"Atticus? Are you crying?" Scout looked over at her father on the other side of the table. He replied with a short "No," then quickly wiped his eyes with his sleeve. Scout was surprised at the harsh tone in his voice, as he seldom used it. She looked over at her brother, who also didn't seem to know what was going on. Calpurnia, who was just walking back to the kitchen, stole a glance at the man and closed the door. Without further saying, Atticus moved the food on his plate around some more, as he already had been doing during the whole dinner.
Suddenly, Scout and Jem heard an unfamiliar and strangled sob from the side of their father. Atticus quickly moved his chair back, managed to say an almost inaudible "Excuse me," and nearly ran to the kitchen, Calpurnia holding the door open for him. She seemed to be doubting whether to go after him into the kitchen or not, then decided upon the first option.
She found Atticus Finch standing against the kitchen counter with his handkerchief pressed against his eyes, his glasses pushed up to his forehead. She filled a glass with water and handed it to him. Accidently touching his hand, she noticed how cold it felt. Atticus took the handkerchief away and blew his nose. "Are you alright, Mr Finch?," Calpurnia asked carefully. Atticus took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Cal. It's just that today...well...God it's already so long ago...I can't stop thinking about her, I won't ever stop thinking about her but I'm supposed tokeep keep myself straight in front of Scout andJem..." Calpurnia nodded, trying to follow what he said. "Mr Finch, I understand what you are saying but you can't keep straight all the time. I mean, uhm, I have seen you cry only three times when I'm here. I know someone who's spilling tears all the time because of her husband's death. It's really not something you should be holding up, especially not today." Atticus looked up to her, his face streaked with tears. "Thank you...it's that I suddenly thought about it again, finding her on the porch... I miss her so much...God, I so much desire to have someone in my arms at night..." he stopped abruptly, realising he was overtalking. Calpurnia smiled and shyly touched his arm. Atticus couldn't keep himself in control and pulled her into a hug. When he pulled himself loose, he apologised. He wiped off his face and walked into the room again. His children stared at him, but didn't speak. Neither did Atticus, he sat down like nothing had happened but couldn't bring himself to eating. "If you want to share my dinner" he said softly, "go ahead. Or Cal, if you're still hungry." Jem and Scout took his food and after they had eaten, Cal cleared the dishes and the family went into the livingroom.
Atticus knew he had to say something. "I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have seen that. Today...it's already quite some years ago that your mother passed." His children nodded and Jem looked very sad.
Some time later, Scout asked: "Atticus, would you talk to me about...her?" Atticus sighed, but didn't want to shut his daughter out. "Yes honey, but when you're going to bed, allright? I first bring Calpurnia home. Make sure you're ready when I come back!"
Jem looked angrily at his sister. "Are you crazy? He just ran away from dinner crying about her and now you're asking him to come and talk about her? Great, Scout. Really wonderful."
When Atticus came in, he went straight to his daughter. When settled down, he immediately began talking. "Many years ago, when I was elected to the state legislature in Montgomery, I met Jean Graham. I thought she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen and we fell in love." Atticus paused a moment, not knowing what to say."I asked her to marry me, and so we did. Together, we went to live in Maycomb. A year later, Jem was born." Right at that moment, Jem came in and asked if he could join. "Of course," said Atticus and he threw back the covers under which Scout was laying. He smiled at his two children propped up in the bed together. "We were incredibly happy. Then, four years later, you came into the world. Even more happy." He took a deep breath. "Your mother was like you, Scout, did you know that?
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