Trigger Warning for rape, violence, and gore.
I remember being born in a late winter. Of course, I was only told that, because there was no way for me to remember such details as an infant. Both my brothers were summer children, born in the late and early summers. I knew the harshness of the cold, and was sick often as a small child. My eldest brother had the freedom of leaving our home and exploring the wilderness beyond. He was 7 years older than me, so didn't spend much time with me unless he absolutely had to. When we were smaller, we were inseparable, but as soon as he reached manhood he had other things on his mind. He quickly abandoned me for the advancements of a high born Altmer girl that lived in the capital.
After a year of chasing Eilnn, she broke his heart and her family moved away, back to their home in the Summerset Isles. And then he became cold, but more protective, and watched over me the way a brother should. But he was never the same cheerful boy I had known before. But that all changed when our baby brother Laramie was born. Our mother assured us that a new baby did not mean she didn't love us any less. I understand what my mother told me, but it didn't stop me from being jealous.
Mother stopped singing to me after Laramie was born. So did father. I remember hiding in the darkness outside my baby brother's room, watching my parents around his crib, singing him the same lullabies they used to sing to my eldest brother Donovan and I. I wouldn't watch for long, even though in the beginning I would scurry off as soon as he was fast asleep. Donny was always waiting for me in our room. I think he realized how hard I was taking it. Mother had stopped singing to him at a younger age, and I was just being selfish. I missed her voice, and that's why I hid and listened every night.
Donny was 16 then, he didn't care about lullabies or any of the childish things I still believed. But he was mature enough to know that I still needed to. I stopped trying to hear our mother's voice after Donny started singing to me. He had a beautiful voice like mother's, but it was lower with tones I had never heard before. He sang the same lullabies mother had sang to us, kneeling by my bed and stroking my hair.
We grew closer after Laramie was born, not just because we spent so much time together. But we looked different than him. Laramie inherited our father's blonde hair, while we took after our mother's ebony hair. My father used to tell me that mother was his stubborn little raven that he stole away from the city. It might as well have been true, and Donny's relationship with Eilnn reminded me of our parent's.
My father only had his inn, and met my mother by chance while visiting Evermor. My mother was considered high class, and my father wasn't even close to that. Even with all her advantages, she still left her comfortable life and left to live with my father. My father didn't have to do much wooing, their love was almost instant. My mother was actually betrothed to another at the time, and thus disowned by her family. But she didn't care, she chose to be with my father and she was happy. At least my parents had a happy ending.
A year after Laramie was born, my father finally let me help in the inn. I was 10, and helped my mother bake and cook for the patrons. I had a knack for baking and my mother put me in charge of making crostatas and sweet rolls. Donny used to help in the inn, but now father gave him a job to collect shipments from Evermor in his place. Donny was given his first horse, a white and brown spotted mare that he named Andorra. Andorra was very friendly, but after many attempts let me stroke her mane and Donny to mount her. I still remember how excited he looked as he tested her on a trot around our property. He left on his way to Evermor, only shouting back that he would see me in the morning.
"Lynne, give this to Thorne, would you?" My mother, Amina handed me a bowl of apple cabbage stew and a tankard of mead. I nodded as she wiped her hands onto a rag, ushering me away. I carefully shuffled over to him, making sure not to trip or bump into anything. He looked up and smiled as I placed his food and drink in front of him, interrupting his reading.
"What are you reading, Mister Nerevra?" I asked, fixing the folds in my skirt.
"Oh, you wouldn't be interested in this, little one." He chuckled, his smile reaching his sapphire blue eyes. I grinned as he sampled his meal, accidentally dripping some of the broth onto his unshaven chin. He turned to me, wiping his face as he laughed. "Did you help your mama make this, sweetie?"
I shook my head, my black waves swaying behind me. "No. But there's some desserts I made if you'd like one."
Mister Nerevra must have noticed my pride in my work. "Well then, yes. I would very much like one, darling."
"What would you like?" I urged, smiling brighter.
He stared at me for a moment before answering. "Surprise me."
I had to sleep alone tonight. Donny was gone, and that meant no lullabies. That meant alone in the dark all night. I stared at the candlelight as I dressed into my over sized nightgown, only snapping out of my loneliness as I noticed my brother's necklace laying on his bed. I crept over, examining the red feather before picking it up. It felt nice in my hands, the leather cord smooth and soft from constant wear. Without a second thought I slipped it over my head, letting the phoenix feather dangle over my chest.
"Donovan left that for you." I jumped as I heard my mother in my doorway.
"Why would Donny do that? He never takes it off." I stammered, turning to face her.
She gave me a small smile, inviting herself into my room. "Because he knows how lonely it can be at night, especially when he can't sing to you."
I stared up at her wide-eyed. "No, Donny doesn't sing to me. Only mama and papa sing."
She looked down at me in disbelief. "I know its been hard having a baby, but Laramie didn't replace you. Just like how you didn't replace Donovan." She smoothed back my hair, lifting up my chin. "I will always love you, Lynne. Infants are hard work, they need extra attention. I promise things will get better." She held out her smallest finger to me, offering her words. I grabbed hers with mine, gripping tightly as I smiled.
My mother gave me a quick kiss on the forehead before leaving the room, upon hearing knocking. I didn't follow even though I wanted to, I just sat down on my bed and played with my brother's necklace.
I snapped my attention to my open door as I heard my mother scream. "Annas!" Within seconds my father was sprinting down our hallway, gripping an ax in his hand as he passed my room. I quickly jumped from my bed, peeking around the corner into the hallway. I stared frozen as I witnessed the three intruders, one of them immediately driving a sword through my mother's stomach. My father shouted in anger and swung violently at the man that just wounded my mother. She was still alive, that much was obvious as she crawled towards me, clutching her heavily bleeding stomach.
She reached a bloody hand out to me, staring into my wide eyes as hers grew dark. She could only mutter my younger brother's name as tears slid down her cheeks before completely collapsing, her now cold eyes fixed on me. My mother was dead. The panic hit me hard as I began to sob, running for Laramie's room without thinking. I slammed the door behind me, quickly moving behind his dresser and pushing it against the door. I wasn't strong, only managing to block the door halfway.
I rushed over to his crib, reaching in to calm him. Laramie stared at me with his bright golden eyes, before he started to cry loudly. I shushed him, not entirely sure what to do. I could hear my father fighting, but I knew there was no way he could take on all three. I let out a short scream as someone threw themselves against the blocked door.
I couldn't think straight, my mind was rattled in fear of what could happen. I couldn't hear my father anymore. I was terrified. I sat Laramie down on the floor and tried my best to open the single window in the room. He reached up to me and wailed, he must have been scared too. I managed to push it open fully, quickly swooping Laramie up into my arms.
I cowered in the corner as the door burst open, the dresser sliding across the floor. "No, go away! Please leave!" I sobbed, tears dripping from my chin. I cringed as I the man left the darkness of the hallway into the room. Mister Nerevra. I felt so betrayed. "Papa!" I cried, hanging onto the chance that he might still be alive.
Mister Nerevra stepped towards me, and for a split second I wanted to reach out to him, because there was no way he would do something as terrible as this. But my mother's blood was unmistakable on his clothes. I felt so helpless as he just stole Laramie from my arms placing him back into his crib. "Please don't hurt him." I pleaded, clinging to the wall as if that would hep me.
He turned to me and smiled, his eyes strange and wild as he stared at me. "Don't be afraid, Ashlynne." I could see the smoke billow into the doorway before I could smell it, the hallway lit up with fire.
"Why are you doing this?" I whispered, my eyes never leaving his as he moved closer to me.
"I could never tell you..." He muttered, wearing an expression I couldn't read. "One day you'll be a beautiful woman, just like your mother." I tensed as he reached out to me, sliding down the wall as to be out of his reach. "You'll be a good girl, won't you?" He smiled a toothy grin, but there was a certain intent revealed in his eyes that I just couldn't trust.
"Ashlynne!" I was given new hope as I heard Donny's voice. I opened my mouth to respond to his shouts, but Mister Nerevra pressed his hand over my mouth. I fought against him and he lifted me off the ground, wrapping an arm around my waist. I kicked my legs, thrashing enough to force his hand away.
"Donny! I'm in here! I'm-" Mister Nerevra threw me against the wall, inspiring a yelp to flee from my lungs. I curled up in a ball, holding my aching ribs. Mister Nerevra drew his silver sword, leaving the room to find my brother. As I climbed to my feet it became harder to breathe, the smoke filling the room. I reached into Laramie's crib and lifted him out, immediately bringing him to the window. I pushed him through, dangling him for a minute before dropping him. The fall shouldn't have hurt him, but I was afraid for him since it was pitch black outside save for the flames roaring off from our home.
I climbed out of the window, instantly hitting the ground. I turned around, expecting to see Laramie laying on the ground. He was gone. "Laramie?" I called out, dropping onto all fours, patting the ground, searching desperately in the dark. I kept calling his name, but he was nowhere to be seen."Laramie!"
"Go get her, Emir!" I didn't even have to look to know that someone was running towards me. I bolted, my feet aching as I stepped on branches and rocks. I wouldn't have a chance to continue searching for Laramie if they caught me. I made the mistake of looking behind, panic building up as I saw two men chasing me. My body slammed into a tree, and I fell hard against the ground. I couldn't even see to begin with, but I knew my vision was blackening as I lost conscientiousness.
I opened my eyes to see Mister Nerevra above me, a pain racking through my body rousing me awake. I pounded my fists against him, screaming for him to stop. Before I could even realize what was going on, two very similar hands reached from either side of my vision and grabbed my wrists. They pinned them to the dirt, and I struggled to see their faces. I could see dirty blonde hair and for a moment I thought I was looking at the same person. I looked down and was horrified at the scene in front of me. Blood spotted the bottom of my night gown, and Mister Nerevra was..
I screamed over and over again, struggling against these men who held me down. Mister Nerevra made a pained expression and hissed, turning to one of the men. "Break something..." He said to his companion, grunting as he tried to force himself inside further.
"No! Please don't!" The man did as he was told, looking a little uneasy, grabbing hold of my arm with both hands, as I watched I horror. There was a snap and white hot pain erupted through my body. My eyes filled up with tears and I whined, terrified as I saw the blood gushing past the bone.
"Now be a good girl.."
All I could do was cry. I couldn't even scream, because there was no air in my lungs. I felt everything, and the sting of pain had me struggling again. I turned my head to plead with one of the men, to beg for this to end. Mister Nerevra leaned forward, introducing more pain, placing my brother's feather into my open hand.
"Look only at me." I was paralyzed, only able to see my attacker above me, clutching my brother's necklace in my hand. My eyes were frozen on his panting figure, and in that moment I prayed for the first time. I prayed for him to kill me. The realization that my entire family could be dead hit me like a wave, and tears fell freely from my eyes, almost flowing nonstop.
"Just kill me..." My voice is weak. He ignores me, he probably can't even hear me. I grip my older brother's necklace, never letting go. I pray to any god that they just kill me but they won't.I can't possibly escape this reality. The pain is too great, the smell of fire is too real. My blood is now soaking my nightdress. I wish I could be numb, but I can't...
It isn't long after that he is finished, although it felt like years had passed. The men release my arms, and I attempt to crawl away with just one arm, my broken one feels like it is weighing me down. They don't stop me, and I suspect it's because I feel like I won't be able to stand. I never realized how sticky blood could be until this moment, as I was covered in it. I turn on my side, feeling sick. I can hear all three men stand up behind me, the crackling of breaking branches matching their footsteps.
I force myself to stand, even with my entire body on fire from the pain. I stumble for a moment before breaking into a run. I can hear Mister Nerevra shouting, but I can see almost clearly, my eyes already used to the darkness. I never stopped running, no matter how exhausted I became, because there was no way I was going to let him catch me.
An entire day had passed before I knew I was lost. Hopelessly lost, because I had absolutely no clue where I could be. I was still in the forest, but if I searched hard enough I could see a desert through the trees. I avoided any area other than the forest until I came across mountains, but I only reached them as the moon rose into the dark sky. Lack of sleep destroyed any logic I had, so I decided to rest in an a small cave until morning.
It took a while for me to fall into a deep sleep, the cold biting at my exposed skin, but when I finally I was surprised that I was unharmed. I knew of the creatures that lurked through our world, but was glad that I hadn't seen any yet. Hunger nagged at me through my stomach, and my bleeding arm shot pain through my entire body in sync with my heartbeat. I didn't give up though. I couldn't give up. The thought of Mister Nerevra chasing me kept me going. Because he was probably going to kill me too.
Eventually I successfully crossed the mountains, managing to hide from anyone that crossed my path. Entering forestry again, I was welcomed by snow. A small snowflake flitted down from the sky onto my nose. I shivered, continuing my path forward as snow fell down all around me. Soon the snow started to stick to the ground, my feet becoming numb not long after. My walking slowly and I felt my knees growing weak. I looked up from the snow covered ground and stopped.
My eyes met with a pair of crimson ones, that stared blankly. These eyes belonged to a tall pale man with black hair as dark as mine. He was dressed in the fanciest clothes I had ever seen, all of them as black as his hair. He was impossibly beautiful, and he looked confused as he stared at me. My knees finally gave out and I collapsed. The man rushed over to me, quickly but carefully picking me up and cradling me in his arms. He wasn't much warmer than the ground, but I felt safe and comforted, clinging onto his soft coat.
"T-Thank...you..." I mumbled, burying my face into his chest. Even though his chest didn't rise as he breathed, and I couldn't hear his heartbeat, I still felt safe. He held me tightly and started walking, and I drifted off to sleep. Because all my uneasiness and pain faded away with just one touch.
I feel terrible about this chapter honestly, but that should be obvious. This is the first chapter to Ashlynne's past. It's supposed to be heartbreaking. By the way, new record for how long it took me to write this chapter: only 3 days c: And I promise I am working on Never stop Running, but I'm also working on this and my Dragonborn story (finally!) But I'm sure I'll add another chapter to this story first. Sorry for the wait and I hope you enjoy this chapter (as much as any sane person could.) I am a terrible human being.