Disclaimer: None of this stuff belongs to me. If it did, I wouldn't be singing this.
Phelan: Well, it's been too f&*#ing long since I last had any fun, and since so many people are in the christmas spirit, I've decided to whip up something to cheer us all up.
Konoko(looking over the lyrics): That may be, but why does this thing read like a bloody Christmas list.
Phelan(looking innocent): Oh, no reason. But if any of my fans might send me any of these things, I certainly wouldn't complain.
Konoko: Nice to know you're in the spirit of things.
Phelan: Knock it off! Unless *you* want to join in?
Konoko: Pass. I'm still looking to see if any muses happen to be free for New Years.
Phelan: Good luck... I'm sure they're all going to be busy trying to keep their authors away from any eggnog, ne?
Konoko: Oh, and I suppose you aren't planning on enjoying any?
Phelan: Nah. I prefer the harder stuff.
Konoko: Why does my head start to hurt when you say things like that?
Phelan: Dunno, but if we don't start soon, who knows what the fans are going to do?
Konoko: Whatever. Just leave me out of it...
Phelan: But before you go, I must have... Backup Singers!!!
Konoko: Crap.
**************************
All five Gundam pilots, Lina Inverse and Co., the Knight Sabers, Dirty P... Lovely Angels, and Rally Vincent are all standing in a row. All have looks of loathing, hatred, malice, and/or confusion on their faces. Konoko starts passing out the scripts. Phelan has changed from his usual jeans, t-shirt, and denim shirt into a pair of khakis and a nice blue shirt. The usual '5-day shadow' has been buzzed off, and he actually looks like he has slept well in the past 24 hours. In other words, nothing at all like the demented author/mazoku we all know and love, but a rather sane-looking human being.
Phelan: Okay boys and girls, in the interest of getting geared up for the whole holiday spirit thingie, there will be milk and cookies for everyone. And for those characters who are actually above the drinking age, there will be a nice selection of alcoholic beverages. But only if we make it through the song...
And now, for your listening pleasure...
*MY* Favorite Things
(brought to you by an incredible lack of anything else to do...)
Battletech's Mad Cats,
A laser that flashes,
High-powered weapons,
Those Hardsuits kick @$$es,
Lina Inverse,
In some skimpy attire,
These are the things that I most desire.
Lina(*SERIOUSLY* blushing): Why you... Darkness beyond...
Phelan: It won't work. There shall be no magic, and you can't even move your feet, can you? That applies to all of you, *especially you, Xelloss.
Xelloss: Hmm, wish I'd thought of that.
Phelan: What, the spell of immobility?
Xelloss: No, the fifth and sixth lines... ^-^
Lina: @#$(%*@#$%)@*#@&%)!@(#$%!
Phelan: Now now, none of that! C'mon, next verse!
Deathscythe Hell Custom,
And plenty of ammo,
Boxes that tick,
And eventually BLAMMO!
Plenty of caffeine,
To help through the night,
These are a few of my favorite delights!
Duo: Aw, poor Heero, he likes mine better!
Heero: Omae o Korosu, Phelan! You too, braided BAKA!!
Phelan: Aww, I'm touched. Third Verse!!
When the gun shot,
When the bomb blew,
When I'm feeling sad,
I just begin torturing my least-favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad,
Kei: Um, is it just me, or is this guy short a few marbles?
Minna, minus Phelan and Kei: It's not just you...
Phelan: I can certainly add to my 'least-favorites' list...
Heero: Doesn't bother me, us pilots seem to be on that list permanently anyway.
Phelan: Wrong. That's just my 'keeps me amused' list. Be thankful you're not on my $&*% list...
Quatre(nervously twitching): Umm, how about we finish this song.
Phelan: Spoil-sport.
Rally's 500,
A blown-up Relena,
Maybe, perhaps, my own Star Wars Cantina,
A half-dozen Leos,
To melt down to springs,
These are a few of my favorite things!
Rally: There's no way in HELL you're even touching my car!!!
Phelan: But it's so nice!
Rally: DIE!!!
Rally Vincent draws her treasured CZ-75 and starts firing on the madly-grinning Phelan. There seems to be no effect, despite her perfect aim and his standing still.
Phelan(puffs his cheeks out): Mife fot, 'aly!
The author coughs all the rounds into his hand, and drops them into a trashcan that just appeared. Rally drops her jaw and then puts her gun away. Heero and the other Gundam pilots applaud her effort, regardless of whether or not it actually did anything.
Phelan: I guess we can take a break. The food's arond here somewhere. Hey, Konoko, where is it?
Konoko(somewhere within the FWR): If you don't know, I'm not telling!
Phelan: Fine, I'll find it.
He begins rooting around in various plot holes, eventually turning up a huge table laden with all kinds of treats. There is a second table upon which sit bottles of booze, all kinds. Most of Phelan's "guests" make their way to the drink table first, but Duo, Lina, and Nene all head for the snacks first. Phelan drifts over with the largest group.
Phelan: Hey, I thought I said that only people above the legal drinking age could have any!
Yuri: Well, how many are you going to kick out of here?
Phelan: Um, that's a good question. According to my list here, the only ones allowed to drink are Xelloss, Kei, Yuri, Rally, and Sylia.
Priss: Are you saying I can't have a drink?
Phelan: Umm...
Looking around at all the characters, he starts running numbers though his mind. None of them add up with him winning against so many.
Phelan: Okay, I'll pretend I didn't see anyone drinking.
Linna: So, why are you all uptight about underaged drinking? I mean, You've seen almost all of us drinking at some point, right?
Phelan: Yeah, but don't forget, this is going up on a website where almost anyone can watch. I have a reputation to protect.
Everyone, including those still over at the snack bar, double over laughing at this remark. Phelan rolls his eyes and shakes his head. As he begins to pour a drink for himself, he glances over at Duo, then Xelloss.
Phelan: Um, before we all start to indulge, might I suggest we check everyone's drink? I don't trust Xelloss or Duo any farther than I could throw a planet.
Everyone(glaring at the two): Good point.
Duo: Hey, I don't do that! (under his breath) all the time, anyway.
Xelloss: Aw, where's your faith in us poor, misunderstood Mazoku?
Filia promptly whallops him with Mace-Sama. Soon, the party has gotten into full swing.
Phelan: Hmm, this wasn't so bad. Maybe I should do "The 12 Days of Christmas" next... Definitely something to consider. Don't forget to review, people. Just because I've been gone for so long doesn't mean you can get out of that. Until next time, this is Phelan, hoping you all enjoy a wonderful Christmas!
Lina(wielding Mace-Sama): Ahem, I wanted to, *discuss* that part about "skimpy attire."
Rally: And I want to make sure you'll never take my Cobra!
Phelan: Um, Konoko? A little help here?
Konoko: No, I think you've earned this...
Phelan: I'm a dead man, aren't I?
Lina: What do you think?
Phelan: EEP!
Phelan: Well, it's been too f&*#ing long since I last had any fun, and since so many people are in the christmas spirit, I've decided to whip up something to cheer us all up.
Konoko(looking over the lyrics): That may be, but why does this thing read like a bloody Christmas list.
Phelan(looking innocent): Oh, no reason. But if any of my fans might send me any of these things, I certainly wouldn't complain.
Konoko: Nice to know you're in the spirit of things.
Phelan: Knock it off! Unless *you* want to join in?
Konoko: Pass. I'm still looking to see if any muses happen to be free for New Years.
Phelan: Good luck... I'm sure they're all going to be busy trying to keep their authors away from any eggnog, ne?
Konoko: Oh, and I suppose you aren't planning on enjoying any?
Phelan: Nah. I prefer the harder stuff.
Konoko: Why does my head start to hurt when you say things like that?
Phelan: Dunno, but if we don't start soon, who knows what the fans are going to do?
Konoko: Whatever. Just leave me out of it...
Phelan: But before you go, I must have... Backup Singers!!!
Konoko: Crap.
**************************
All five Gundam pilots, Lina Inverse and Co., the Knight Sabers, Dirty P... Lovely Angels, and Rally Vincent are all standing in a row. All have looks of loathing, hatred, malice, and/or confusion on their faces. Konoko starts passing out the scripts. Phelan has changed from his usual jeans, t-shirt, and denim shirt into a pair of khakis and a nice blue shirt. The usual '5-day shadow' has been buzzed off, and he actually looks like he has slept well in the past 24 hours. In other words, nothing at all like the demented author/mazoku we all know and love, but a rather sane-looking human being.
Phelan: Okay boys and girls, in the interest of getting geared up for the whole holiday spirit thingie, there will be milk and cookies for everyone. And for those characters who are actually above the drinking age, there will be a nice selection of alcoholic beverages. But only if we make it through the song...
And now, for your listening pleasure...
*MY* Favorite Things
(brought to you by an incredible lack of anything else to do...)
Battletech's Mad Cats,
A laser that flashes,
High-powered weapons,
Those Hardsuits kick @$$es,
Lina Inverse,
In some skimpy attire,
These are the things that I most desire.
Lina(*SERIOUSLY* blushing): Why you... Darkness beyond...
Phelan: It won't work. There shall be no magic, and you can't even move your feet, can you? That applies to all of you, *especially you, Xelloss.
Xelloss: Hmm, wish I'd thought of that.
Phelan: What, the spell of immobility?
Xelloss: No, the fifth and sixth lines... ^-^
Lina: @#$(%*@#$%)@*#@&%)!@(#$%!
Phelan: Now now, none of that! C'mon, next verse!
Deathscythe Hell Custom,
And plenty of ammo,
Boxes that tick,
And eventually BLAMMO!
Plenty of caffeine,
To help through the night,
These are a few of my favorite delights!
Duo: Aw, poor Heero, he likes mine better!
Heero: Omae o Korosu, Phelan! You too, braided BAKA!!
Phelan: Aww, I'm touched. Third Verse!!
When the gun shot,
When the bomb blew,
When I'm feeling sad,
I just begin torturing my least-favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad,
Kei: Um, is it just me, or is this guy short a few marbles?
Minna, minus Phelan and Kei: It's not just you...
Phelan: I can certainly add to my 'least-favorites' list...
Heero: Doesn't bother me, us pilots seem to be on that list permanently anyway.
Phelan: Wrong. That's just my 'keeps me amused' list. Be thankful you're not on my $&*% list...
Quatre(nervously twitching): Umm, how about we finish this song.
Phelan: Spoil-sport.
Rally's 500,
A blown-up Relena,
Maybe, perhaps, my own Star Wars Cantina,
A half-dozen Leos,
To melt down to springs,
These are a few of my favorite things!
Rally: There's no way in HELL you're even touching my car!!!
Phelan: But it's so nice!
Rally: DIE!!!
Rally Vincent draws her treasured CZ-75 and starts firing on the madly-grinning Phelan. There seems to be no effect, despite her perfect aim and his standing still.
Phelan(puffs his cheeks out): Mife fot, 'aly!
The author coughs all the rounds into his hand, and drops them into a trashcan that just appeared. Rally drops her jaw and then puts her gun away. Heero and the other Gundam pilots applaud her effort, regardless of whether or not it actually did anything.
Phelan: I guess we can take a break. The food's arond here somewhere. Hey, Konoko, where is it?
Konoko(somewhere within the FWR): If you don't know, I'm not telling!
Phelan: Fine, I'll find it.
He begins rooting around in various plot holes, eventually turning up a huge table laden with all kinds of treats. There is a second table upon which sit bottles of booze, all kinds. Most of Phelan's "guests" make their way to the drink table first, but Duo, Lina, and Nene all head for the snacks first. Phelan drifts over with the largest group.
Phelan: Hey, I thought I said that only people above the legal drinking age could have any!
Yuri: Well, how many are you going to kick out of here?
Phelan: Um, that's a good question. According to my list here, the only ones allowed to drink are Xelloss, Kei, Yuri, Rally, and Sylia.
Priss: Are you saying I can't have a drink?
Phelan: Umm...
Looking around at all the characters, he starts running numbers though his mind. None of them add up with him winning against so many.
Phelan: Okay, I'll pretend I didn't see anyone drinking.
Linna: So, why are you all uptight about underaged drinking? I mean, You've seen almost all of us drinking at some point, right?
Phelan: Yeah, but don't forget, this is going up on a website where almost anyone can watch. I have a reputation to protect.
Everyone, including those still over at the snack bar, double over laughing at this remark. Phelan rolls his eyes and shakes his head. As he begins to pour a drink for himself, he glances over at Duo, then Xelloss.
Phelan: Um, before we all start to indulge, might I suggest we check everyone's drink? I don't trust Xelloss or Duo any farther than I could throw a planet.
Everyone(glaring at the two): Good point.
Duo: Hey, I don't do that! (under his breath) all the time, anyway.
Xelloss: Aw, where's your faith in us poor, misunderstood Mazoku?
Filia promptly whallops him with Mace-Sama. Soon, the party has gotten into full swing.
Phelan: Hmm, this wasn't so bad. Maybe I should do "The 12 Days of Christmas" next... Definitely something to consider. Don't forget to review, people. Just because I've been gone for so long doesn't mean you can get out of that. Until next time, this is Phelan, hoping you all enjoy a wonderful Christmas!
Lina(wielding Mace-Sama): Ahem, I wanted to, *discuss* that part about "skimpy attire."
Rally: And I want to make sure you'll never take my Cobra!
Phelan: Um, Konoko? A little help here?
Konoko: No, I think you've earned this...
Phelan: I'm a dead man, aren't I?
Lina: What do you think?
Phelan: EEP!