Jenny: Greedy for Gain

What it is: Covetousness/Greed is the desire for material and social wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual, moral, and emotional.

Why you do it: Peer pressure, social expectations, and a consumerist mindset.

Punishment: Boiled alive in oil. Surrounded and inescapable, you feel your life go up in flames.

Jenny Humphrey is guilty of being one greedy little girl.

Her favorite color is yellow, the color of greed. She thinks it looks sunny and happy.

Jenny is greedy. For gain, for attention, for friends, for money, for gossip.

"People will talk," after all. She needs to decide if "all this is worth it." Gossip Girl says "You Know I'm Worth It," right? And so does Blair. So it must be worth it. "Would I Lie To You?" Gossip Girl asks. No. Jenny trusts Gossip Girl. Jenny trusts that back-stabbing, malicious-minded cyber bitch. She wouldn't lie. It's worth it.

It's so worth it. And Jenny wants it.

Jenny doesn't care what she has to do to get ahead. She grabs the presents offered to her, she steals a jacket, she parties and drinks martinis, she curls her hair. She's on fire. Wanting retribution (she can't be seen as weak), she tricks Chuck Bass out of his pants—and he certainly doesn't enjoy the way she does it, either. Just like she plans.

Jenny kisses Nathaniel Archibald, the boyfriend of her Queen. Admittedly, it's a mistake. But she can't say no. He's so glamorous and glittery and gorgeous. Who cares if he's in love with Serena—or, wait, no—actually wants Blair. Who the fuck cares? She wants him. And Jenny won't say no to spilling some secrets to get what she wants.

Jenny loves secrets. She devours them, swallowing them whole until every last juicy rumor is burned into her memory and hiding behind her shiny smile, on the tip of her little pink tongue. She lurks around corners, eavesdrops on conversations, and gets dirt under her eighty dollar manicured fingernails digging up details.

And it totally pays off, too. Blair should know better, trying to keep such a big secret—two boys at once? Jenny thought Blair hated secrets more than anything. She should. They bite her in the ass, leaving tiny, Brooklyn-girl shaped teeth-marks behind.

Jenny laps it up, scarfing down every last dinner at Butter, evenings on Penelope's yacht, and invitations to ski in Aspen with Hazel. The attention is hers. The spot of queen is hers. She has a boyfriend. Sure she stole a dress—but it was pretty, and she needed the money—really needed it—and…who cares? She's forgiven. Scandals on the Upper East Side can disappear faster than the lines on the Botox-injected foreheads of society wives.

You just have to know who to please, what cards to play, what tips to send to Gossip Girl.

Yes, Jenny almost has it all. If Blair would just GIVE UP. And stop showing up to her house holding birthday cakes with her face painted in icing on them.

Then it would all be hers. And she'd been queen. As a freshman. The first one ever. She would show them. They would all love her. And everyone would love her. And worship her and-no-one-would-ever-look-down-on-her-for-comingfromBrooklyn-everagain-and-she'd have it all haveitallall-and-it-would-be-hershershershershers. Jenny's.

Not Little J. Not even Big J.

Um, that's Queen J to you.

But just as the taste of victory touches Jenny's little pink tongue, Blair Waldorf snatches it all away, leaving only a sour aftertaste in Jenny's mouth and a grumbling, hungry stomach. Jenny doesn't get what she wants. Instead, she's grounded, boyfriendless, friendless, gossiped about, completely broke, laughed at, and ostracized. She's surrounded by her failed attempt; she can't escape it. Blair says she put up good fight—for a freshman. Not quite what Jenny wants to hear.

Jenny pretends she doesn't want it—want anything—anymore. She tinkers with her sewing machine, ignores the people who ignore her, and gets a fashion internship for the summer.

A summer of drawing and hemming and flipping through fabric swatches. Jenny sweats and carries boxes that are too big for her stick-thin arms. Laurel should shut up. She doesn't know what she's talking about. It would look better like…that. It's too old-fashioned; it needs…this.

And before Jenny knows it, she finds herself wanting something else with an insatiable hunger.

First she just wants some recognition for all her hard work.

And she gets it. The look on Laurel's face when she spots Jenny at the White Party, wearing her own dress… Sure Jenny had to suck up to some people, but whatever. Her dad and Eric and those rich people at the party were easy to use. And she'll keep using them.

Second she wants to add her ideas. Because her ideas are so much better than half of what Eleanor Waldorf imagines. (God, why does she always seem to be battling a Waldorf Queenzilla?)

And she gets the clout. Sure she skips school…but that's only because she has no use for it. She doesn't want it anymore. She wants this.

She doesn't care what her dad thinks. He can't do anything about it and neither can Headmistress Queller. And neither can Blair with her bad-intentioned chicken noodle soup. She wants this.

She knows what to do. She knows what Eleanor thinks. She sets up the seating chart, she makes sure Serena sits in her seat, she pushes the society girls down the runway…and Blair's revenge tactics backfire for once. Blair may have deceived Serena and sent her out wearing Jenny's dress, but the critics only see genius. Too bad for Blair. Hello champagne toasts! And hello to real appreciation.

Jenny throws herself into it. She's going to be homeschooled. She's keeping her internship—she basically lives there. She's even chopped and bleached her hair in an effort to make a statement about her newly devoted life to the wonders of the glamorous fashion world. Dan makes fun of her darkly ringed eyes—but he's just jealous he's not as fashion-savy as she is. Him in his LLBean pants. Ugh.

Then she wants even more.

She wants it so much, she listens to Agnes. Who the fuck does Eleanor think she is? Jenny is the one with all the talent! If Eleanor hadn't used Jenny's dress as the finale to her show…let's be honest, it would have been a flop. Marc Jacobs would have been victorious. Jenny does all the work. Jenny wants it more than Eleanor. Jenny wants to be in on the meetings and design her own dresses and fit her own models.

In fact, why shouldn't she?

Jenny smirks a grown up smirk on her fresh fifteen face.

And again, everything is going her way. (Sure her dad is an asshole and she's basically run away from home, but whatever. She doesn't need him. The bangs on the door from her urgently knocking fame and glory drown out his voice. He's just jealous she's more gifted than he ever was. She's making the splash he never did.) She's got the guts to get what she wants (She sees Dan blink in surprise over her success).

Yes, she knows what she wants. Jenny Humphrey always knows what she wants. It's like Gossip Girl says, "All I Want is Everything." Jenny wants it all. Even more than last time. Queen of high school? Please. Queen of the fashion world? A rising star? YES please!

It's almost perfect. Her fashion show kicks ass. Lily loves it. And Nate…once again she finds herself kissing Nathaniel Archibald. And this time he wants her, not someone else. (She always knew she'd get him.) Everything is perfect. (Except for Vanessa's heart-broken face and her dad's threats of getting her arrested.)

She can feel it all just out of range of her eagerly searching, sticky finger tips.

J Designs has a nice ring to it.

Agnes can just shove her hangovers and petty arguments and outrageous claims of being the brains behind it all down her stupid anorexic throat. Jenny will do this. She has to. Emancipation papers must be the answer, with her dad being so unreasonable.

But suddenly Jenny's dresses are on fire and she's walking the streets of New York City alone on Thanksgiving, freezing her fingertips off. She can't feel anything anymore.

It has all been ripped out her grasping little hands. Again. And her stomach hurts. It's all gone. She has nothing to aim for, nothing to cling to, nothing to lick her little pink lips over.

Jenny is back at school, at peace with Blair, friends with Eric. And bored out her mind. She delights in freaking the Mean Girls out. They made her life hell when she cared. Now she doesn't, so she's going to pay them back. And payback can be such a bitch. Just like Jenny.

And apparently Vanessa, too. God, stealing Nate's letter? Jenny wasn't sure, but wasn't that a felony or a capital offense or something with important legal-sounding words? And Nate picks Vanessa, because she's the one standing directly in front of him. Jenny has to shake her head. That boy has a one-track mind. And apparently wears blinders.

Whatever, she'll focus on him later.

Right now she has to center her attention on the fact that her father and Lily want to merge their households. The large breakfasts are okay, and so is spending more time with Eric, but Serena needs to not try and play Barbie with her. Jenny has never been a Barbie (as evidenced by last year's failed attempt to become Queen of the Barbies). And Jenny has not, and will never be a Park Avenue Princess. Take that bitch. You want to play? Be prepared to play dirty, because Jenny always does.

Be glad she only wrecks the penthouse with a couple rowdy teens, Serena. You two might both be royal bitches, but never underestimate the enemy.

Jenny has semi-accepted her father's apparent life-long love of Lily Rhodes/Van Der Woodsen/what were those other guys' names?/Bass. As long as he doesn't actually propose with that hideous ring (Dan was stupid to buy it—Jenny told him that just because Dad was looking at it didn't mean Lily would like it…or say yes to it), Jenny is content to play board games like Hungry Hungry Hippos.

But like it or not, even if she doesn't want to admit it to herself, Jenny is still hungry. Wanting more. The greed is hard to ignore. And Nate is still looking as fine as ever…

She also amuses herself with Operation Headband: Takedown the Monarchy. Blair hasn't been Queen for ages, and the minions are running wild. They harass her brother, stealing his cellphone and his lunch. They send malicious gossip to Gossip Girl. They convince Blair to jeopardize her Yale acceptance by playing Cat and Mouse with a teacher. They need to be stopped.

There will not be an heiress to the throne. Or if there is, there won't be one other than Jennifer Humphrey.

But when Blair finally puts the tiara-esque sparkling headband on her head, Jenny doesn't feel like she's won. She thought she wanted it, because All She Wants is Everything…or at least it used to be. If this had happened last year, she would have been overjoyed.

"Is all this worth it?"

Jenny's answer: She doesn't think so.

It doesn't seem to satisfy.

She thinks she wants more.