A/N: I don't own "Teen Titan" or any other well know thing that may be mentioned in my fic. just so you know…
Depths of Understanding
"Aaahh… my favorite pupil…" A low gravelly voice says with the cruelest of cues.
A ghostly white hand trails a, relatively thin, thumb over a smooth mocha jaw line and down the young woman's neck. As she tries to back away, the hand quickly wraps bony claws around the back of her neck in vice-like grip. Unable to move, the girl's lips tremble as she whispers "N-no"; as the significantly older man forcefully trusts her into a violent kiss.
"Nooo!!!" Bumble Bee shoots up in bed and shouts hoarsely. Her breathing is erratic, eyes are wide, and her face is drenched with sweat and tears. She clutches her sheets and closes her eye until the panic subsides. Every once and a while she'll let a few breathy sobs escape before her breathing gets to a normal pace.
She's done this before, off and on for about six months now. "why are you still here… you're dead! I'm done with you!" she thought referring to the dream, or rather the man in it. But she'd sit like that for an hour at least. Even though it had been month since she took command of Titans East, she still secretly fears that her time here with the Titans was all a dream. That it was an implanted memory, or something her mind made up to deal with the realization that; for the last year and a half she had been unknowingly, and repeatedly raped by megalomaniac. A man who would just as soon shoot every student he had in the face, as he would bat an eye. If it meant getting closer to glory. She runs a hand over her face, remembering of the day Blood's mental hold started to slip.
flashback: The seniors were doing some field training and had been told to include tear gas during the battle. They had actually made the substance earlier that day in the chem-lab, from scratch. Then they made little bombs for the field exercise (capture the flag); which bumble happened to be ambushed with. The gas whofted around her stinging her eyes and throat, making her sick to her stomach. She was pissed she got caught off guard so easily, and determined not to fall. So she gritted her forcing way the pain and in turn gaining a new level of mental resolve. She pushed herself through the gas, several students, and five more yards goal. She was the BEST, there was no question! After her victory and a bout of coughing & puking, she was sent to the infirmary. In those bouts her head spun and memories of past exercises seemed to falter. Those being replaced by flashes of Brother Blood doing… the unthinkable. And as soon as she heard his voice from the intercom/phone on the wall, an uncanny sense of fear shot through her. That brought about with it a short involuntary sob. She regains a little composure, hoping the nurse didn't hear it or would it off as a reaction to the tear gas. The head master had requested to see her, for a "bi-weekly evaluation". Afterward she shook what event he had planted from her mind. She quickly made her way to her dorm room, dropped to the floor and sobbed until her eyes felt like they were going to bleed.
end flash
No one knew about what happened at the academy, and she wasn't planning on telling anyone anytime soon. She couldn't bare the thought of her team taking pity on her. She didn't want them to think she was weak.
She couldn't take it anymore, and if she wants to stop the on slat of horrible "what-ifs" from bubbling up; like they always do. She'd have to do something quickly the last thing she needs is another panic attack. Plus the nausea and feeling that Blood could turn the corner at any moment, had just started to subside. I gotta get outta here… she breathes to herself. Letting a final, long , decisive huff escape and wills herself out of bed. In doing so she casts the white cotton sheet and, light blue and yellow tie-dye blanket, to the foot of the bed.
She unconsciously brushes stray ringlet behind her ear as she makes her way across the room. Noticing herself in the mirrored door of her armoire she chuckles a bit at her reflection with mild unease. Her hair was in two slightly frayed French-braids on the back of her head. Then ending with two tuffs of tiny ringlets stopping just above the base of her neck. That wasn't what had bothered her. It was how overtly busty, and well endowed in the butt department she looks in her bed clothes. "What possessed her to buy everyone jammies? What possessed me to keep them?" She shakes her head as she remembers Starfire joyfully presenting her new friends with "warming-of-the-home" gifts. Star did that shortly after the repairs were done on the tower, after beating Blood. While all the boys had received flannel boxers, she was given a low cut, baby yellow camisole and a pair of Jersey pajama shorts. The top has spaghetti straps and was an empress cut. So it's comfortably snug up top but plumed out to her hip. It made her look like Lindsey Lohan in a baby doll style dress before she got sickly thin. But that doesn't bug her as much as the shorts do. Though the light grey shorts were comfy and unrestricting, they took the concept of "short" shorts to heart. In fact, she was sure there was probably only an inch and a half of fabric between the hem and the crease of her cheeks. Which is made more apparent when one isn't exactly suffering from the Lack-a-ass syndrome.
Bumble Bee stretches and yawns a bit, continuing towards the door.
She slips out of her room. Check both sides of the hall for anyone that might still be up, she highly doubts anyone but her could be up at this hour. Considering the twelve hour they put in with CSI and then the district SWAT team, she was petty confident she wouldn't run into someone tonight. Even so, she opts for the heightened stealth of flight just in case. No way was she going to let anyone catch her in this outfit and with reddened, tear-drained eyes. She flies to the roof and to the shoreline, where she lets a passing breeze rolling off the bay wash over her.
Sitting on a large rock, Bee lets her mind wonder aimlessly. As she watches the tide a fleeting thought whispers " You could end this pain… you could walk right in there and the thought of him won't ever hurt you again." It's almost immediately dismissed with a scoff. "I wouldn't give that sick bastard the satisfaction!" she says to herself with great distain.
"Can't sleep?" Bee damn near jumps out of her skin at the sound of Aqualad's voice. "What are you doing here?!" she snaps. She hadn't meant it to come out like that but he caught her off guard. "Sorry, you scared me." Aqualad smiles slightly
"I'm to stressed to sleep so I swam a bit, but I could ask you the same" She clears her throat and starts to hastily head back to the tower. She can't seem to muster up a witty line to cover her fragility and she sure as hell isn't going to tell him the truth. "Bee! Wait!" For some reason she stops, which surprises them both. Aqualad catches up to her and looks visibly concerned. "What's wrong?" he's now a bit puzzle by the fact that she won't look at him.
"I'm fine…" she says in a low whisper like voice. He smirks with a huff disbelief. "Obviously not, and that attempt to flee doesn't help your argument." He walks around, in order to face her but she turns away.
"I said I'm fine." she retorts with feigned exasperation. The proximity in which they were standing seriously starts to mess with what little composure she can maintain. She can't look him in the to reassure him, and if she stay or he comes any closer she's sure she'll break. Just as she's about to leave again the Atlantian calls after her with notable frustration.
"Bullshit, now tell me the truth!" The young woman whirls around in response to his challenge and glares at him.
"Drop it." she commands. Aqualad straightens his posture in defiance.
"No, as your second in command, I'm obligated to try to resolve any issues that might effect the team." Bumble Bee shifts her weight and folds her arms, now quite annoyed by the past exchanges. "This doesn't effect the team, and it doesn't matter."
"Yes it does, on both accounts." he snaps back at her. "If it didn't, you wouldn't seclude yourself from us with the exception of missions. Nor would you be so quick to snap at any and every little thing. You haven't been alright since the drug bust last week, admit it! I mean, I'm sorry some got a few cheap shots in on you. No one can dodge every bow or catch every crook, but don't take it out on us."
"You know what, FUCK YOU!!" By now her mask had shattered. Her voice wavers as she speaks, her eyes were welling with tears. "I'm SORRY if I'm a little on edge around you and I'm SORRY if I'm not as perky as your use to. But YOU weren't in that ally. YOU didn't see the look in his eyes! That sick fucker I almost killed was going to rape me! He was going to rape me like…" She catch herself just before the words can leave her lips.
Aqualad stand in shock as he watch his, normally fearless, leader's face twist in teary pain; as she trembles an withers to the ground. He kneels beside her and tries to give a comforting hand but she abruptly shrinks away. "Don't touch me. Don't…" She's interrupts her by gathering her in his arms. At that point she can't help but unravel completely. Wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his collar, she unabashedly balls her eyes out. The young atlantian is at loss for words. He can seem to do nothing but hold his distraught friend close to him as she purges her psyche, against his damp shirt. ~Oh God I wish I had known… How long has she kept this secret? Who did this to her…? What do I do now?~ all those thoughts and hundreds more rush through his mind. He begins to rock her unconsciously. Only just realizes it after he feels her frame heave less and her sobbing fade to the occasional whimper.
As the young woman's sporadic breaths return to a rhythmic pace, Aqualad finds that Bumble Bee has cried herself to the point of exhaustion. Bumble Bee moans inquisitively. Though she's half asleep, she notices him shifting their position and carrying her off. She gives off a few apprehensive huff but is quieted as he cradles her closer.
"It's ok Karen, I've got you." he says as the head back to the tower. It feels strange to speak her real name. Though he has known it for a little while now, he has never actually said it out loud. But part of him has always wanted to, as if having her hear it could make her relax a bit. Freeing her from the demanding role of " Leader" or even "Bumble Bee" for just a moment. And until recently, he was afraid she was turning into Robin. ~ Lord knows we only need one.~
Now that they've reached the tower he rearranges his, now completely comatose, leader's body so that he can open the door. He take the elevator to the floor where their rooms are. As quietly as he can he ventures out of the elevator and down the hall, all while praying he doesn't drop her. Though he's physically twice as strong as most humans, fatigue is setting in and Bee was getting heavy. But he didn't want to slow down and possibly bump into someone. That would only lead to an awkward and carefully worded explanation. One he isn't really prepared to give. He enters a room with very basic furnishings. There's a desk and a chair against the wall to the left, a wooden dresser and a bed against the back wall. Aqualad carefully lowers the girl onto the bed. He bushes a few stray curls back toward her hairline. Gazing at Bee's now peaceful face and he is unable to resist the urge to kiss her. He leaves a light lingering peck on her forehead. "I'm so sorry…" he breathes as his lip hover over her skin. His heart aches for her in her anguish. Yet wells up with something else as he stares at her while she sleeps. He starts to back away and hesitates, the words on his lips can't go unsaid any longer. "I love you" and with he strokes her face again; slumping to the floor beside the bed. He succumbs to a much needed rest as the first rays of dawn bleed over the horizon.