HIKARI HONDA ASIA: User Guide and Manual
CONGRATULATIONS! You've just invested in an HIKARI HONDA ASIA unit! In order to ensure that you, the owner, get the best of your unit while keeping all your extremities, we've taken the liberties of writing this manual, and strongly suggest that you read it before attempting to handle your unit.
Technical Specifications:
Name: Hikari Honda. Will also reply to "Asia", "Sister Asia", happily to "Hikari", overjoyed to "Okaa-san", and furious to "Exhausted East".
Age: 21
Place of Manufacture: Tokyo, Japan
Height: 5' 6"
Weight: very light
Length: Thin, but not too thin
Your HIKARI HONDA ASIA unit comes with the following accessories:
One (1) purple kimono with light trimming
One (1) red changshan with one green Vietnamese sleeve and one pink Taiwanese sleeve
One (1) pair of dark colored light weight pants
One (1) very pale purple scarf
One (1) black handle, white-wrapped katana
One (1) CROW unit
Two (2) flower headbands
Programming:
Your HIKARI HONDA ASIA unit is equipped with the following traits:
Babysitter: If you love children but don't have enough time for them, your unit is a natural at this. 3 years of handling her son mellowed her out, and children absolutely adore her. She loves helping out with their problems and keeping peace between them to ensure your house's safety.
Massage Therapist: HIKARI HONDA ASIA's got sinful hands, after all - what better use for them than at a spa? If you get her a job as a massage therapist, you'll soon have a steady stream of cash from the long, long list of clientele she's sure to accumulate in the first week or two, and your unit will be more calmer as a result of her calming occupation. Plus, you'll get to see her in loose clothes more often!*
Gardener: She loves gardening and loves to see couples with flowers anytime. She has a love for chrysanthemums, which she named her son after, and loves to grow her own fruits and vegetables. She will grow a garden of them and sell them for reasonable prices for the price of seeing their happy faces.
Removal of your HIKARI HONDA ASIA from Packaging:
Your unit is, simply put, a morning person. You can't jolt her into a locked mode, and she won't try and kill you when you wake her up. The only problem with HIKARI HONDA ASIA is that it's extremely difficult or easy to wake her up; in order to avoid any drama, if she's difficult to wake up, we've attached the following list of failsafe ways to get your unit up and going and ready to reprogram.
1. Have a KURAI HONDA unit stand next to the box and call out to his wife. She will push the lid off and come out of the box to have a loving hug with her husband. The only problem will be finding a KURAI HONDA unit. He might be practicing his sword skills or just relaxing after keeping SADIQ ADNAN and HERACLES KARPUSI off of his son.
2. Get a KIKU HONDA unit to come and call out for his mother, who will break out of the box and run over to hug her son. She might forget about his personal space and nuzzle him until he tries to push her away but her grip is strong so he might need help getting her off of him.
3. Activate the attached CROW unit and watch as she stares at it mesmerized with the box lid on her head. While she's distracted take this time to reprogram her but don't worry. Even if the CROW unit suddenly stops, she won't interrupt you until you are done reprogramming her.
4. Just walk over to the box and open the lid before gently shaking her and calling out her name quietly. She will wake up and sit up with the front half of her body leaning out of the box while groggily blinking her eyes since she might not be a morning person sometimes.
Reprogramming
After successfully awakening your HIKARI HONDA ASIA, you'll have the option to reprogram him. Her modes are as follows:
Calm(default)
Mother-like(default)
Boss
Childish
Romantic
Livid (locked)
HIKARI HONDA ASIA's standard modes are Calm and Mother-like. Both are very simple concepts: in Calm, your unit will not question anything and will usually just stare and go with whatever you're saying, unless you're insulting her, because she will get annoyed. She might get emotional and teary-eyed on you if you hurt her feelings too badly, but that's undecided because Mother-like is also in effect. Mother-like makes her easy to raise kids which means that you should always have cameras set up in your house, because HIKARI HONDA ASIA might lose a kid or three while being distracted by others.
If you put your unit into Boss mode, she'll suddenly become the overprotective guardian you never had. She'll be extremely fond of KURAI HONDA and KIKU HONDA units, and might ask for them randomly; if she vanishes, there's a good chance she's gone off to chill with an ANTARCTICA unit or fight with a MÉGÈRE LAURINAITIS EUROPE unit. To put her into this mode, simply show her a little!Japan unit or a Furious KURAI HONDA.
In Childish, HIKARI HONDA ASIA is nothing but a child. She'll act like he's in Mother-like, but you'll be able to tell the difference because she'll constantly run from you while laughing and bring your actions into question. Please don't try to convince yourself that you can out-child her, because there are only two documented examples of a unit owner winning against HIKARI HONDA ASIA; most likely, you'll end up crying yourself to sleep. It is believed that your unit enters this mode after exposure to 4chan or any of the other -chans, but we are unsure. To get her out of it, get a MÉGÈRE LAURINAITIS EUROPE unit, the only unit who can make her furious, or an KURAI HONDA who, after their marriage, will finally calm down HIKARI HONDA ASIA.
Her last unlocked mode is Romantic. If you want your unit to be loving to her husband, she must be in this mode. Love, in any other mode, will create a forever-casual relationship with the KURAI HONDA unit. To get HIKARI HONDA ASIA into Romantic, simply sit down and watch a chick-flick marathon. Movies like Letters to Juliet and Titanic are wonderful for this.
Your unit has one locked mode, Livid, that can be unlocked by putting her in a room with MÉGÈRE LAURINAITIS EUROPE for a while, or threaten to harm her family and she will snap. When she returns home, HIKARI HONDA ASIA will seem the same, except for two major things: one, she'll actually talk a lot, and two, she'll go out killing people instead of coming home on time. She covers her tracks expertly, though, so you won't need to worry about the police investigating. Even after switching modes, your HIKARI HONDA ASIA will still show traits of Livid, but you can get a KURAI HONDA or KIKU HONDA to convince her not to kill people.
Relationships with Other Units
She won't need to be in a relationship since she is already married.
KURAI HONDA: He loves her to bits and will defend her at any costs. He is her husband and won't allow anyone to try to violate his wife or they will be faced with a Furious KURAI HONDA and will only calm down once he's assured his wife and son are safe or if his wife will calm him down.
KIKU HONDA: She loves him so much that she will follow him everywhere to ensure his safety. He never knows that his mother is following him unless someone informs him and he will try to scold her but backfires since she explains that she's worried about her only son's safety.
MÉGÈRE LAURINAITIS EUROPE: She is HIKARI HONDA ASIA's younger sister, and loves to get on her older sister's nerves. She always calls her "Exhausted East" since HIKARI HONDA ASIA blames her for the Westernization happening in her continent. To put it bluntly: they used to like each other when they were little but now they hate each other.
Cleaning
Your unit loves baths, and will only take them with her husband and/or with her son. She can clean up after herself, actually she'll clean up any mess she sees and tries to keep everything in perfect order. If anything's messed up just after she cleans it she will order the person that messed it up to clean it up or else. She is really threatening once this happens.
Feeding
HIKARI HONDA ASIA loves gardening and loves cooking. She can make her own food, so don't worry about feeding her; if anything, she'll try and feed you because she thinks you're not eating enough and knows that you need certain vitamins to grow tall and strong.
Rest
Every night, your unit will find her husband and then flop onto the bed for a well-deserved sleep that can last anywhere between eight to nine hours. Apart from this, HIKARI HONDA ASIA will sleep either early or late, although she'll wake up at dawn every morning.
FAQ
Q: My unit's moping! Like, she's just sitting in the corner and sighing every few minutes!
A: She was most likely just separated from her husband KURAI HONDA. There is nothing you can do, because if you intervene you'll just irritate her; just wait it out. He'll return to her in a few days from whatever took him from her.
Q: The CROW unit ran away, and so did my HIKARI HONDA ASIA!
A: Luckily, every unit comes equipped with a GPS tracker that can locate them within three feet anywhere on the planet! Simply call or email Customer Services (if you call, you'll need to follow the necessary prompts), and give the eight-digit shipment code you got in your order confirmation email.
Troubleshooting
Problem: Instead of receiving a woman in your box, you got a pre-teen wearing a kimono. She smiles all the time, likes to sleep with her four sisters and two brothers, and asks for Mommy!PANGEA and Little!ANTARCTICA and has no idea who KURAI HONDA or KIKU HONDA is.
Solution: Whoops, we accidentally sent you a little!Asia unit! This form of your unit is about twelve or so, but she's as promiscuous as a biscuit and therefore good for various illicit activities. She is, unfortunately, automatically in Childish, and there are no other mode options for her; since she hasn't fought with MÉGÈRE LAURINAITIS EUROPE yet, he's an angel. We understand completely if you want to trade him in, in which case you need only call Customer Services.
End Notes
With enough love, care, and patience for romantic movies, you'll find HIKARI HONDA ASIA to be a valuable companion. We wish you good luck, and hope you enjoy your unit!