Diary of the dead
©Himaruya Hidekaz
©Hetalia axis powers
2.. x. xxxx
I would never have guessed how easy it was in the end, but here we are, in a cell, locked up somewhere unknown to me. I only know that I am not home. What is even considered home? Is it the place I feel the safest at? No, because that would in the end mean that my home could for example be a pub. Is it where my family is? What if I don't have a family, not at least here, in Reykjavik after what happened.
I can hear someone coming. Is it the police again? Or is it my sweet Natalya? Maybe it's the dead coming to haunt me and drag me to hell. Maybe all three. whatever or whoever it is, they're a danger to me, well, except for my dearest Natalya. Last time I saw her, she had a beautiful blood red dress. Funny, why can I not remember her face? Have I forgotten something?
3. X. XXXX
It seems like I passed out yesterday. My hands are covered in blood red ink. Why does my hand hurt so much? As if a knife stabbed it repeatedly. I can't remember. I've been moved to a white room, with what seems like hard cushions as a wall. It's so empty and lonely here. Funny, I miss my brothers. Where are they when I need them the most? Or Tino and Berwald, where are they? Have they also left me? It seems like Natalya visited me yesterday. There's a little bow, that's covered in some strange substance. I tasted it. It tasted like iron. Strange, but Natalya did have some weird stuff always. Maybe this is some kind of special accessory? How sweet of her to give it to me. It's sad that she didn't stay, I wish she had. I miss talking to people. I don't even remember why I am here. I never did anything that bad, or at least I think so. Maybe someone will explain to me what's going on, or at least I hope so. It's so empty and lonely here. Where are the windows in this room? What even is this room? So many questions with no answers. There's a chair here. It's not comfortable, so it works as a table. Where am I supposed to sleep? Am I supposed to sleep? I don't know, I don't really remember.
4. X. XXXX
Help, I'm so scared. Please, someone help. I can't remember their faces, or names anymore. What were my brothers' names and what did they look like? It's so scary. The lamp on the ceiling is flickering, I fear it's going to break soon. God please help, I'm so scared. I can't even remember Natalya's face. Hell, I can't even remember what my own name is, or what I look like, there are no mirrors here in this dark place. Someone, please, let me out. There are no windows, no real walls, no real bed. I sleep on the floor. I'm so hungry, but there's no food. I can smell it, that's for sure. Oh god, someone's coming. Help, they are going to beat me again, no matter how hard I yell and explain that I do not know what I did wrong. My memory is so hazy, it seems like instead of the memories coming back, they just disappear. They won't tell me who I am, the monsters. Just yesterday they still looked like humans, but today, their hands look deformed, like sharp claws, their necks have stretched out, and faces are beyond recognition. I don't remember what they looked like yesterday. Oh god, their eyes, they aren't even there. What once were their eyes have now been replaced with empty, black holes. I need to hide my things before they get in. It's so scary. I can feel something dripping from my eyes. The drops taste like salty water. I know they had a word, but what was it? Why can't I remember it?
5. X. XXXX
Natalya, sweet, lovely Natalya, where are you when I need you? The monsters came into my room yesterday. They beat me and yelled at me, something about murder. I was so terrified. I didn't know what was going on, but they refused to answer any questions. I am alright now, or at least I think so. The lights are broken, but I can still see enough to write somewhat well. I fear that they will be back today. My hands and shirt are for some reason covered in a thick, red substance that tastes like iron, kind of like the ribbon I found earlier. This place is making me go mad. I can hear a young child constantly laughing behind me, but when I turn around, no one is there. I have been getting these strange and painful headaches that follow with a strange beeping noise. Am I insane? That would definitely be an explanation, but I doubt it. It's this place that's insane.
Sometimes before I fall asleep, I wonder why my family hasn't visited me. Do they even know I am here? What if they are searching after me together with Natalya? But didn't Natalya visit me earlier to give me the ribbon? Surely, she must've told my family. Natalya never hides anything, or at least I think so. I can't remember what she was like. I only remember her name. Today earlier I questioned myself if I even had two brothers? Sometimes I can only remember one of them, or, well, I remember his voice, kind of. I'm not so sure about that anymore. I'm not sure about anything anymore. Oh god, someone is laughing again. It's so scary. It's quiet giggling, and it's surrounding me. I just looked around me, but can't see anyone. I have to check who it is.
6. X. XXXX
Every evening I ask myself if this one will be my last. I fear that the creatures will come and finally kill me. Today I noticed that I've forgotten her name. I can't read my earlier entries; they are covered with the red substance. I think the girls name was Anastasia, but I'm not really sure. What am I even sure about anymore? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I'm not even sure about what day it is. The 6th of something. It seems like I've accidentally smudged the dates, damn. Or were there any dates in the first place? They look like crosses to me. Whatever. The giggling hasn't stopped. I can still hear it from somewhere. I have to admit; I'm slowly getting used to it. I've even tried to talk with the voice, but sadly didn't get an answer. The creatures came back yesterday and beat me again. They were screaming again about murder. What is murder? I don't remember. I asked them, but didn't get an answer. I am slowly growing concerned. Have I gone insane or am I just sick? Maybe both. Probably both. I hope they will let me outside someday. I don't even remember what nature looked like. What are trees and bushes, or apples and peaches? What are these birds I've heard the creatures talk about? I hope they aren't dangerous. Maybe they are considering that the creatures like them. Everything they like is probably dangerous and I should stay away from them.
I hope Anastasia will visit me soon, that way I can remember her face again. It's sad how quickly I forget. I don't even remember what I wrote earlier. For some reason the word dead has appeared on my wall, written in that red liquid. I wonder what it is, or what the word means. Anyways, I'll leave this now for today. Maybe I'll manage to talk to the giggling voice.
7. X. XXXX
What did I write yesterday? I can only see the word kill but the rest is covered with red again. Where does it even come from? The creatures didn't come yesterday, I think. I can smell something strange in my room. It smells like rotting flesh. Strange how I remember what that smells like. This is starting to feel like a nightmare. I was walking around my room earlier and stepped on something wet. I couldn't see it however since it's so dark here. It seems like I've stepped in the weird liquid again, since it tasted like iron. Why do I try the things I step in you ask? Well it's just so that I know what it is, however my memory is too hazy for that and I always forget what it is. Yesterday I did remember something however. The name Lukas. I think it's a name. I'm pretty sure it's a name, since it sounds like one. I feel like I've heard the name before, but where? Where have I heard the name Lukas? That will definitely be something that will be bothering me for today and maybe tomorrow if I remember it. I hope I do, but seeing as I don't even completely remember what happened yesterday, I can't be sure. That's something for you to remember, diary. You can never be sure about anything, you hear me?
Heck, I'm not even sure about when I last went to the toilet. I think I went today, but I can't remember. Okay this is getting concerning. I can't even remember if I went to the toilet.
The rotten smell is slowly getting to me and giving me a headache. Strange how no one has come to bother me yet. Wonder why. It's oddly quiet here today. Usually I can hear some people talking, but not today. I wonder if everyone's away and I've just been left here to rot. Maybe it's me who's smelling like rotting flesh. I do doubt it. I found a ribbon in my pocket, covered with strange liquid. I think I know who it belonged to.
I really want to explore. I noticed that the door was open earlier today, but I thought that the creatures would come and get me, but now they aren't here, so I can explore freely.
Ew, what the hell is in here that smells so horrible? Damn my nose can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm going to throw up, but that would probably make the smell even worse. The smell of puke mixed with rotten flesh doesn't sound like a good combination, but what do you think diary? Probably the same as me, but books can't talk, even though I wish you could. It would be so fun. This will probably be my longest entry. My hand feels like it's burning from all the writing. I guess I'll open you tomorrow again, hopefully you can wait. You always do.
8. X. XXXX
I went exploring yesterday. There was red liquid everywhere. The creatures were laying on the floor. I poked one of them, but it didn't move at all. I wonder why. One of them had written 'help' on a paper. Strange, why would they need help? It's me who needs help, right? This place is getting creepier. It's so quiet here, as if someone came and silenced everything. How would that work?
I haven't seen my brother in ages. I hope he hasn't forgotten me. It seems like everyone forgets me. Even my girlfriend forgot me. I'm so lonely here. Why is no one talking? Can someone even tell me why I'm here for gods sake? Oh god, I feel like I've forgotten something again? What did I write yesterday? Why can't I read it? What was my brother's name? I'm sure I wrote it down yesterday, but the page is smudged. Why does this always happen? I literally just pass out and the next morning the pages are ripped or smudged.
9. X. XXXX
Dear diary, this will be my last entry it seems like. I can already hear the sirens coming closer. I remember now. I remember everything.
How did this happen you might ask? Well, I remembered my name. It was written on a tiny bloodstained paper. Eíríkur Steilsson, that's my name. I have two brothers, Lukas and Matthias. I never had a girlfriend named Natalya. Natalya was the girl I murdered, my last victim before getting sent to the asylum. I killed them, I killed all the workers and patients here, I killed Lukas and Matthias, Tino and Berwald. There were never any creatures in this room, just the ghosts of the guards. The giggling, I never realised that was me. The pages in this book are all covered with the blood of my victims it seems like. I must've put Natalya's bow in my pocket after I killed her, which would explain the blood.
I managed to read my old entries. I knew it, I'm insane. The smell of rotting flesh came from the bodies around me that I couldn't see. I always thought I passed out after writing in my diary, but in reality, I didn't. I sat here, in my room, laughing. I was scared of myself without even realising it. How did I not realise or remember that I killed them? Oh god, I hear people yelling. The sirens really hurt my ears. Someone please help me. I don't want to be locked up in a cell again. I'm going to die. I don't want to die. To be fair, I doubt any of my victims wanted to die either. That's their problem. They are dead, I'm still alive. I still have a chance. They never had one. Heh, I'm being selfish again. That's nothing new. It's selfish to take another humans life, but in the end, why does it even matter? We all die anyway. This was just faster. In the end, what's the difference between dying naturally and getting killed? I guess I can never understand that. Do I even need to understand? What is understanding death? I doubt it's even possible. Heh, I guess I won't be alone any longer. That's not even a good thing anymore. Nothing is good or bad. What's the line between good or bad? Is there even a line? More questions with no answers. It seems like I like those. I always have some unanswered questions, but I'm sure everyone does. I'm not that special in the end.
I wonder, what does Lukas think of this? Of me, his dear little brother being a murderer? I doubt he likes the idea. Who could've thought that innocent little Eíríkur would be something that society fears?
I guess I have to stop now. They are trying to open the door. I guess I'm lucky it's locked. How did I even lock it? Doubt it's possible, though everything seems possible right now.
I guess this is goodbye, dear diary.
Thank you so much for reading this story. I do hope it's not too bad. Critique is gladly accepted.
I started to write this story yesterday when I found some kind of writing prompt on Instagram. That resulted in this strange mess that I really don't know the idea of.
This story isn't that long since I ran out of ideas, but surprisingly this is probably my longest one, which is pretty sad.