Summary: 1x04 AU; Connor calls Oliver upset and drunk revealing something about his past that changed him. This revelation changes his relationship with Oliver forever.
This show guys is my new obsession and I love it! Total Connor Walsh fan.
Past Haunts Us
Connor sat on his couch head in his hands as he thought about his life. He could hear the voice in his head, a voice he hadn't heard in years since the relationship ended, telling him he always screwed everything up. Connor's only relationship had been with Him and He had caused so much damage onto Connor that now he couldn't even love properly. Connor picked up the tequila and drank it straight from the bottle as he felt the effects hit him. He knew that he shouldn't but he couldn't resist calling Oliver and he got a voicemail.
"I'm sorry Oliver. I didn't mean too screw everything up and I know saying I actually like you isn't the right thing. I always screw everything up, that was what He said when he did those things to me. I'm sorry," Connor cried hanging up the phone not wanting to screw Oliver's life up anymore knowing he deserved everything that happened.
~Past Haunts Us~
Oliver hadn't wanted to look at the phone or hear Connor's voice, especially after what he did. He knew that he shouldn't have fooled himself into thinking he could be with the other man given how drop dead gorgeous he was while Oliver was just a nerd. When Connor had called he let it go to voicemail and vowed not to even listen but then he tried to delete and it was like the message was just staring at him. He didn't know what made him listen to the message but he was glad he did.
"I'm sorry Oliver. I didn't mean too screw everything up and I know saying I actually like you isn't the right thing. I always screw everything up, that was what He said when he did those things to me. I'm sorry," Connor had said.
It wasn't Connor apologizing that got to him though it was what he had said. That was what He said when he did those things to me were the words Connor had used shocking Oliver. Oliver was smart for a reason and given that he had been friends with someone that use to be in an abusive relationship he knew the signs so hearing this just made everything that much more clear. Connor always said that he never committed and when ever someone moved too fast like they were going to his face he tensed. These two things didn't necessarily make him a victim of abuse but those words just confirmed it and Oliver couldn't help but feel like he needed to see Connor now. How long had Connor gone without even getting help? From the way the other man had sounded he was still taking blame for the abuse and that wasn't right. This didn't excuse what Connor had done to him by cheating but Oliver felt like he needed to give the other man a chance or he wouldn't feel right about himself.
~Past Haunts Us~
Connor was drunk and he knew it, the tears he had been crying didn't help either and curling up on his couch certainly wasn't helping his suit or his back. He knew that he should move and get into bed but he was exhausted from all the things he was feeling and the way he had screwed everything up just like He had always said he did. A knock sounded at the door making him groan because he felt light headed but he got up anyway and answered it without looking to see who it was shocked when he saw Oliver.
"Can I come in?" Oliver asked and he noticed the red eyes as well as the almost empty bottle of tequila.
"Sure," he said trying to sound like he didn't care but that didn't work.
Connor closed the door but instead of moving to the couch he leaned against the door he had just closed and crossed his arms to try and protect himself. Oliver could see more clearly now and he knew that Connor had been abused, he didn't know in what way but he was an abuse victim. Oliver needed to test this though because he knew Connor wouldn't go into detail otherwise and he need to know for sure so he knew how to move forward. He may not be a lawyer but he was one of the heads of the IT department for a reason and part of getting rid of a virus was finding the source and then cleansing it so he was looking at this situation like a virus. Connor saw Oliver move fast towards him and he tensed closing his eyes flinching when he knew the hand was getting closer. He let out a shaky breath when he felt the hand cup his cheek but he refused to open his eyes.
"I was right you were abused," Oliver whispered sadly and he saw that Connor was refusing to open his eyes. He sighed knowing the lawyer was stubborn.
"What?" Connor asked trying to gain composure despite the fact he was drunk and had already gave it away.
"When you called and left the voicemail your exact words were I always screw everything up, that was what He said when he did those things to me. I'm sorry. The rest I came to by conclusion," Oliver leaning into Connor's space.
"There's a reason I don't do relationships or commitment," Connor said dumbly not knowing what else to say and refusing to open his eyes wanting to build his walls back up, walls he had kept built so strong until Oliver walked into his life. He couldn't afford to be hurt again, he didn't know if he would survive it.
"Open your eyes Connor," Oliver ordered gently using both hands to cup his face.
Connor didn't know what it was that made him listen but he opened his eyes but he still tried not to meet Oliver's. He heard the other man sigh and knew that the smaller man was going to leave like everybody always left because he made them leave; he screwed things up like he always does.
"Connor if this is going to work you are going to have to tell me what happened in the past and explain it to me," Oliver tried a different approach.
"There isn't anything to explain Oliver. I fell for a guy and said guy was perfect. I messed up he punished me and if I refused to put out he cheated. It wasn't anything I didn't deserve for screwing things up like I always do," Connor said coldly half of him believing it and the other half crying out for help.
"That is bullshit," Oliver said getting Connor's attention by his cursing, "You may be an asshole sometimes but you sure as hell do not deserve to be beaten by anybody. Now we are going to talk or I'm gone and you lose your second chance with me."
"Second chance?" Connor asked shocked as he head started to clear a little and he looked into Oliver's dark eyes finally wondering why this man was taking a chance on him.
"Yeah a second chance," Oliver stated with a reassuring smile.
"I always screw everything up," Connor said like it was something he rehearsed everyday and given what he had revealed about the abuse Oliver suspected it was.
"Everybody makes mistakes Connor and maybe it's partly my fault too for not being clearer in what I expected with us," Oliver continued despite the way Connor looked at him shocked, "If we do this again I won't be your toy, I won't be a person you go to when you need something for your boss and I won't share. I don't cheat Connor but I expect the same thing."
Connor didn't know what it was he had done to deserve this, it probably wasn't something he had done since he was a screw up, but he wasn't going to refuse this gift and he nodded his head in agreement not knowing what else to say or do which was a first. Oliver pulled Connor forward into a kiss knowing that the lawyer was still in belief that he always screwed things up and he would just have to do everything he could to help Connor get past the abuse he suffered.
Note that there will be more in this series this is just the first one-shot of many for the Connor x Oliver ficlets.