Set Me Free
Irony is back! And with a vengeance! My (read: stupid, accursed, irritating) computer shut down and refused to give me a backup file for the page-long story I had. Just another trivial matter piled atop all the other shit I have to deal with. Such as not being able to see or speak to my best friend until next year, being stuck in a motorhome for six or seven days straight with my little sister, my niece, my parents, and no computer, then going to some godforsaken little town in the middle of Nowhere, Arkansas, to see all my stupid relatives and not coming back until sometime next year. Uh-huh. Great. Okay, the story is a Gene+Suzuka romance. Suzuka's POV at first, after that, I'm not sure. Takes place about five years after the end of the series. Suzuka traveled with Gene and the crew for about a year before she left. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Outlaw Star or any of it's characters, and if I did, I'd have a better computer, and I'd be flying to Arkansas, not driving six days straight.
Love At First Fight
I sit down quietly in front of the coffeeshop, propping my bukuto next to me. Though I haven't managed to work as an assassin since I left the crew of the Outlaw Star, I still carry my bukuto with me. Even now, the reason I can't kill is amazing to me.
All the time I traveled with Gene, he was very open, honest, and loving to all of us, and no matter how apathetic he might have acted outwardly, we all knew he cared. The time I spent with him softened my heart, to an extent that hasn't allowed me to kill since then. I used to block out sadness, happiness, and love, anything that might be a weakness, and kill without any emotion at all. On those few occasions when I needed that extra push to defeat my opponent, I would fuel myself on hatred and rage.
Now, I'm forced to check the smile on my face when I watch a child playing on the sidewalk. I have to fight back tears when I see the homeless families on the streets. I no longer automatically block my feelings. I keep having to hold back the outward signs.
It's bizarre, but I just can't go back to the way things were. Every time I try to kill, I see Gene's face as he inhaled the scent of my sash, the way he looked at me when he relented, permitting me to come along with them. Images race through my mind, Gene holding Melfina's hand, the guilt-ridden tones in his voice as he told me his fears about not being able to keep his promise to Melfina. The single tear that slipped down his battle-scarred face when I asked him about the outlaw, Hilda. He was so compassionate, yet so able. It was obvious to me that he'd come a long way in the world, but equally clear that he had a long way to go. And he could make it. He had the ability. The immorality, the ruthlessness, the physical capability. But somehow, and it still escapes me as to how, he retained a naive innocence, a kawaii foolishness. And he was able to keep his emotions. He could love, he could be happy, he could be sad. It was all displayed. He loved all of us, but Melfina most of all. He was almost always happy, nothing could change that. And I've seen him cry. About Hilda, once . . . and again when I left.
I'm surprised to feel a lump in my throat. Memories are too much to bear. I swallow hard, setting my mocha down and staring at the sidewalk.
"Is that who I think it is? My favorite beautiful class-A assassin?"
The all-too-familiar voice makes my heart skip about thirteen beats. I don't dare turn and see who it is. My heart seems to already know. "So we meet again," I whisper to myself.
"Been awhile, na, Suzu-chan?"
Slowly, I stand up and turn to look. It is. The tall, muscular frame, broad shoulders, narrow waist, the crooked grin, the unruly red hair, the dark, laughing eyes, the beauty of his face only enhanced by the scars that cross it. It's Gene. It would be useless to try to hold back my emotions now.
"Gene!" I leap at him, embracing his neck, nuzzling the side of his face and breathing in his cologne.
"Whoa!" His arms automatically catch my waist and hold me up, my feet off the ground. Carefully, he sets me down. Then he notices something amusing. "Ooh, lookee! Either you shrunk, or I grew!"
Amusing to him, anyway. I glare up at him. "Quit growing, damnit!"
Gene chuckles, a carefree sound that makes me smile. "Sorry. What are you doing down on Centennial?"
"Drinking a mocha."
"Anou . . .are you developing a sense of humor?" Gene wonders aloud.
"Iie," I state flatly. I gesture to his car. "Iku."
He smiles at me. "Sure."
Ten minutes later, we're driving, and I've got my head out the window in an idiotic gesture of cheer.
"Suzuka, get . . . the car . . . you're gonna . . ."
I can hear only bits of what Gene is saying. The rest is lost in the wind. "WHAT?!"
"The frickin' . . . you'll . . . over . . ."
"WHAT?!"
"GET IN THE CAR!"
I jerk my head in. "Jeez, you didn't have to yell."
"Yeah, I did."
I laugh and tug my hair loose, shaking my head. As I attempt to fix my hair, a thought occurs to me. "Gene, what about the others?"
"The others?" Gene repeats blankly.
"The rest of the crew," I remind him, looking puzzled. "Remember?"
"Oh."
"Oh?" I echo. "That's it?"
Gene shakes his head, never taking his eyes off the road. "No. Aisha left about a week after you did. She returned to the Ctarl-Ctarl Empire. Jim's still with me, and Melfina . . ."
"Melfina?" I prod, my heart sinking.
"Melfina's gone."
I stare at him a long time before looking away, focusing on the endless white line on the pavement outside. Melfina? Gone? Oh, Kami . . . the poor girl . . . I wonder how that happened . . . and Gene, no doubt, feels it's his fault.
Jim's still with Gene, though. Wow. Been five years since the end of our journey to the Leyline. Been four years since I last saw any of the crew. Gene . . . is taller, damnit, but otherwise not changed. He grew his hair out again. That's good. I didn't like the other haircut . . . oh, my Kami, Gene is twenty-five now! I knew that, of course, but it hadn't really occurred to me.
Hmm . . . if Gene's twenty-five, then Jim is sixteen. Waa . . . Let's not think about that. I can't imagine a sixteen-year-old Jim.
I wonder if they're still at Starwind and Hawking. A glance out the window informs me that they've relocated. What . . . oh. We're there. Duh, Suzuka.
I get out of the car, looking around me curiously. "Nice place," I comment dryly. Gene shrugs and steps past me, into the building.
"Hell, it's not exactly on the good side of town . . ."
My eyebrows shoot up at the sound of the smooth alto voice. A tall, slim young man steps out. "Suzuka! Where have you been these last four years?"
"J-Jim?" I can't help but stutter. There is no way that is little Jim Hawking.
He grins at me. "Yeah."
"U-uso . . ." It has to be him. Those sapphire blue eyes, that rough blonde hair . . . I almost laugh aloud.
"Yeah, it's me. Ya miss me?" Jim laughs.
"Anou . . . chotto," I manage before hugging him tightly.
"Hey, you two! You comin' in or not?" Gene calls from inside.
Jim links his arm in mine and we walk inside together.
Later, I sit in front of the TV, not really watching it. Gene looks at me oddly. "Are you planning on turning the TV on?"
"No." I'm thinking about the time Gene and I first met, and the TV will only distract me.
"Penny for your thoughts."
I'm tempted to tell him it'll cost him a deal more than that, but I suppress my sense of humor for now. "Remember when we first met?"
"Like I could forget," Gene returns wryly.
"I was going to kill Fred . . ."
"But you never killed me. And you remember the deal, I'm sure."
"Uh-huh. And I can't kill you."
"Why not? If it was necessary . . ."
"No. I couldn't do it."
"Elaborate?"
"Ever since you let me join you and the crew of the OLS, you've been nothing but openhearted to all of us, and I didn't deserve it. It surprises me that you can keep your emotions intact and nevertheless kill like it's nothing. I've always had to block my emotions, and I can't do it anymore. Not since I left. And even if I could block my feelings still, I wouldn't be able to kill you. You've been too good to me . . ."
Gene bows his head for a moment, then meets my gaze, looking solemn. "You deserved it, Suzu. You know you did. Don't degrade yourself. You're really a good person, and you deserved everything that came to you."
"Bad with the good, right?" I ask, smiling slightly.
"Yeah," Gene answers. "Bad with the good. As for keeping my emotions, I'm not sure how I do it, either. But when I kill, it's not . . . nothing. The difference between you and I is that you would kill emotionlessly, while I'm fueled by my emotions." He shakes his head. "We're very different, and yet so alike in some ways."
I raise an eyebrow. "Some ways? Like what?"
"Like . . ." Gene starts.
I fight the smirk that wants to appear on my face. "Like?"
"Okay, maybe we're not too alike," Gene admits, grinning.
I nod. "Do you believe in love at first sight?" Where did that come from?
"Nah . . . it's a ridiculous concept, really. I just don't think it's possible. Do you?"
"No. I believe more in love at first fight."
"How so?" Gene questions, tilting his head.
"Well, if you meet someone, and the first thing you do is get in a fight, there's really nowhere to go but up in that relationship. That makes more sense, I think. If the first words you speak to the other person are, 'I love you,' then you've got a long way to fall. But if you first exchange harsh words, then you can only go up." I point at the ceiling to emphasize my point.
Gene nods slowly, looking at me.
What is he thinking?
"Harsh words, na? Like, 'Okay, whaddaya say we play fair?'"
An uneasy feeling begins to grow in the pit of my stomach. Is he going to say what I think he's going to say?
In a soft mockery of my own voice, he responds to himself, 'Charming. Do you actually think your using a sword would be challenging?'"
Love at first fight. I look away from him. He's insane.
I don't love him.
Irony is back! And with a vengeance! My (read: stupid, accursed, irritating) computer shut down and refused to give me a backup file for the page-long story I had. Just another trivial matter piled atop all the other shit I have to deal with. Such as not being able to see or speak to my best friend until next year, being stuck in a motorhome for six or seven days straight with my little sister, my niece, my parents, and no computer, then going to some godforsaken little town in the middle of Nowhere, Arkansas, to see all my stupid relatives and not coming back until sometime next year. Uh-huh. Great. Okay, the story is a Gene+Suzuka romance. Suzuka's POV at first, after that, I'm not sure. Takes place about five years after the end of the series. Suzuka traveled with Gene and the crew for about a year before she left. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Outlaw Star or any of it's characters, and if I did, I'd have a better computer, and I'd be flying to Arkansas, not driving six days straight.
Love At First Fight
I sit down quietly in front of the coffeeshop, propping my bukuto next to me. Though I haven't managed to work as an assassin since I left the crew of the Outlaw Star, I still carry my bukuto with me. Even now, the reason I can't kill is amazing to me.
All the time I traveled with Gene, he was very open, honest, and loving to all of us, and no matter how apathetic he might have acted outwardly, we all knew he cared. The time I spent with him softened my heart, to an extent that hasn't allowed me to kill since then. I used to block out sadness, happiness, and love, anything that might be a weakness, and kill without any emotion at all. On those few occasions when I needed that extra push to defeat my opponent, I would fuel myself on hatred and rage.
Now, I'm forced to check the smile on my face when I watch a child playing on the sidewalk. I have to fight back tears when I see the homeless families on the streets. I no longer automatically block my feelings. I keep having to hold back the outward signs.
It's bizarre, but I just can't go back to the way things were. Every time I try to kill, I see Gene's face as he inhaled the scent of my sash, the way he looked at me when he relented, permitting me to come along with them. Images race through my mind, Gene holding Melfina's hand, the guilt-ridden tones in his voice as he told me his fears about not being able to keep his promise to Melfina. The single tear that slipped down his battle-scarred face when I asked him about the outlaw, Hilda. He was so compassionate, yet so able. It was obvious to me that he'd come a long way in the world, but equally clear that he had a long way to go. And he could make it. He had the ability. The immorality, the ruthlessness, the physical capability. But somehow, and it still escapes me as to how, he retained a naive innocence, a kawaii foolishness. And he was able to keep his emotions. He could love, he could be happy, he could be sad. It was all displayed. He loved all of us, but Melfina most of all. He was almost always happy, nothing could change that. And I've seen him cry. About Hilda, once . . . and again when I left.
I'm surprised to feel a lump in my throat. Memories are too much to bear. I swallow hard, setting my mocha down and staring at the sidewalk.
"Is that who I think it is? My favorite beautiful class-A assassin?"
The all-too-familiar voice makes my heart skip about thirteen beats. I don't dare turn and see who it is. My heart seems to already know. "So we meet again," I whisper to myself.
"Been awhile, na, Suzu-chan?"
Slowly, I stand up and turn to look. It is. The tall, muscular frame, broad shoulders, narrow waist, the crooked grin, the unruly red hair, the dark, laughing eyes, the beauty of his face only enhanced by the scars that cross it. It's Gene. It would be useless to try to hold back my emotions now.
"Gene!" I leap at him, embracing his neck, nuzzling the side of his face and breathing in his cologne.
"Whoa!" His arms automatically catch my waist and hold me up, my feet off the ground. Carefully, he sets me down. Then he notices something amusing. "Ooh, lookee! Either you shrunk, or I grew!"
Amusing to him, anyway. I glare up at him. "Quit growing, damnit!"
Gene chuckles, a carefree sound that makes me smile. "Sorry. What are you doing down on Centennial?"
"Drinking a mocha."
"Anou . . .are you developing a sense of humor?" Gene wonders aloud.
"Iie," I state flatly. I gesture to his car. "Iku."
He smiles at me. "Sure."
Ten minutes later, we're driving, and I've got my head out the window in an idiotic gesture of cheer.
"Suzuka, get . . . the car . . . you're gonna . . ."
I can hear only bits of what Gene is saying. The rest is lost in the wind. "WHAT?!"
"The frickin' . . . you'll . . . over . . ."
"WHAT?!"
"GET IN THE CAR!"
I jerk my head in. "Jeez, you didn't have to yell."
"Yeah, I did."
I laugh and tug my hair loose, shaking my head. As I attempt to fix my hair, a thought occurs to me. "Gene, what about the others?"
"The others?" Gene repeats blankly.
"The rest of the crew," I remind him, looking puzzled. "Remember?"
"Oh."
"Oh?" I echo. "That's it?"
Gene shakes his head, never taking his eyes off the road. "No. Aisha left about a week after you did. She returned to the Ctarl-Ctarl Empire. Jim's still with me, and Melfina . . ."
"Melfina?" I prod, my heart sinking.
"Melfina's gone."
I stare at him a long time before looking away, focusing on the endless white line on the pavement outside. Melfina? Gone? Oh, Kami . . . the poor girl . . . I wonder how that happened . . . and Gene, no doubt, feels it's his fault.
Jim's still with Gene, though. Wow. Been five years since the end of our journey to the Leyline. Been four years since I last saw any of the crew. Gene . . . is taller, damnit, but otherwise not changed. He grew his hair out again. That's good. I didn't like the other haircut . . . oh, my Kami, Gene is twenty-five now! I knew that, of course, but it hadn't really occurred to me.
Hmm . . . if Gene's twenty-five, then Jim is sixteen. Waa . . . Let's not think about that. I can't imagine a sixteen-year-old Jim.
I wonder if they're still at Starwind and Hawking. A glance out the window informs me that they've relocated. What . . . oh. We're there. Duh, Suzuka.
I get out of the car, looking around me curiously. "Nice place," I comment dryly. Gene shrugs and steps past me, into the building.
"Hell, it's not exactly on the good side of town . . ."
My eyebrows shoot up at the sound of the smooth alto voice. A tall, slim young man steps out. "Suzuka! Where have you been these last four years?"
"J-Jim?" I can't help but stutter. There is no way that is little Jim Hawking.
He grins at me. "Yeah."
"U-uso . . ." It has to be him. Those sapphire blue eyes, that rough blonde hair . . . I almost laugh aloud.
"Yeah, it's me. Ya miss me?" Jim laughs.
"Anou . . . chotto," I manage before hugging him tightly.
"Hey, you two! You comin' in or not?" Gene calls from inside.
Jim links his arm in mine and we walk inside together.
Later, I sit in front of the TV, not really watching it. Gene looks at me oddly. "Are you planning on turning the TV on?"
"No." I'm thinking about the time Gene and I first met, and the TV will only distract me.
"Penny for your thoughts."
I'm tempted to tell him it'll cost him a deal more than that, but I suppress my sense of humor for now. "Remember when we first met?"
"Like I could forget," Gene returns wryly.
"I was going to kill Fred . . ."
"But you never killed me. And you remember the deal, I'm sure."
"Uh-huh. And I can't kill you."
"Why not? If it was necessary . . ."
"No. I couldn't do it."
"Elaborate?"
"Ever since you let me join you and the crew of the OLS, you've been nothing but openhearted to all of us, and I didn't deserve it. It surprises me that you can keep your emotions intact and nevertheless kill like it's nothing. I've always had to block my emotions, and I can't do it anymore. Not since I left. And even if I could block my feelings still, I wouldn't be able to kill you. You've been too good to me . . ."
Gene bows his head for a moment, then meets my gaze, looking solemn. "You deserved it, Suzu. You know you did. Don't degrade yourself. You're really a good person, and you deserved everything that came to you."
"Bad with the good, right?" I ask, smiling slightly.
"Yeah," Gene answers. "Bad with the good. As for keeping my emotions, I'm not sure how I do it, either. But when I kill, it's not . . . nothing. The difference between you and I is that you would kill emotionlessly, while I'm fueled by my emotions." He shakes his head. "We're very different, and yet so alike in some ways."
I raise an eyebrow. "Some ways? Like what?"
"Like . . ." Gene starts.
I fight the smirk that wants to appear on my face. "Like?"
"Okay, maybe we're not too alike," Gene admits, grinning.
I nod. "Do you believe in love at first sight?" Where did that come from?
"Nah . . . it's a ridiculous concept, really. I just don't think it's possible. Do you?"
"No. I believe more in love at first fight."
"How so?" Gene questions, tilting his head.
"Well, if you meet someone, and the first thing you do is get in a fight, there's really nowhere to go but up in that relationship. That makes more sense, I think. If the first words you speak to the other person are, 'I love you,' then you've got a long way to fall. But if you first exchange harsh words, then you can only go up." I point at the ceiling to emphasize my point.
Gene nods slowly, looking at me.
What is he thinking?
"Harsh words, na? Like, 'Okay, whaddaya say we play fair?'"
An uneasy feeling begins to grow in the pit of my stomach. Is he going to say what I think he's going to say?
In a soft mockery of my own voice, he responds to himself, 'Charming. Do you actually think your using a sword would be challenging?'"
Love at first fight. I look away from him. He's insane.
I don't love him.