A/N: Italics are flashbacks.
It was quiet… too quiet. The countryside echoed with the aftermath of the battle, yet there wasn't a single thing stirring. To the rest of the world, it looked like just another bloody battlefield, full of the remnants of pain and agony.
To Merlin, it was a symbol of everything he could have done, everyone he could have saved. He could have saved them all, had he been brave enough to do it, instead of run and hide. Like a coward. Merlin was brokenhearted to admit that for the first time in his life, he had been a coward, and his actions resulted in the largest bloodbath he'd ever seen. All around him were strewn the bodies of men who could have been his friend, but they would never get the chance, because now, they were dead.
The warlock surveyed the never-ending field of carnage. Everyone was dead, both ally and enemy. Everyone, it seemed, except those few, those happy few, that band of brothers that was the Knights of the Round Table and their Queen.
Only half a mile away lay the remains of the camp Camelot's army had set up. It lay in tatters, most of the tents burned to ashes. The billowing smoke from those lost shelters had turned the sky above the battleground a deep, merciless, depressing grey and blacking out all stars and the moon, making it even more impossible to see through the deep gloom of midnight.
In that camp, Merlin knew, Arthur and the other survivors slept, unaware that their servant and friend had returned from the hole he had been hiding in.
Arthur crashed into the tent, bleeding profusely from his left shoulder, a bloodstained Excalibur clutched in his right hand.
"It is hell out there." He panted, tossing Excalibur to the side and gripping his wounded shoulder in pain. The moment he got to a chair, he collapsed into it, grimacing when his wound was jolted by the impact.
"Arthur!" Gwen rushed forward, immediately tending to her husband's wound. Normally, Merlin would do it, but he was nowhere to be found, and a battle would not wait on the whims of a manservant.
Arthur closed his eyes and attempted to gather his breath, before giving his wife a quick peck on the cheek in thanks. She giggled but a hiss of pain from him and a murmured "sorry" from her brought her attention back to his injury. While the wound was deep, it had missed anything important, so he was likely to survive.
Outside the tent, the sound of triumphant chaos reigned supreme as Baedrain's army swiftly lost to Arthur's. In this battle, Baedrain himself was killed, as well as any semblance of family he had. It would spark a power struggle in Baedrain's kingdom, Havre, ensuring that Camelot need not worry about an attack from that side, at least.
"I miss him." Gwen said sadly as she dabbed at the wound with a wet cloth.
There was no need for her to say the name of the person she was missing. They both knew who she meant, because their feelings on the subject were the same.
Arthur nodded solemnly, a touch of melancholy breaking past the walls he'd set up around his emotions. "Me too."
Slowly, Merlin picked his way around the bodies toward those red and gold tents, hoping Arthur could forgive him for his actions.
Merlin still wasn't quite sure why he'd done it—why he'd run, leaving Camelot to fend for itself during its time of need. While Arthur's kingdom did win, and hadn't technically required any assistance, so many precious lives could have been spared on both sides if Merlin hadn't been so damn cowardly.
Of course, Merlin had a reason, but it wasn't one Arthur could hear. Merlin wasn't about to tell his king that the reason he hadn't at least been there for him was the fact that his magic hadn't been cooperating. Arthur still didn't know about Merlin's gifts and Merlin didn't plan on letting him find out any time soon, either.
Finally the warlock reached the tent. Peering through a gap in the doorway, he could see each and every one of the survivors laying fast asleep. Gwen and Arthur slept with their arms around each other, and the other knights slept in a row. But wait—where was Gwaine?
A brief flicker of worry settled in Merlin's stomach as he dreaded the idea that his friend might have perished on that immense battlefield, but the feeling was brushed aside by the tip of a sword resting lightly on his back, directly where his heart was.
"You know what that is." said a low, rumbling voice behind him. If thunder could speak, this would be its voice.
Merlin nodded. There was no time for outbursts or sudden moves.
"Good. Then you know what happens if you do anything to upset me."
Another nod.
"Excellent. You're doing very well. Now, lace your fingers behind your head and turn round."
Merlin did as he was told, and found himself facing none other than Gwaine. All worry vanished, a smile broke out on his face, and he took a step forward, only to have the sword once again touching his chest.
"Ah-ah-ahhh, don't move." Gwaine growled, pressing the sword tip so that it tore a small hole through Merlin's blue shirt. Merlin realized that he was standing in the shadows of the tent so that Gwaine couldn't see his face and Merlin almost feared for his life. Gwaine was fiercely loyal and wouldn't hesitate to run anyone through if he thought they threatened his fellow knights, and right now he saw Merlin as the enemy.
"Gwaine, it's me!" Merlin whispered, trying not to wake the others.
The knight hesitated, and then laughed, a rowdy, relieved laugh, and the sword vanished from Merlin's chest to be replaced by Gwaine's unique embrace.
The two separated and gazed at each other for a moment, before Gwaine chuckled and ushered Merlin inside the tent with a simple "It smells like death out here. Come on in."
When the two had found crates that could actually support their weight, they both sat around a fire, each holding a small bit of bread and sausage.
"I'd actually just come back from taking a wee when I saw you." Gwaine quipped as he handed Merlin some water and watched the manservant devour his food. "Gods, Merlin, it's like you haven't eaten in days."
Merlin acknowledged the observation as truth with a nod and a grunt as he took to proffered drink and downed the refreshing liquid greedily. The two sat in silence for a while before Gwaine spoke again.
"Where have you been, Merlin?" Gwaine didn't sound angry, or frustrated, he sounded… disappointed, as if the thought of Merlin actually abandoning his friends had been outrageous before that day.
"This is preposterous. What do you mean 'Merlin's missing'?" Arthur shouted at the young servant before him. The boy flinched, but held his ground against the verbal assault.
"Sire," the boy spoke hesitantly. "He was here last night, but he wasn't here this morning. He's vanished, Sire. We're at a loss at how he did it, but nevertheless, he's gone."
Arthur rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers in frustration. This was just what he needed. With Baedrain's army marching towards Camelot and Guinevere just recently crowned queen, Arthur had a lot on his mind. Having to worry about Merlin as well wasn't helping.
Because of course, Arthur did worry. Though he hated to admit the fact, having inherited his father's stubbornness, Merlin was Arthur's only real friend. Granted, he had the other knights, like Gwaine and Percival and the others, but Merlin was his confidante, and the most reliably loyal person he'd ever known. Arthur trusted Merlin with everything.
"Find Gaius and Sir Leon and bring them to me. Now, go." He was short with the boy and he knew it wasn't right, but he was far too stressed to care at the moment.
The boy bowed and left, leaving Arthur to his thoughts.
Hey guys! So how'd you like it? Drop me a line letting me know what you think, gimme a review, that whole shebang.
The plot for this was one of those major brainfarts that actually turned into a good idea. Defo gonna be a reveal fic, might have later sexrefs MAYBE, canon pairings only. NO SLASH. I'm just as much a Merthur shipper as any fan, but this little story is a no slash kinda story. Sorry. Takes place after season 4.
I know what y'all are thinking: MERLIN IS NOT A COWARD RAWR THAT IS SO OOC RAWR WHAT U TALKIN BOUT GURL. Or something along those lines. You peeps gotta remember that this story is mainly from Merlin's POV and Merlin is one of those self-loathing kind of guys where he calls himself a coward when really, he had no choice. This is like what happened in DOTD part one where Merlin had to go recharge his magic and everybody else thought "u aint a coward bro wtf u thinkin".
Lot's of Questing Trio lurve incoming. Imma big Gwaine fan and he will defo be important.
I truly don't know where I'm going with this (but when do I ever have a plan I actually stick to?), but the updates should be fairly regular. Probably like an every two or three weeks kinda thing.
I'm uber-betaless right now, so if you guyzes catch some mybads or typos, let me know and I'l fix it.
Serious cyber love and a jar full of cookies to whoever finds the Artemis Fowl reference in here, as well as the Shakespeare one (it's almost glaringly obvious, but the AF one isn't).
Autobots, roll out!