LokiXReader One-shot
Hey guys! This fic was inspired by the song Can You Feel My Heart by Bring Me The Horizon, so if you want to listen to that song while reading it might improve your experience. So this isn't my first story but it's the first story I've written for this account so enjoy!
Can You Feel My Heart
You've done this a million times. How many more can you take?
Can you hear the silence?
Can you see the dark?
You're sitting on the bathroom floor, blade on the counter, blood slowly dripping down your thigh. You have to cut in a place he won't see. He'll force you to stop if he realizes what you've been doing. He'll learn that you haven't been "accidentally" cutting your legs when shaving.
Can you fix the broken?
Can you feel... can you feel my heart?
You can't let that happen.
After the floor and counter are free of any trace of blood, you look in the mirror and grimace. How can he possibly want to be with someone like you? Your eyes are drained of emotion, less than perfect body. He must be stringing you along. There just has to be some gorgeous goddess in Asgard that he secretly sees.
It's illogical to think that he actually cares.
You wipe your eyes with a damp cloth and scrub your face, hoping to wash away any trace of depression. It's useless.
He's the most receptive person you've ever met. He's been acting different lately. Quieter than usual.
He knows.
You start to panic. He can't know. Did he see it in your eyes? Your extremely forced smile? Maybe it was the way you gripped him tighter when he held you, as if it was the last time you would ever see him. You never know. That Asgardian goddess could be lurking in the shadows, waiting until you let your guard down. Then...
BAM.
He'll be gone, and you'll be alone.
Again.
You walk out of the bathroom. He has a confused look on his face as he looks out the window of your room. Before he even looks at you, you know. Something's wrong.
"What took so long?" He asks, in a completely innocent voice.
His previously confused face, now emotionless. His eyes are boring into you.
"I...cut my leg when I was shaving." You attempt to match his expression and hope that he can't hear your heart crack the slightest bit with his Asgardian abilities.
"Really?" He narrows his eyes. "That's the third time this week."
You fake laugh and shake your head. "Yeah, I'm such a klutz."
He doesn't take his gaze off you but his expression softens ever so slightly.
"Be more careful."
Can you help the hopeless?
Well, I'm begging on my knees,
Can you save my bastard soul?
Will you wait for me?
He's got his slender pale arms loosely wound around your midsection while you both lay in bed. His chin in between your neck and shoulder and legs intertwined with yours.
This is nice.
You start to drift off until you feel his grip tighten and the inhale of his breath.
"You know what's odd?" He whispers.
You just hum and close your eyes.
"I found this red substance in the bathroom this afternoon."
Your eyes shoot open and you feel yourself tense. He doesn't wait for you to respond before continuing.
"I thought, 'This can't possibly be what I think it is. I haven't recently been harmed and... neither have you.' but then I thought about it some more and I started watching you more closely. Have you recently injured your leg? I didn't think so, but for some strange reason...you have a limp."
You feel your heart pounding in your chest.
Can you help the hopeless?
Well, I'm begging on my knees,
You open your mouth to speak but are cut off by him climbing off the bed and pulling you to the edge.
"What are you-"
ZIP!
Your pants are off. In one swift motion he's just removed your pants.
You panic and jump off the bed to snatch them off the floor. He stops you and gently pushes you back down. His hand slides down to your leg and you're waiting for him to be pissed.
Silence.
Can you save my bastard soul?
Will you wait for me?
He's found your scars and fresh wounds, but he's not saying anything. His eyes are mixed in a swirl of anger and sadness. You never thought it was possible for the two to go together. He narrows his eyes and finally looks at you.
"Why?"
It's a simple question. Why have you been harming yourself? Do you tell the truth or try to cover it up again? He'll eventually figure out the truth, so what's the point in hiding? Chances are he'll just leave you once you tell him. Won't want to be with such a weak little girl.
I'm sorry brothers,
So sorry lover,
It's about time. You've been trying to find an excuse to end it, that would work.
Forgive me father,
I love you mother.
"I'm sick."
He shakes his head as if to reject what you've said.
"I sense no illness."
Sigh.
"It's a mental illness."
His face softens with understanding. Although he still looks unsatisfied.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
You fix your gaze on the chair across the room, anything but to look into those gorgeous green eyes that will no doubt be filled with pain.
"It's all an act, isn't it?"
His eyes widen, but you still don't see them. He pulls his hands away from your scars and cups your face, forcing you to look at him.
"I love you."
A tear slides down your cheek and he gently presses his lips on yours.
"You can't...it's...illogical."
He chuckles. He actually chuckles. You wait for him to throw you to the ground and spit in your face, but he just smiles at you.
"I've never thought there was much logic in love. Besides, you do this because you think I am tricking you? If anything is illogical, it is that."
"I do this because it helps." You give a pathetic explanation. Not even trying to hide behind a fake smile, or fake laugh.
"If harming yourself helps you feel better is logical in your mind, maybe you are ill."
He moves to sit next to you on the bed.
"Let me help you." He whispers and wipes another tear.
Can you hear the silence?
Can you see the dark?
Your body starts shaking and you shake your head. You can't find words as he sighs and pulls you back to bed. Wrapping himself around your body and kissing your head.
"I love you."
Does he really mean it? You think back to what he said. Is this even logical? Why would he stay with you for so long, just to leave you? Maybe he wants you to suffer. You jump in realization. You're an idiot.
"Do you mean it?" He nods slightly and hums.
You're such an idiot. Were you really so blinded by your insecurities that you let the fact that the God of Mischief himself is laying in bed with you pass you by? You look up and see his eyes glowing down at you.
"Thank you." You whisper.
He runs his hands through your hair and you slowly start the descent into the dark abyss called slumber. Forget the scars. Loki Laufeyson loves you. What else matters?
Can you fix the broken?
Can you feel... can you feel my heart?
I hope you enjoyed it, I had to be very vague due to the fact that everyone is different and I wanted anyone to be able to put themselves in the girl's position. I know the dangers and wrongness of self harm and do not encourage anyone to take part in it, however, I would like to stress that if you know someone is harming themselves, don't scold them, or get angry. Try to understand what they're going through and be there for them. Thanks guys!
XOXOmy-chemical-authorXOXO