I wake up and feel Cato's arms wrapped around me. They radiate warmth. It is a nice change from the coolness that District two usually experiences at this time of the year. I can feel his pulse through his smooth skin which encases me. The feeling is natural and surreal all at the same time. Its mornings like these where I wish there was no such thing as 'later'. Cato and I have been dating for two years now and things have been getting serious. I don't think there is anyone I would rather spend my life with. Cato has recently become a peacekeeper. The hours are long and awkward but the money is good. He is trying to save up enough for us to get a house. At the moment we rent a small, dingy apartment. I often refer to Cato and me as a caterpillar. We start off small and slow until we can grow our wings and fly. I cannot wait for that day, but time to me has no meaning. I love every moment I have with him, whether up or down. A vibrating alarm pulls a reluctant Cato from the dark tendrils of sleep. His arms slowly slip away from me, leaving me feeling unnatural and alien-like.

"Work?" I ask, despising the words with such hate. He nods. I'm about to ask him if he can stay for a little while longer but I know that is not fair of me.

"I'll be back tonight Clove" He says. I wait for him to kiss me goodbye only to receive the banging of a closed door. I sigh. I don't want to feel as if his career is getting in the way of us but I don't know what to think. Lately this is the truth. He leaves just after dawn and comes back at midnight; the only moments we share are when he wakes me as he gets into the bed and as he leaves. This is one cycle that is just far too repetitive. I'm just waiting for our chance to break free of the tormenting hold. I remember the past days of our youth when no force on earth could tear us away from one another, we were inseparable. How times change…

(Past)

It was a gloomy day in District two; the sun took refuge behind the clouds, which all looked like hearts to me. I was on a high, riding the carefree waves of rapture. It was meant to be a normal day. It started with training in preparation for the Hunger Games in which children would fight for the privilege of honouring District Two in competition… how naïve we all were back then. I was practicing my knife throwing when Cato had wrecked my aim with his smug voice.

"Hey Clover" Clover. That is what he used to call me all the time. Now not so much.

"Well if it isn't little Mr Superior…" I greet back. That was how we would get along back then, by remark after remark. We were forced to supress our emotions in order to obtain the best state of mind for killing. "Are you going to volunteer this year?"

"Of course Clover, I think it is my turn to bring pride to our district" How confident he was at that time. He thought he would go into the seventy-fourth games unopposed. "What about you?"

"Definitely… and I'm fairly sure you won't be able to bring much pride to our district when you are dead… but don't worry maybe I'll mention you on the victory tour…"

"Over my dead body you will!" He laughs.

"Well duh, that's the idea!" I retort with a winning smile on my face.

Later that day after training he had told me he wanted to see me, alone, by the old oak tree by the river. Oh how I loved that tree. It was the one thing that possessed such natural beauty. I wondered why on earth he would want to see me after and why at the river though as I saw him under that tree my heart stopped completely for a moment. The sun is just at the right angle, to make his facial features seem like they are glistening.

"Clove, I'm just going to cut to the chase" He says, his lips parting into s smile. I make my way over and stand before the boy on the warm day presented to us. "Will you go out with me?" The question brought me to my knees, metaphorically of course. He had caught me off guard. I was vulnerable. "Well what do you say Clover?" I could not hold in the smile anymore. It spread across my face like wildfire.

"Yes" I whisper. The answer was easy. I had never thought much of having a relationship before, but now, that I was presented with the opportunity, I couldn't turn it down.

"What?" He asks. I'm not sure if he was asking it in disbelief or that he didn't hear me.

"Yes" I say louder, no longer afraid of my composure. He looks down at me, smiling eyes. He picks me up with his two arms, holding me in a hug, spinning around. It was the strangest feeling. Such an amazing one though. That was the first time I had ever been held by someone who wasn't a family member.

(Present time)

"Bye" I whisper, emotionally exasperated. I fall back on to the bed in vain. How soft the sheets feel on my ragged skin. Such a strange contrast. The bedding is a deep blue, like that found in the abyss of the ocean. It's meant to symbolize the serenity and security found in our love. I have never questioned it once. Not ever and not now. My mind gives away to voidness and my eyes, left with nothing interesting to look at close. Our walls are bare, save for one lone picture, framed by a thick mahogany structure and covered with clear transparent glass. Inside the frame, Cato and I stand at sixteen, smiling, his arm wrapped around my shoulder. Our first date…

(Past time)

It was the afternoon before the formal. I was planning on spending the day, at home, training for the seventy-fourth Hunger Games. In fact, I had just picked up my knives when I had heard a knock on the door. My parents were out, mum was at work and God only knows where dad was. Mum hadn't told me she was expecting anyone today, so I was extremely curious to see who it was. I put down my knives, all save one… you never know what kind of creeps you can find when you're not searching… not that you would of course… but you get the idea. I swung the door open, still holding onto the knife and gasp.

Standing before me was the handsome blonde. His eyes, so full of life and passion, that that alone almost took my breath away. It's what he was wearing that did the trick. On him, was a tuxedo, black as ash, completed with a mauve tie.

"You're not turning gay on me are you Cato?" I said pointing out his tie. This was my greeting to him. It's strange how different couples work.

"Don't count on it" He laughs. Such an amazing laugh… It was only then that I had realized his hands were behind his back. Before I even asked, he had brought them forward to me; revealing a picturesque bouquet of wild mallows. "See. They match" He says as he puts the flowers up by his tie comparing it for me. I grin at the boy's thoughtfulness. "For you" He says passing the bouquet to me.

"I don't recall telling you mallows were my favourite flower…" I said, impressed by his choice. The flowers were just absolutely stunning. How gritty and disgusting my hands looked in comparison

"It doesn't take a genius to see how you look at them whenever we pass the florist"

"So why are you so flashy?" I say, signalling to his tuxedo.

"I have to look my best for my date tonight"

"Your date? I already told you there is no way I'm going to the formal. It's a waste of time" Cato's smile broadens.

"Yeah, well I'm not here for that. I thought we could just spend the night here and relax"

"Looking like that? That's a little too dressed for 'just hanging' isn't it?" I couldn't figure this boy out. He comes to my house wearing this and expects me not to question it?

"Like I said, I want to look good for you" I sigh as I look down at my ratty clothes.

"You could have at least warned me… it would've given me a chance to look… a little more presentable"

"You look beautiful as you are" His words were fire, and I was ice; I could feel myself melting. He puts his hand out to me. "May I?" I laugh and grab his hand.

"You may. Just don't expect anything clean… like I said you didn't give me warning" His hand is soft and warm. Such a divergent to my cold and hard ones.

"I never did" He jokes. There went the gentlemen. I playfully punch him lightly on the shoulder.

"Well come on now" I say dragging him in, his hand still in mine. I pull him into the lounge room. "Any idea on what you want to do then?" Cato starts to open his tuxedo jacket. "What the hell Cato?! We have only been going out for what? Like a couple of weeks and you already want to have sex?!" I yell.

"Calm down Clover" He says as he grabs something from his the pocket inside his jacket. "I was just getting this" He passes me a DVD case. "It's a new movie that only came out yesterday on DVD. It reminded me of you" I smiled. It's funny how people think he is ruthless and sadistic. I looked at the cover: Grazandel Moonlight. "You didn't really think I was trying to have sex did you?" His smug smile had lit his face, making me feel even more embarrassed. Here I had accused this boy of sexual harassment when all he had done that night was shower me with gifts. Blush has managed to find its way onto my face.

"Let's just watch the movie…" I try, desperate to change the topic. I walk over to the DVD player and insert it in before turning on the TV and sitting myself on the couch with the remote. My eyes rest on the handsome blonde. "Come on" I pat the cushion next to me. The couch was an orange shade that often made me think of the sunset. How I admired it. The couch went with the red design of the walls quite well. The boy sat down beside me and I pressed play. Halfway through the movie Cato had wrapped his arm around me, shielding me with his warmth and security.

The movie was about a young girl, no more than sixteen, falsely imprisoned due to her dad accusing her of killing her mother. She is sentenced to a life of solitary confinement, which was meant to drive her completely insane; no one was allowed to talk to her. But… one person, a prison guard's son, broke the rules. He would talk to the girl whenever he could. After a month, you find out a lot about the boy like his age, favourite colour, family and even favourite foods. The movie is casted from the girl's perspective, preventing you the visual of the boy. The girl tells him of how she was wrongly sentenced and how no one believes her. That's why she is so surprized when the boy tells her he believes her. He also tells her that he will get her out of this forsaken hell. Later that night the boy steals the key from his father and unlocks the door. This is when she sees the boy for the first time, he is stunning. She knows she is in love. The couple run away together, taking refuge in the town until they can make up enough money to move into the mountains. There her now boyfriend works with the mayor, never being home for the girl. She knows she still loves him beyond care though. She usually sits at home, waiting for her boyfriend to come home all day, just trying to pass time. She soon comes to the revelation that this house is becoming her new imprisonment. So in order to change things around she finally ventures into the beautiful town she has only seen through window. Down there she meets someone. Another guy. She starts to fall for the guy and is torn between the two. That is where the movie basically ends.

I get up and remove the DVD before turning the television off.

"How does that remind you of me?" I ask amazed that he would even compare us. In my eyes we were extremely different. Opposites almost. I would never be unfaithful to my boyfriend. I couldn't understand how people could do that, how they could let themselves fall for someone else even though they are in a relationship. People like that sicken me.

"You are like the girl. You are strong. You don't give up when times are difficult" I smile at the compliment but inside my head I questioned it. When had I ever had to be strong? I don't think I have been through such times of hardship that require strength. I know my composure is generally placid and secure but that is because I have never been confronted with such times. Now of course it is different. I know that I have been through a lot. I know despite my face, my voice and my composure, giving me a 'strong' look I was crying on the inside. Sometimes even I still am. It takes me a while to remember that such weaknesses are not looked upon pleasantly by others. They view down with pity and empathy. I do not want others pity. There is no need for it. What am I supposed to do with gentle words? I can't build a shelter with them to block out the cruelty of the world, I can't submerge myself in them without drowning, so I ask what exactly can I do with them?! Nothing. Nothing at all. Such feeble words are too weak to hold one up in the world of the living.

"I should probably head back. I told my parents I would be back by eleven" He looksat his watch with eyes that widen. I lead him to the door, opening it for him.

"Thanks for coming Cato" I whisper. "I really appreciate it" The boy smiles back at me before leaning down and kissing me gently on the lips. His lips were warm and moist. They were so gentle it was like being kissed by a feather. My first kiss.

"See ya Clover" He says before walking down my path and disappearing into the blackness which consumes him.

About one month later from that encounter I received the news..

(Past time still)

It was a grey, miserable morning. The kind of mornings I love. I had gotten up early to train. The knives felt friendly inside my hands. We had come acquainted to one another by this time. As I was passing through the kitchen I saw my parents. They were sitting by the table conversing contently until they had seen me.

"Clove we have to talk to you" My father's voice says. I grab a chair and sit at the table with them.

"Your dad and I are going on a work holiday" My mother said.

"A work holiday?" I ask, the two words sounding like oxymoron to me.

"I'm going to district four for work for a week and your mother is going to district one for a few days"

"Clove, if you want I can stay. I don't have to work. Just give me the word and I'll message them straight away. I don't mind if I go or don't" My mother asks.

"No it's fine mum. I can take care of myself for a few days"

"Are you sure?" Her concerned voice asks.

"Of course. Seriously don't worry about me, I'll be fine. When do you leave?"

"We both leave later today" My dad says.

I watch my parents leave the driveway. I even wave to them as they pull the car out onto the road. I sat myself in front of the television and watched a movie. I don't really remember what it was about but I remember dozing off in the middle of it. I hadn't even bothered to turn the television off. When my eyes open they are greeted to flames. Bright burning flames which tower the landscape. I shake my head, breaking my dazed mind. The television lights the room up, illuminating the walls with the tongue split pattern of wildfire.

"Train 183 crashed earlier this morning. No survivors have been found so far. The ambulance have not given up though and are continuing their search. More information at twelve" The news reporter's emotionless voice says. I sit myself up right and repeat the words inside my head. Train 183. Train 183… I couldn't understand why it sounded so familiar. I flick off the television and grab myself a bowl of cereal. As I sat at the table and slowly dug into my full bowl my subconscious finally worked it out. Train 183 was my mother's train. No survivors found… realisation twisted its clawing fingers around my heart and squeezed. Hard. She was dead. It was strange to think that someone I had always imagined to be there for me was suddenly gone. I couldn't believe it. From that time I already decided that there would be no school today. No training. No nothing. So instead I went to my bed and curled up into a ball, waiting for sleeps beautiful hold to give me something peaceful to cherish. It worked too. My dreams were filled with moments shared with my mother throughout my life. How I had longed to see that all-knowing smile of hers again.

Two days later had seen the arrival of my father. He had come back early. Knowing that someone was here who could help me hold up with the sadness which bloomed inside was a good feeling. As soon as he had arrived inside I could see he has changed. His usual smiling face was now a grim frown of despair.

"Dad… she's gone isn't she?" I whisper across the room. He does not answer; instead he brings his eyes upon me before glaring.

"You!" He shouts, anger violently intruding his words. "You killed her!"

"What?" I ask surprised by his sudden outburst.

"You killed her!" He repeats. "Why didn't you tell her to stay? Why?!" He screams again. He steps toward me in such a vicious manner that I am afraid he will strike me. Who is this man? This is not my father. I know that for sure. "Get the fuck out of my house!" I stand looking shocked, scared. "Now!" I run out of the door, adrenaline due to fear, coursing my veins. I knew he couldn't hold himself back for any longer. I hadn't cried one tear this whole time. Not once. My mother had died and my father has disowned me but no tears fell. Was I sad? Of course. My heart was breaking, my hands were trembling, my brain clouded by immense depression and myself was completely destroyed. Broken beyond repair.

I make my way to my last spot of beauty in my life. The tree by the river where Cato had asked me out. I fall to the ground in a heap. One broken heap. I watch the river as its cool tendrils wrap themselves around the odd rock which pointed out. I watch the banks slowly eroding away. I watched the rain fall from the sky and land in my hair. Its' cold drops the only relief from the sorrow poisoning me. Steps from my right had indicate someone's arrival.

"Dad?" I asked looking up, hoping against hope that he was standing before me. That emancipation was only a deluded act.

"Cato. Sorry to disappoint" My eyes felt watery and for the first time in this whole scenario I had let a tear escape. "Why are you out here? What's wrong Clove?" The boy sat down beside me in the mud.

"Mum's dead" Cato's eyes widened, full of empathy.

"Clove I'm so sorry. How had she died?" Details. That's all people want to know isn't it? Well if he wants them he could have them. I definitely didn't want them.

"Train crash"

"Oh. I'm so sorry" He says wrapping his arms around me. "How did your dad react?"

"Badly. He took his anger out on me and blamed me for my mother's death. He emancipated me" My lips quiver and I was scared that more tears would fall. He pulls me in closer to him.

"You can stay with us" Such caring words. I was so lucky to have a boyfriend as amazing as him. The boy gets up and offers his hand to me. "Come on, let's go introduce you to the family" I grab his hand and wipe away my tears with my other hand.

That's when I had met his mother for the first time. His father had died when he was three. He tells me he doesn't remember much of him.

Cato opens the door slowly. "Mum? You here?" He shouts.

"Yeah, I'm in the lounge room" She shouted back. He walks in and waves for me to follow. I do as he asks. His walls are a light shade of blue; the wooden floor boards a tinted shade of red. From the start of the doorway, a hallway stretches down, to stairs which lead upstairs. As I walk in, we pass the kitchen on the right side of the hall. It is immaculate and looks to be made out of marble. We continue walking to reach an opening in the wall on the right, where the lounge room sits. The ground is carpeted, with a black rug. Two lounges sit side by side, both black. On one is a woman about the age of thirty-eight. Her hair is blonde like Cato's and eyes brown like melted chocolate. She is wearing a blouse that is silver, flecked with golden spots across the bottom. Her jeans look to be a denim type of fabric. "Why hello there, I don't think I've met you before. Cato's never had a girl over before…" She says playfully.

"Mum this is Clove. Her mother just died." The sudden changing of her facial expression would have been humorous if I wasn't so broken. "And her father just disowned her" His mother's mouth opens wide.

"You poor dear. I'm so sorry" She wraps her arms around me without hesitation, despite me being wet still from the rain. "Do you have anywhere to stay?" Her voice full of concern. I shake my head. "You are welcome to stay with us" Her kindness from that day still amazes me. She had only known me for a minute or less and she had already invited me to stay with her.

"Thank you. Thank you so much" I whisper into her ear, still in her embrace.

"You can stay in the spare room. Cato would you be a dear and show Clove up to the bedroom?"

"Of course" His mother finally lets go of me.

"Oh and get her some clothes that aren't soaking wet and a towel" Cato nods and then guides me up the stairs. Once we reach the second floor my eyes scan my surroundings quickly. The same floorboards cover the ground; to the left was two closed wooden doors that looked like mahogany, to the right, three doors made of the same wood sit. We walk to the second last door on the right.

"This will be your room" He says as he opens the door, revealing a light shade of silver wallpaper which compliments the perfect white sheets on the double sized bed. To the right of the bed is a dressing table with an immaculate mirror.

"It's beautiful. Thanks" I whisper still loss in my despair.

"I'll be right back" He says, walking off. I looked down at the ground to see drops of water on the floor.

"Damn" I whisper to myself. I stand awkwardly for a moment, just before Cato had come back. He chucks me a purple towel. "Thanks" I say as I dry myself off. He chucks some clothes at me after I am done with drying.

"They were mum's when she was younger. She thought she would keep them just in case she ever had a girl. She was disappointed. She said you could have them" I nod my head in thanks. "Here I'll show you the bath" He grabs my arm and pulls me to the last door on the right, the one to the left of mine. He opens the door. The bathroom was like the kitchen, the wallpaper resembled marble. There was a white sink and bath, a towel rack and a small window behind the bath. "Use the red towel" He says pointing to the towel rack. "I'll leave you to it" He says before exiting.

"Thank you Cato" I whisper under my breath.

I start the warm water running into the bath and strip off my clothes. I submerge myself into the tepid water. It is soothing, it is calm, it is inviting. It is exactly the opposite of how I feel inside. How could something so horrifying like this happen to me? Sure we have all seen the movies where these types of things happen, but I had always thought they were just Hollywood tales meant to give us some sort of entertainment. Yet here it was happening to me, right now. I have never felt so broken before. I look at the water, still so inviting. I lower my head, closer to the peaceful waters. I have never felt so ruined that I have considered death before, but now it looks welcoming. I take a heavy inhale. Life. Was is the use of it if there is nothing left to hold? Surely death would be less painful? I slide into the water, chin deep before hesitating again. A mother who is no longer, a father who is not and an aching world where the weak are taken as prey for the mightier, this is not where I want to be. I slider more, my mouth is now covered. A couple of minutes is all it will take… I can end it all. Right now. No more pain. No more despair. No more nothing. I close my eyes and submerge completely.

Silence feels my ears. It is deafening. I think about my life. I think about everything I had. Beautiful caring parents… what else though? I never was the friendliest person on the earth. A tapping noise penetrates my thoughts. I shake my head, trying to throw out the nuisance. It doesn't work. I can still hear it loud and clear. The tapping increases to a drumming. The door. Someone is knocking. I lift my head up and draw a big breath.

"Clove?" The voice echoes. Cato.

"Yeah?" I manage, still feeling light headed.

"Just checking if you were okay. You've been in there for an awfully long time. Don't want you to drown you know?" He semi-jokes. If only he knew.

"I'll be out in a moment" I wait for the footsteps to leave before getting out. I reconsider the concept of suicide. How stupid I was being, how could I leave this world behind when I still had one of the most important things?

I still have the boy with the tux. And I'm not planning on leaving him anytime soon.