A/N
I really enjoyed "The Darkness Within" by Kurinoone the first time I read it. And the second time. By the third time, I was starting to see holes in the narrative. I've just given up on my fourth re-read.
The main problem I have with this fic is Harry's behaviour. Put simply, he does not react like a kid raised by the Dark Lord. He is appropriately vicious in combat - the fight scenes are damn good - but then as soon as he's captured he goes all Hufflepuff. His secret plan for giving Gryffindors nightmares? Get chosen as Gryff Seeker and throw their games. Not, y'know, get hold of the home addresses of his muggleborn housemates and have their families murdered. No, Quidditch is the obvious weapon of choice for an aspiring Dark Prince.
Oh, and then there's the Potter family interactions. Frankly, if I were the Dark Lord and discovered that my heir was this whiny, I'd AK the bugger and start looking for a replacement.
An alternative story that IMO handles this a bit better is "In The Darkness" by Roeschen. In this one, Harry is suitably dark right up until he falls for Ginny - after raping her :(
The major bone I have to pick with *this* fic is not the rape. That's a realistic depiction of civil warfare. No, what bothers me is that Ginny doesn't subsequently hate the bastard forever - the degree of Stockholm syndrome on display here is very nearly as disturbing as the rape itself. Basically, every time someone Favorites this story, God kills a feminist.
There's definitely a gap in the market here. And if I had the skill, I'd fill it. Until then, here's a story fragment.
- OMAM -
From "Of Plots And Prophecy: a public lecture by Frozemius Wibble"
[...] And so it came to pass that, aided by the duplicitous babysitter Pettigrew, the Dark Lord strode unopposed into the house at Godric's Hollow. He climbed the stairs to Harry Potter's bedroom, walked into the room where the innocent child slept, raised his wand, and..
By the nature of things we cannot know what would have happened in that moment if He Who Must Not Be Named had chosen to fire his signature Killing Curse at the baby. However, it would assuredly not have been pleasant... for the Dark Lord. For, in addition to the Fidelius Charm on the house, the noted Charms Mistress Lily Potter had warded her son's room with the first - and at that time only - Unforgiveable Trap, the ward that won her so much subsequent acclaim.
The magical backlash when this ward was triggered would have stripped the life from You Know Who's ritual-scarred body and cast him into the darkness. Spared this gruesome fate, the Dark Lord simply cast his Mark into the sky, picked up the child, and walked away.
For tho months the Potters mourned their lost son as dead. Then, as the New Year dawned, He Who Must Not Be Named made an unprecedented public announcement: that Harry Potter was his prophesied adversary, the only wizard who could kill him, and that he had chosen to raise the child as his own. By keeping the boy alive and docile he would ensure his immortality.
The magical world exploded with the news, and the political upheaval was vast. Supreme Mugwump Albus Dumbledore, the prophecy's recipient, was forced practically at wandpoint to reveal its full text, confirming the public's worst fears. His earlier reticence counting against him, the secretive warlock was quickly forced out of his political positions, retaining only the Headmastership of Hogwarts.
Over the next two years a series of retrieval attempts were launched, each more hapless and ill-fated than the last. A significant war chest was wasted pursuing Harry Potter's freedom, spies in the Dark Lord's camp were forced into recklessness and unmasked, and many good Aurors died horribly in failed assaults on Death Eater fortifications.
Finally, in an apparent attempt to be seen as doing something - anything! - the Minstry of Magic changed tactics. They began a programme of assassination, hiring mercenaries and freelancers to murder the boy. Their rationale was that by this point Harry (who, you will recall, was still just four years old) would certainly have been "corrupted" by the Dark Lord's teaching, and was lost to the cause of the Light. Once he was dead, with the prophecy abrogated, the Aurors would be able to target You Know Who directly.
This policy backfired spectacularly and predictably. Not only did the Ministry not regain the public trust by its attempts - and ultimate failure - to kill a toddler, but their efforts are believed to have solidified the Dark Lord's hold on his putative son. It is rumoured that Harry Potter's first real memory was of fleeing a hail of curses from a Ministry assassin while his brave nurse laid down her life to save him. Any chance of the prophecy child seeking out the Light in later life was thus effectively snuffed.
And the Dark Lord laughed at the follies of men. Through the clear lens of hindsight, it is evident that he had foreseen this outcome from the day he spared the boy.
The game of cat-and-mouse continued for many years, over the period we now refer to as the Long Cold. During this time, it is widely believed that You Know Who could have taken the Ministry had he wished. However, in light of later revelations about his steps down the path of immortality, it should come as no surprise that the Dark Lord would devote a mere decade to neutering the prophecy of his downfall. The capture of Harry Potter may have rendered him functionally invincible, but it also created a single point of weakness, and the boy's protection and upbringing became his top priority. In short, the Dark Lord became risk-averse.
The lull ended in 1985, and the storm arrived. A routine terror strike by Death Eaters on Diagon Alley was joined by a strange child in dark robes, his green eyes glowing behind a blood-red mask. He was observed to personally slaughter four civilians, duel five fully-fledged Aurors to a standstill, and destroy two large buildings in their entirety. He left only rubble, bodies and terror in his wake.
The legend of the Bloody Son was born that day, and only grew as the young killer burned a trail of gory havoc across the country. The Dark Lord's heir, as dark as his adoptive father, had finally been unleashed upon the world. And we all trembled. [...]