He could never ever catch a break. Sam just wanted one thing to work fine. Just one damn thing. Yeah, sure they were able to cure Claire. But the girl the other poor girl she wasn't just killed she was killed by the one person he insisted to bring on the damn hunt. Dean told him it was a bad idea but he didn't listen .. Again. Now they were driving back home after saying goodbye to Claire, no music, no talking and you could cut the tension with a knife. Sam really couldn't take it anymore.
"Just spit out .. man"
"Sam , I didn't say anything"
"That girl is dead and you are just dying to say I told you so, I was the one that wanted to work with them and I was the one the wanted Mik to come with us"
Now genuine concern was on Dean's face "Sam I don't blame you for that for one second. This was all on Mik he was the one to make that stupid call. NOTHING of this is on you."
Sam took a deep breath trying to control his anger and frustration not with Dean, but with himself. It was always hard when he loses someone on a case especially if he thought he could have done something about it. He studied Dean's face for a second, trying to figure out if his brother really believed that or was just saying it to make him feel better. It wouldn't be the first time.
"You really mean that?"
"yes Sam, This was Mik's first real hunt and we both gave him time alone with her, besides no one knows if we let her go that she wouldn't kill someone else"
"But we have a cure now"
"yeah but we didn't know that it would work we just were able to take a chance because it was Claire and there was no other way, Nothing of this was on you Sam."
That clamed Sam a little. Dean always knew the right thing to make things better
"Then what is it? why are giving me the silent treatment ?" Cause maybe Sam was frustrated for the wrong reasons but he did not imagine the tension coming out in waves form his brother
"It's .. just" Dean hesitated and that started to get Sam really worried. It had been years since they had trouble talking to each other. He thought these days were behind them.
"What Dean?!"
"You are not looking for a way out of hunting ? Are you?"
"WHAT?!" maybe Clair did hit him harder than he thought
"It's just .. you have been coming down pretty hard on Clair , about fast food joints, living on the road and how dangerous it is to hunt solo .. and .. "
" You want her to hunt solo?"
"NO .. OFCOURSE Not, it is too dangerous she had us and look what happened ?"
"Then what is this about "
" Sam you are willing to work with people we hate, that we don't trust . I mean come on this bitch didn't just torture you she was in your head and you hate that"
"Dean .. we talked about this. They are making some pretty good progress. They can actually succeed in making a world without monsters"
"I know that Sam. All I am asking is do you want to rid the world from monsters for the sake of people or So that you could stop fighting them?"
"What difference would that make?"
"Well for one it would not make me feel like I have been forcing you to be in this life all these years Sam."
"Dean .. it wasn't .. "
But Dean was on a row " I know that you have never wanted this Sam. It has never been a part of you like it has been for me. You always wanted more .. more than this life .. more than just me .. and"
Ok that was it Sam had enough of this bullshit "Damn it Dean .. They are not the same thing .. stop putting both of you on same level.. Hunting and being with you are two very different things Dean."
"How Sam ?!"
Sam was speechless how could Dean still doubt that he wanted them to be together .. they were brothers ..they are always supposed to be together .. they are family.
Dean was still talking " You know I have seen what our world would have been without hunting. and yeah I liked the peace and the stability but I hated that you and I were barely talking you really hated me man"
"Dean that was just the GEN's way for screwing with you"
"Yeah maybe but you have to admit we are really different from each other. I mean we like different things, we want different things in life"
"That doesn't mean we can't be together. In case you haven't noticed we make a pretty good team"
" yeah but a team for what .. have you thought about what will happen when we don't have to do this anymore. I mean I think it is fair to want to know what you are thinking about especially that you are still willing to work with these guys and going on and on about how this life actually is"
Sam didn't know what to say. This whole thing was a mess. Yes, he did dream once about a different future. He dreamed of normal, safe and away from nightmares. Dean was right hunting was never his ideal way of life and he is not sure exactly what made him change his mind about working with the brits. His mother kept going on and on about how she was doing this for them. How she wanted a different life for her boys. Maybe that was a part of it, or maybe he decided to join forces with these shady people the minute he saw the Alpha vampire go down and he was filled with hope that he can put them all down. Maybe that was when he let himself believe that a different world was actually possible.
Dean misunderstood the silence and went on " I mean I got your back, man you know that . These brits are crooked like a dogs hind leg, but I am still willing to give them a second chance if that is how you want to play it. I just don't know where this going and I don't like that."
Maybe Sam was uncertain of a lot of things, but there was one thing that he doesn't have any doubts about, not any more.
"Dean .. No I haven't thought about what comes next probably because I don't want to get my hopes up. But there is one thing I am sure of. You and I we are a package deal. We are brothers. My life is never going to be complete if you are not in it. We both have been down that road too many times for it to be anything else. So whatever happens that will never, ever change"
Dean looked at Sam trying to read him. He always prided himself in the fact that he knew Sam better than anyone else in the world and the sincerity that was coming off in waves from his brother shocked even him. He and Sam had been through a lot together and just because they wouldn't have a common goal any more doesn't mean they can't be in each other's lives.
This was turning into an epic chick flick moment "Yeah maybe you are right .. I mean how many guys out there you can hang out with that actually killed Hitler"
Sam laughed at that.. leave to his brother to turn a truthful moment between them into a joke. "Yeah this is exactly why we should stay together" but he still wanted to make sure that Dean actually believed that "We good?"
"Yeah .. Sam we good"
And they always will be in this live or any other one.