Disclaimer: CLAMP owns them all.

A/N: This is a 5101520ficqifs response, the theme being "Annoyed". Because certain parts of Japanese slang are just begging, "Write about us!" XP

Cats and Dogs

The idiotic mage had finally gone too far. Kurogane simply couldn't stand it anymore. The nicknames had been bad enough, but this – this was simply perverted.

Thankfully, the children didn't seem to understand. Kurogane didn't know what he would have done if they had and decided he didn't want to even think about it. He simply concentrated on being grateful that the princess and brat had apparently both managed to avoid being subjected to the less-socially-acceptable parts of slang and hoping they'd never find out.

But the idiot. The absolute idiot. He was a grown man; he should have known better! Really, what had he been thinking? Probably nothing at all. Nothing else could explain such an action. And he even dared to act like he didn't know just what was wrong.

"Ne, Kuro-wan?" the mage asked cheerfully. "Why are you so grumpy?"

"Don't call me that," Kurogane growled. Oh, great. Even more additions to the never-ending list of idiotic nicknames. What else did he not need?

"Eh? Doesn't Big Doggy like his name? Such a grumpy puppy he is!"

"I'm not a puppy!" shouted the ninja. "And stop calling me that!"

"But why? It's your name in this world! You're registered as the Big Doggy! What's wrong with that?"

"Like you don't know!" How dare the idiot pretend to be innocent?

"Well, I don't!" Fay pouted. "I thought they were cute names!"

"They aren't cute!" roared Kurogane. "They are simply perverted!"

"Perverted?" The blue eyes went wide with astonishment. "What do you mean?"

"Stop playing innocent!" the darker man growled. "You know perfectly well what those names mean!"

"Cute domestic animals, dogs with a loyal nature and soft fur, cats with a big smile and purring. Why so?" Fay looked almost genuinely innocent. "Do they mean something else in Japanese?"

It wasn't until then that it struck Kurogane. The thing that struck him was that not everybody had been educated in the finer points of language by a group of not-so-fine ninjas. And that Japanese slang words might indeed not carry the same meaning in the gibberish Fay called a language.

Could it be possible the mage indeed didn't know?

"Well, Kuro-rin?" Now, Fay sounded genuinely curious. "Is there some other meaning for them in Japanese? Something perverted?"

Why did he sound like the most interesting point about the words was the possibility of them meaning something perverted?

"Forget it," Kurogane grumbled. "It isn't anything important."

"Of course it's important!" Fay exclaimed. "After all, it upset Kuro-pipi! I need to know what it is so that I won't upset Kuro-pipi unintentionally again!"

"So that you can upset me intentionally?" asked Kurogane. "I said forget it. I'm not telling."

"Oh, please, Kuro-pipi?" Fay pleaded. "Tell me, pretty please?"

"No, I won't." He would stay firm this time.

"Fine." The mage pouted. "Then I'll go and tell the kids and Mokona to ask you, too. If we are all bugging you, you'll give in sooner or later."

Telling to the kids? Like hell. That wouldn't happen as long as he lived. …But he knew they wouldn't give up before he did…

"Fine." He sighed, trying to ignore the eager look on the mage's face. "In Japanese slang, 'dog' stands for 'penis'."

"Really?" Fay's grin didn't promise anything good. "No wonder Kuro-wan didn't like it! But what about Kitty? What's wrong with it?"

He didn't want to say it. He really didn't. However, he knew he wouldn't get any peace before he did.

Thus, finally, Kurogane sighed, "Also, in Japanese slang, 'kitty' stands for the receiving partner in gay sex."

"Oh." Fay fell silent for a while, looking thoughtful. Then, however, he grinned. "You know, Kuro-pipi, that doesn't sound so bad!"

"What?" Kurogane stared at the mage. Not even the idiot could mean…

"Well, Kuro-rin definitely has a big dog," the blond said with that idiotic grin of his. With a bit of a startle Kurogane realized Fay'd somehow made his way into the ninja's lap. "And, to be honest, I definitely wouldn't mind being in the receiving end of some sex right now."

For a moment Kurogane just stared. Then, however, he huffed, pulling the mage close. "You asked for it," he growled into the idiot's ear.

"Yes," Fay said, "I did."

Kurogane was mildly disturbed to realize the mage was practically purring.