Meg: Ello gov!
Dani: Yes hello!
Meg: Here's the deal, it's not that we hate twilight or anything…
Dani: It's just that we hate Bella, Edward and their 'PERFECT" Child
Meg: So, I, I mean we, came up with this idea on the bus one day. Well I did, we just built off it together. Basically we are asking what would happen if Edward and Bella had ANOTHER kid? Would it go horribly wrong? Or would it work out?
Dani: We see them to wrapped up with their 'perfect' child to care about her…read to see what happens.
Meg: WE do NOT own Twilight or the characters in Twilight, this is just a funny spoofy type thing that we came up with. Devon is our own creation. This is rated T for language and sexual content
Ok my name is Devon ivory Cullen or 'that child' to my 'parents' Edward
and Bella Cullen. All my life I've been ignored for that perfect bitch
Nessie. Don't believe me? Well you should....
Age '1' Me and my dear sister where learning how to walk...well I was. Any way "come on Devon you can do it!" maser and Alice encouraged. 'Well no
since Nessie was the golden child I was with my real parents as I call
then, Alice and jasper.
f-ing duh if the princess of snobs can than I can too!' I stepped
forward. Then I took another step. Then another. Basically I was walking
when I was thrown across the room. Guess by whom. No not Nessie. My own dad. He was throwing his arms all over holding a piece of paper
in one hand.
"OMG look at my one and only child made!" jasper and Alice sweat
dropped.
"Edward you do have another child....." he looked around
"no I don't…" he paused as Jasper and Alice fell to the ground.
Rubbing my sore aching head, I trudged up to my Da— Edward and glared up at him.
"Ahem." I grunted. Edward, the bastard, looked down and nearly gasped.
"Devon! Where have you been? You're mother has been worried sick about you!"
'Yeah, suuuuuure.'
"I've been right here the whole time."
....
....
"Dad?"
"Sorry Jim can't talk right now, watching Renesme fart."
'wooooow. He is one of the biggest-'
"OHhhhhhhh Davis!" I turned around to face my bimbo of a sister. I glared and wanting to strangle to little whore.
"It's Devon…." I stated.
"Davis, Derek, Devon all the same!" I rolled my eyes. I cannot believe me and that brainless future cheerleader whore and I were related! 'I take my previous thought back…SHE is the biggest dumbass I've ever met.'
"!!!" I groaned mentally. Here comes the mother of my sister whore, who is one herself. Bella.
In my mind:
This is what I think of my dear old mom.
"BUttttttt Edddddiiiiieeee! I wannnnnntttttttt bbbbeeeeee a vampire toooooooo," Bella says in a really high annoying voice.
God, did she ever shut up? Man it was like hearing a dodo bird. If she's not complaining to Edward- dear, than she was stuttering up a storm with her friends. Her friends were cool, they played and hung out with me whenever they could. Then again, it was always awesome since Edward was gone.
I rolled my eyes when the two kissed, but got butterflies in my tummy when two strong arms picked me up and twirled me in a circle.
"Hello Devon!" my mother-figure, Alice cheered. I laughed and hugged her neck. My pale cheeks tinted with rose as I sniffed her perfume. She always smelled great. Not like Bella. And don't even get me started on Edward. Jasper, my father figure smiled a small smile as he ruffled my (Idk what else so I'll say it) auburn hair. That's what I loved about Jasper, well there were a few things…like one HE ATCUALLY CARES! 'I hope Edward heard that,'
"What? Who thought that?" 'Jeeze the mind reader doesn't know his own kids voice….' I thought putting a mind wall up. Yup I'm just that smart. I felt Alice shift causing me to lose my grip on her neck. New arms where around me. Now jasper was holding me. I smiled big and he smiled back before dropping it suddenly. I was confused until I breathed and smelt it. It was the dog! See my sister was a whore, she's dating a DOG and she's not even like 1 yet! SEEEE!!!! Me on the other hand, I'm well alone, but one thing's for sure! I WONT DATE A DOG!!! I can see the future, wanna see?
Nessie and Jake in 30 years:
Jakes lying on the couch with a fat stomach and three little vampire dogs running around. Nessie comes in wearing a…(can you pick it up? IDK what to put on here….) wearing short shorts and a mesh top. She had fish nets on her elbows and as an under shirt and her makeup was way too thick. Her red lips were puffed and her blushed cheeks made it seem like she had a fever. Her dark sky blue eye shadow did everything but make her yellow eyes stick out.
Her heels clicked and she sat on her husband's lap.
"Deary, why not have some fun?" she purred as Jacob sighed, but smirked and carried his wife into the bedroom.
The three vampire/werewolf things had changed into half werewolves and their wolf ears twitched at the unusual sounds coming from their bedroom. And the three pups/vamps stalked in only to find Jacob going— ok I'll stop right there!
I shook my head and rid myself of the nasty images now flooding into my brain. I looked over to Nessie and saw her hug Jake.
What a whore.
I rolled my eyes and clutched Jasper's pant leg as he sat me down. I pouted but shook it off. Edward and Jake glared at each other for a few moments before Bella came out and practically glomped Jacob. She liked him. I could tell. She's even a bigger whore, if possible. That predicament, yes I know big words brought back some scaring memories.
Bella walked down the hall to the kitchen coming from her closet. Edward was at the counter feeding Nessie, while I starved from the play pen. I went wide eyed at what she was wearing.
It was one of those skimpy outfits people wear on their honeymoon. Edward looked up and went wide eyed too. He was practically drowning Nessie with venom. I hope it burned. Edward looked around his gaze finally landing on Nessie. He held up one finger signaling one minute before picking up Nessie and running her out of the house. I just sat there with my non eatable blocks, which I was wishing they were. Edward came back and practically ripped off moms outfit right there and then, but he decided to run her to their room. I went wide eyed at the sounds. 'LA LA LA LA LALA!!!!' I shouted in my head trying to drowned out the sounds…..
….That was this morning…… I couldn't believe they did that. And it's all their fault Im mentally scarred for life now. Hmm maybe I should enroll myself into a mental hospital, then when the police come to interview me I can blame it all on Bella, Edward, and Nessie. Then get tons of money through suing those bastards and get a house down in California, make it big in Hollywood, get a famous rock star for a husband, have two kids and die of some unnatural cause.
Yes.
That life sounds great.
My daydreaming was then over, once Edward picked me up and nearly destroyed my arm pits.
"Bobby take care of Nessie, Bella and I are going to Carlisle! And if she has so much as a single scratch on her I will make sure you never drive a car again!"
"My name is Devon."
"Yea whatever Lucy."
My fists clenched as I swatted for his giant ugly head, but I missed and the bastard left without a scratch. I growled and turned to Nessie. She was tugging at Jacob's hair while he looked like he wanted to rape her right then and there. I shivered and walked over to Alice. She was trying to cook.
I climbed up the Kitchen chair and sat myself on the table. Jasper came in wearing an apron with chickens on it with a pan and spatula. I giggled at that and he smirked and shook his head. Alice blushed and giggled too. Jasper walked up to her and kissed her cheek. She smiled and then a spoon filled with a red liquid was in front of my face.
"Try it Devon, I think my cooking skills have improved!" she said gently. I nodded and took a big chomp. The liquid was spicy. But nothing was too spicy for me. My tongue clicked and i could taste a hint of onion.
It was gumbo.
Good Gumbo.
I hmmed as the hot liquid drained down my throat and ALice's face lit up with excitement.
"More?" I asked. She looked like a kid in a candy shop. "So, do you think-" I was cut off when someone's fist connected with my face. I looked up and saw it was the baby whore. "What was that for?"
"Your blog," I looked around the room.
"What blog?" I was laughing in the inside.
"You know what blog." I looked to the side in thought.
~Flash Back
'Today the whore AKA my sister, I think got laid, she's only 1…and the guy's like 47 and a dog. I guess it's better than my 'parents,' my dads like 109 and my moms like 17. And she has two kids. I'm the 'normal' child too, but I think I've been mentally scared for life….Any way The reason I think this is cause I think she's like prego, she's lookin a bit chubby in the stomach area. I would laugh if she was. I bet my parents would kill the dad. I'm selling tickets now, DOG vs. OLD MAN!
~END
"Nope not rigging any bells," I lied. I'm a great liar. She huffed and jumped off the counter and walking out. I rolled my eyes. 'She's a new race alright, a race of a human-vampire-Bimbo-whores and her kids will be, human-werewolf-vampire-bimbo-whores.' Jasper set the gumbo in front of me. I giggled before taking the spoon and chowing down. Alice and Jasper smiled as they watched me eat. I felt kind of guilty, knowing I could eat and they couldn't. Did they feel empty? Or did their full vampireness make them feel like they were always full? I bit my lip in thought.
What did it feel like to be a full fledged vampire? Were you invincible? Were you untouchable? My spoon danced in the red liquid and Alice could tell I was done. She picked up the plate and cleaned it, before putting the full pot away in the fridge. Jasper took off his apron and the two walked outside. Alice reached her hand out for me and I hopped down and followed.
A breeze blew by and I let it flow through my hair. It felt nice. Suddenly someone picked me up, and it was carefully either. My arm pits are going to hurt for awhile. I looked to see that it was Bella.
"Hey Alice? Who's kid is this?" Alice looked like she was about to cry.
"I'm yours," I stated. She looked at me.
"Nah ah! I have cute little Nessie!" I gave her a blank stare.
"I'm her twin, Devon,"
"No that's not true!" She gave me that horrid smile she gives everyone to make herself look innocent, I think it makes her look stupid. "I would remember." She handed me to someone else. It was Edward.
"Hey Johnny," I growled. "Did you take care of Nessie?" I didn't answer. "Hello?" He threw me, and I mean THREW me on the ground. "She's broken." Alice came and picked me up.
"Are you ok?" I nodded blinking a little dazed from being THROWN by my 'father.' I should call child services on their asses or something. But then I wouldn't be able to see Alice and Jasper. Alice placed me back down on the ground after making sure I was ok. Only to have me thrown into Jasper. I glared at the thing in front of me. Another DOG. Gosh those stupid things need to go extinct or something. Then it was gone. I bet it was Jake. The baby whore must have told on me. Speaking of whores where's big whore? I sniffed. She's close. I was wrenched into the sky again.
"Awww cute baby, who's is it?" I stared at her. Did she have like short term memory loss, or just suggestive memory loss? I smacked her. "Ow! BAD BABY!" Edward must have heard because he took me and glared.
"Listen Jonah!"
"It's Devon," I stated.
"WHAT EVER! If you ever touch my wife or daughter again I will kill you!" I raised an eye brow.
"I'm your daughter too, and she's my mom," I stated.
"Whatever, just take warning Wally I will kill you." I rolled my eyes. He threw me again but this time Jasper caught me.
"It's Devon!" I called to Edward.
"WHAT EVER!" He yelled back.