BOSTON LEGAL:
DOCTOR DOOM & GLOOM (PART ONE
OF A PROPOSED 5-STORY ARC)
Registered with the W.G.A
12/28/2007 12:03:59 AM
Pub: 9/01/2012
RIGHT HERE
PROFILE LINK: ARI SHORE
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BOSTON LEGAL: DR. GLOOM & DOOM
CAST LIST:
REGULAR CAST:
ALAN SHORE...JAMES SPADER
DENNY CRANE...WILLIAM SHATNER
SHIRLEY SCHMIDT...CANDACE BERGEN
CLARENCE BELL...GARY ANTHONY WILLIAMS
GUEST CAST:
BRAD CHASE...MARK VALLEY
PAUL LEWISTON...RENE AUBERJONOIS
GRACIE JANE...JILL BRENNAN
ARIANA SHORE...ME (the WRITER) as ALAN SHORE'S SISTER
KRATH
CAROLE
DOUGLAS
SANCHEZ
MACDOUGAL
YOUNG MAN
JUDGE
RECEPTIONIST
PHOTOGRAPHER
NOTE:
THE FIRST SCENE IN THIS SCRIPT TAKES PLACE DURING THE VERY,
VERY START OF THE 5th SEASON!
BOSTON LEGAL:
DOCTOR DOOM & GLOOM
(PART ONE OF A PROPOSED
5-STORY ARC)
BY ARI SHORE
FADE IN:
EXTERIOR-DENNY'S BALCONY-EVENING
DENNY and ALAN are sitting outside, smoking cigars and drinking scotch.
DENNY
You really are in a bad place, my friend.
ALAN
Indeed.
DENNY
So, what are you going to do about it?
ALAN
I don't know...
ALAN-CLOSE SHOT
The scene fades to black and white, with white fog around the edges as we -
FADE TO:
INTERIOR-DENNY'S OFFICE-MORNING
SUPER-12 MONTHS AGO (superimposed on the bottom of the screen)
Denny and PAUL are discussing a case at Denny's desk. The scene begins in black
and white, with white fog around the edges. As the scene progresses, it begins to
colorize and the fog slowly clears.
PAUL
This is a fairly large case, Denny, and for some reason, the clients want you.
DENNY
Of course! I'm Denny Crane, for God's Sake!
PAUL
And I, for once, agree. Class actions truly are your strong suit, Denny, I
cannot argue against that. So, you will take it, then?
DENNY
Of course!
(beat)
What's it about?
PAUL
(rolling his eyes)
Again, Denny, it's a medical case. Malpractice, fraud, it's all there.
Denny is examining thick files as he speaks.
DENNY
(holding up a file)
And here.
(holding up another)
And here.
PAUL
Um, yes...quite.
DENNY
What are you still doing here? You're in my way, Paul, I've got work to do. If
you're through standing there, that is.
Paul smiles and nods, then leaves. Denny continues to turn files over,
mouthing "wow". Paul, visible in Denny's window, stares at Denny, grabs
his forehead, shakes his head, then walks away. We-
FOLLOW PAUL TO -
INTERIOR-CP&S RECEPTION AREA-MORNING
SHIRLEY is having a low conversation with the RECEPTIONIST.
PAUL
Oh, Shirley - I just gave the Schweiber case to Denny.
SHIRLEY
(wheeling around as if shot)
You what? Are you out of your mind, Paul? What possessed you to do that?
PAUL
Easy, now! The other partners have already worked out all the details, done
client interviews, so Denny can be kept feeling useful for awhile, temporarily
neutralized, simply due to the sheer number of files. Hopefully, he'll be too
busy to cause any more trouble. Then when the time comes, all he has to do -
SHIRLEY
(interrupting)
- is be Denny Crane.
PAUL
Precisely!
SHIRLEY
Sounds like a plan. In fact, it's almost diabolical. I'm sorry I doubted you.
PAUL
Then we are in agreement.
Paul walks away. Shirley resumes her conversation with the receptionist as the elevator
doors open to reveal who we later find out is ARI. She is extremely casually dressed,
very street-waifish despite her over-40 age. She has bright red hair and a very determined
attitude about her as she bursts out of the elevator, moving towards Shirley, who doesn't
immediately see her due to the fact that she is leaning over the desk.
ARI
Alan Shore?
Shirley straightens up and points towards Alan's office.
SHIRLEY
That way. You have an appointment?
Ari ignores Shirley and immediately begins a fast march back towards the office, nearly
pushing Shirley out of her way in the process. Shirley starts after her.
SHIRLEY
Hey, wait a minute!
Ari continues down the hallway, with Shirley, and we -
FOLLOW ARI AND SHIRLEY
SHIRLEY
Whoa, there, missy - this is a place of business! You can't just come barging
in here like that! If you'll just make an appointment, I'm sure Alan will -
ARI
(cutting Shirley off)
Yeah, whatever.
As they have progressed down the hallway, BRAD comes into view. He is just emerging
from the kitchen area. Ari points at him.
ARI
You! Alan Shore's office?
Brad points, Shirley glares at him, and he shrugs back at her, causing her to roll her
eyes as she trots on after Ari. Ari marches on, and gets to -
ALAN'S RECEPTION AREA
Ari tries to march past CLARENCE, who starts to protest until Shirley waves him back.
INTERIOR-ALAN'S OFFICE-MORNING
ALAN is speaking on the telephone.
ALAN
You know that I am absolutely the one attorney positively guaranteed to get you
off every time. Count on it!
Ari bursts in, Shirley in tow. Alan looks up at them.
ALAN
(into phone, quickly)
Gotta go. Business.
Alan hangs up the phone, and addresses Ari.
ALAN
What are you doing here?
ARI
Fine way to greet your sister!
Shirley stares at Ari, totally in shock.
SHIRLEY
(squeaking)
Sister?
Alan gets up and leaves without a word. Ari shrugs at Shirley, who looks at Alan's
retreating back, then Ari, and smiles very weakly at Ari as we -
FADE TO:
OPENING CREDITS
FADE TO:
INTERIOR-ALAN'S OFFICE-AFTERNOON
Ari is sitting on Alan's sofa, with her feet up on his coffee table, as Alan enters. Alan
glares at her. He is not at all amused by her presence.
ARI
What? Don't tell me you've never put your feet up here. Maybe you should try
it - it might loosen you up enough for that stick to finally fall out.
ALAN
Cut it out! Why are you here?
ARI
For our 26-year reunion. Isn't that when you abandoned me to that snake pit we
were forced to call home?
ALAN
That is not fair.
ARI
Yeah, news flash, Alan – life isn't fair, in case you haven't noticed.
Alan goes to his desk, sits down. He takes a moment to compose himself,
as Ari has clearly rattled him.
ALAN
Ari, look – I was going away to college; what was I supposed to do? Take you with
me? How was I supposed to support you when I could barely support myself?
Especially after Mom and Dad cut me off.
ARI
I could have helped! You swore to me you'd always protect me.
ALAN
(scoffing)
Yeah, when I was 10!
ARI
Yeah – and years later, when those night terrors started, who protected who? Or
did you forget?
ALAN
No, I never forgot.
(sighs)
Ari, who knows how much worse things could have been if I'd have taken you
with me?
ARI
Worse for whom?
Alan gets a wounded look on his face.
ARI
Don't you think things were bad enough for me as it was? You don't know the
things I had to do to make it. You don't wanna know.
ALAN
And that's my fault?
ARI
You could've helped. We could have helped each other.
ALAN
But you got out, a year later, totally without my help, may I add.
ARI
Yeah, legally emancipated myself at 16. Do you know what I had to do during
that year to make it look like I had a means of support when I finally sued
Mom and Dad?
ALAN
Well, you won.
ARI
I won nothing! It was all a bunch of lies. I was out, yeah. Into the huge
cold world. Alone. Do you have any idea how much I had to pay that hack
attorney?
ALAN
But you did nearly all the legwork and wrote the opening and closing yourself.
ARI
The judge would never have taken me seriously, so I rented the mouthpiece
and hired people to get up there to lie and say that I actually had a job and
home waiting for me out there.
ALAN
What do you want me to say? Things weren't easy for me, either.
ARI
At least you were legit. Or didn't you hear?
ALAN
That you were in jail for bank robbery? I heard about it.
ARI
And didn't care.
ALAN
That is not true.
ARI
So that's why you never visited me, huh? Because it's so not true that
you didn't care?
ALAN
Stop it.
ARI
You never could stand the truth, could you? Just like Mom and Dad, bury your
head in the sand when it isn't what you want to hear. Alan, they scarred you
just like they scarred me. Just because those scars aren't on the outside doesn't
make them any less real.
ALAN
(bitterly)
Why did you come here?
ARI
Because I was diagnosed with cancer. And I thought maybe you just
might care. My mistake!
Ari gets up and leaves. We see -
ARI'S BACK, RETREATING -
ALAN'S DOOR, CLOSING -
ALAN'S FACE, REACTING
CUT TO:
ACT II
INTERIOR-DENNY'S OFFICE-AFTERNOON
Alan enters Denny's office, where Denny is still looking at the Schweiber files.
ALAN
What's all that?
DENNY
Class action suit Paul's begging me to take. Guess I will.
ALAN
Need a second chair?
DENNY
You bored again? I suppose I could use the company. Why don't you join me?
ALAN
How sweet of you to ask. What's it about, anyhow?
DENNY
It's about six thick – ass files. A medical something or other, your guess
is as good as mine.
ALAN
Here, let me see.
Alan picks up a file, goes over to Denny's sofa and begins to thumb through it.
DENNY
You've got that look again, my friend.
ALAN
And what look would that be?
DENNY
The look that means you're using work to get your mind off of something.
ALAN
Denny, your depth of perception never ceases to amaze me. Either that, or you
must know me very well.
DENNY
Of course I do, my fine feathered flamingo pal. Does that scare you?
ALAN
Oddly enough, not really.
DENNY
So, do you want to talk about it?
ALAN
Not particularly. Just your mere presence is comfort enough. Let's get to
work, shall we, my friend?
DENNY
Yeah, there's a lot of crap to cut through.
ALAN
More crap than you know...
INTERIOR-BRAD'S OFFICE-AFTERNOON
Brad is behind his desk, when his intercom buzzes. He sighs rather agitatedly,
hits the intercom button on the phone.
BRAD
(into intercom)
Yeah?
RECEPTIONIST
(O.S.)
A Mr. Krath to see you.
BRAD
(into intercom)
Krath? Send him in!
KRATH enters Brad's office, almost automatically begins a salute, then looks ruefully at his
right arm, which is wrapped in a bandage and in a sling. Brad salutes Krath, and motions for
him to take a seat on the sofa. He then comes over to sit in a stuffed chair himself.
BRAD
Well, if it isn't Lance Corporal Krath!
KRATH
Actually, it's Sergeant First Class Krath now. I transferred to the National Guard
after the Gulf War.
BRAD
I'm in the Marine Corps Reserve, and I went up a couple of ranks myself.
KRATH
Yeah, I heard.
BRAD
Glad to see you.
KRATH
I wish. I'm not exactly here for a reunion. Wish I was, though.
BRAD
What's the problem?
KRATH
Well, maybe I shouldn't be bothering you, Brad, it's just that I didn't know
where else to go.
BRAD
You did the right thing. Maybe I can help you. So, tell me about it.
KRATH
Well, as I said, I'm in the National Guard now. I have always considered it
an honor and a privilege to serve, but not everyone feels that way.
Krath fingers his sling, frowns.
BRAD
What do you mean?
KRATH
I had some...tough times. Which, until now, I thought I could handle myself.
I've recently moved into a low-income building – about 8 months ago - and
the management seems to take great offense over the fact that I'm actually
working for a living, among other things.
BRAD
Okay, what happened? Give it to me straight.
KRATH
Well, it started off rather innocuously but soon it became very apparent that
this building, just like the whole low-income system in general, is basically
set up for junkies, jailbirds, and mental cases, and I have never been any
of those things. That's three strikes. Strike four – I am not a minority. They
don't specifically say this, of course, but their housing program is really set
up for nonwhites. I've been very nearly assaulted dozens of times on the
front steps, within plain sight of their so-called security guards who, not so
coincidentally, are just as nonwhite as 99 percent of the tenants. And these
guards did nothing. In fact, they and the management staff blamed me when
all I did was go quietly in and out, on my way to and from my three jobs.
Which was the fifth strike – working.
BRAD
Wow – that how you got the busted wing?
KRATH
Not exactly. I'm getting to that. But first let me tell you the capper. I went
away to annual training. Two weeks, I was gone. I left with my duffel bag,
in complete uniform, and in full sight of the staff and alleged security guards.
They knew full well why I was leaving, yet while I was away they called the
Department of Social Services, which they had no business doing, told them I
had abandoned the place, and got my food stamps cut off! And DSS, even
knowing they've broken the law, won't back down! Can you beat that?
BRAD
Whew! We'll get 'em, don't worry.
KRATH
Yeah, well, uh – I actually have no money. At least, not yet. You see, I
usually go downstairs to their pay phone at 2pm, to check in with my job.
So the day after I came back from AT, I went down to make the call.
When I came back up, the cleaning guy was right outside the elevator,
blocking my exit, cleaning cart and all. He was acting strange, and would
not get out of my way. I had to squeeze between him and the wall to get
by, very close to the elevator, on the very spot where, as it turned out, he
had sprayed cleaning fluid. With no "cation wet floor" sign, may I add. I
went down, spraining my wrist.
(hold up the sling)
And since I was already in court against the landlord due to repairs they have
refused to make, and rent I withheld because of it, I actually got a personal
injury attorney on the wrist issue. Didn't want to spread myself too thin,
plus I figured they were deliberately trying to get me hurt so I couldn't
continue in landlord/tenant court. That's when I decided I could use some
help. I hope you don't mind, but the only person I could think of was you.
BRAD
Straw that broke the camel, eh? Of course I don't mind. Glad you came to
me; I got your back, buddy.
KRATH
(exhaling a sigh of relief)
Thank you! I was hoping for a referral; I didn't expect you to take the case.
BRAD
Don't be ridiculous! Give me the phone number of the manager, we'll start there.
Also, I'll talk to your personal injury attorney, see what's going on with that.
KRATH
I really appreciate it, Brad.
INTERIOR-PAUL'S OFFICE-AFTERNOON
Paul is doing paperwork at his desk, when a very striking, classically beautiful
woman enters. Paul looks up, removes his eyeglasses, smiles at her.
PAUL
Well, hello, Carole. How have things been in Hong Kong?
CAROLE
Hello again, Paul. You never were a good liar. You know I got transferred to
New York from there.
PAUL
Um, yes, I believe I may have heard that.
CAROLE
I assume you also know I am here on the Schweiber case?
PAUL
Yes. Well, it certainly is nice to see you again. We should...talk.
Carole begins to slowly pace around Paul's office, now and again pausing to look at
awards, etc, that are on Paul's shelves as she speaks.
CAROLE
Paul – it's okay. It was only one kiss, many years ago. You were beaten down,
caring for Olivia, worrying about Rachel.
Paul's eyes drift to the photograph he has of Olivia. Carole goes over and picks it up,
looks at it, puts it down again.
CAROLE
(turning to Paul)
It just happened in a weak moment.
PAUL
And then you left.
CAROLE
I told you – I didn't want to take advantage of you while we were both in
such a vulnerable state. We just...clicked. One of those things, just a
simpatico moment, you know?
Paul doesn't answer, and Carole doesn't notice the hurt look in his eyes, as she is
busy examining an award.
CAROLE
Naturally, I jumped at the chance to go help open CP&S's Hong Kong office. Who
wouldn't? I mean, face it – what did I really have left for me here anyway, since
Bob and I had split? So there's really nothing for us to...talk about, is there, Paul?
Paul attempts a brave smile for her.
CAROLE
Hey, where's that battle axe, anyhow?
PAUL
Oh, I suppose Shirley should be in her office. She's not due in court today.
Carole leaves. Denny is standing just outside Paul's office, and sees Paul's eyes following
Carole out. Denny makes eyes, enters.
DENNY
I've seen her before.
PAUL
Of course you have, Denny. She left here to open the Hong Kong office. I believe
she used to have Alan's office.
DENNY
I was going to ask you something...maybe I should come back when you aren't
so...mad cow.
PAUL
What? Oh - come in. What is it that you need to know?
DENNY
That's okay.
PAUL
What's the matter, Denny? Have you forgotten why you came here again?
DENNY
Uh...seeing that blond puts another blond bombshell in my mind. Think I'll go
probe Shirley. She really gets my pointer up.
Denny leaves. Paul shakes his head and resumes paperwork.
INTERIOR-SHIRLEY'S OFFICE-AFTERNOON
Shirley is seated at her desk. Brad enters.
BRAD
Uh, Shirley?
SHIRLEY
What is it, Brad?
BRAD
Well, I sorta promised a pal I'd help him out.
SHIRLEY
What kind of help are we talking here?
Brad shrugs and looks a bit uneasy.
SHIRLEY
This is one out of the goodness of your own pockets, I presume?
BRAD
I guess. If necessary.
SHIRLEY
When was the last pro bono you did?
BRAD
A few months ago. Well, no – much as it pains me to admit, I actually lost a bet
to Alan on that one, so I paid. So the last actual pro bono would be...uh...
SHIRLEY
What kind of case is it?
BRAD
A winnable one. A fellow soldier is getting a crappy deal from his apartment
manager and landlord. Some harassment due to his military service status,
some discrimination...Don't worry, it shouldn't take more than a couple of
calls, probably get them to settle so it never even makes it to court.
SHIRLEY
Too bad.
BRAD
How's that bad?
SHIRLEY
Uh, you need to make it worth our time, Brad. Any way it can last long enough
to generate some press?
BRAD
Maybe.
SHIRLEY
See that it does, and we'll eat the cost.
BRAD
Thank you, Shirley.
SHIRLEY
No problem. Anything for a pal. Of course, if it gets too complicated, by
any chance -
BRAD
(finishing the thought)
- then I'll split the cost 50/50 with the firm?
SHIRLEY
Good enough.
INTERIOR-CP&S HALLWAY-AFTERNOON
Ari is wandering the hallway, when she spots a YOUNG MAN coming out of the
conference room, looking a bit confused.
ARI
You a client?
YOUNG MAN
Yeah, I'm suing my parents.
ARI
Been there.
YOUNG MAN
I want to be Jewish, but they are trying to force me to be Christian.
ARI
Bummer!
YOUNG MAN
By Jewish law, I am an adult, and have been for nearly four years – well,
minus the bar mitzvah, of course. But they won't listen to me.
ARI
Really? Good enough for me. So, where you going now?
YOUNG MAN
Looking for a bathroom.
ARI
Come on.
Ari leads him to the men's room.
ARI
Got a girlfriend?
YOUNG MAN
Well, sort of.
ARI
Yeah? Bet she can't do this!
Ari grabs the young man by his tie, and drags him into the bathroom.
CUT TO:
ACT III
INTERIOR-CP&S HALLWAY-AFTERNOON
Denny is in the hallway outside his office, passing by, when he notes Alan out on the
balcony, alone, with a drink. Denny goes after him.
EXTERIOR-DENNY'S BALCONY-AFTERNOON
Alan is absorbed in thought and doesn't notice Denny coming outside with a cigar and scotch
until he speaks.
DENNY
What's up with you?
ALAN
Huh? Oh, hi. Does it show?
DENNY
(sitting down)
Want to talk yet?
ALAN
Not particularly.
Denny lights a cigar, passes one to Alan, then lights one of his own. They sit and
quietly smoke for a moment.
ALAN
(exhaling)
She's dying.
DENNY
You mean...
ALAN
(interrupting)
Not Shirley. My sister. She has cancer, maybe she's dying.
DENNY
Maybe? You mean you don't know?
ALAN
My family was never much into...sharing. At one time, we were close, my sister
and I. Like two fellow combatants in a trench, I suppose. She's the one who got
me interested in law.
DENNY
She's an attorney?
ALAN
(laughing)
Hardly. She got me into the law when I started college, not knowing what I
wanted to be, but just knowing I had to...get out. She basically wrote her
own case for emancipation from our parents then, when she was only 16, and
gave it to some hack attorney to read for her. She showed me that the law was
a way out, that it could actually be used to help people.
DENNY
So, she helped herself, and you turned out all bleeding heart.
ALAN
I suppose so. My parents were all for my being a lawyer, initially, until they
found out I wasn't just in it for the money.
DENNY
(covering his ears)
Alan, please! Blasphemy!
ALAN
Well, anyway, she was alone. And soon, so was I. I should have tried to reach
out, maybe I could have done something. Maybe I...oh, I don't know…
DENNY
She's not dead yet, and neither are you.
ALAN
Did I ever mention how much I hate it when you're right?
DENNY
(putting his cigar in his ear)
Right? About what?
ALAN
You don't fool me, Denny Crane.
DENNY
So, why didn't she become a lawyer, since she was apparently quite gifted?
ALAN
That is the twenty thousand dollar question.
DENNY
So, ask her. While you still can.
Alan stares at Denny for a moment, then gets up and leaves.
Denny follows after him, calling encouragement. We -
FOLLOW DENNY AND ALAN -
as they leave the balcony, exit, Denny's office, and walk down the hallway.
DENNY
Attaboy, Alan! You can do it! You'll be glad, later. Do it before the mad cow
gets ya!
INTERIOR-CP&S HALLWAY-AFTERNOON
Denny is too busy talking to Alan to notice what Alan sees, which is a young man leaving
the men's room, followed by Ari a few seconds later. Both look rather disheveled. Ari
hastily tries to rearrange her clothes as she notices Alan looking at her.
CLOSE ON ALAN
ALAN
Tell me I didn't just see what I think I saw.
BACK TO HALLWAY
Denny gives Alan a wacky look.
DENNY
You sure I'm the only one with mad cow around here? This more of that word
lettuce crap?
ALAN
Salad. Excuse me a moment, Denny.
Alan walks over and takes Ari's arm. She throws him off.
ARI
What the hell are you doing?
ALAN
What the hell are you doing?
ARI
I don't know what you're talking about, and frankly, I bet you don't, either.
ALAN
I saw you! I don't care if you are dying.
ARI
Wait – who said I was dying?
ALAN
What?
ARI
Told you you don't know what you're talking about! I knew I shoulda bet you
some money.
Alan manages to grab her arm and propel her towards his office.
ALAN
Come on.
Ari allows herself to be dragged down the hall and into Alan's office.
INTERIOR-ALAN'S OFFICE-AFTERNOON
ALAN
Sit down.
Ari plops herself down on Alan's sofa, arms tightly crossed. Alan sits down in a stuffed
chair. He hesitates a moment, gathering his thoughts.
ALAN
Tell me again – exactly why are you here?I seem to have missed something.
ARI
Yeah – you missed 26 years. Oh, do you mean what's going on here besides the
cancer?
ALAN
So there is something else, I knew it. Talk, and try to make sense this time.
ARI
I always make sense.
ALAN
Just spill it! Are you dying or not?
ARI
Not. That's the beauty of it.
ALAN
That's the beauty of what?
ARI
Doctor Schweiber.
ALAN
That hack?
ARI
That "hack" has been treating me.
ALAN
You can't be serious!
ARI
Deathly serious. I had cancer that was totally inoperable. I went to Doctor
Schweiber. Now the cancer is totally gone, in three months.
ALAN
Just three months? Wow. Are you sure it's gone?
ARI
Absolutely. Totally. I was dying, now I'm not. You have to get this firm not
to take that case against him.
ALAN
And there is the catch.
ARI
What catch?
ALAN
I didn't think you came here out of any family closeness.
ARI
Oh, once a con woman, always a con woman?
ALAN
Something like that.
ARI
You have to get it dropped. For me.
ALAN
I can't even if I wanted to. It's not really my case.
ARI
I know. But you can try to make it go away, you know how. I checked. Just do
it, because you may be right.
ALAN
Right about what?
ARI
What if it is just a remission of some kind? What if I stop getting my monthly
treatments from him, and I die? Do you want that on your conscience? Besides,
I will do anything to make sure the Doctor wins. And I do mean anything, Al.
Trust me when I say this.
ALAN
So...why is it you never became a lawyer? You were off to an excellent start.
ARI
Much easier robbing banks and stuff. Except for that last time I got busted.
I would-a got off then, too, but the stupid attorney refused to do what I told
him to do.
Ari shrugs at Alan, who is amazed by her nonchalance.
ARI
It was inadequate representation and I appealed on that basis, too, but they
refused to hear my appeal because they were determined to hang me on it
since I made sure the other attorneys got me off the first two times I got popped.
Judge with a grudge, you know?
ALAN
I...kind of met a few judges like that, myself. Major grudges, too. But there
really is no justification for stealing.
ARI
Yo, the banks are insured against that, so the insurance companies make money,
the customers get their bread back, I get a few bucks – everyone's happy. I
refuse to steal from an individual. That's where we differ.
ALAN
I don't steal.
ARI
Oh, really? What do you get, 200, 300 bucks an hour just to go look in a bunch
of law books? How in the hell do you justify that?
ALAN
Actually, it's $500 an hour. And I do some pro bono, too.
ARI
Yeah, one or two a year, to clear your conscience? Well, I never could see
letting Harvard or some other school rob me of 100 grand just to teach me to read
a bunch of books. I can read already. And I couldn't see robbing people who are
already victimized by charging them hundreds of bucks an hour for me to read
law books for them when I can just tell them where the law library is so they can
go and check the laws themselves, and for free.
ALAN
So you gave up on law?
ARI
On the contrary, I got my degree while I was in jail, online.
ALAN
But you can't pass the bar because you are an ex-con.
ARI
That's not exactly true.
ALAN
What do you mean?
ARI
It's actually Arina Shroe who has the record. Funny how her name is so
similar to mine, ain't it? Invert two numbers in my social security number and
bingo! You got hers. Imagine that.
ALAN
(sarcastically)
I'd rather not, if you don't mind. You always were little miss innocence.
ARI
Okay, I did study computers in jail, from a couple of inmates. Bless white collar
crime! I, uh, sorta erased my whole prison and police records, among other
things. I'm quite handy, you know. Just do yourself a favor and don't try me.
Give up on the Schweiber case gracefully.
ALAN
I'll...see what I can do.
INTERIOR-PAUL'S OFFICE-AFTERNOON
Alan is standing in front of Paul's desk. Paul is sitting at his desk, shock on his face.
PAUL
You would like me to do what!
ALAN
Drop the Schweiber case.
PAUL
I cannot do that! We have people in three offices working on this! We've
even got a senior partner here from New York specifically on this matter!
ALAN
Oh – what, are we doing special guest stars now? Our ratings must be sagging.
PAUL
Do be serious! This is -
ALAN
(interrupting)
- a rainmaker case. I know.
Paul looks over his reading glasses at Alan.
PAUL
Precisely! Do not mess this up, I am warning you. You will regret it!
Paul gives Alan a particularly hard glare - Alan has mouthed the words "you will regret it"
precisely as Paul is uttering them, and Paul is clearly not amused by it.
INTERIOR-DENNY'S OFFICE-AFTERNOON
Denny is seated behind the desk, Alan is standing in front of it.
ALAN
You have to get them to drop the case, Denny.
DENNY
I can't, Alan. Not even for you.
ALAN
What happened to "first on the door"?
DENNY
I haven't had a well-publicized case in awhile. I need to be...out there.
ALAN
Denny, you are always "out there".
DENNY
This is different. I have to win this. I have to beat that woman!
ALAN
Shirley's not on this case.
DENNY
I don't mean Shirley! Her!
Denny punches a remote control for his tv set, and we see -
ONSCREEN -
a blond woman, with the caption GRACIE JANE under her.
GRACE JANE
So his methods aren't the quote normal unquote methods. That's no reason to
persecute the man! So he doesn't cut in the drug companies, with their
thousand-percent profit margins, or the hospitals, with their "bottom line"
price-cutting, pass-the-buck-to-the-consumer frauds they run! If it works
for you, then so what, I say! Up next, we have a report from Boston where it
appears there has been another in a string of bank robberies over the past
two weeks.
RESUME SHOT
Denny cuts the tv off.
ALAN
Did she say bank robberies?
DENNY
I think so.
ALAN
Oh, my...
CUT TO:
ACT IV
INTERIOR-ALAN'S OFFICE-LATE AFTERNOON
Alan is on the sofa, looking ill-at-ease. Ari is leaning on a stuffed chair, refusing to sit down.
ALAN
How long have you been out of jail?
ARI
About two weeks, why?
ALAN
I see...
ARI
See what?
ALAN
Nothing. I can't stop this case, Ari.
ARI
You'd better find a way!
Ari leaves.
INTERIOR-BRAD'S OFFICE-LATE AFTERNOON
Brad is behind the desk, on the phone. Krath is sitting on the sofa.
KRATH
I don't expect much.
Brad hangs the phone up.
BRAD
They're here.
KRATH
Yeah, the on site manager and that stooge who takes the rent – I think he's an
attorney, no offense.
BRAD
Who are the real landlords?
KRATH
I think some group of attorneys...Sanchez works out of an attorney's
office, and we take the rent there.
BRAD
Give me the landlord's name, it may come in handy later.
KRATH
Livonia and Associates, LLP.
BRAD
Okay, let's go.
Brad takes his briefcase, and he and Krath leave.
INTERIOR-CP&S CONFERENCE ROOM-LATE AFTERNOON
Two men are seated at the conference table, one Black and one Hispanic. They stand as Brad
and Krath enter, and Krath introduces the Black man to Brad.
KRATH
This is Mr. Douglas, he's the on site manager. My attorney, Brad Chase.
Brad shakes MR DOUGLAS's hand.
KRATH
And this is Mr. Sanchez.
Brad shakes MR. SANCHEZ's hand, then they all sit down.
SANCHEZ
What is it that you want?
KRATH
Those repairs you stipulated would be done, weren't.
BRAD
So my client wants those repairs done by next week, and a reduction in rent to
cover the time when the kitchen wasn't fully functional, plus further rent
reduction for the added hassles of his having to bring me in to enforce the
stip, plus the stip date's not being met.
SANCHEZ
How much of a reduction?
BRAD
30 percent rent reduction for 8 months, for the kitchen, plus 4 months of free
rent due to the broken stip.
SANCHEZ
(getting up)
See you in court.
Sanchez walks towards the door. Douglas starts to follow.
BRAD
Apparently so. And, in spades, sport. Because once the housing court is done.
we go to civil court, that's a promise.
Sanchez stops at the door, turns around.
SANCHEZ
Civil court? For what?
BRAD
I think you know. Oh – and I am quite sure you're gonna be out for medical
treatment plus pain and suffering for my client's wrist before that civil court
date rolls around.
SANCHEZ
We'll see about that.
Douglas has risen by now.
DOUGLAS
Let's hope no one regrets this, shall we?
Sanchez and Douglas exit. Brad looks at Krath and raises his eyebrows. Krath shrugs.
BRAD
Who else can you get to help us out in this? Who can testify?
KRATH
People are scared. Well, the few who dare to complain are.
Krath leans forward in the chair.
KRATH
I know this sounds sorta crazy, but there are way too many stories circulating
about the staff calling the psych ward on anyone who complains about conditions
there or disagrees with the staff in general. And whatever the staff says is
always believed by the authorities. So the tenants gather in small groups of no
more than two or three, whispering among themselves, in terror of the staff. No
actual organized protests or tenant advocacy groups though.
BRAD
Sounds like human rights are totally out the window there.
KRATH
Exactly.
BRAD
Let me see what I can dig up. We'll make them change their tune. Let's start with
a pal of mine that works at the Boston Globe.
KRATH
Are you sure?
BRAD
Positive. We'll get this thing cracked.
INTERIOR-DENNY'S OFFICE-LATE AFTERNOON
Denny is at his desk, looking at the Schweiber files, when Paul enters,
looking very ill-at-ease, and tries some banter with Denny.
PAUL
Quite a case, eh, Denny? Right up your alley. A real publicity-grabber -
DENNY
(cutting him off)
Cut the crap, Paul, I don't have time to dig your face out of my butt. What do
you want?
Paul begins to pace.
PAUL
Well, I...
DENNY
You should just go for it.
PAUL
(stopping short)
What?
DENNY
You know – Carole.
Paul resumes pacing.
PAUL
Oh, I never -
DENNY
(interrupting)
- oh, bull!
PAUL
I have absolutely no -
DENNY
(interrupting)
- sure you do!
PAUL
(sputtering)
Partners are not supposed to date each other! And I would never -
DENNY
(interrupting)
oh, phooey! I saw how she was looking at you, Paul. She really digs you.
Paul abruptly stops his pacing and sits down.
PAUL
Do you really think so?
DENNY
I do. And believe me, I know that look! All half dozen or so of my wives had it.
Just do it.
PAUL
Thanks, Denny, I...whatever happened to us, anyway?
DENNY
I don't know.
PAUL
We were such good friends, and then one day -
DENNY
(interrupting)
one day, you just...went from an innovative attorney and co-conspirator
who took chances into a think-in-a-box and think-quarterly-profits, cut and
dried businessman.
PAUL
Well, this is a business, Denny, in case you haven't noticed.
DENNY
Yeah, but it used to be fun!
PAUL
I...maybe I did change, Denny.
DENNY
And I didn't.
PAUL
No, you didn't. Much. I guess I let Olivia's cancer and Rachel's drug
addiction get the best of me. It was hard, Denny. I didn't want to change,
but in the end it seemed that all I had left was the firm. Maybe I did start
holding on just a bit too hard. But someone had to take care of the business
end of things. Believe it or not, Denny, I do care. And not just about the firm.
DENNY
I may not say it often, but I can see that, Paul.
PAUL
And Denny, I may not say this often, either, but – I truly admire you. You
are taking your...mad cow...much better than I would.
Paul gives Denny a wry smile.
PAUL
In fact, it tears me up to watch it happening to you because I do care –
about you, and about this firm we built.
DENNY
(sternly)
Don't think this means we're going to start any sleepovers, Paul.
PAUL
No, Denny.
DENNY
And we're sure as hell not going to share Shirley or Shirley Schmidt-ho!
PAUL
Of course not. I would -
Paul stops abruptly as Alan enters, clears his throat.
PAUL
You know the other partners are counting on you for the Schweiber case. I know
you'll do your best, as always. I appreciate it, Denny.
Paul leaves, and Alan watches him.
ALAN
What's with him?
DENNY
Nothing. What's with you?
ALAN
Nothing. Why does anything have to be wrong?
DENNY
You look like someone pissed in your Cheerios.
ALAN
Thanks. Just count me out of that class action party of yours.
DENNY
Why? We can win this! And believe me, Alan, a winner is the one with
all the marbles.
ALAN
As long as you don't get so driven that you go after anyone who has even
half a marble, just because you can.
DENNY
And I thought I was losing my marbles?
ALAN
Just count me out, is all. This thing with my sister is...I don't know. My
sister just...this is a horror.
Brad just happens to be walking past as Alan says this, and he cannot resist
poking his head in the door and commenting.
BRAD
Whats a matter, champ, your sister steal all your marbles?
ALAN
Butt out, Brad.
BRAD
Gee, touchy there, sport! Must suck to be you.
Brad exits the doorway.
ALAN
Smug bastard.
BRAD
(from up the hallway)
I heard that!
ALAN
Anyhow, Denny, I cannot be a part of this class action, and I wish to God
you'd just drop it, too.
DENNY
I can't. I told you, I have to do this.
ALAN
Then, I have to do this – count me out of any sleepovers. Count me out of your
balcony time.
DENNY
Are you breaking up with me?
ALAN
Count on it.
DENNY
But you've taken cases I asked you not to.
ALAN
And how many cases have I asked you not to take?
DENNY
Well...I...mad cow?
ALAN
This one, Denny. That's it. Not for my sister, but for me. And you can't?
Then, I can't.
Alan leaves. Denny puts his head down on his desk in misery.
CUT TO:
ACT V
INTERIOR-ALAN'S OFFICE-EVENING
Alan is on his sofa, reading a newspaper. Denny enters.
DENNY
I swear, he doesn't mean a thing to me!
ALAN
What?
DENNY
Paul! Doesn't mean a thing. Isn't that what this is really about?
ALAN
That is ridiculous.
DENNY
No, I was jealous over Hands, I admit that, and I wouldn't want you
to be jealous of Paul. We never went out on the balcony – I swear!
ALAN
Denny, get out.
DENNY
Al? Come on.
Alan merely points to the door, and Denny leaves, his head hanging down. Alan
resumes reading, and Ari enters.
ARI
Did he finally lose his last marble, or what?
ALAN
(sighing sarcastically)
I hope the hell you're happy.
ARI
The class action is dropped?
ALAN
No. I dropped my part in it. You'll have to convince Denny yourself,
because I can't.
ARI
Then, I'll have to do...what I have to do.
Ari leaves.
ALAN
(sighing deeply)
That's what I was afraid of.
Alan picks up the phone. Puts it down. Stares at it. Picks it up again, and dials.
ALAN
(into phone)
Police? Oh, sorry. Wrong number.
Alan hangs up, stares at the phone, and sighs again.
INTERIOR-BRAD'S OFFICE-MORNING
Brad and Krath are sitting at Brad's coffee table.
BRAD
As I told you over the phone, I could not find anything out about Livonia
and Associates LLP at the courthouse. They don't seem to be registered,
which is kinda odd. They should be.
KRATH
I found this – it's from just before I moved in, it had been shoved under my
door.
Krath hands Brad a paper. Brad reads it.
BRAD
Capital improvements, eh? And just look at all those names on the letterhead.
KRATH
Yeah, Sanchez, for one.
BRAD
Okay, we'll assume these are all partners in the company. So, I've got an idea.
KRATH
What is it?
BRAD
We shake the tree. But first things first, let's head to the courthouse.
INTERIOR-COURTROOM-DAY
Brad and Krath are seated in the spectators chairs, waiting to be called to the stand.
Sanchez and Douglas enter, and Brad scowls at them, prompting them to scowl back.
Just then, a PHOTOGRAPHER takes a picture of them all, and Brad is smiling while
Sanchez and Douglas are still scowling.
BRAD
(to photographer)
Thanks, Bernie. I owe you one!
Up at the bench, the JUDGE bangs his gavel.
JUDGE
Michael Krath versus Livonia and Associates.
Brad, Krath, Sanchez, and Douglas all enter the floor, with the plaintiff going left, and the
defendant going right.
JUDGE
What do we have here?
BRAD
Your Honor, Brad Chase, of Crane, Poole, and Schmidt, representing Mr. Krath. Livonia and
Associates violated a stipulation to make repairs. Motion to Restore to the Calendar.
JUDGE
Granted. Next Tuesday. 1pm.
SANCHEZ
Your Honor -
JUDGE
Mr. Sanchez, it says here you have adjourned this case six times already.
Enough is enough! The case will go on. Next Tuesday, 1pm, that's five business
days from today, and may I highly suggest that you be ready this time!
The judge raps his gavel, and they all leave. As Brad and Krath are going out, a man approaches them,
and introduces himself.
MACDOUGAL
Mr. Chase, Mr. Krath, I'm Command Sergeant Major MacDougal. I saw the
article yesterday in the Boston I speak to you for a moment?
KRATH
Certainly.
BRAD
Sure, let's go out into the hallway.
They exit the courtroom, going out into -
INTERIOR-COURTHOUSE HALLWAY-DAY
Sanchez and Douglas are in the hallway, and Sanchez goes over to Brad when he sees them come out.
SANCHEZ
Mr. Chase -
BRAD
(cutting him off)
I'm busy now, so step off, pal. You can call me at my office later. I'm sure you
have my number. Because I've sure got yours, Pal!
Brad guides them all away from Sanchez and Douglas.
MACDOUGAL
My, uh...office is concerned about what's going on with you, Sergeant Krath.
KRATH
With all due respect, Command Sergeant Major, no one was concerned when I
became homeless 18 months ago, no one was concerned over those 6 months I
lived in the street, or the 4 months I stayed in the shelter. Why the sudden concern
over my health and safety now?
BRAD
Bad press?
MACDOUGAL
Exactly. Press is already all over us about how you boys get treated when you
get back from Iraq. They don't need to hear any more bad news about the
struggles you're having to go through without ever leaving our soil.
KRATH
(sarcastically)
How kind of the Army.
Brad gives Krath a hard look.
BRAD
What are you prepared to do, Sergeant Major?
MACDOUGAL
I checked up on you, Krath. I think you're an excellent candidate
to fill a position we have open. It's a teaching post at an active Army
base. You'd be part of the National Guard training team there, retraining
soldiers switching their MOS's. You'd be AGR, sothere would be housing
available on post for you.
KRATH
Full time active Guard? Hmm, that actually sounds good. What's the catch?
MACDOUGAL
You are not to pursue this case, to ensure that there is no more potentially
negative press for the Army.
BRAD
(to Krath)
I think I have a way to beat them without going to court again, if you're game.
KRATH
(to Brad)
Are you sure? I can really have it both ways?
BRAD
I'm reasonably sure.
MACDOUGAL
Sergeant Krath, do we have a deal?
KRATH
Yes, Sergeant Major.
MACDOUGAL
I have certain papers that need to be signed, forms to be filled out...
Brad hands him a business card.
BRAD
Come by in with the papers in three days and I should have the landlord
thing fixed by then.
MACDOUGAL
Remember – no more press, or the deal is off.
BRAD
There won't be any more press. That'll be the last thing these jokers will want
by the time I'm through with them.
MACDOUGAL
See that there isn't.
MacDougal walks away.
BRAD
Hey, Mike, see you in two days, okay, buddy?
KRATH
Thanks a lot, Brad.
BRAD
No sweat.
INTERIOR-CP&S HALLWAY-AFTERNOON
Alan is walking down the hallway. Denny is stalking him, not too covertly, but Alan is
just ignoring him. Alan finally goes into the men's room.
INTERIOR-MEN'S ROOM-AFTERNOON
Alan starts to go to a urinal, spots Denny coming in, and goes into a stall instead.
DENNY
Oh, come on, Alan! You've been hiding from me and neglecting me for two days
already! When is it going to end?
ALAN
Denny, go away! I've said all I've got to say to you.
DENNY
But Alan!
Alan begins to repeatedly flush the toilet every time Denny tries to talk to him. Paul comes in,
sees Denny hovering by the stalls, and raises an eyebrow at Denny. Offended, Denny leaves.
PAUL
You can come out now, Alan.
ALAN
Thank you – I owe you one.
PAUL
Then get this thing with Denny fixed, whatever it is, and quickly.
ALAN
Can't do that right now, Paul.
Alan peeks out of the door, sees no Denny waiting for him, and he leaves Paul shaking his head.
CUT TO:
ACT VI
INTERIOR-BRAD'S OFFICE-AFTERNOON
Brad and Krath are seated around Brad's coffee table.
BRAD
Good news, buddy! I told you I could get this wrapped up in two days!
Brad hands a check to Krath.
KRATH
What is this?
BRAD
Moving money.
KRATH
Where did it – Livonia and Associates?
BRAD
Yeah, Merry Christmas.
KRATH
How did you get them to give it to me?
BRAD
By promising them you'd sign this.
Brad hands him a couple of papers, stapled together.
KRATH
What is it?
BRAD
Standard non-disclosure form, plus an agreement that you will drop all current
and future lawsuits against them.
KRATH
What did you do?
BRAD
I took that letterhead that you gave me and, working on the assumption that their
company is made up of mostly attorneys, I looked in the business white pages of all
cities within 100 miles of Boston.
KRATH
That was clever thinking!
BRAD
Then, I matched the names on the letterhead to the names of attorneys
listed, and then sent them all petitions to appear in small claims court to face
your charge that they defaulted on the stipulation. I reached out, and touched
a few of the right people. So they, in turn, called Sanchez, to see if he could
make you go away, and Sanchez then called me. You basically got $10,000
nuisance pay. We could have held out for more, but the Sergeant Major wanted
a quick lid put on this thing.
KRATH
So, I grab the money and run.
BRAD
You got it. Sign here, and here, if you want to take the deal.
KRATH
You bet I do! The personal injury attorney told me I'd be lucky to get
$3,000. Boy, was he wrong! Dropping that will make him pretty mad...
BRAD
I'll handle it.
KRATH
So, how much do I owe you?
BRAD
A few emails a year, plus a Christmas card.
KRATH
I'm serious.
BRAD
So am I. I didn't do much here, just made a couple of calls, filed a few
papers. You just work on getting yourself settled into your new job and
living situation, okay, Mike?
KRATH
Will do. Thank you again, Brad.
BRAD
Be here tomorrow to sign off on the Sergeant Major's paperwork.
KRATH
Wouldn't miss it for the world.
INTERIOR-ALAN'S OFFICE-EVENING
Alan is getting ready to leave for the evening, standing behind his desk, putting his day
planner into his briefcase, when Denny enters.
ALAN
Get out of my office, Denny.
DENNY
Actually, it's my office. They're all my offices when you think about it, since I
built this firm up from nothing. First on the door, you know.
ALAN
I've got nothing to say to you.
DENNY
That's tough, because I've got something to say to you.
ALAN
I don't have to listen.
DENNY
Actually, you do. As I said, first on the door. Don't make me pull rank.
ALAN
I thought it was pretty well established by now that authority and I do not mix.
DENNY
Alan, come on.
Denny goes to the door. Alan remains standing behind his desk.
DENNY
I said come on. Please.
Alan, finally worn down, shrugs and follows Denny out.
INTERIOR-DENNY'S OFFICE-EVENING
Denny enters, with Alan tagging lazily behind him.
DENNY
Your sister came to me, you know. She's kinda cute.
ALAN
Yeah, she's as pretty as a venomous snake, now will you just get to the
damned point already so I can finally go home?
DENNY
I still got it, you know. She couldn't stay away from me.
ALAN
Ari was just trying to use you and confuse you, to help Schweiber. Surely
you don't actually believe she was talking to you because she thinks you're
sexy.
DENNY
Alan, my boy, power is always sexy. You haven't seen Ari in two days, have you?
ALAN
Now that you mention it, no. What the hell did you do?
Denny ignores the question, pours two drinks and hands Alan one. Alan stubbornly puts it
down on the desk, ignoring it. Denny notices Alan ignoring his drink, shrugs, lights up a cigar,
and moseys out to the balcony.
ALAN
(yelling out to Denny)
I've told you – I do not want to go out on the balcony with you, or anyplace else
with you, for that matter. Now, just tell me - what did you do to my sister?
Alan can see Denny's back in the window, and sees Denny put his cigar in his ear.
DENNY
(yelling back)
Can't hear you, Alan.
Alan scowls then picks up his drink, out of habit, and starts out towards the balcony, not looking too pleased.
EXTERIOR-EVENING-DENNY'S BALCONY
Alan comes out, looks at the drink in his hand, and deliberately puts it down. Denny shrugs.
DENNY
I know a lot of people, you know. I've been working this town since before you were born.
ALAN
Is there a point to this?
Denny gives Alan a stern look, puts his finger on his lips, and shushes him. Alan rolls his eyes.
DENNY
(sternly)
Sit!
Alan reluctantly sits down in his usual chair.
DENNY
As I was saying, I know people, and I pulled in a marker. Doctor Schweiber
referred your sister to another doctor, one in Costa Rica. I gave her airfare
myself.
Denny takes a drink and a puff of his cigar.
DENNY
You know Costa Rica has no extradition policy with the US.
ALAN
You knew about my sister?
DENNY
You know I never make a third date with a woman without having a thorough background
check on her first, so why would I share my balcony without doing one? I also never personally
hire anyone without doing a check, either. And you – one look at you, and I just knew you'd be
trouble. Fun trouble, my friend. Just what this place needed. So I looked you over.
ALAN
And you liked what you saw enough to have me hired, just to annoy Paul.
DENNY
You got it!
Alan chuckles.
ALAN
Denny, I never should have doubted you and I'm truly and deeply sorry.
DENNY
Apology accepted.
Denny lights a cigar for Alan, passes it to him. Alan takes a puff, then puts it in his ear, too.
ALAN
Any chance this Schweiber is for real?
DENNY
No, he's a worthless quack. It's mind over matter in your sister's case. You
know – where there's a will, there's a way and all that corny stuff.
ALAN
And she is strong-willed; always was.
Alan and Denny quietly smoke for a moment.
DENNY
You know, if she truly believes she's cured, well, then...who knows? If she
believes in this other quack I had her sent to, she may outlive us both.
ALAN
The mind truly is an incredible thing.
DENNY
You said it, Alan.
ALAN
Sleepover?
DENNY
Oh, are we an item again?
ALAN
Appears so.
DENNY
My place?
ALAN
You're on.
As they smoke, the scene fades to black and white, with fog around the edges.
FADE TO:
EXTERIOR-DENNY'S BALCONY-EVENING
CLOSE ON ALAN -
SUPER-PRESENT DAY
The scene begins in black and white, with white fog around the edges, slowly colorizing as the scene progresses,
and the fog slowly clears. We go to -
DENNY AND ALAN -
as they sit on the balcony, with scotch and cigars.
DENNY
Alan? You okay?
ALAN
Why?
DENNY
You've been quiet for awhile.
ALAN
I'm just thinking.
DENNY
You know you scare me when you think too much, Alan. Bad habit, that's what it is.
ALAN
Sorry.
DENNY
So, where to tonight?
ALAN
Wherever the night takes us – later. I'll let you know when I've decided.
DENNY
Fair enough.
ALAN
Indeed...
FADE OUT