The One with Phoebe and Joey's Dates (a Friends/Glee crossover fanfic)
This episode takes place early Season 9, before Phoebe meets Mike and when Monica and Chandler start to talk about having babies.
Summary: Phoebe and Joey have great dates with great people – only to later find out that they are nothing like them and quite annoying. Monica and Chandler meet up with a pregnant cheerleader and start to talk to her about adoption, but they don't know that there is another woman in the running. Rachel and Ross don't really appear in the episode.
[Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Chandler, Rachel and Ross are sitting on the couches.]
Ross: So, how's the baby-making going you guys?
Monica: Do you really want to know about your best friend doing your little sister?
Ross: I guess not.
Phoebe and Joey enter.
Phoebe and Joey: Hey guys!
Group: Hey!
Chandler: So, how did your date go Joe?
Joey: Amazing! Her name's Emma, she's quite small, a redhead, and has the cutest voice. She's really nice!
Rachel: What about you, Phoebe?
Phoebe: Even better! His name is Will Schuester, he's a Spanish teacher, and he sings!
Monica: Sexy!
Chandler: Excuse me! Baby-making partner right next to you!
Opening Sequence
[Scene: Monica and Chandler are walking past a newspaper shop.]
Chandler: Hey, look at her!
The couple spot a young pregnant girl.
Chandler: That's the mess you want to get into!
Monica: Let me go ask her.
Monica and Chandler walk over to the pregnant girl.
Monica: Hi, my name is Monica Geller, and I was just wondering – how did that happen?
Young Pregnant Girl: Oh, the bump? Long story short – my boyfriend's best friend got me drunk on wine coolers and I was feeling fat that day. I'm Quinn Fabray.
Chandler (to Monica): I'm already scared.
Quinn: So, do you guys have any?
Monica: No, but we're trying.
Quinn: Well, I'm putting mine up for adoption, and although you (points to Monica) are asking me all these personal questions that I'm not really obliged to answer, and that you (points to Chandler) are looking at me as if I'm some nightmare that you had in your childhood, you seem like nice people. Here's my number, if there are any problems, you can set up an interview with me, and you never know, this baby could be yours!
Quinn walks off.
Monica: Did we even ask about adoption?
Chandler: Did I have any nightmares?
Quinn quickly hurries back.
Quinn: Oh, and there is another applicant. A woman called Terri Schuester.
Quinn walks off.
Monica: Schuester…isn't that Phoebe's boyfriend's last name?
Chandler: Oh god!
Commercial Break
[Scene: Central Perk. Just Phoebe is inside. Monica and Chandler storm in.]
Monica: Phoebe, you have to break up with Will.
Phoebe: What did Will do?
Chandler: He's married. We found out about his wife today, Terri Schuester.
Phoebe: Relax guys. It's probably his sister, or his mom or something.
Monica: No, it's his wife.
Phoebe: Oh, come on, how do you know?
Chandler: We researched him and saw their wedding photos. And we couldn't find any divorce certificates.
Phoebe gasps.
Phoebe: OK, I'll break up with him when our date starts.
Monica: When does your date start?
Phoebe: In…
Phoebe looks at her watch, then her eyes widen.
Phoebe: 20 minutes ago?
Phoebe runs out of the coffee shop.
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Emma arrive.]
Emma: Thanks for inviting me over, Joey.
Joey: Any time, lady, any time.
Emma and Joey go and sit down.
Emma: Oh, god, I'm making footprints on your carpet.
Joey: Oh, never mind that.
Emma: No, I have to clean it up.
Joey: No, you're living at Joey's! Mess is allowed.
Emma (yelling): I have to clean it!
Joey backs away from the crazed cleaner.
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Rachel, Joey, Monica and Chandler]
Ross: So, she yelled at you, because she made footprints?
Joey: I know! Then, she caught the train to Ohio, where she lives, so she could get her footprint remover thing!
Ross: Oh my god!
Rachel: So, did you break her up with her nicely?
Joey gives Rachel a stare.
Rachel: You slept with her and you haven't called her back, didn't you?
Joey: Yep.
Monica's phone rings.
Monica: Hello, this is Monica Geller. Oh, hi Terri.
The rest of the group lean in to listen.
Monica: Uh-huh. OK. Yes, that's fine. Thanks for calling. Bye.
Monica hangs up her phone.
Chandler: What did she say?
Monica: Quinn told Terri she's keeping the baby.
Group: Oh.
Closing Credits
[Scene: Another fancy restaurant. Phoebe and Will are eating.]
Phoebe: Will?
Will: Yes?
Phoebe: We need to break up.
Will: What? Why?
Phoebe: I know about Terri.
Will: Oh, Phoebe, I am so sorry. We're on a rough spot at the moment. Please don't let me go!
Phoebe: I guess, because you are so awesome, I can give you another chance.
Will: Well, maybe it's not that simple.
Phoebe: Huh?
Will: I slept with this other woman. Shelby Corcoran.
Phoebe: Well, it's one other woman. And it's only a fling.
Will: And there was another. April Rhodes. But we just had a small moment.
Phoebe: Well, when sparks fly, I guess. I'm fine with it.
Will: And there was the guidance counsellor who works with me at my school.
Phoebe: OK, that's it Will Schuester, three strikes and your out!