Oliver was everything for me, no matter how much time I took to discover it and make peace with it, Oliver is and will always be the most precious thing in my life. He is the purest soul I have ever met, and has the goldest heart I've seen. So you'll know my surprise when he took me back and forgave my infidelity. Not because he forgave me, I saw that coming, Oliver is too good to hold a rancor for too much. But because he still didn't see what a lose of time I am. However, as I am a selfish man I took advantage of it and will make the best of it until the other shoe drops and I'll lose the best thing that has ever happened in my life.

Of course, that doesn't mean I didn't do my best every day since then to keep him in my life. Taking him to dates, being more considerate on bed, making sure to order his favourites whenever I bring take outs, gifts from time to time like flowers or chocolates and renting his movies, even though I never understood them or liked them. But he always does that for me, so it is only fair that I return the favour. But I don't only do it for him, Oliver is the first person that I've ever wanted to do these for.

So when I was confronted with these scene... well, my heart practically broke by the knowledge that my relationship was over now that my secret is surely out.

"Connor why are you doing research of Stanford?" my boyfriend demanded to know.

"I... I can't stand Annalise or the team anymore, or this city. So I was thinking of moving out to Stanford and apply for an internship with Laurel Lance, she is a very good layer that has a very good history of sentencing high class criminals in Starlight City. She moved to Palo Alto after her boyfriend Tony's death, now she teaches in Stanford but also still works as a layer in a very good firm" I answered, trying to distract him so he wouldn't notice my white lies "I thought that now that you quit your job and started working for S.T.A.R Labs, you wouldn't mind moving to Palo Alto. After all you work from home now and Palo Alto is closer to Central City than Philadelphia. I still didn't get an answer, but what do you think? Would you want to move out to Palo Alto with me?" I asked him shyly, hating how insecure he made me feel.

After all, he was a brilliant older man that has made a career for himself working in one of the best Labs of the country. He has an apartment for himself and knows how to take care of himself. I on the other hand, I am just a child still in school living in his apartment as he maintain me and my sorry ass. I feel like the only thing that I could give him that other older and more mature men couldn't, is a young body and pretty face. So, I used them the best I could... as I had always done. But this time not for information, but for his attention and spoiling.

"Why don't you try to say that again and this time not lying" Oliver replied with a firm tone and a sight glare, this was the first time since he kicked me out of his apartment that I've seen him so angry. Which made me more nervous.

"I... I don't know what you mean by that Ollie" I kept on my lie, because I could handle his anger... but I couldn't handle his disgust and hate If he finds out the truth "That's all, I would never lie to you".

"Then why did you do it that night?" he asked me, I stopped pacing to look at him confused "You lied to me about you having drug issues, and I am sure that this sudden change of universities is related to that night and the panic attack you had" I gulped hard at his serious face and cursed in my head how good he knows me "Now, tell me what's going on Connor. I can't help you otherwise. Why... What are you running from?".

"You can't help me Ollie" I chuckled humorleslly, looking at the floor in shame. I was a coward for not looking at him in the eyes as I confessed my darkest secret, but I wouldn't handle the look on his face. Also, I didn't have any right to look at him, to taint him with the eyes of a murderer "I really screwed things this time and there is no turning back" I hated how my voice broke at the end of the, I loathed how weak I am for crying in front of him.

"Con... there is always a chance to make things right, there is no such thing as 'no turning back'" Oliver, as the kind person he is. tried to comfort me "I'll help you, I'll be by your side ever step of the way" he assured me as he got off of the bed and walked towards me, so he could comfort me not only with his words but also with his body.

He didn't know, I didn't know, how much I needed to hear that promise, that reassurance. But I also knew that it was a false fantasy, that once he knew the truth he would ran out of the door away from me and out of my life.

"There is no turning back from murdering someone Ollie" my words froze him on his place.

We stayed like that, not moving or speaking for a long time, until Oliver finally rushed past me, grabbed his jacket and keys, and exited the apartment. Leaving me behind with a broken heart and tears on my face. I cried myself to sleep that night, hugging Oliver's pillow as close as I could, trying to make the loneliness go away. But I couldn't. I missed classes the next day, I didn't even bother picking up the phone any of the thousand times my team and Annalise called me for work, I just stayed on bed waiting and praying for Oliver to come home. To forgive me and accept running away with me... of course that was wishful thinking and would never happen. I just needed to start believing it myself.