This is a letter Mara writes to Noah after the end of The Evolution of Mara Dyer.
(I just hope Noah is okay too...)
Dear Noah:
I don't know if you'll ever read this. It's not like I can send it somewhere, right? I have no idea where you are right now. I have no idea if you're here, in the Hospital, or not. I have no idea if you're alive or dead. And it kills me not to know.
Kells said you died when the building collapsed, but how could I ever believe that? You.. you're supposed to heal. You can't die, Noah, you just can't. I know you're not dead. I refuse to believe that. I know Kells is just messing with us, like people always do.
But everytime I let myself think about the possibility for a moment, I go crazy. It happened these last days: sometimes when I wake up, after I had awful dreams about you. Sometimes just in random moments. But it happened. Because a part of me fears that Kells is telling the truth. Then what if you're... actually dead? What am I supposed to do, Noah? I can't go through this without you. It sounds incredibly selfish from me, I know, but I can't. You're my friend, my best friend, you're the person who understands me the most, it's only fair that we deal with this shit together. You aren't supposed to leave.. not just yet. And not only because I won't be able through this without you.
It's because I'm losing another friend. And not just a friend. A boyfriend, lover, whatever you wish to call it. It may have took me a long time to realize this, but I care about you so, so much, and I'm so deeply in love with you. At the end, I fell you for you hard, just like any other girl did. I can even see your smirk in my head right now after the last sentence. But you've become so much, I'd lose my mind if you're dead. I would just lose it. That's why I can't let myself believe it's true. I need to see it with my own eyes.
You're not supposed to leave, Noah! You're supposed to live and grow old, not die at seventeen. Not die because of me. I have ruined everything, absolutely everything, I came into your life and I ruined it. I can't even tell you how guilty I feel. How guilty I am. Because, this whole situation? My entire and complete fault.
It should've been me, Noah. I don't know if it's true, and hell, you can even be in this same hospital right now, alive and fully breathing! But if you're dead, then it should've been me instead of you. This is all my fault. And if you're not dead, I should've died too. I bring nothing but misery for those around me.
I just wish with all my soul, body and heart that you're okay.
I love you. Forever.
Mara.