It's Wanda who finds him, walking past his room for one reason or another. She finds him sitting on the floor, staring out of the window while holding something in his hands.
"Captain?"
Steve doesn't respond immediately, and Wanda starts to think that she should leave him be. When Steve finally turns his head to look at her, Wanda's almost out of sight, having already decided to turn out from the doorway. "Wanda," he says, his voice quiet and sad. It's his tone that makes her stop - the only other time his voice came close to that was when he offered her his condolences for Pietro's death.
Almost silently, Wanda turns back to the doorway, offering Steve a small smile. "I wanted to see if you were okay," she explains, hesitantly stepping into the doorway. Steve nods, and she's not sure whether he's saying he's fine or if he understands.
Moments later, Steve pats the floor beside him, and Wanda points at herself, not quite believing his offer. She knows that she's an Avenger now, but that doesn't mean she can't still feel the lingering doubt in their minds. This - the intimacy and trust of what Steve was offering - was entirely new. Wanda takes small, quiet steps into Steve's room, afraid of ruining the quiet moment with her clothes' rustling. "You can relax. I don't bite," Steve jokes, making the corner of Wanda's mouth quirk up.
Wanda sits beside Steve, mirroring his cross-legged position. Now that she sees what Steve's holding, Wanda feels even more like an intruder. It's Steve's old uniform - not the one he wore during the war, but his original one when he was still touring around. Stark had put up and old photo he'd found, and the performance clips had looped for days before Steve got Natasha to take them down. Steve notices her looking at it and holds it out for her to touch.
"It's soft," Wanda says in a gentle, amazed voice as she carefully holds a small edge of it. She rubs the material between her fingers, on the edge of believing that she was touching a piece of history. Wanda doesn't have to be able to sense it to feel the years and memories practically rolling off of the uniform. After a few moments, she lets go, letting Steve take his memories back. "I have found," she begins, taking note of the way Steve had returned to his blank staring. "I have found that it is good to talk about the memory of lost ones." It hadn't been the easiest thing for her to learn, but Wanda had indeed learned her lesson about bottling up all of her emotions.
Steve heaves in a deep breath, and Wanda's uncertain as to whether he will take her advice or tell her off for the implication of her statement. "When I told you I understood what it was like to lose your world, I wasn't lying," he says, not looking at her. From what Wanda can tell, this is a wound that is just as fresh, just as gaping, just as painful as her own. She had gotten a glimpse of it when she'd been inside his mind, but this was like their current situation - completely new.
Uncertain of how to treat this wound, whether to acknowledge it and Steve's suffering or do as he had been and ignore it, Wanda turns her eyes back to the carpet, picking mindlessly at the threads before asking the question burning on her mind. "Who was he?"
When a small smile crosses Steve's face, Wanda feels the knot in her stomach loosen, knowing that it was the right thing for her to say. "Isn't that the question of the day?" Steve does answer, but Wanda feels like she knows what he's going to say just moments before he speaks. "His name was James Buchanan Barnes."
It only takes those three words for Wanda to figure out a lot of what it is Steve tries to say. "I am sorry," she says, though she knows how little it can do for him given everything that she's been through. Steve only gives a half-hearted shrug in acknowledgement of her words, as if to say 'There's nothing you can do about it now'. It's the half-heartedness of it that makes Wanda want to help. "Why bring out your uniform now? I would have thought that the one you wore during the battles would have held more memories than this."
Steve smiles, if only a little, at her question. "Oddly enough, this has the best memory out of all of them. At least, the best memory of him after everything happened," he adds, and Wanda's suddenly reminded of how much Steve's life has changed for him since he joined the Army and did the same thing she did - volunteered her life to win the war.
Wanda holds up her hands, tiny red tendrils curling around her fingers tentatively. "May I?" For a moment she can see the fear in Steve's eyes, no doubt a reminder of what happened the last time Wanda was in Steve's mind. But when she blinks, it's gone and Steve is nodding like he's forgotten his fear. Wanda thinks that maybe, Steve's stronger than any of them give him credit for and the weakest out of all of them.
She barely gives him any time to mentally prepare herself before she's sifting through his memories to find the one Steve's talking about. When he realizes what's happening, Steve makes it easier for her, pulling the memory out of the depths of the modern age, and essentially hands it to her for Wanda to watch with him.
"Howard, have you seen-?"
Howard Stark never does figure out who it is Steve's looking for because Captain America is too busy staring at the only other person in the lab with his jaw on the floor. "Better close that mouth of your's, my friend, otherwise flies are gonna find themselves a new home in it," Howard says, smirking at Steve's surprised look. "If you two would like, I could leave you alone," the inventor continues, beginning to move towards the door Steve had just walked through.
"I can explain?" James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes's statement sounds more like a question as Howard slips out the door, a grin firmly planted on his face as he wonders how Barnes will dig himself out of that particular hole.
In Howard's lab, Steve just stares at Bucky. "I'm not sure I want an explanation for this," Steve says after another long look at his friend.
Bucky winces, still not having moved from where he was frozen. Steve has to admit, Bucky's certainly got a flair for making himself look right even when Bucky swears up and down that he's never posed for anything in his life. (Steve doesn't count the times that Bucky unknowingly posed for a few portraits when Steve got bored.) Slowly, Bucky brings down his arms, the shield ringing quietly as he does. "Howard had it just laying there, and I thought 'what the hell'. So, I asked him if I could try it on and he said sure," Bucky finishes lamely.
A grin slowly crosses Steve's face as he crosses the lab to Bucky. His best friend has quickly paled, his eyes going wide the moment Steve starts walking. It occurs to Steve, while he's taking his time in getting to Bucky, just how blue Bucky's eyes are, especially when they're basically the only part of his best friend's face he can see through the Captain America mask. "So," Steve starts, once he's close enough to Bucky to have it be considered inappropriate, not that either of them had given much thought to that ever. "You thought it was a good idea to dress up as Captain America?"
Bucky stares up at Steve, and Steve swears he can hear Bucky's heart beating a millions miles per minute. His best friend swallows, and that is definitely something in Bucky's eyes as Steve continues to get just a hair's breadth closer. "I thought you were in that meeting with Agent Carter and Colonel Philips," Bucky admits, his voice shakier than it had been a minute ago. It's the change in Bucky's voice that makes Steve's grin go slightly more predatory.
"We finished early. Peggy seemed anxious to get done with the meeting - Howard came in about ten minutes before we finished and told her something. Since then, she just seemed excited for something." Steve looks Bucky up and down, suddenly understanding what is was Howard had probably told Peggy that made the corners of her mouth turn up. Judging by the flush that dusts Bucky's cheeks, he knows exactly what Steve's thinking about doing to him.
Not sure how to react, Bucky clears his throat, almost afraid of breaking whatever it is that's going on between them at that moment. "Why'd you come to see Howard? 'S not like Peggy wouldn't like to spend more time with you." Oh, and there's the look that Steve just hates to see on Bucky's face, the one where his best friend is absolutely heartbroken.
Unfortunately for Bucky, that just adds to Steve's confidence that this is the right thing to do - maybe not this very moment, but he doesn't see another opportunity like this one landing in his lap any time soon. "Peggy asked where you were and Colonel Philips mentioned seeing you go off towards Howard's lab before the meeting, so I figured I'd come look for you here." Steve gives Bucky another long look. "Think I figured out how Howard kept you out of trouble while he went to go talk to Peggy during the meeting."
"You think so -?" And before Bucky's got the chance to finish his thought, Steve's hauling him up to his new height by the front of his Captain America uniform, the blonde's hand gripping the fabric so hard that Bucky's afraid it's gonna rip. That would be a damn shame, because Steve's getting a few notions that Bucky's getting some nasty ideas just by wearing it, especially considering what Bucky's doing with his tongue in Steve's mouth.
Wanda looks away from the two of them at that point from where she'd been watching in the corner. She knows how important this memory is to Steve and, even though he let her in, she thinks that it would be nice if he could keep a few things to himself. Vaguely, she wonders if anyone else on the team is aware of what Steve's relationship was with Bucky Barnes, instead of what they assumed they were.
At the sudden thump sound, Wanda looks back to see Steve and Bucky smiling gently at each other, though Steve's got his back against the door now. One of them, or Howard, had apparently thought it a good idea to close the door to give themselves some privacy. Steve pauses after a moment, pressing his ear against the door to hear something outside. "What?" Steve shushes Bucky, sparing only a moment to pull his head away before putting it back. Curious, Bucky presses one ear to the door next to Steve.
Wanda manages to walk through the wall of Steve's memory in order to watch the scene that Steve can only hear from where his ear is pressed against the door. A smile tugs at her lips at what she sees in front of her.
Agent Peggy Carter stands beside Stark's father, Howard, a smug look on her face. "I told you Steve wouldn't be able to resist Barnes in his uniform," Peggy says, holding her hand out to Howard.
Howard sighs, pulling out his wallet. He pulls out the cash he has on him and counts out $200 before placing it in Peggy's outstretched hand. "I told you it was a bad idea to bet against her, Stark," Philips says, walking past the two of them. As Peggy and Howard turn to look at him, the only sign that the colonel had said anything is the sly look he throws the two of them. "You kids have fun now."
Wanda notices the focus being pulled away from Peggy and Howard, and feels like an intruder as she's pulled back into Howard's lab where Steve and Bucky are laughing about Howard losing his bet against Peggy. "You don't have to stand there and not say anything," Steve says, and Wanda is suddenly hyperaware of his presence beside her. He hadn't gone with her out to listen to Peggy and Howard's conversation, which means that he stayed with his memory-self and the Bucky he remembers.
"Is this where it ends?" Wanda asks, because she doesn't know what else to say and doesn't want to ruin this for Steve. Steve nods and the two of them are back in Steve's room, Howard's lab from 1944 gone with only a few red tendrils drifting back to Wanda as evidence that anything happened.
"He never wore it after that," Steve says, breaking the silence that's fallen over them. "We went after Zola soon after." Wanda can see what it does to Steve, to know that he could have done something to prevent Bucky's fall from the train where Zola was. She holds out her hand after a moment of consideration. Steve looks at her, as if she's startled him out of whatever he's thinking about.
She offers him a small smile. "After our parents died and we had nothing left," Wanda starts, not entirely sure why it is she's explaining herself. "Pietro and I only had each other, if nothing else. When we needed comfort, we would hold hands." It doesn't take long after her admission for Steve to take her hesitantly offered hand, clearly grateful for the human contact. "I understand that you have had very little success in your search for him," she says tentatively.
Wanda wonders what Steve's thinking in the moments it takes for him to consider his reply; she also wonders if it was the wrong thing for her to say, after Steve had already let her see so much and the silence stretches on. "Natasha told me to stop looking for him. Sam was running down leads while Ultron was around, but the two of them had made me stop by then. They're worried about what I'll do," he says, staring almost blankly at the uniform in his hands. Steve clutches his uniform a bit tighter, though he doesn't notice and Wanda does.
It doesn't surprise her to learn that Sam and Natasha had made Steve stop searching. He probably didn't get a single decent night's rest while he was traveling across Europe for the assassin who managed to stay out of the public eye since the very beginning. "Are they worried about what you were doing or what you are going to do when he is found?"
"Both, I think," Steve answers, speaking almost as an afterthought. "They were right to take me off of it, as always." Wanda wants to say something, anything, just to be able to keep Steve, protect Steve - and isn't that a thought she'll never say aloud - from whatever it is that he's trying to say. But, just like that day back in Sokovia, Wanda feels useless, unable to form the words that she thinks will help Steve. "I don't know what would've happened, if they hadn't stopped me," Steve says again, and Wanda watches his thoughts form behind his eyes.
Wanda squeezes her hand around his gently, not that she could ever do him any real, physical damage with just her body strength alone. "You are a good man, Steve Rogers," she says, and something about her words tickles at her mind, as if they are not her own, like she borrowed them from someone else and is failing to remember who. Whoever it is Wanda may or may not be quoting, Steve recognizes because he immediately snaps out of his daze to stare her in the eyes, like he's trying to impart on her the importance of what she just said. "I do not think that Natasha or Sam would allow you to do anything that would damage your mental state."
Steve's still trying to convey a message with his eyes, and Wanda's getting lost on the receiving end. She can feel his hope fading as her expression shows her obliviousness to what it is Steve had suddenly realized. "I don't know if I should laugh or not," is what Steve says when he finally returns to their conversation, having decided that verbal words are better than a futile attempt at communication of a complete explanation via eye contact.
A shaky laugh escapes Wanda's mouth before she realizes what it was Steve was implying. "I did not mean to make fun of you," Wanda says quickly after, her free hand covering her mouth as she considers taking her hand away from Steve's. "I had not realized what I was saying, and even then I didn't realize what they might mean to you."
For a few moments, Steve stares at her, in complete disbelief. Then, like a miracle, a small grin lights up his face. "It's okay, Wanda," he says, laughing a little himself. "If there was something wrong with what you said, I think I'd have said something about it." Wanda nods, still slightly shaken by her words. She thinks back to when she and Pietro, Pietro her brother her twin, worked with Ultron, how easy it was to manipulate the Avengers' minds, and she feels like throwing up. Steve can apparently see this on her face because he pulls Wanda towards him, wrapping an arm around her in a semi-awkward side-hug.
Wanda hears humming, and she glances up at Steve, who's returned to staring out of the window at the trees beyond. The tune is unfamiliar to her, but she understands its purpose - to comfort, to make one feel safe. With a quiet sigh, Wanda allows herself to rest her head against Steve's shoulder, not quite understanding what it is that they will do now, having confided in each other in their own ways.
Still, for the time being, it's nice to have a shoulder to lean on. For both of them.