Toni the Flashback-Meister
by Martial Arts Master
All Grand Theft Auto III characters copyrighted by Rockstar Games, DMA Design, and Rareware. In case you don't know, the Toni in this fanfic is NOT the Toni that's a boss. This one's the radio host on the Flashback station. This is a fanfic similar to the Laslow's Loons fanfic, only into the mind of Toni instead of Laslow. Now, on with the story!

***



Hi. My name's Toni.

You're probably wondering who I am.

What, don't you know already? I'm the Flashback radio host, for crying out loud!

Sheesh, some people.

What, now you wanna know stuff about me?

Well, why not...I was bored anyway. I'm currently off-duty.

Well, as you may know, I live in Liberty City.

And let me tell you, Liberty City is a cesspool.

Crime is everywhere. Hijackers are common, and so are prostitutes.

Mobs are everywhere, too. Triads, Yakuza, Diablo, Mafia, yada yada yada, I can't keep them all straight.

You might ask about our police officers and why they haven't cleaned up the streets.

Well, don't be too hard on them. They try very hard, but they just don't have the manpower.

If you've been in a car driving around Liberty City, you might think, "That's ridiculous! Liberty City doesn't have that much crime!"

Well, you're completely wrong.

True, on the surface Liberty City appears to be no worse than your average lower-class city.

But try walking around the area, and you'll get the idea.

People shoot each other all the time around here, or at least hit each other with bats.

But the police can't clean it all up because crime here is like a parasite.

First, a parasite slowly infests its host. Then it starts doing damage.

In Liberty City, crime has infested the place, doing all of its damage under the surface, albeit a lot of damage.

I can see you're getting bored, and wondering why I'm not telling you about myself.

I was getting to that, but since you're so impatient, I might as well go right ahead.

I grew up here in Liberty City. It's a bad place, but once you get used to living there, it isn't as bad as it would be to an outsider.

I had a relatively normal life. I say "relatively" because not much is normal here.

I had always wanted to be a trumpeter.

Yes, that's right, a trumpeter. I wasn't always a radio show host, you know.

I'd been taking trumpet lessons since I was a little girl.

My dream was to become a great musician someday. Don't laugh, you've all had dreams.

I had no illusions, of course. It would be hard work. Almost every job requires hard work to get to the top.

So I was going to start out small. My trumpet lessons paid off, and I started getting jobs in nightclubs.

So why did my dream begin to fall apart, you might ask?

Well, it all started when I was playing the trumpet at this one club called the "Meowch Sex Kitten Club" or something like that; I can't remember the exact name. (Author's Note: This is a real club in Grand Theft Auto III. Sorry, you can't go inside or anything, it's just there as decoration...and a taxi destination sometimes.)

Luckily I didn't have to get dressed in a cat costume.

I really couldn't believe this club. I mean, why do men get such a huge thrill out of barely-dressed ladies in cat costumes? Is it some kind of perverted fetish?

I knew early that men are scum, because of their little perversions. (Author's Note: Male readers , please don't take this the wrong way, this isn't how I really feel about males. I am a male, mind you. I'm just theorizing how a woman living in a hooker-infested place like Liberty City might feel about men.)

I was only a little girl the first time I saw a man buy a prostitute's services.

Because I hadn't yet been taught that it was wrong to eavesdrop, I followed them, hiding behind a wall.

I saw the whole "act".

Heh, I guess I was one little girl who didn't have to be taught the "facts of life" by my parents.

I saw many more such things, and I realized that men are ruled by their desires. That's why they're scum. (Author's Note: Once again, I don't really feel this way about males.)

But I'm getting sidetracked. Now where was I?

Oh yes, I was playing the trumpet at the club. And I did not have to wear the cat costumes the other women wore, because I was just a musician.

Anyway, this one guy came to the club named Marcel. He was like a cross between a macho guy and a sensitive guy. He loved football, but he also loved kazoos.

And he liked cats. That's why he came to the club.

But once he saw me, he fell in love with me.

We soon formed a relationship, and I found out that this guy was sweeter than most men.

You know that Pets Overnight business in Liberty City?

Well, Marcel happened to have a job at that business.

His job was being in charge of cat sales.

Did I say he liked cats? That's an understatement, he loved cats, especially kittens.

Eventually our relationship progressed further, and one day, he was waiting for me with shoulder pads on and a kazoo, and we did the "act". Don't ask how the shoulder pads and kazoo came in handy. You do not wanna know. (Author's Note: At one point in the Flashback station, Toni actually mentions a guy with shoulder pads and a kazoo. She mentions Marcel separately, but for the purposes of this fanfic I decided to make them the same person.)

So anyway, we eventually married.

But then...I met Mary, and found out something about myself. (Author's Note: She also mentions a Mary at one point.)

I found out I was a bisexual.

You're not mad? I'm relieved.

Actually, though, I'm not surprised. Liberty City, as I said, is a cesspool.

In a city where staying alive is a little bit higher on the priority list than most cities, who the frick cares what someone's sexuality is?

So after I was married to Marcel, I met Mary, as I said.

She, you see, also had a job at Pets Overnight. But she was in charge of giraffe sales, not cat sales like Marcel.

We fell in love, but of course, the obvious problem loomed.

I was now in love with both Mary and Marcel.

Marcel found out, but I told you, he's a sweeter guy than most. He was willing to let my relationship with Mary stand, as long as we made it abundantly clear that I was still Marcel's wife and still in love with him, too.

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Adulterer!"

Well, give me a break! Liberty City is full of murderers. I don't think you should care about one adulterer.

So anyway, the club owners found out about this, too, and they had the same "adulterer" reaction. They stopped hiring me, and I soon had to get another job.

I ended up being hired for the Flashback radio station, mostly because no one else volunteered to be the host.

And the rest, as we say, is history.

So, that's my life. Now go on, beat it! I've got a man and a woman in my love lives, and I promised them I'd be home tonight.



The End



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