Wings to Fly
For all of you who made it through.
Mikan took a deep breath. She looked at herself in the mirror. The cut on her upper lip almost healed, but it was still there. She touched it carefully – it did not sting anymore. At least not physically. It still hurt in her chest; the humiliation, fear, and anger. She felt angry, but at the same time she was so very afraid that every time it happened she froze and could not move on her own. Her brain shut down and her body started shaking, while the evil laughter surrounded her, pushed her either, down on the floor, or her head into a flushing toilet.
She opened her eyes and made a grimace at the memory – she did not even realize she closed them. Her hands were shaking. She did not want to go to school. She knew what – or better said who was waiting there for her. Maybe not today, but tomorrow, and the next day – and maybe not even for her, but Anna, her friend. She just wished they would leave her and the others alone. She wished she could go to school and feel happy about it. She wished she did not need to flinch and hide whenever she heard multiple footsteps walking towards her.
It was no use. She had to go. Her mother just came back from her night shift and was about to go to bed; tired and alone, as always. Being a nurse was a tough job, and Mikan did not want to cause problems for her hard-working mother. Not with an embarrassing matter as this. Her mother would be ashamed if she knew how weak her daughter was. What a coward she was. For not getting away from bullying.
Mikan blinked at her reflection in the mirror and sighed. Time to go. She walked out of her room in her freshly washed school uniform; she had to wash it yesterday, after one of them pushed her to the ground and pulled at her hair. Her beautiful hair – she was lucky no one cut it. She had it in a tight bun today, hopefully for the rest of the day. She noticed her mother standing up from the dining table where she had been eating breakfast.
''Morning.'' Mikan smiled. ''I'll put the stuff away. Go to bed, mum.'' She told her and started gathering the empty bowls that she prepared for her mother the evening before. She cooked her rice and made tempura, because it was almost her mother's birthday and she wanted to prepare something good for her whenever possible.
Yuka, her mother smiled at her tiredly hugged her, kissing her on the cheek. ''Thank you, Mikan. Did your lip heal? You're quite clumsy for hitting your face like that on the door.'' Mikan was glad her mother did not know the truth. She did not want to see worry on her mother's face.
''I'm your daughter, what do you expect?'' she joked and Yuka let her go with a weak laugh.
''Have fun in school.'' Yuka wished her, before walking into her bedroom to sleep. Mikan waited for the door to close and only then did her expression turn into its original form of sadness. ''I hope I will.'' She whispered, gathering her stuff and making her way towards the hellhole that was high school.
''Say, I'm sorry Miss Shouda. I will never bump into you again.'' Sumire Shouda threatened a petit dark-haired girl, while pushing her face roughly into the wall. She was smirking at her trembling victim, while her three other friends stood by and watched. At least two of them watched; Wakako Usami was giggling hysterically, enjoying the show, while Ruka Nogi starred at the poor girl with concern and pity. He was afraid of saying anything. The third person, Natsume Hyuuga on the other hand, did not watch. It was boring to watch, so he looked around a bit and here and there glanced at his phone.
''I-I'm so-sorry, Miss Sh-shouda. I will n-never b-bump into you again.'' Whispered Nonoko Osagawa, her face still smashed into the wall. She was so scared, but no one came to help her. Every student that passed by, glanced into their direction, but quickly averted his eyes and rushed forward, not wanting to get involved.
''Lauder! I can't hear you!'' Sumire pulled Nonoko's face back and then pushed it into the wall again. A few tears escaped Nonoko's eyes and she whimpered. ''I'm sorry, Miss Shouda. I will never bump into you again.'' She finally brought out without stuttering and was then pushed to the ground. Sumire stared down at the crying girl with cold eyes, hatred radiating from her posture. ''If it happens one more time…'' she left the words unfinished, stared at her victim for a moment longer and then walked away with her friends.
Nonoko cried like an infant and slowly stood up. That was the moment Mikan and her pink-haired friend Anna walked into school. When they noticed the girl near the wall, they quickly rushed towards their friend and helped her up.
''Let's get you cleaned.'' Anna whispered and took Nonoko's hand. She led her towards the loo, while Mikan stayed behind for a moment. She glanced at the laughing group of teens walking down the corridor and felt a sudden rush of anger. She detested those people. She abhorred them. She wished them all bad of the world and she would never regret it if one of them died.
She quickly turned away, once she noticed Natsume glancing and smirking her way. The bastard was the one who pushed her to the ground yesterday and pulled at her hair. Mikan quickly followed Anna and Nonoko and helped her friend clean up. Nonoko was shaking like a leaf on water and tears were running down her cheeks, while her two friends wet a small towel and wiped her face.
''I can't take it anymore.'' The dark-haired girl whispered. ''I can't take it anymore. I can't, I can't, I can't…'' she whimpered and sobbed into Mikan's arms. Mikan let her cry, knowing exactly how it felt. Sumire was the one who caused the nasty cut on her lip, when Mikan walked pass her and Sumire had been in a bad mood. The dark-green-haired girl had grabbed her arm and pushed her into the wall, screamed at her, and then slapped the frightened girl, while everyone around her either laughed or was too afraid to interfere.
Her lip was cut and Mikan had to make up an excuse for her mother; the teachers never asked what happened. They knew, but did nothing against it – because the majority of the bullies were children of wealthy people who invested much into the school. Of course, these parents had no idea what their spoiled children were doing at school, but then again, no one was brave enough to speak up. No one.
''Do you want to go home?'' Anna asked, but Nonoko shook her head. ''I can't. My dad has a day off. I can't let him see…'' Mikan and Anna looked at each other. They knew exactly what she meant. It was very stupid from their part, but they were too humiliated to tell their parents.
Mikan wiped Nonoko's face and Anna cleaned her uniform. She looked all right after a few minutes, but she became silent, with a blank expression. Mikan watched her in concern; they all became like that. No laughing, no smiling, no free spirit. They locked themselves in and did not have the courage to get out. Nonoko was the worst of them. She had always been a shy girl, a nice girl who helped if asked to. But she never spoke up and never argued, and that is what made her into a victim.
The three girls walked into the classroom and sat down. Mikan had felt very sorry for her friend, for she knew how it felt. She was desperate to do something, but whenever she should, her whole body froze.
The rest of the day passed without any big incidents. Of course, the girls heard that Mochiage, one of the boys locked Yuu Tobita into the janitor's closet, and that Kokoro Yome and Kitsumene beat up a boy, the name of which Mikan did not know, but that was normal. She did not know why they did it. She did not understand what was so fun in making others cry.
And the next day, when she walked into school without Anna or Nonoko; Anna had to come earlier because she had some business in the library, and Nonoko was late; it seemed that it was Mikan's turn again.
''You're lucky you don't wear any make-up, Sakura.'' Natsume growled above her with a smirk on his face, while he was pushing her face into a flushing toilet. He caught her in the corridor as she walked towards her classroom with a pile of books in her arms, and pushed her into the loo. He was alone this morning, and that meant suffering. If he had his friends around, they mostly made fun of her and pushed her, maybe Sumire slapped her; but if Natsume was alone, he liked to take his time. And not one of the bullies ever started on her or any girl for that matter by him- or herself – never. They had this strangely moral and unwritten rule that they attacked girls in a group, which meant less pain that one on one. But Natsume Hyuuga was an exception. At least when it came to her.
When he had the chance, he tortured her by himself. Either he flushed her face in the toilet, pulled at her hair so much it hurt, or pushed her into a wall, whispering threats into her ear and gripping her shoulders. She did not know why he did that. He seemed obsessed with making her life a living hell. That smirk she received yesterday was apparently a sign for him wanting to do something to her. He was the one who started to bully her.
At first, long ago, when he pushed her shoulder in the corridor, not as strongly as now, she and many other girls thought he simply liked her and teased her.
But they were all wrong.
Natsume Hyuuga seemed to detest her. She was his favourite target. There was even one time when he convinced Sumire to steal her uniform while she had sports, and had to walk through school in her sportswear. Sometimes he took her notebooks and ripped them apart; sometimes he tripped her in the corridor so that she fell on her knees; and sometimes he watched Sumire push her around. He was a very sick person.
Which is why, right now he enjoyed watching her struggle to get free. ''You're too weak, little girl. Try working out, maybe then you'll be able to take care of yourself.'' He let go of her, watched her scramble away from the toilet and take deep breaths, her front hair dripping wet and her shirt slightly wet. She coughed a few times and then opened her eyes, looking at him with a fearful expression. She was scared of him; she usually did not show him, but today she had a strange feeling in her gut and she felt more afraid than ever.
Natsume's eyes caught hers and his smirk dropped. Usually, she glared at him, or wore a blank stare – it was the first time he saw her so afraid. She was shaking all over and the cut on her lip was open again, some blood dripping down her face. He took some toilet paper and crunched down in front of her. She flinched and closed her eyes when he reached with his hand towards her and pressed the paper on her lip.
''You should take care of that.'' He whispered, his expression blank, his touch unusually gentle. He took her hand and put it over the paper on her lip, so he could move away. He did not move away actually, he simply let his arm down and watched her stare at him. Mikan did not know what was going on. Natsume seemed to play games with her again.
The odd moment was interrupted by the first school bell and they both looked up. Natsume glanced down at her again, his hand touching a curl of her hair for a second. Then he stood up and left her behind. Mikan watched him go in shock, finally relaxing on the floor. The water dripped down her hair as she breathed in and out. She did not understand what just happened. She did not understand him. One moment he bullied her, laughed at her; and in the next moment, he looked at her like he wanted to kiss her.
That scared her more than anything else. Would Natsume Hyuuga actually abuse her? Would he do something like that to her? She would not survive it. She did not want to think about it. With wobbly legs she stood up and walked towards the sink. She leaned on it and looked at her reflection. Her face and hair were wet, lucky for her, it was just water. She never wore make-up just for that reason. She pulled a small towel from her bag that had been kicked to the side by Natsume and wiped her face and hair. She had nothing to dry her hair with, so she used the towel as much as possible and then pulled her hair into a bun. Her shirt had only a few wet spots at the upper edge, so it was no problem. She felt so strange, empty, exhausted. Her hands were still shaking, but she could not cry. Her eyes did sting, but tears did not want to come out.
She gathered her things and sighed before walking out of the loo. The corridor was full with students and Mikan was rotten to the spot, once she realized everyone was silent. They were all staring at a teacher talking with Mikan's friend Anna. She was crying, clutching her phone. Mikan walked forward in a daze, not noticing Natsume and his gang nearby – they were also silent and wore shocked expressions.
Natsume glanced at Mikan from the side, his lips pressed together. Mikan did not come far. Anna looked noticed her and looked at her in desperation. She mouthed one word. One word that made Mikan's world crumble and she lost the ground under her feet. One word that made her lose all senses.
So that is why she had this strange feeling. That was what made her so insecure. She should have known something like this would happen.
Anna stuttered a bit louder. ''Nonoko…''
Mikan's already wobbly legs gave in and she buckled to the side, losing consciousness.