Important:This story is an AU, it takes place in FTL. There is no curse and Cora never killed Daniel so bear that in mind as you read Regina's character development. Since there was no curse, Emma was never sent to our world, so I'm playing a little with those 'what ifs'. Also, Daniels character here is completely different from my real thoughts on him. I made him out that way because it suited my story, that's all. I do apologize in advance if I offend anyone with the liberties I've taken.
Italics stand for past events (except the first paragraphs, those are just an extract from the story). Last but not least, English is not my mother tongue and this is unbeta-ed. Therefore, all pretty typos are mine. Feel free to point out any mistakes I might have made in the comments, I am always willing to improve.
Secretly (I love you)
"What is she doing?"
"She's been pacing for the most part of the night."
"Yes, I know. I can hear her from across the corridor."
"Someone should go inside and see what's going on."
"It won't do. She doesn't want to see us, any of us."
"Is there anyone who she wants to see?"
"Yes."
"Who?"
"The Queen."
I
There's an incessant banging on the door. At first, it sounds muffled and distant, maybe even as an extension of her own dream but, as the minutes fly by, it gets louder and it resonates closer. She doesn't stir though; she's always been a heavy sleeper. That's probably the reason why the person responsible for the irritable knocking on her wooden door resolves to call for her instead.
"Emma!" A female voice shouts, her knuckles knocking on the door with urgency. "Emma, open up! It's late!"
Emma forces her eyelids to open and immediately shuts them closed again when the bright morning rays hit her squarely on the face. After the initial shock, she opens them again, this time slower and more carefully. She makes sure to blink a few times to adjust herself to the morning light and then gets on her feet, making her way to the door. She unlocks it with one hand and manages to pull it half way open before her best friend pushes past her and storms into the room.
"The Queen has requested your presence," Rosalie turns on her heels to shoot her a pointed look. "And you're running late."
Emma takes a quick glance at her most treasured possession: a clock made of gold, and realizes that she's, in fact, half an hour late. "Shit!" she runs a hand through her short blonde locks in frustration and bends over to pick up her white long-sleeved tunic from the floor. She slept with the tight bandage that hides her breasts on, so she simply puts on her tunic and turns to Rosalie, who is holding her white leather pants out for her and takes them, putting them on so fast that she seems to be jumping in on them.
She slips into her boots easily and, faster than Rosalie could have given her credit for, Emma is dressed and marching towards the Throne Room.
Before Emma can make it there, though, another woman appears from a secondary hall and joins her strides, hers are as purposeful as Emma's; both are obviously in a hurry.
"You're late, child," the old woman reprimands her without averting her eyes from the doors ahead of them.
Emma takes a quick glance at the older woman and realizes that, by the way her eyebrows are knitting together, something isn't quite right.
"How's the Queen today, Gertrude?" she asks, trying to mask the fear that she always feels nagging at the back of her neck whenever the Queen's welfare is concerned.
The old woman waits until her wrinkled palms come into contact with the material of the door before she looks at Emma and replies. "Not good. She's had one of her nightmares again."
Emma absorbs the knowledge in grim silence and waits for the other woman to continue elaborating further. "Have you thought of what you're going to tell her?"
Emma nods. She's been waiting to be summoned by the Queen for nearly a week. She's had plenty of time to go over her words again and again. In fact, she hasn't thought of anything but.
"Good," Gertrude grips the gold handles of the double doors and pushes one slightly open. "Go on now, child."
Emma nods to the woman again and slips into the majestic room. The place is as big as a small village and, even though she has seen it multiple times for the past six years, its grandeur never ceases to amaze her. She notices that today is more crowded than it usually is. There are members of the royalty chatting in low voices in scattered groups, a dozen guards posted at the three different entrances to the room and some of the Queen's advisors talking to the Queen herself.
Emma can't help the small smile that tugs at the corner of her lips when she lifts her eyes and, despite how crowded the Throne Room is, the first person she sees is the only one who she truly has eyes for.
The Queen is sitting in her throne, wearing a black velvet dress that hugs her dreamlike body in all the right places. Her full lips are painted a dark red and her hair is pulled up neatly but there are a few strands purposely left loose. She's the living definition of beauty and grace.
Emma forces herself to tear her gaze away and takes a few steps closer to the Queen who, until this moment, has yet to acknowledge her presence. When she's close enough to be noticed but not enough to be invasive of the Queen's privacy, Emma bows her head in salute and waits in that position until the Queen finishes talking to her advisors.
"That will be all, gentlemen," the Queen waves her hand dismissively and her advisors all bow their heads to her and walk backwards until the Queen breaks away her gaze to look at Emma. "My White Knight," the Queen smiles. "Please, rise."
Emma straightens herself up and slowly lifts her eyes to meet the Queen's. She's still smiling lopsidedly at her and Emma's heart skips a beat at the sight.
"I've been waiting for you," the Queen's eyes travel up and down Emma's body, as if assessing her, and Emma shivers slightly under her scrutiny.
"I know, my Queen," Emma drops herself to one knee and lets her head hang loose in shame. "Please, forgive me."
Long and slender fingers slide under Emma's chin and slowly lift it to eye-level. Emma knows that the Queen is boring her dark eyes into hers but she cannot, for the life of her, bring herself to meet the Queen's gaze. Shame forbids her from it.
"Look at me."
That's a command she cannot refuse, because there is nothing in this world that Emma would ever refuse her.
When their eyes meet, Emma notices just how close to the Queen's face she actually is. Their breaths are almost touching and she can't help but gulp nervously.
"Do you bring news for me?" The Queen's voice is so enthralling and her fingers are still gracing the underside of Emma's chin. She's finding it so hard to stop herself from staring at those luscious lips that she almost forgets that she has to answer.
Emma shakes her head slightly to break the enchantment that this woman puts her on every time they meet. "Yes, my Queen."
The Queen lets her hand drop and she props herself back on her throne, waving for Emma to get on her feet.
"Tell me, dear."
Emma squares her shoulders and finally relaxes because, this, she knows. She has been rehearsing her words for a week and she's certain she won't let the Queen down.
"The enemy's first squadron was surprised by our battalion on the Red Mountains and we managed to reduce their forces by three-quarters, just like you predicted it would happen, my Queen. Captain Jones is leading our forces through the Narrow Pass as we speak and, if everything goes as planned, then we should have Captain Hook's head sooner than what we expected."
"Excellent," the Queen says approvingly and Emma smiles in spite of herself.
"If I may, my Queen, I brought a map of the Narrow Pass and the Tourmaline Shores with me." Emma fishes inside her white vest for the map and shows it to the Queen. When the brunette nods with her head for Emma to proceed, she walks over to a nearby table and waits for the Queen to catch up with her.
When they are both standing before the table, Emma finally unfolds the map with expert hands and spreads it over it.
"Hook's armada is hiding behind these hills," Emma points to a small group of hills on the shore "and our forces are coming through here," this time she points with her finger to the Narrow Pass. "Which leaves Captain Hook with no other option but to leave the protection of their ships and face our forces before we reach the shore. If he's foolish enough to stay, he'll be trapped between the hills and our army. If he decides to face us in battle, then we'll crush him like the pirate bug he is," Emma turns her head over her shoulder to look at the Queen, who was hovering over Emma's shoulder to look at the map so, when she turned, their faces became mere inches apart from each other. Emma clears her throat nervously and goes back to the map. "Our forces triple his. There's no way he can defeat us, my Queen."
Emma watches as the raven beauty turns around on her heels and walks over to her throne.
"I knew I was right when I chose to spare your life," the Queen says as she runs a hand across the top rail of the throne.
The sudden change in topics left Emma confused for a moment, but her mind is quick enough to find the memory that the Queen is referring to before she continues speaking.
"They advised me not to," the Queen's eyes are lost in space, momentarily prisoner of the memory, and Emma makes a good use of this rare moment to contemplate the Queen's raw beauty. "But it wasn't the first time I chose not to pay heed to their words," the Queen turns around to look at Emma in the eyes again "Do you know why I saved your life, Emma?"
Emma shakes her head. She never did know and she most certainly never did ask. She wasn't entitled to. Besides, she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to know why the Queen had spared her life all those years ago. In her guilty mind, she knew she should have been left to die on that field. She deserved as much. So why the Queen herself had decided to save her was a mystery that still plagued her dreams. "No, my Queen. I don't."
The Queen sits back on her throne and relaxes into it. "Come closer, dear," she motions with her hand for Emma to pull away from the table and walk closer to her. Emma stops just a few paces away from the throne, wanting to give the Queen her personal space, but the brunette extends her hand toward the blonde and encourages her to move even closer. "When I found you in that… graveyard, you were barely alive," the Queen's voice turns serious. "But when I knelt beside you to feel your pulse, you opened your eyes and you looked at me with such ferocity… such fire," her eyes close, reliving the memory in her head. "I just couldn't let you die," the Queen opens her eyes again and looks at Emma, who's standing rigid on the spot, trying to absorb the Queen's words and their meaning.
"Her Majesty is merciful."
"Yes," the Queen says to herself, her voice low and velvety. "Yes, she is."
At that exact moment, a man comes bursting into the Throne Room and strides purposely toward them. The Queen's eyes break away from Emma's still figure and land on the intruder.
"Your Majesty," the man bows down to her. "I come bearing news from Lord Daniel."
Emma watches as the Queen's features change dramatically upon hearing that Lord's name being mentioned. She suddenly looks worried and on complete alert and she motions impatiently for the man to draw closer to her.
The Queen fixes her honey brown eyes on the messenger as he comes to an abrupt halt before her. He opens his mouth to speak but, shooting a pointed glance over his shoulder to Emma, he decides against it and shuts it closed again.
The Queen notices this and, without turning her head to acknowledge Emma, she flicks her wrist dismissively at her. "Leave us."
Emma feels a pang of hurt at the cold dismissal but bows down to the Queen nonetheless and walks backwards to the nearest exit door. When her body collides against wood, she finally turns her back to the people inside and swings the door open. Before she crosses to the next room, she glances one last time to the man and the Queen, and Emma can't help feeling extremely curious as to what's being discussed by the two. It doesn't take a genius to know it's fairly important and Emma promises herself she'll find out about this Lord Daniel and the pressing news this messenger brought to the Queen, no matter what.
II
"Please, Rose," Emma begs. She knows she's asking for a great deal to her friend. No one employed by the Queen is allowed to divulge the Court's secrets and affairs, but gossip has always been gossip and servants have always been servants. So, she knows that, using the right words or promising the right things, her friend will eventually give in to her.
The dark haired girl seems to ponder on it for a moment and she bites her lip worriedly. "You do know that if this comes out I'll be hanged, right?" Emma nods her head far too eagerly, which earns her a tired sigh from Rosalie. "That devotion you have for the Queen is misplaced, Emma," Rosalie reaches for Emma's arm and her eyes begin to sadden. "She's not who you think you she is."
Emma yanks her arm away from her friend's loose grip and glares openly at her. "She saved my life, Rosalie," Emma walks over to her bedchamber's only window and glances to the courtyard below. "She had every reason to let me die on that field but she chose to save me instead," she turns her head around to look at her friend's sorrowful expression. "So don't you tell me that my devotion for her is misplaced because, if there is anyone in this world who deserves my complete love and respect, is her."
"Very well," Rosalie knows this fight is lost. "I'll tell you everything I know."
Emma crosses the space between them in two large strides and pulls her petite friend into a bone crushing embrace. "Thank you, Rose."
"Don't mention it," Rosalie shrugs away from the embrace to look at Emma in the eyes. "Remember the man that caused so much trouble between the Queen and her mother a few years ago?"
"Yes," Emma narrows her eyes in her effort to remember exactly who he was. "The stable boy."
"That's right. Well, we were all told that he had abandoned the Queen, that – "
"That she was infatuated. That their love wasn't real," Emma finishes impatiently for her.
"Yes," Rosalie walks over to Emma's cot and sits on the edge. "Well, he is Lord Daniel."
"What?" Emma asks, confused. "No, that cannot be." She rakes a hand through her short blonde locks in frustration and sighs. "How is that even possible?"
Rosalie drops down on the mattress and stares at the ceiling. "Apparently, the Queen wasn't infatuated, as we were led to believe. She was in love with him," she makes a long pause before continuing. "She named him Lord and now he's travelling back from whatever land he was hiding in to be with her."
Emma can feel her heart sinking in her chest. She cannot begin to understand why the Queen would want to be with a man who had fled the moment her own mother had made it very clear that he wasn't going to be King. As far as she could comprehend, this Lord Daniel had cared very little for the Queen's love and now that she had named him Lord he was willing to come back?
Emma shakes her head and makes her way to the window again. She peers below and her hand balls into a tight fist when she catches sight of Lord Daniel's party arriving by the main gate. She didn't think he'd be arriving this soon and, for some reason, that irritates her even more than what she already is.
"Shit," she punches the wall next to her, causing Rosalie to jump into a sitting position.
"What's the matter?"
When Emma doesn't reply, Rosalie gets on her feet and walks over to her friend. She places a hand on her shoulder and follows Emma's line of sight with her eyes.
"Is that…?"
"Lord Daniel?" Emma says grimly. "Yes. I believe he is."
III
She blocks her attacker's blows with far too much ease. She's particularly focused on training this morning and she's been withstanding from trying the offense so far because she knows that her opponent is not half as good as she is. She would crash him, so Emma just lets him try to land blows on her.
He's panting and sweating profusely already but Emma hasn't even begun to warm up. She thinks of tackling him to the ground just to end the pointless session and teach him a thing or two when she hears a voice she never thought she would hear on the training field.
"…And this is my White Knight," the Queen signals with her hand to Emma as she walks beside Lord Daniel, her hand on his arm.
Both Emma and the man she'd been fighting against freeze in place and contemplate with eyes wide as plates as the Queen and Lord Daniel settle comfortably under the shadow of a willow tree to watch them fight.
"Go on," the Queen waves with her hand, encouraging them to keep on with the sparring session.
Emma stares at her flabbergasted for a moment but she shakes her head to snap out of her reverie and turns back to her sparring companion. She notices that the young knight is as astounded as she is but he manages to pull himself together and get into his combat position.
She doesn't know why, but Emma feels as though she is putting on a show and she wants to impress the Queen, so she grips her sword more firmly between her hands and waits for her opponent to make his first move.
He lunges at her with full force. Apparently, she's not the only one trying to impress the Queen. Emma sidesteps quickly and the knight passes her by, stumbling forward with the force of his own blow. Lord Daniel bursts into laughter and, when the knight steadies himself and turns around to face her once more, his skin is red with shame and his eyes are blazing with fury.
Emma waits for his next attack. He's taking his time, assessing her carefully. He doesn't want to make a fool of himself again and Emma has to admit that, when the attack does come, it takes all of her force to block it. It's one of the times when being a woman in charge of the Queen's knights shows its disadvantages. Especially, when said leader hasn't revealed her true gender to her men. Emma grounds herself as best as she can against the force of his blow and then pushes forward with her sword to break their contact.
He staggers back a few steps, panting heavily. Emma stays in her position, seizing him up. He charges at her again, this time aiming for her legs. Emma jumps up and avoids his blow. When she lands steadily on the ground again, she notices that he's leaving himself out in the open and makes a good use of this moment to strike.
She hits him with the pommel and the force of her blow knocks the wind out of him. Emma grips the hilt more tightly between her hands and she's about to land her final blow on him when she catches sight of the Queen out of the corner of her eyes. Lord Daniel is helping her to her feet and whispering something in her ear that makes her beam at him.
Emma is so absorbed by the exchange that she doesn't see the knight coming until she feels the edge of his blade cutting through her skin. She hisses in pain, her hand automatically covering the wound on her upper arm. Before she has time to register anything else but the blood oozing from the gash, she's swept off her feet and lands heavily on the dirt. She gasps and turns on her side, trying to catch her breath. Her eyes lock on the Queen's for a split second and what she sees in those eyes makes her feel stripped to the bone.
The sharpness of the sword's pointy end on her skin breaks her out of her absorption and she turns around to face the knight.
"Yield!" he tucks the point under her chin and, when she doesn't give him an answer, he presses down harder on her skin, piercing just slightly.
"I yield," she grits out, feeling the sting of tears forming in her eyes, though it has little to do with the fact that she just lost the match.
The young knight holds out his hand to help her up and Emma accepts it reluctantly. He's beaming at her and not in vain, he just beat his leader. But she doesn't pay him attention. Her eyes seek out the Queen's again, but she's turned her back on her and she's currently being led away by Lord Daniel. Emma follows her with her eyes until the knight slaps her shoulder playfully and she has to tear her gaze away.
"Congratulations," Emma smiles half heartedly at him and walks past him, silently declaring the training session over.
IV
"You need to eat something," Rosalie pushes the plate closer to her and gives her a concerned look.
Emma eyes the food on the plate, mashed potatoes and pumpkin, purses her lips and pushes the plate away again. She cannot manage a spoonful even if she wanted.
"You should have been there, Rose," Emma says and shakes her head disapprovingly. "The way she looked at me…" she pauses for a second, reliving the memory in her head. "She had never come down to watch us train before, never, and now she does, with that pompous arrogant fiancé of hers and I end up flat on my back," Emma looks up to meet Rosalie's sad blue eyes. "I had never lost a match before. That's why she liked me so much. That's why she named me leader of the knights, even when I'm a girl," she sighs heavily and feels a lump form in her throat, constricting her words. "I swore I'd never let her down and I did, right in front of her."
Rosalie reaches out and squeezes her arm comfortingly. "Don't be so hard on yourself, Em. It was just a sparring session," she uses her free hand to push Emma's plate close to her again. "Now eat. A malnourished knight is useless to the Queen. So, if you want her favor, you'll eat."
Emma lets out a puff of air and grabs her fork begrudgingly. She is about to take a mouthful of her food into her mouth when a servant enters the kitchen, calling her by her title.
"Sir Swan!"
Emma spins around to see who's calling for her and she sees it's probably one of the new hired servants because she doesn't recognize him.
"Yes?"
The dark haired servant strides a little too nervously toward her and comes to a halt in front of her.
"The Queen requests your presence in her royal chambers," he says in a rush, clearly out of breath.
Emma turns her head over her shoulder to look at Rosalie, who mirrors her confused look. She deposits the fork back on the table and gets on her feet.
"Lead the way," she motions with her hand to the exit door and the boy nods at her, turning his back on her and heading back to the Queen's bedchamber.
Emma has never been on the Queen's personal chambers before so, when she gets there, she immediately notices how her heart starts beating frantically in her chest. What the Queen could possibly want from her in her bedchambers is beyond her, but she has to admit she's a little hopeful as to what it may be.
The young servant knocks on the door and, about a minute later, a blonde haired serving girl opens it a little and peeks through the lid.
"The Queen has requested sir Swan's presence," the boy says to the blonde maid and she gives Emma a weary look.
After a few seconds, she opens the door wider and moves to the side to grant her entrance. Emma steps inside and feels rather than sees the door being closed at her back. She gulps when she turns around and sees that both the maid and the boy are gone.
"My White Knight," the Queen's velvety voice breaks the tense silence that had befallen in the room. "Come closer, dear. I want to see you."
Emma walks further into the room, until she spots the Queen lying comfortably on her King Size bed. She has her back against the headboard, softly supported by some plush pillows.
"My Queen," Emma bows her head to the Queen, who eyes her curiously from her position on the bed. "Your requested my presence?"
"I did."
Emma shifts on her feet uncomfortably. She's alone in the Queen's bedchamber and the Queen is eyeing her like a panther would to its prey. Even though she's thrilled to be alone in company of this raven beauty, she has to admit that it is also rather unnerving. The Queen can be so intimidating with all that raw beauty and air of superiority that surrounds her all the time. Emma has never felt so tiny and insignificant in her life before this moment.
"What can I do for you, my Queen?"
The brunette pats the bed with her hand, inviting her to take seat beside her. "You are always so eager to please," the Queen rewards her with a dazzling smile as Emma takes seat at the other edge of the bed. "That was always what I liked most about you."
Emma is caught off guard by the Queen's open admission and, for a few seconds she's left speechless. She has to shake her head and remind herself that she has to answer. "Thank you, my Queen. You are too kind."
"Regina," the dark haired beauty searches for her green eyes and smiles lopsidedly at her. "Call me Regina."
"But, my Queen-" Emma begins to protest but Regina places one long slender finger against her lips, silencing her.
"That's an order."
Emma nods dimly with her head and Regina's finger slides against her lips as a result, causing Emma to close her eyes involuntarily and enjoy the subtle caress.
After what seems like an eternity, Regina retrieves her finger and uses her hand to grip Emma's upper arm. She twists her arm around softly and Emma opens her eyes to find the Queen examining her wound with furrowed eyebrows and concerned eyes.
"You're hurt," she states and graces the gash with her fingertips.
Emma winces a little and Regina shakes her head disapprovingly. She places her free hand on top of the wound, covering it, and Emma closes her eyes.
She feels a tingling sensation moving up her spine. It's not unpleasant at all, it feels like a summer breeze, caressing her skin with the softness of a lover and spreading warmth along her skin.
"There," Regina removes both her hands from Emma's arm and sits back on the bed, contemplating her handiwork approvingly. "Much better."
Emma gazes down to her arm and only sees her shirt gashed open and bloodied where her wound was just a moment ago. She gasps in awe and looks up at Regina, smiling as bright as sunshine. "Thank you, my - Regina."
The Queen smiles indulgently at Emma but, as soon as the smile appears, it fades and Regina's usually stoic face clouds with worry.
Emma notices the change both in the Queen's expression but, also, in the air. The light atmosphere that she had been enjoying until then suddenly turned heavy and tense. Something was wrong.
"Is there something troubling you, my Queen?"
Regina lifts up her head to look at Emma with troubled eyes and a sad smile.
"My White Knight," the Queen whispers tenderly and reaches out with her hand to cup Emma's cheek.
All Emma wants is to take Regina's hand in hers and entwine their fingers, touch her soft skin, kiss it with her lips, anything that can show just how devoted she is to her, how much she loves her. But she cannot. It doesn't matter how much of a knight she is, the Queen is the Queen and Emma is and, will always be, below her standard. She cannot initiate anything, unless the Queen does it herself or asks for it. So all Emma can do is lean in to the touch ever so slightly and close her eyes, wishing with every ounce of her being that this moment never end.
Unfortunately for her, Regina pulls away far too quickly and slides down from the mattress, leaving Emma alone in the bed and missing the warmth and feeling of perfect soft skin against her own.
When Emma opens her eyes again, Regina is standing in front of the window and she's gazing to the horizon, seemingly lost deep in thought. The blonde hops off the bed and approaches the Queen with carefully measured steps, not wanting to disturb her. However silent she is, Regina seems to sense her presence at her back and she turns her head around to look at her.
"I know of your devotion for me," Regina says brokenly and it frightens Emma to see just how smaller she seems at this moment. "I know I can confide anything in you and you will not betray me," the Queen turns around fully to face her and she takes both Emma's hands in hers. "What I'm about to tell you has to stay between us. No one can know about this," Regina fixes her steely hazel eyes into hers. "Can I trust you, Emma?"
"Yes, my Queen," Emma swears. There's nothing she can ever refuse to this woman. She knows she would go to the very same gates of the Underworld if she ever asked her to.
Regina seems pleased with her answer and smiles gratefully at her. "Very well," the Queen says. "I need you to listen carefully…" And Emma braces herself because nothing has ever prepared her for what she's about to hear.
A/N: Alrighty, so there it is. First chapter completed. This is a two parter, so the best is yet to come. Do let me know your thoughts on the story so far! Reviews make me update faster.