A/N: This started out a lot shorter... then it grew. Anyway, a silly Ron/Hermione, Snape/Lupin fic. Takes place sometime during third year. Not sure how I thought it up... Enjoy, please read and review.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
Snogging and Blackmail
"Severus," Lupin said with a polite nod as the other man stepped into his office carrying a full goblet.
"Remus," Snape responded as he set the goblet down. He stood very still and watched as Lupin crossed the room and lifted the goblet to his lips. Only after the other man had drained it of its contents and replaced it on the desk did Snape make a move. He strode briskly forward and his hands fell on Lupin's shoulders, pushing him against the wall. Their lips met in a harsh kiss, their tongues lashing and their fingers pushing at clothing.
Snape pulled away briefly as voices filtered down the corridor, but Lupin turned the other man's head back to the task at hand. They grew lost in the moment as their robes fell from their shoulders, leaving them with only muggle clothes to contend with.
But they went no further. A clatter caused them to spring apart and their attention turned to the door, where Hermione Granger and Ron Weasly stood open mouthed, with a pile of books at their feet.
"Weasly, Granger, 10 points from Gryffindor for snooping," Snape snapped as he swiftly picked his robes up from the floor and pulled them back on. Lupin stepped forward, lifting his own robes.
"Now, now, Severus," he said. "I'm sure they weren't snooping." Snape turned to face Lupin, a dark glare etched into his face.
"Fine, no points taken," he said softly, "I have a lesson to prepare." And with that he marched out, squeezing past the immobile Ron and Hermione. Lupin pulled his own robes back on before moving around his desk to face Hermione and Ron.
"We, um, we…," Hermione began, but she trailed off and quickly retrieved her books before running down the hallway.
"We knocked," Ron finished before following her.
-.-.-.-
"I came to return this," Lupin said, stepping into Snape's office with the goblet in his hand.
"Of course," Snape replied, not looking up from his parchment. Lupin nodded and placed the goblet on a shelf next to a jar filled with a rather nasty looking bluish-yellow liquid.
"I expect it will be around the castle by tomorrow," Lupin said softly, but Snape shook his head and sly smile appeared on his face. "What?" Lupin queried.
"They won't tell a soul if they don't want McGonagall to find out that I caught them snogging when they should have been in Transfiguration." Lupin smiled.
"You sly devil, you!" he said, turning to leave.
"Same time tomorrow?" Snape called out when Lupin was nearly through the door.
"I don't see why not," Lupin replied, "we'll just have to be sure to lock the door." And, with a wink, Lupin was out the door.
-.-.-.-
"No wonder he didn't go to McGonagall straight away!" Ron hissed to Hermione as they sat huddled in a corner of the common room. "He wanted blackmail!"
"How could he have known we'd see them, though?" Hermione asked. "Honestly, Ron, you're being paranoid."
"Well, it's not like we can tell anyone, now, is it?" Ron asked as Hermione pulled her Arithmancy book from her bag and flipped it open. "He'll go to McGonagall for sure!"
"Ron, please," Hermione said. "I doubt he was planning on blackmail.
"And how would you know?" Ron asked. "It fits, doesn't it?"
"None of this fits, Ron," said Hermione with a sigh. She slammed her book closed and looked Ron in the eye. "Have you seen how Snape looks at Professor Lupin normally?"
"Well, yeah," Ron replied.
"How can he go from loathing him to snogging him?" Hermione pointed out.
"Maybe it's a new plot to get the Defense Against the Dark Arts position," Ron suggested. Hermione rolled her eyes.
"I doubt getting into Lupin's pants is going to get Snape anywhere," Hermione said, and Ron screwed his face up in disgust.
"Please, I don't want to think about Snape getting into anyone's pants," he said quickly.
"Well, you are the one who brought it up," Hermione said matter-of-factly. She reopened her book and ignored Ron's splutters of protest.
-.-.-.-
Potions the next day was terrible. Ron and Hermione got thirty points taken from Gryffindor each in the first five minutes of class alone, and at the end Snape asked them to remain to help him clean up the mess from Neville's melted cauldron.
"Don't see why Neville isn't doing this," Ron hissed to Hermione, but his question was quickly answered.
"If I find out that even Potter knows," Snape said as he surveyed their work. "I will go straight to McGonagall."
"Told you," Ron said to Hermione as they left, rushing to their next classes.
-.-.-.-
"How on earth are you keeping them quiet?" asked Lupin one afternoon as Snape sauntered in with the potion. "Honestly, it must be more than snogging." All he received in response, however, was a sly smile.
"That, Remus, is between me, Mr. Weasly, and Miss Granger."
"Of course," Lupin replied, downing his potion as quickly as he could. Snape nodded curtly and took the empty goblet. He shook his head as Lupin stepped towards him.
"Not today, Remus," Snape said, an unnerving twinkle in his eyes. "I've business to attend."
"Of course you do, Severus," Lupin replied with a small laugh. He leaned against his desk and watched the Potions Master depart. Seconds later, Ron and Hermione were once again in the doorway.
"May we talk to you?" Hermione asked. She sounded out of breath as though they had sprinted down the hall.
"Of course, Miss Granger, Mr. Weasly," Lupin said, gesturing for them to come in. They shook their heads, however, and remained in the doorway.
"Um, well, it's about, y'know," Ron said quickly. Lupin nodded.
"Ron's got this crazy theory-" Hermione began, but Ron cut her off.
"-it isn't crazy, it's completely sound! There's evidence," he insisted. Hermione snorted.
"Evidence?" she asked incredulously. "The evidence to the contrary is more overwhelming-"
"-But if you just think about it-"
"Ron, Hermione, please. What is going on between myself and Professor Snape is none of your concern," Lupin said quickly. Both students opened their mouths to protest, but Lupin held up a hand. "I, however, would like to know what it is he is using to keep you from telling Harry."
Hermione's face turned bright pink, and Ron's face flared up to match his hair. They both opened their mouths, but no answers came, and then they once again sprinted away from Lupin's office.