His frustration was brimming, but his resolve was firm. Ryuuki decided to ditch his afternoon affairs and walked in stride to the gardens of the harem. Though he was dressed in his cumbersome robes, he kneeled on the grass without hesitation and gingerly parted plants and other undergrowth. It was a humbling task for the young Emperor of Saiunkoku, but with what had transpired for the past weeks, it seemed to him that no one can do this but himself.
"We want you to find us a moth orchid." Ryuuki ordered this to the palace servants weeks ago, and till this morning, the flower he desperately yearned for wasn't on his table. His face crinkled when his servants apologized for not finding the flower, yet he couldn't blame them for having a hard time. He knew that the flower was rare.
It didn't help that Kouyuu was flooding his office with more work; otherwise he would have looked for the flower himself days ago. It seemed that the mountain of paperwork that he had to go through got steeper by the day, and as it grows, Kouyuu's mercy for his laziness dwindled.
Even so, he couldn't stop thinking about finding the orchid, more so now that it was the right season for it to bloom. Spring was already in its twilight and summer was about to arrive.
He made his way south, making sure he looked at everything that grew on the ground and peered at every branch above him. It had been hours since he started his search, but he wasn't getting close. As he pressed on, his clothes became filthy, his hands started to splinter from the thorns of roses and broken branches, his hair got caught in the foliage a number of times. But he still had no orchid. Sweat continued to bead on his face, his robes began to stick to his skin.
He reached an enclosure far south of the harem, which felt cooler than the other gardens in the palace. He parted a mass of foliage, now even the mere sensation of leaves stung his bleeding fingers. Then, amidst the ocean of brown and green he saw a lone touch of purple.
Ryuuki gushed with delight and hurriedly came closer to where it was. It was unmistakable - the orchid that sprung up from a tree branch resembled moths in flight. "This is it!" he said, as if to assure himself that his search was over. He tiptoed to reach the stem of the flower, its untainted purple petals seemed to turn white even with a little sunlight. He gave it a quick pull, and off came the moth orchid from the branch.
It's so beautiful ... just like when I saw it before.
"Is that...a moth orchid?"
At that instant, Ryuuki felt his hand being let go. "Seien-aniue?" He said, his voice almost a whimper. He didn't like the feeling of being left alone.
Seien moved towards an old tree near them. There up high in one of its branches was a flower that seemed out of place, yet stood out immensely in the garden.
"Yes, it is a moth orchid."
"Moth? Orchid?" Ryuuki frowned.
"Yes," he saw his elder brother smile widely. "It's rare that we get to see this flower in the palace, but when it blooms," Seien paused and turned towards him, "I think you should see this for yourself, Ryuuki."
Ryuuki raised his head and came closer. Overhead, the orchid was a marriage of white and purple, its petals were pointing towards the sky. There were several flowers that bloomed on a single stem. The orchid itself looked like it was taking refuge from the sun, being underneath a clump of leaves that sprouted from the old tree.
"Why is it called that way, Aniue?" Ryuuki asked.
"Its petals," his brother answered, "don't you think they look like moths in flight?"
Ryuuki looked at the flowers harder, but since they were so far up it was difficult for him to notice. He heard Seien sigh.
"It's really beautiful, don't you think, Ryuuki?"
"I think the cosmos is more beautiful, Aniue," he answered with a frown, as he was still trying to take a closer look. "Or even the chrysanthemum. This doesn't look so special."
Seien crouched down and lifted Ryuuki up. He gasped at the sudden change in height, but when he saw the orchid, his face beamed with delight. The orchid had a number of petals encircling smaller ones; the outer ones - as Seien said - could pass for wings. But Ryuuki still wasn't convinced.
"There. Now what do you think?"
"It's...all right," Ryuuki answered. "But it's not as pretty as the cosmos."
"You always see the cosmos, Ryuuki. This flower is rare," Seien said.
"But it looks ordinary, Aniue."
Seien sighed as he put Ryuuki down on his feet. "You'll understand soon, why this flower is special." he said simply.
When Ryuuki and Seien passed by the same path a few weeks later, Ryuuki ran towards the tree where the orchid was.
"Seien-aniue! The moth orchid is still here!"
Seien took his time to walk towards Ryuuki's side. When he reached the foot of the tree and saw the flower, he started to look pensive.
"It has already started," he said. Seien took a few steps back and looked at the ground. Seeing his brother, Ryuuki followed suit and then realized what he was looking at. There were a bunch of familiar purple-white petals beneath them.
"Aniue, someone tried to take the orchid!" Ryuuki exclaimed.
"No, it's not that," Seien said, his expression unchanging. "It has begun."
"Begun?" Ryuuki repeated, looking confused.
A month swiftly passed. The sun became hotter as spring came to a close. Seien strolled with Ryuuki back to the garden.
Ryuuki ran on ahead, but as he looked up the same spot, he didn't find the orchid. "Aniue, the flower isn't here anymore," he said.
"You won't find it there, Ryuuki. Look below."
Ryuuki looked down and realized he was stepping on a number of white-purple petals, some of which were already beginning to wilt. He turned to his elder brother with wide-eyed innocence. "Sei--Seien-aniue, why? It was just a few weeks ago that we saw the moth orchid, and now it's gone! The other flowers in the garden don't just die!"
His elder brother came closer, a dismal look was on his face. "Now do you understand why this flower was beautiful?" Seien placed his hand on Ryuuki's head and stroked him gently. "The moth orchid wilts away after it fully blooms. The first time you saw it was when it was the most beautiful. It will never be more stunning before, even more so after. It's like...its beauty only passed us by."
Ryuuki looked at the flower he just picked. Seeing that its buds have come to its zenith, he smiled knowingly. He had just picked the perfect moth orchid. Now all he had to do was to find the person he will give it to. As he walked through the palace hallway thinking of how he was going to give the flower, he suddenly remembered that he didn't know the moth orchid's flower language.
Seien-aniue never mentioned it. That's weird, when we usually are together and I ask what a certain flower was, he'll tell me what the flower means almost immediately. But for the moth orchid, he didn't say...
And yet, back then, he adored this flower so much.
As he turned from a corner, he saw Seiran walking by the hallway in his direction. "Your Majesty," he said immediately upon seeing him.
Ryuuki smiled widely. "Seiran!" He said almost too enthusiastically as he walked towards him.
"What happened?" Seiran looked at him with concern. "Your robes are filthy, and your hair is dirty. Where have you been, Your Majesty?"
"Out, in the garden." Ryuuki answered awkwardly, thinking that Seiran may think of him as extremely childish for getting so dirty. "We found this!" He showed the flower to Seiran.
"That is..." Seiran's eyes gleamed with surprise.
Ryuuki nodded. "A moth orchid!"
"Did you go to the garden to search for this?"
"Yes, it was really hard, but we got by."
"It's so beautiful."
Ryuuki looked at Seiran intently, his typical serious expression softened as he saw the flower that he held. The words of his elder brother played inside his mind.
It will never be more stunning before, even more so after it blooms...its beauty only passes us by.
"Seiran..."
"Is this flower for a special person, Your Majesty?"
Ryuuki nodded and slightly averted his eyes from him. "Yes," he answered. He felt his cheeks flush.
"Really? Then you have picked a wonderful flower. I'm sure that My Lady will be very pleased."
Ryuuki shot a bewildered look at him. "The truth is, the flower is actually for--"
"Seiran!" a familiar voice came rolling down the hallway. Shuurei ran towards them with a bunch of scrolls cradled on one hand. "Oh, Ryuuki! What are you doing here?"
"My Lady, His Majesty was about to give you this." Seiran motioned to Ryuuki's hand that held the orchid.
Shuurei gushed with delight. "That's a moth orchid!" She exclaimed. "How lucky is it that Ryuuki was able to find one!"
Ryuuki tried hard not to look aghast. He forced a laugh as he handed the flower to Shuurei. "Y-yes! We ...we looked for this flower for the whole afternoon!" He managed to say.
"And His Majesty chose a flower with a very bold meaning too, My Lady. In the flower language, the moth orchid means 'I love you'."
Ryuuki turned his head towards Seiran as he heard this, his mouth agape. He, on the other hand, smiled as Shuurei gingerly touched the petals with her fingers.
"This is really, really beautiful ..." Shuurei said wistfully. "But...Ryuuki!!!"
"Yes!" Ryuuki shouted and stood up straight.
"Why in the world are you spending your time picking flowers in the garden when you should be in your office?" She demanded. "Kouyuu-sama must be infuriated! Get back to your room now!"
"Yes!" Ryuuki yelped.
Shuurei groaned. "Ryuuki, sometimes I think you are hopeless." She sighed. "I have to go, I have to deliver these to Yuushun-sama." she glanced at the scrolls that she held, then turned to Seiran.
"Seiran, when you go home, can you bring this with you?" She hands the orchid to him. "Can you please put it on a vase with water? I don't want it to wilt so easily."
Seiran took the flower from her. "Yes, My Lady."
"I'll see you at dinner!" Shuurei waved as she walked away. "Ryuuki, stop being a slacker and get back to work!"
"I will!" Ryuuki croaked, feeling a bit uneasy. As Shuurei turned to the corner he heaved a heavy sigh.
The flower...it wasn't for Shuurei.
If it was for her I would have given something that I truly understood! But this flower...
I only got it because...
Seiran smiled at Ryuuki, whom he thought looked disheartened that he got told off after all his effort of finding the flower. "Why do you feel so down, Your Majesty? Everything went well."
Ryuuki raised his head sheepishly at Seiran, then looked at the flower that was now in his hands. He was so embarrassed with himself.
"We...were not able to give the flower properly," he began.
"Do you think that My Lady even noticed your anxiousness? I think she was touched with what Your Majesty has given. And to give her this," he looked at the orchid, "a flower whose beauty is so precious, with a meaning that couldn't be bolder, it must have taken a lot of thought."
"We didn't even know what the flower meant until today."
"Nevertheless, you gave one that was very meaningful. Although My Lady sounded like that, I'm sure that she felt really happy getting this from you."
Ryuuki gazed at Seiran with longing; with the same desire he had to find the orchid that afternoon.
Seien-aniue...
He raised his hand slowly and closed in on Seiran's hand that held the flower. The blisters on his hands were still fresh, but as he felt his fingers caress the back of his hand, the more he felt himself coming back to that place long ago, where he was with the brother he adored to the point of obsession.
As he looked at the orchid, he saw that it now emanated a reddish purple glow, for the sun's rays have dwindled to make way for night. With his other hand, Ryuuki touched the orchid's petals gently, and suddenly his eyes began to water. He knew this was the last time he'll see the flower this way.
He was so much like this flower. His beauty was unparalleled; yet he was beside me for just a fleeting moment.
And ... the orchid, it meant love.
Like the feeling of finding the orchid after searching for weeks was unbelievable...the way Seien-aniue found me at my lowest, and loved me - someone who was unloved...
It was a miracle.
He looked at Seiran, and as he saw his beautiful face overlooking him, Ryuuki clutched his hand tighter and buried his head on his chest. It would be the worst if he saw his face now.
"Your Majesty," Ryuuki heard him say. How he wished he would say his name instead. "What's wrong?" His voice showed genuine concern. No matter how many years have passed, his voice still soothed him and made him feel loved.
Even now, his kindness makes me want to lose myself...
And just as the reality that the orchid may be gone tomorrow...
This same moment...it may never happen again.
"If what I had intended to do with this flower came to pass," Ryuuki began softly, " and I had given it to Seien-aniue, would he have felt the same way?"
A/N: This fic was done as a prompt to Obsession for Week 17 in saiun_challenge, and is a joint effort (by me and a good friend). This fic was originally a hanakotoba story submitted for Souken No Mai (the SaiMono radio show), originally done in Japanese and in script form. Since it was never read on air, we took the effort to rewrite the story in prose form, and submit it for the challenge. The flower that we used and its corresponding hanakotoba is below:
Phalaenopsis (a.k.a. moth orchid)/Kochouran (胡蝶蘭) - anata wo aishiteimasu; I love you (as prompted in Souken No Mai). This orchid is native to countries in Southeast Asia, for it thrives best in tropical, humid climates. After this orchid blooms, its petals wilt and disintegrate.
Shuunen (執念) - obsession