"I lose everyone I love, don't you get it?!" Clarke screams, slamming her fist down on the table where the map lies. "I won't, I can't, lose you, too." Her eyes are on fire, their flames tamed only by the heated tears streaming down her face. Usually, he would respond to her yelling with a loud retort of his own, but this isn't about who's right or wrong. It's about her fears, which are eerily similar to his own. So, he calmly walks over to her and wipes away the wetness on her cheeks, holding her head in his hands, something he's wanted to do for so long now.
"You're not gonna lose me, princess," he says with a lopsided grin, attempting to reassure her, still dizzy from the fact that she just admitted that she loves him. "I'm right here and I'm not leaving your side." Instead of pushing him away, which he expects her to do, she grabs his shirt, a vulnerability in her eyes that she's only shown him a few times before.
"Bellamy, you can't promise that. None of us can." The strain in her voice betrays her worry, and it's all he can do to keep himself from pressing his lips to hers. His hands caress her head, winding into her hair, forcing her to focus on him. Her fingers are fisted in his shirt, close enough to his skin to send electricity through his body. All he can think is that he's never felt more sure of anything else in his life.
"I know," he sighs. "I know." They stand there for a few moments, holding on to each other as if nothing else could possibly exist in the world but them. Bellamy stares at Clarke while she has her eyes closed, focusing on the rhythm of their breaths, wondering if she can feel the gravity between them. It's the same gravity he's felt every time he's around her, as if she is the sun and he is the Earth, and nothing can stop him from being completely caught up in her radiance. He sensed the gravity even when she was gone, even while he had no idea where she was. He knows that they are not meant to collide, knows that it would certainly be a disaster, but it's as if he can't help himself.
Just as he leans in to press his lips to hers, a loud bang breaks the tension. They pull apart right before Octavia walks into the room.
"Clarke, your mom needs you for something," Octavia declares, carefully avoiding eye contact with her brother. "She's by the far river, so she told me to take you to her."
"Okay," Clarke says with a nod. "Just let me collect my things." Octavia nods in assent and leaves the room quickly. Clarke looks back at Bellamy, her eyes sympathetic.
"She'll come around eventually," Clarke assures him.
"Yeah," he agrees, his voice betraying his hopelessness. He tries for a smile, but it falters a bit, and he knows that Clarke can see through him. Unable to stand the sad look in Clarke's eyes any longer, he drops his gaze.
"Hey," Clarke says softly, reaching up and cradling Bellamy's jaw in her palm. Her touch warms his skin, and he can't help but lay his hand over hers. "She will." Clarke sounds so sure that Bellamy almost believes her. He glances at her eyes for a moment, and then he's stuck, caught in their gravity all over again.
He has wanted this for so long, even before he knew it consciously. How many nights has he stayed up, unable to sleep, wondering what she tastes like or how her skin feels? Too many to count. And yet, in this moment, he's afraid. Octavia is a violent reminder of what happens to people who care for him, who trust him. Clarke has been hurt too much already; he doesn't need to add to her pain. Or worse, get her killed like he did Lincoln.
So, when she leans into him, he pulls away, clearing his throat. Clarke looks confused and shocked for a second before her face grows hard.
"You really should get to your mom," Bellamy says. "Abby doesn't like to wait." He flashes a fake grin, hoping that it's convincing. It must be because Clarke nods and begins collecting her things. Just as she is about to leave the room, she turns back to Bellamy, seeming like she has something important to tell him. She opens her mouth, but then closes it a second later.
Finally, she just says, "Don't make any decisions while I'm gone, especially plans that include you risking your life, okay?" He nods, but she's already walking away, so she doesn't see it.
"Okay, princess," he whispers, his chest aching dully as soon as she's out of sight. And since she's gone, she doesn't hear him say the one thing he knows she would never allow: "I promise."