I breathed out carefully and shut my eyes. What was I doing? I looked out the blurry frost covered window of my car and my eyes found a tall figure slumped to the ground outside his apartment building. The man had dark black hair and ice blue eyes that I recognized immediately. I bit my lip and then opened the door. Pulling my arms up folded against me, I walked over to House. Standing in front of him, I watched his bent over figure until he realized someone was watching him. He looked up at me, his eyes locking with mine. What I didn't expect was for him to be crying. The Gregory House crying! House never cried. Ever. I rushed over and slumped to the ground next to him, ignoring the cold that seeped into my bones. I put a hand on his shoulder.
"What's wrong, Gregory." There was no tiredness or coldness to my voice. It just held care.
"Nothing," he told me wiping away his tears impatiently and struggled to his feet.
"Apparently something is wrong. You don't cry, Greg, you never cry." you replied in the same tender tone. He turned away from you as a color tinted his cheeks. He looked down.
"Go back to Lucas, Lise. You don't have a reason to be out here. I do." he responded in a strangled tone as he took a couple steps away from me and looked up at the starlit sky.
"Actually, I do." I answered following him so that I stood next to him, shoulder to shoulder. I looked up at the sky, surprisingly you saw only one star in the sky.
"Oh, yeah... and what might that be?" asked House disbelievingly, yet he couldn't hide the curiosity that colored his tone. I didn't respond, I was much to afraid of what he might say when he found out that I lied. Instead, I stared hypnotized by the twinkling star.
"Star light, star bright...First star I see tonight...I wish I may... I wish I might... have this wish...i wish tonight. I wish I had never lied to Gregory four hours ago, and I wish I had told him the truth. That I'm more in love with him then he may never know, that I always have been and I will be in love with him forevermore. No matter what." I whispered softly.
If House had listened more carefully and heard her then they would have ended up kissing and eventually in bed with each others arms around each other as they drifted off to sleep. But he hadn't. He turned and walked away not seeing the tear that trickled down a very broken Lisa Cuddy's cheek.
She stared out into the sky, watching a whole different world where maybe "what if's" could come true. But in this world they didn't. In this world she was broken, alone, tired, and scared.
What if, "What if's" don't come true. What if you want them to?
Lisa turned and walked toward her car. If she had instead turned and went up to House's apartment then maybe she would have gotten there before the shot went off. Maybe she would have been in time to save him. Maybe she would have at least heard the final words he left with.
"Goodbye Lisa Cuddy. I shall forever love thee for the rest of eternity..."
Maybe she would have been able to be told the words she needed to hear from the man she love's mouth instead of reading them from the note he left behind.
But she didn't. So, instead, she raced up to his apartment after the shot and found House's dead body with a note written in quick brush script in his left hand. Instead she had to pry the note clutched I his still ironically warm fingers as tears raced down he cheeks.
Dearest Lisa,
I guess none of my dreams will ever be.
I always knew you'd be better off without me.
Take care of Rachel and tell jimmy I said goodbye.
Do me a favor and please don't cry.
I never really outright said this but I need you to hear,
that I am in love with you and always will be, my dear.
I maybe screwed up, a sarcastic, witty, jerk.
In the past is where I will always lurk,
for there is where I once had a chance,
to be the one with whom you would dance.
I will love you forever and ever no matter what
unconditional and irrevocable an with no 'but'
I cant make you love me and that's where I muck
I bid you goodbye, wish you happiness and good luck.
- Gregory House
Maybe if Lisa had gone up before she wouldn't have took the gun and put a bullet through her head. She wouldn't be lying next to House now both of them dead. And still with the note clutched tight n her hand was how all who had loved them found both of them dead. Now at least both will be together and happy. This was better than a much worst ending. Yet somehow this all seems like something was left undone. Like some words were never said and some deeds never done. Now the both lie up in heave together some how. Both of them happier than they ever were.
What if those "what if's" had come true? Than maybe we would all be happy instead of crying at there funeral today. They would both be alive if they had just done what they knew they were supposed to do. They played there hands and somehow got just a little less then luck. At least there both happy, there are things worse than dead. Yet somehow I wish those words left forgotten had been said.