Title:Pretend
Author:Little_firestar84
Rating: T
Characters: Nathan, Sarah, Audrey
Summary: . For few, precious, unforgettable moments, he could pretend that the woman in his arms was a blonde with gun and shield; kissing her like he had done just few times the one he couldn't forget, all he could do was seeing and feeling her - her future self, or maybe another one altogether- instead of the one currently in his arms. Because dreams and fantasies were all he had of her, no matter what
Disclaimer: Nope, no way. Not mine. Doing it just for the fun (and to pass time)
Notes: I just had to write this. I had to. It begged me to. I am so, so sorry, but it's not like I actually had a choice in the matter.

That town was Haven, and yet, it wasn't his, just like the woman in his arms. She wasn't the one he would be with back in 2012, Jordan, a woman his touch he didn't feel but who could touch him without killing him with unbearable pain. She wasn't Audrey, the one he still loved but thought he couldn't get, no matter what, and yet...

Sarah wasn't Audrey, and yet, it was like she was. Or at least...

He could pretend, for few, precious, unforgettable moments, he could pretend that the woman in his arms was a blonde with gun and shield. For few moments, late at night on the seaside, kissing her like he had done just few times the one he couldn't forget, all he could do was seeing and feeling her - her future self, or maybe another one altogether- instead of the one currently in his arms. Because dreams and fantasies were all he had of her, no matter what. The chief had told him to not fall in love with Audrey, because he couldn't stop her or get in the way of her mission, but he was wondering if it wasn't some twisted and weird way his "father" had of protecting him. The chief had been there the other times. He had met her last 3 incarnations. Maybe he was just trying to save his son from suffering.

Maybe... maybe...maybe... did he really care about what ifs, buts and maybes, in that moment? Did he really have that luxury right now? After all, how could he have her otherwise? Back in his present, in the future, he had Jordan, and no matter if it started only as a way to get inside the Guard, he couldn't abandon her now, and Audrey...

Audrey didn't want anything to do with him any longer, and he was going to lose her anyway, no matter what. She would disappear, and the troubles with her. He would feel again for a short while, Jordan would be able to touch again without fearing of hurting anyone, and they would see if they could survive the test of normality, the chance of being with anyone else.

And then, 20 years or so later, Audrey would be back, with a new name, a new hair color, a new job, no memories of her past lives and yet the same mission.

Maybe he would be with Jordan. Maybe he would be with someone else. Maybe he would be alone. He just knew that he would still be in love with her, was he going to still be there.

With his line of work, he could never know. Especially in a town like Haven.

Life's too short. One moment we are here, the next, who knows. Sarah had told him, and he couldn't get her words out of his head.

Maybe this was why he stopped cared, he forgot all about what he had told Duke, about not doing anything, about not changing history, messing with the past and keeping the present safe.

Maybe this was why when her hands become braver, skimming with intent over the fabric of his shirt, he gave up, and lowered her on the sand, breaking the kiss just enough to get rid of his shirt and her dress, just enough to look at her, her skin white and glowing under the moonlight. Maybe this was the only way to imagine how making love to Audrey would be like. Maybe this was the only way to feel her, to have her. Maybe it was a mistake, or maybe history had a weird way of repeating itself. Maybe he didn't know it, and in the past he and Sarah had made love under that star field in that very night, and this was why Audrey felt so attracted by him- or at last, had used to.

He didn't know. He just knew that he didn't care.

The next day, 57 years in the future, when Audrey confessed him about Sarah's son- the Colorado Kid- his heart stopped, and yet again Nathan didn't know how to answer her. All he could do was staring at her, hoping that she didn't remember her time as Sarah, nor as Lucy, because maybe Lucy had known something more about the father of Sarah's son beside 'not being in the picture`.

Because he was glad, for there was still room for him in her heart as the man she was in love with if the Colorado Kid wasn't her lover. But he couldn't help but being scared about the repercussions of his actions, about that moment he had lived in the present and not given a damn about the future.

Because the Colorado Kid had to be born around the middle 50s, shortly after Sarah had come to Haven. Shortly after he had made love to her.

Maybe, somewhere, he had a son with Audrey- or at least, he had had.