The thing other people do, the thing that was always, that seemed to be everywhere, on people's minds, all the time, that thing, I can't do that. I mean I can, I have, past versions of me, but I don't... want to, I don't need to, it's not a thing that I do anymore.
With River it was different, I think, it was magnetism, some kind of psychic... thing, but it was an aberration, an anomaly, I wasn't... like that, not really, not with anyone. But with you, with you, I sometimes caught myself looking at you the way Rory looked at Amy, and for some reason, for some reason it didn't scare me, it didn't scare with you, Clara. I saw what was happening, and I wasn't scared. That was the kind of person you made me. You made me not scared, Clara, and you're amazing for that. Clara, I think I loved you for that.
And now I'm going, and you're standing next to a me who isn't the same, who's so afraid, and I can't stop it, not this time, Clara, I wish I could, and I wish I could have said this to you but I was too late and I couldn't break your heart when you were standing in front of me. Please, please forgive me for this, but I couldn't do it, I was, I was scared of seeing you cry because I would have asked you to do something heroic like save me, and I couldn't ask that of you. I couldn't and I shouldn't want to because it's not dying, not truly, it's just changing.
But the other me, the other me that I feel building like a tidal wave in my head, he needs you. And he'll need a friend, truly, because this thing, these feelings, I'm locking them up and taking them with me, and he won't have them because they're mine. I fell in love with someone else once, a different time, a different face, a different pair of hearts, but I did the same thing then.
Not consciously, but there are so few things that I get to claim as mine in the time that I've got in this self, this version of me, and most of me is the same, most of these things stay the same, but these feelings of what I have for you, they're mine. This body, this mind, this space in time, and I'm taking them with me because I'm frightened and I want not to be. Please don't hate me Clara. Please please please please please, 'cause he needs you. The other me.
He'll be the same, but without all the feelings that kept the fear away, and he'll be so scared without them, Clara. I know I can't ask you this Clara, and I don't want to, but just for me, please Clara, just for me, be his friend. Make him not scared again because when I'm scared I do the stupidest things, and I never want to do that again and you know that, you know that, you just walked by the door, and I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry that I never got to tell you this in this life, but Clara, I'm so scared.
I'm scared and I've been running for too long and I love you and I really really really don't want to put down this phone because it's saying goodbye and you're crying and I'm sorry that I have to leave you like this, and I'll miss you. And it's not fair of me, but I need to tell you, I need to tell you just this once, I would have kissed you, I think, if you wanted. Not because of magnetism, not because of anything, because of me. And that's why I had to say goodbye. I loved you, Impossible Girl, and I'm sorry.