DISCLAIMER: As we all know, Sunrise owns My-HiME and its characters. Warner Brothers Records owns Madonna's song and the title (which is the only thing I borrowed). The ONLY thing I own, well, actually co-own with ManiazAzn, is this fan fiction series. Please do not sue.
A/N: The one word in the English language that can cause catastrophic results in certain circumstances is the word 'Goodbye.'
ManiazAzn asked me to write something specific. Normally, I do not take requests, but after ManiazAzn suggested a joint effort, I was intrigued and wrote the first chapter. If you want to see this continued as a series, be nice to ManiazAzn for the next chapter.
Here is my contribution to the "Season of Angst."
The Power of Goodbye
"Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest, and feels the strongest." – Anonymous
Two years have passed since Shizuru confessed her feelings to Natsuki. Shizuru was in her second year at University and Natsuki was in her first. When Natsuki first approached Shizuru about being roommates, the older woman was so thrilled; she failed to consider the consequences.
They were seated at their kitchen table having dinner together, just as they did every single night. Well, every single night Natsuki didn't have a date. Those nights, Shizuru ate alone in tormented agony. Tonight, Natsuki was very animated as she related an occurrence from earlier that day.
"So, I told him I didn't think you would want to double date," Natsuki said.
"Ara? Double date with whom?" Shizuru asked confused.
"Oi Shizuru! Don't you listen to me?" Natsuki asked frustrated.
"Kannin na my Natsuki," Shizuru apologized.
"Takeda wanted to know if you would go on a double date with him and me," Natsuki said.
"Would my Natsuki be my date?" Shizuru teased lightly.
"Shi-zu-ru…your date would be Reito, of course," Natsuki said exasperated.
"Oh," Shizuru said softly.
"Why would you think…?" Natsuki began and stopped after Shizuru's words finally registered.
Shizuru's head was down and her eyes tightly shut, trying desperately to hold back the tears welling in her eyes. Natsuki silently stared helplessly at Shizuru, at a complete loss for words to comfort her best friend.
"Shizuru, we're best friends. The very best friends and I don't want to wreck it," Natsuki said finally.
"How could my Natsuki "wreck" it?" Shizuru asked, using Natsuki's word.
"You know how terrible I am with commitments? I don't have it in me," Natsuki admitted sheepishly.
"My Natsuki has been able to commit to our friendship for years," Shizuru countered.
"That's different," Natsuki said.
"How?" Shizuru asked a bit upset.
"I don't have to do anything. It's just always there. You're always there," Natsuki answered.
Shizuru sat staring at Natsuki, her eyes wide from the shock of Natsuki's words.
"What?" Natsuki asked.
All Shizuru could manage was to shake her head at Natsuki. Shizuru could feel the tears about to fall, so she excused herself and ran into her bedroom. Natsuki sat at the table stunned. After a bit, Natsuki finally went to check on Shizuru. Natsuki knocked on Shizuru's bedroom door and got no response. She tried to turn the door knob, but it was locked.
"Shizuru? Are you okay?" Natsuki asked through the door.
Natsuki tried to get a response from Shizuru for several more minutes, to no avail. She finally gave up and went back to the kitchen to clean up.
In the residence shared by Chie and Aoi, they were studying. Well, Aoi was trying to study, while Chie busied herself with trying to distract her best friend.
"Chie! Stop all this nonsense and study," Aoi said exasperated.
"Aoi, come on, let's go have some fun," Chie begged and gave Aoi her best 'puppy dog eyes.'
"No, we need to study," Aoi said firmly, keeping her eyes closed so she didn't see Chie's 'puppy dog eyes.'
"Why? You're brilliant and I already finished all my homework," Chie flashed her most charming smile at Aoi.
Aoi did her best to ignore Chie. After a bit, Chie finally gave up, flopped back on her bed, took off her glasses, and draped her arm across her eyes. Aoi looked at Chie and a tear rolled down Aoi's cheek. The young woman's heart was breaking. Aoi spent the last year in torment as she searched her soul for the correct answer to her dilemma.
After waiting several years for Chie, Aoi finally decided it was time to say goodbye to her hopes of being more to Chie than her best friend. All the years of waiting and dropping hints so obvious a blind woman could see them, finally wore out Aoi's seemingly infinite patience. Chie always either ignored them or dodged them.
"Chie?" Aoi said.
"Hmmm?" Chie answered.
"I…I just wanted to let you know…," Aoi stammered as she felt her courage quickly abandoning her.
Chie, sensing Aoi was trying to tell her something important, sat up, put on her glasses, and gave her best friend her undivided attention.
'Oh no, I should have said it before Chie sat up. How can I tell her with her looking at me like that?' Aoi thought.
"What is it Aoi?" Chie asked concerned.
"I have a date tomorrow night, so I won't be able to have dinner with you," Aoi blurted out quickly.
Chie sat blinking rapidly at Aoi, completely stunned by the news.
"Chie?" Aoi asked.
"A-a-ah yeah…that's g-g-great," Chie sputtered, still stunned.
"Oh," Aoi said sadly.
Chie sat staring at Aoi for several minutes before excusing herself and leaving their residence. She ran down the hallway and bolted out the door. Chie ran and ran, until her lungs begged for a reprieve. She collapsed to her knees in the campus garden. After catching her breath, she got up and sat on a bench under a Sakura tree. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she clenched her fists tightly.
"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?? WHY THE HELL DOES SHE HAVE A DATE?? WHO THE HELL IS THIS GUY??" Chie yelled up to the sky.
'My life is over,' Chie thought, 'Without Aoi, my life is over. I love her SO much! Why didn't I tell her?? Because I'm thick-headed, that's why. No, that's not entirely true. Yes, I can be thick sometimes, but not this time. Fear, plain and simple, kept me from confessing to Aoi.'
The air suddenly turned bitter cold and bit into Chie, so she reluctantly returned to the residence she shared with her best friend. Luckily for Chie, Aoi was asleep by the time Chie returned. Aoi had cried herself to sleep.
The next day, classes at University hummed along as usual for all but four of the student body. Shizuru left an hour earlier than usual, so she wouldn't have to see Natsuki that morning. Chie left an hour later than usual, so she wouldn't have to face Aoi. Natsuki spent the better part of her day searching for Shizuru, who managed to avoid her best friend. Aoi spent the better part of her day avoiding Chie.
Natsuki usually met Shizuru under the Sakura tree in the campus garden for lunch, but not today. Shizuru did not show up, but she watched Natsuki from a window in the Student Council Room. Her heart ached as she watched Natsuki continually search each face that passed as the younger woman ate her lunch. Shizuru knew Natsuki was looking for her, but the elder woman couldn't bring herself to face the younger woman. Shizuru felt as if her heart had been shattered into a million pieces.
An hour after Natsuki left the bench, Shizuru slowly made her way to it with her lunch. All day, she felt as though she were walking through sand. She sat down on the bench, opened her lunch, and stared at it. A few moments later, a familiar voice brought Shizuru out of her lunch trance.
"Interesting lunch?" Chie joked lightly.
Shizuru slowly looked up from her lunch with tears in her eyes.
"Fujino-san! What's wrong?" Chie exclaimed and quickly sat next to Shizuru.
"Harada-san, it is nothing you need be concerned with," Shizuru assured.
"Fujino-san, I would like to help," Chie said gently.
Shizuru looked into the renowned campus jester's eyes, searching for any signs to the contrary, but was unable to find any.
"Ookini Harada-san," Shizuru said.
"Please call me Chie," she said.
"Then please address me as Shizuru," she said.
The two women sat looking into each other's eyes. Each one was searching for answers, but more importantly, comfort.
"Kuga-san?" Chie asked.
Upon hearing Natsuki's name, the fragile dam holding back Shizuru's tears finally gave way and she began to weep into her hands. Chie's heart went out to Shizuru and she moved closer to the weeping woman. She moved Shizuru's lunch to a safer place than the other woman's lap.
"Shizuru, what happened?" Chie asked.
Shizuru just wept louder, so Chie wrapped her arm around Shizuru's shaking shoulders. Shizuru turned, buried her face in the front of Chie's shirt, and wrapped her arms tightly around Chie's waist. The front of Chie's shirt was quickly becoming soaked with Shizuru's tears. Chie wrapped her arms around the weeping woman, whispered comforting words, and began to gently stroke the back of Shizuru's head.
"Ookini Chie," Shizuru mumbled into the front of Chie's wet shirt.
Chie lifted Shizuru's chin up and looked down into crimson eyes drowning in tears. The two women looked deep into each other's eyes. Chie smiled weakly, trying desperately to hold back her own tears. Purely on instinct, she leaned down and captured Shizuru's lips with her own in a brief, but firm kiss.
Chie looked in Shizuru's eyes, now wide with shock. Shizuru blinked a few times and after a bit, smiled in acknowledgment. She closed her eyes, leaned up, and returned a brief, but firm kiss.
Shizuru laid the side of her head back on Chie's chest and gave a quick squeeze. She smiled and relished in the warm comfort of Chie's arms. Chie bent down and kissed the top of Shizuru's head. Shizuru raised her head and looked into Chie's eyes. Chie cupped Shizuru's cheek with her warm hand. Shizuru pressed her cheek into Chie's hand and closed her eyes.
Chie leaned down and kissed Shizuru's lips again. This time, it was a sweet, gentle, lingering kiss. Shizuru slowly opened her eyes and saw Chie's eyes were closed. Confusion and heartache danced a deadly dance in Shizuru. She wrapped her arms around Chie's neck and deepened the kiss. The two women sat under the Sakura tree kissing in a desperate need for comfort, rather than passion. It just didn't appear that way to anyone watching them.
From a window in the Student Council Room, green eyes intently watched the two women, as the flames of jealousy licked at the young woman's heart.
A heartbreaking wail soared through the halls from one of the women's restrooms, as another woman sat in a stall with her face buried in her hands.