Disclaimer: CLAMP owns them.
A/N: This is a 10-pokes response, the theme being "Blue".
Hurt
Of course, they don't think of it as abuse. Probably. I hope so.
Squeezing, punching, kicking, poking. I get it all every day. They think it doesn't matter; after all, I'm squishy and rubber-like and will soon be back to my old shape. And they are right, it doesn't matter, not after some time. I'll always regain my old shape. No damage done.
Except for the pain.
At first I thought they just didn't think – well, Kurogane mostly; the others aren't that fun of Mokona-torture – but then figured they didn't care. I'm just a little, white ball of fluff. It's the same as punching a pillow, right? Except that a pillow doesn't make funny noises when you try to strangle it despite its lack of neck.
Except that a pillow doesn't get hurt.
"Now, now, be nice to Mokona," may Fay say, but he still does nothing to truly stop Kurogane from hurting me. He thinks it's funny, how Kurogane always takes his frustration out on me, how I always seem to be all right afterwards. And I am, mostly. But when he does it, when he throws me at the nearest wall or squeezes me with his large hands, at that moment... it hurts. Badly.
I am not immune to pain despite my ability not to be affected overly much by any attempts to mutilate me. I just choose not to show it. Yuuko has given me up in exchange for their most precious things, and it's my task to take them from one world to another. No matter what, I must do my job in its entirety. Crying would not change that.
And if I cried... Mokona would be sad.
Even when we are not connected, it would know that I was crying. And I love it too much to make it upset. It must think everything is all right, I am happy with my new "family", nothing could be better. And I am happy, really, for the most part. Somehow, I've come to love them.
I'm sorry for crying that one time, but I couldn't help it. I'm used to the pain they cause to me; I just couldn't take the knowledge of somebody else being pained in the same way and worse. Not somebody close to me.
Even if, to them, I am little more than a talking pet.
Mokona would feel bad, though, and for it, I have to be brave. I have to giggle when I am squeezed, shriek happily when I'm pressed against the wall, snicker when I'm used as a football by a frustrated ninja too angry to control itself. It's nothing new, the pain. And maybe, if he can take it out on me, he won't take it out on anyone else. Though the pain may be the same, at least when he's abusing me, he won't cause anything permanent.
And, for some strange reason, I love Kurogane, too. He doesn't mean bad. I think. I hope.
When our journey is over, I'll be able to return home. Home to Mokona, who will understand. Who will not hit and kick and strangle and abuse me. Mokona will just hug me, smile, and say, "Welcome home, Mokona," and then I'll know it is all over. Then I don't have to be afraid of anyone's touch anymore.
So you can hit me one more time, Kurogane. I know you need it. Fay is frustrating, especially nowadays. I know you are hurting inside, and it's better to hurt me because of it than to hit Sakura-chan or Syaoran-kun – not that Fay would ever let you. If you hurt them, they might be damaged.
I'll just laugh, as always, and call you mean. You won't even know I'm hurt. You won't have to feel bad about it.
I'll just cry in the inside when it hurts.