He took a quick look over his shoulder at the bulkhead. He wasn't expecting anyone to be there, it bein' damn near two in the mornin' ship time. Everyone should've been asleep, but you never knew with a psychic assassin on board.
When he was satisfied he was alone and not likely to be interrupted, he pulled up the file.
It was almost erotic; better than any striptease he'd ever seen and weren't a stitch of clothin' removed 'cept the girl's jacket. Hell, even the part where she'd knocked him out was excitin'. Weren't no woman anywhere as could take him down that fast without usin' drugs ('cept maybe Zo'), but he weren't watchin' for the show. It was the last three seconds he really wanted and over the next two hours he musta played that one part a hundred times.
He woke up late the next morning. Everyone was already sittin' and halfway through their breakfast of protein by the time he stumbled blearily into the mess.
"Stay up late drinkin' again, Jayne?" Mal smirked from the head of the table. Jayne just grunted at him.
"I believe that was a 'Yes', Sir." Zoe laughed from the captain's side; something she'd been doin' more of since she found out she was pregnant.
Jayne grunted again and sat down to fix his own plate. As he ate, five words ran through his brain over and over, like a capture set to loop. Too late he realized who he was sitting next to.
River was staring at him with a smile somewhere between curiosity and amusement. Startled and afraid (though he wouldn't admit that last not even to himself), he whispered quietly out of the corner of his mouth, "A toe corum nas may."
Nothin'. Not a damn thing happened, 'cept River's smile grew just a bit wider, and now she knew what he was up to.
Later that night, he made his way back up to the bridge, determined to get the phrase right before Moony could kill him. He froze at the doorway when he saw her sitting in the co-pilot's seat.
"'This is for the hens to laugh at.'" She said without turning to look at him.
"Huh?" he let out breathlessly.
"'This is for the hens to laugh at'. A Russian phrase meaning something is ridiculous. It was a joke, you see. Here was this little girl, capable of killing them all in the blink of an eye, and they could subdue her with a few well chosen words."
She tapped the cortex screen a few times before turning the chair around and getting up. She didn't say a word and kept her movements non-threatening as she squeezed through the small opening between Jayne and the doorframe without touching either.
He was still frozen when he heard her quietly call, "You fear me, and that's alright. I fear myself too sometimes."
The hatch to her bunk hissed open and slammed shut before he moved toward the cortex. On the screen was a syllable by syllable pronunciation and audio recording of the phrase he'd got wrong. He sat down, ready to get it right this time. Just in case.