Lust. Need. Desire.
The emotions swirled around her, clogging the air, thick enough to almost touch. But the feelings weren't hers. These weren't emotions that she'd ever felt herself. Plus the difference was easy to tell because her own feelings easily overwhelmed them…
Pain. Fear. And humiliation.
Andrea Frost was a prostitute. And not by her own choice. Her family was extremely poor and – with their father gone, their mother's declining health and the mouths of her younger brothers to feed – the hard times had called for desperate measures. Too old and fragile to sell her own body, Amanda Frost had offered out her daughter's instead.
Andrea, or more commonly known as Andie, hated this twisted arrangement. She hated the feel of strange men touching her and crushing her underneath their larger frames. She hated the pain and humiliation of having her body invaded. She hated the onslaught of hot and shameless emotions the men gave out, that she could somehow feel as clearly as her own.
But she never complained and she never tried to convince her mother to stop the arrangement. She loved her younger brothers and if her suffering helped them then so be it. She wasn't trying to be noble – she didn't even know the meaning of the word – she just wanted to help her family survive the best it could. She did not want her brothers to ever have to follow the same lifestyle as her.
When Mr. Connors, the man currently above her, had finished satisfying himself he relaxed on top of her, breathing hard and covered in a light sheen of sweat that felt slimy against her skin. She wanted him to get off of her. He was heavy and it hurt her chest. She didn't need anymore pain.
After a few minutes he raised himself up on one elbow, his body still covering hers, and stroked the side of Andie's face with hot fat fingers. "Such a lovely face…" he crooned. "Just like a porcelain doll."
Andie remained silent like she always did – her gaze fixed on his but not really seeing. She never made a sound during these encounters and she rarely even spoke to people in the daytime anymore. Most people who met her nowadays assumed that she was mute and would look at her with undeserved pity.
Having been told by the local doctor that her body was one unlikely to bear children, it was clear that she was an ideal candidate to be sold this way. But it didn't mean that she had to like it.
"Lovely…" repeated Mr. Connors, continuing to stroke her face. "It's a shame you stay so frigid… You should know that you won't earn yourself any tips if you don't try and give something back."
He finally pushed himself off of her and clumsily dressed in the dark. He left without another word, leaving Andie alone in the stuffy, ripe-smelling room to play his comment over in her head.
He'd wanted her to participate more? How could she when it took literally all of her strength to just lie there and take whatever force these men battered into her body?
The stifling heat of the room eventually overpowered her, as it always did, and made her feel suddenly claustrophobic. She hurriedly pulled on her clothes and staggered out of the small back room that she was so often confined to. Her mother would be in the drawing room, collecting her fee from the bedraggled and shameful Mr. Connors.
Andie let herself out onto the street through the side gate and padded barefoot a little way along the road. She came to a stop at the small churchyard on the corner. She climbed awkwardly over the low fence and flopped down onto the ground beside a crumbling headstone, using it as a backrest.
The heated temperature of the tiny room combined with the smell of sex and cheap cologne always overwhelmed her… But sitting on the damp ground with the cold seeping into her bones felt good. She much preferred being out in the open. It was nowhere near as frightening as being cramped into a small space with a lecherous stranger.
She tipped her head back and watched the stars in silence, not really thinking or feeling anything. This was just part of her life. She didn't like it but there was nothing she could do to escape from it.
"Now there's no sense in thinking like that."
Andie started at the unfamiliar voice and quickly scrambled to her feet. A tall refined-looking man donning a black tailcoat was stood before her. She hadn't seen or even heard him approach… It was almost as if he'd materialised out of thin air.
"You'll find that there's always somebody who can provide the escape you're looking for," the man continued in a smooth, formal voice. "The only thing that it depends on… is a price."
Andie recoiled – more from the man himself than his actual words. She may allow her body to be a harbour for cheap sex, but men terrified her to her very soul. Especially strangers. With no memories of her father or any extended family, the only way she knew men was as predators looking to sin and satisfy their needs.
"Now don't look so worried," said the man cheerfully. "This is only a proposal. I won't force you to take it."
Andie still kept silent, like she normally did. She didn't know what this well-dressed man could want with her, but the last proposal that had been forced onto her had pretty much ruined her life.
When he didn't get a response, the man happily continued. "If you'd truly like to escape this lifestyle I can offer you work – and a place to stay – so that you can continue to provide for your family without ever having to sell yourself again."
Only then did Andie finally speak. "What kind of work?" she asked nervously. She couldn't see this man offering her a good opportunity simply out of the kindness of his heart.
"Oh, some cleaning, maybe helping out around the gardens…" said the man thoughtfully. "We're definitely in need of somebody who can darn and mend clothes."
He cast a knowing glance over Andie's long white jumper that she'd knitted herself. She wrapped her arms protectively around herself and said quietly, "I'm not very good at it."
"No matter," said the man with a casual wave of his hand. "I'm sure you'll be a far sight better than the staff we already have."
Andie didn't know what to say to that – she just continued to watch the man with a wary gaze. He was younger and clearly of a higher class than the men she normally had to serve… But he was still a man either way, and she didn't trust men.
"Who are you?" she asked instead, feeling more than a little curious.
"My name is Sebastian Michaelis," he introduced with a sweeping bow. "I work for the Phantomhive family. I presume you've heard of them?"
Andie nodded. "The toymakers."
Sebastian looked pleased. "Splendid!"
He paused before going on, allowing Andie another chance to ask questions. Her brow was furrowed, deep in thought. This man wasn't full of lust and desperation like so many others that she'd met… But he exuded a dark aura that she'd never felt from anyone before. It didn't feel… well, human.
She hesitated for several long seconds before asking her next question in a rare moment of boldness. "What are you?"
Sebastian didn't seem offended by her question. On the contrary, he looked quite pleased. "My, you are perceptive… You see, I am simply one hell of a butler. And from what I can tell, you happen to have a little gift of your own."
"A gift?" Andie repeated curiously.
"You can perceive the emotions of others," explained Sebastian. "It's quite a rare talent, and one I'd like to assist you in developing."
Andie mulled the thought over in her head with wonder. It was a gift that she had? Being able to pick up the feelings of others was a rare talent? She'd always found the effects to be frightening, rather than useful.
"But I can only pick up certain things," she admitted, shame-faced. "Bad things."
"Which is exactly why I'd like to help you hone your skills," replied Sebastian. "You perceive negative emotions because that's all you've known. But with some help you could learn to identify and feed off of positive, stronger emotions too."
He allowed a few moments for his words to sink in. He could see that he had her hooked. What individual wouldn't want the opportunity to try and expand on a gift so unique?"
"I really won't have to be sold to anymore men?" checked Andie, still disbelieving.
"Never again," promised Sebastian. "You will simply be a maid of sorts, nothing more. You'll find that all of our staff have exceptional abilities of their own."
"And my family? You said I could still provide for them," Andie reminded.
"Yes, of course," said Sebastian. "Obviously staying at Phantomhive Manor you'll be provided with a room to stay in and food to sustain you. Whatever keep you earn from working for the Phantomhives you can do with as you please."
"I want it all to go to my family," said Andie without a moment's hesitation. She didn't want her family to have to go through such hard times ever again. She couldn't bear the thought of her brothers having to take up her role once they were older.
"As you wish," agreed Sebastian. "Now… Will you be ready to leave immediately or would you like to bid farewell to your family first?"
Andie considered the younger brothers who looked up to her, who would cry and plead with her not to leave if she told them she was going elsewhere; she considered the mother who had never loved her and only seen her as a source of income…
She shook her head. "No. I'm ready to escape."
Sebastian cast a cursory glance over her. "You should at least return home one more time to collect some shoes, even if you don't want to tell your family of your intentions. It really is quite chilly out tonight."
"I've never really minded the cold," said Andie simply.
XXX
Phantomhive Manor was big – bigger than Andie could have ever imagined. She'd never seen buildings like this before. And that was just the landscape of the manor and the grounds from outside.
Inside was a series of wide sweeping stairways, lines upon lines of polished hardwood doors, unbelievably long corridors that seemed to stretch on forever…
She kept a wary distance from Sebastian the whole time as he showed her around. He may have rescued her from her unfortunate lifestyle and given her a better alternative of how to live, but he was still another man and both her head and her heart didn't trust that fact.
He introduced her to the master of the manor. Ciel Phantomhive was a boy surprisingly young – younger even than herself. But he also exuded a dark air similar to Sebastian's, though nowhere near as strong. She wondered if he wasn't entirely human either, but she wasn't quite brave enough to ask the question a second time.
Ciel seemed to be a boy of few words and appeared neither pleased nor displeased with Sebastian's choice of a new servant. He merely introduced himself and stated that it would be the duty of Sebastian and the other servants to take her under their wing.
Andie's mind was reeling by the time Sebastian led her down towards the servant's quarter. She was beginning to feel claustrophobic again, despite the vastness of the great manor. In truth, she was afraid of her new surroundings.
As much as she'd despised her lifestyle, it had always been a constant for her. Change scared her. Her mother had always been there to choose her customers – to separate the bad… from the very bad. She didn't want to deal with the possible emotions that she could pick up from people who were very bad.
Now who would make that judgement for her? Who could she find to hide behind and rely on to show her who was untrustworthy and who was worse?
"And this is where you'll be staying," announced Sebastian, interrupting Andie's troubled thoughts.
Andie looked around. The servant's quarter was small by the rest of the manor's standards, but it was at least twice the size of her own house. She peered timidly through the different doors – there were a couple of neat little bedrooms and a small bathroom.
She then jumped when she saw that there was already somebody in the quarter who she hadn't noticed before. A short elderly man was sat on a chair in the corner, holding a cup of tea with both hands and looking quite content.
"This is Tanaka," Sebastian introduced, watching Andie's gaze. "He's served the Phantomhive family since before Master Ciel was born. He won't give you any trouble – he's the best behaved of all our staff here."
Tanaka seemed harmless but Andie still maintained a safe distance from him. She gave him the slightest nod of the head, which he returned with a smile before his attention was drawn back to his tea.
"I'll assemble the rest of the staff for you to meet and then I'll leave you to it," said Sebastian. "Wait here with Tanaka – I won't be long."
Andie blanched at the thought of being left alone with yet another strange man, but Sebastian was gone before she could protest. She needn't have worried because Tanaka remained in his corner, simply watching her quietly over the top of his teacup.
When Sebastian returned he was accompanied by three other servants – two male and one female. Andie recoiled from them, feeling herself withdrawing more and more. There were too many strange people around her all at once. She didn't like it. She barely even listened to Sebastian's continued introductions.
"This is Mey-Rin, our maid. Finny here tends to the gardens, and Bardroy is our chef."
They all offered up cheerful words of welcome. One even extended a hand for her to shake, though she couldn't tell which – they were all too close; the images of them blurring together… Andie shrank back against the wall behind her and the voices changed to that of concern.
"Are you okay?"
"She isn't saying anything."
"Is she mute?"
"No, no, she can talk. She's just a little shy," said Sebastian cheerily. "Come now, Andrea. You won't find a more harmless group than these."
Andie wondered where he could have learnt her name. She certainly hadn't told him. But then he'd known about her and her gift, and where to find her in the first place… Why wouldn't he have known her name too?
"Andie," she corrected shyly. The other servants beamed happily the moment she spoke, almost like she was a child learning to talk for the first time.
"My mistake… Andie, of course," smiled Sebastian, making Andie think that his slip-up had been intentional. "Now then, Andie… Are you feeling brave enough to stay here with the other servants? Or am I going to have to take you back home?"
Andie eyed the three young people before her, assessing them in the way she usually did to whittle down the danger of strangers. Normally she would have automatically been drawn to the female for protection. But Mey-Rin was giving off an emotion she knew all too well… Lust. Andie couldn't tell who exactly it was aimed at, but it was an emotion that she mistrusted and feared.
The chef Bardroy seemed impossibly tall compared to her tiny frame, and was quite rugged behind the cook's uniform he was wearing. Andie couldn't pick up any particular feelings from him, but on appearance alone he was the kind of intimidating male figure that she generally tried to avoid.
That left the young gardener, Finnian, pretty as a girl with fair hair and large eyes… He was the most harmless looking person she'd ever seen. He seemed like the obvious choice. Maybe she could rely on him? She ached for protection and always felt so vulnerable without a figure to hide behind…
She turned back and gave Sebastian the barest of nods. "I'll be okay."
"Excellent," said Sebastian briskly. "In that case I'll leave you all to get better acquainted."
With that, he left Andie with her new working family and headed back to Ciel's quarters. His contract and bond with the master meant that he always knew exactly when the young lord wished to speak with him.
"You wanted to see me, young lord?" asked Sebastian courteously, upon returning to Ciel's study.
"Yes," replied Ciel. "I was wondering as to your reasons for hiring new staff without my permission."
"She's gifted," said Sebastian. "She's an empath."
Ciel knew that his butler had a good reason behind every servant he hired. He always knew where to find people with unique abilities. "Ah, empathy… So she could be useful."
"She will be," agreed Sebastian.
Ciel noticed Sebastian's particular use of tense. "Will?"
"Right now she can only perceive limited emotions," explained Sebastian. "In particular ones that she fears."
"So you're giving me a broken servant? How lax of you." The disappointment was evident in Ciel's tone.
"Come now, my lord," said Sebastian reproachfully. "You know the saying; all good things come to those who wait."
"I don't like waiting," replied Ciel stubbornly. "I don't suppose you have an estimate of how long it'll take for you to fix her?"
A faint smile crossed Sebastian's face. "All in good time, my lord," he said simply. "All in good time."
XXX
Author's Note!
I told myself I wasn't going to get too hooked on Black Butler, but it turns out it was unavoidable!
Normally I can't condone designing characters with tragic pasts or special 'powers' (and I apologise for that) but it seemed to be a bit of a recurring theme in Black Butler and it just seemed to fit. Also angst is a fun new challenge for me :3
I've rated this as mature just to be on the safe side. And the title may be subject to change because it's kinda lame.