G
Spoilers: For S7 "Help."
Feedback: is always craved. Review or write me at beckyg19@yahoo.com
Just a short piece I had to write after last night's episode.
****
Alone again. In the dark. Alone.
The pain in his head has made him lucid. It won't last for long, but for now he is grateful for the silence.
He liked hitting that boy. The boy deserved it, the boy tried to hurt the girl. And hitting the boy made him hurt, created blooming fires of pain in his head. He deserves that pain, so hitting the boy was good for him too. Punish them both.
Alone in the dark, but not really. He is never alone. They are all down here. The girl he killed on Charing Cross Road. The old man who begged to be allowed to live. The woman in the Sunnydale magic shop who would not sell him a curse. Cecily. Mother.
The thing, from beneath.
Spike is here, too. Evil undead soulless monster killer. He does not want to be Spike anymore. Not ever again.
And William. He is always here now, burning inside.
The voices are back. They're only whispering now, and he can still choose to not hear them. Soon, though, they will be shouting. Soon they will be screaming. And he will cringe beneath them and plead with them to stop please stop.
But not yet.
Someday she'll tell you.
He hears her voice a lot, actually. Telling him things he needs to hear. Reminding him that he is evil, that he is a monster, a thing. Gloating in her power over him. Telling him that he needs to pay for what he has done, he needs to be punished. What he needs is a long sojourn in hell, just like Angelus. Couple hundred years should do it. What's a century or two of torment to an immortal creature like him?
But what he *wants* to hear, what he longs to hear...
There are so many things he wants to hear her say.
That he is not a monster.
That she will help him.
That she forgives him.
That she loves him.
Someday she'll tell you.
He helped save the girl. And she rewarded him, gave him hope.
The voices are louder now. They are rising in pitch, laughing at him, screaming shrilly. It is harder now to think. He covers his head with his hands, cringing abjectly beneath them.
But he has hope. Someday he will look up, and from among the voices that never stop never stop please stop stop stop
One day she will be there. She will speak.
stop stop please no don't hurt the girl sorry i'm sorry please stop just stop
Someday the other voices will go silent, and there will be only hers.
Someday she will tell him.
****
END