Summary: The death of a loved one is always a difficult thing to move on from, but written memories might be the first step in doing so.

Warnings: Angst, Yaoi.

Disclaimer: I do not own.

Prologue

The youth sighed softly, gazing out at the night sky, mesmerised by the stars that twinkled above him and sparkled with an intensity that mirrored the passion within his own heart. Intense ruby red eyes were suddenly hidden by the sweep of thick eyelashes as he closed his eyes, relishing in the cool breeze that wrapped around him, almost seeming to caress him in a loving, maternal embrace. Silken strands of silver and royal blue hair flittered about his flawless face harmlessly, letting off the tiniest scent of blueberries; sweet and pure – innocent.

"... Kai?"

The sound of his name jerked him out his reverie, the peace of the moment broken. Opening his eyes, Kai turned to the source of the voice, a frown marring his features somewhat as he fought back an impatient sigh, wishing he could've been left alone for just a little while longer. "What do you want Bryan?"

The platinum haired man scowled, annoyance flitting across his features briefly as he gazed upon the younger man, warm lilac eyes appraising the lean figure balancing dangerously on the edge of the windowsill. "It's late. You should get some sleep."

With a blank look, Kai turned back towards the sky, shrugging his shoulders slightly. "I'm not tired." He hoped that his disinterest would deter the other man and coax him into leaving, but knowing the stubborn nature of the other, it was somewhat futile. True to his predictions, Bryan moved further into his room, stopping barely a few steps away from his comfortable perch.

"Kai ... you can't keep doing this to yourself ..." the softness and understanding within his words surprised Kai, eyes widening just the slightest.

Turning back slowly, ruby red eyes met subtle lilac. Concern highlighted the older man's features, eyebrows pulling down into a small frown and warm chocolate eyes smouldering with emotion and care. Kai felt a small shudder wracking his frame at the expression, arms crossing over his chest in a meagre show of defence. It didn't go unnoticed as Bryan sighed softly a second later, blinking slowly and shaking his head minutely, tearing his eyes away from Kai's and staring down at the floor forlornly. "You can't keep blaming yourself ..."

A bitter smile twisted Kai's lips, "Well it sure makes me feel better ..."

"But why?"

The soft inquisition provoked a melancholy sigh from Kai who shivered and turned away from Bryan's imploring eyes and towards the darkness beyond his window. "... Because then there's no chance of me forgetting him ..."

Bryan frowned, coming forward, his feet barely making a sound on the carpeted floor. "But you'd never forget him anyway."

"... I could ..."

A soft understanding sigh filled the air. "Kai ..."

Swallowing thickly, Kai tensed up, hot tears stinging the back of his eyes as his emotions threatened to consume him. Memories flickered before his eyes in quick succession, reminding him of the happiness he had felt, the joy and fulfilment of his life. Shuddering at the onslaught, he rocked back, hugging his arms to his chest and closed his eyes, biting his bottom lip in an attempt to rein in his emotions. "Bryan, stop..."

Heedless to the warning, Bryan advanced closer, the words he'd been dying to say falling off his lips without a second thought. "No one could forget him – and to be honest how could we? He was our brother, a part of our family, your lover, your boyfriend, your soul mate. Kai, you loved him ... there's no chance you'll ever forget him." Reaching out warily, broad, muscular arms wrapped around Kai's shaking form from behind, and when he wasn't pushed away, he pressed forward until the younger man's slim frame melted against his chest.

"I nearly did, I al-"

"That wasn't your fault, Kai."

"He doesn't know! He doesn't know how much I loved hi-"

"He knew, Kai. He knew."

Voice thick with emotion, Kai shook his head, swallowing harshly, "... But I never got to tell him ..."

Sobs wracking his slim frame, Kai nestled into the strong, protective embrace, burying his face in a strong arm as tears trailed down his cheeks. All the pain and heart-ache, the guilt and despair left his mind in the form of crystalline tears. Through the gasps and sobs, his soft voice kept a litany of apologies. "I'm sorry ... I'm so sorry ... I'm sorry Bry ... I tried. I tried so hard to stop it from happening ... I should've known ... I should've known ... I should've stopped!"

A pained look touched Bryan's features as he hugged the younger man tighter to his chest, trying to pour as much love and affection as he could into a simple embrace that seemed to be the only thing holding them both in reality instead of the potentially dangerous downward spiral of complete despair. He didn't even notice the tears that trailed down his own cheeks as he comforted the distraught youth in his arms. He wanted more than anything to alleviate the pain and the burden that he knew the other to be carrying, regardless of his own fears and worries. "Shh, Kai ... it's fine. It'll be fine..."

Looking out at the night sky, Bryan shook his head before leaning down to place a fleeting kiss against the top of Kai's head. 'Oh Tala ... you have no idea how much Kai misses you ... how much we all miss you ..."

.x.