Disclaimer: I do not own 'Death Note', or anything else in this work that I did not make myself.

Fractured Death Note

Chapter one: Prelude and a beginning

(SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE, ALTHOUGH I'M NOT SAYING WHEN EXACTLY)

He laid on the stairs of a metal staircase in a warehouse somewhere in Japan. I don't know where specifically in Japan the warehouse is located; this is only the first chapter, asshole. Yeah, I'm doing one of those kinds of stories. But that's beside the point. Anywho, he laid on the staircase as he bled out from multiple gunshot wounds. He was barely able to cast a glance at the person who shot him, a fair-skinned thirteen-year-old girl with brownish hair in twin pigtails that draped slightly over her shoulders, and she wore a sleeveless blue and white-stripped top, a pair of red shorts, and a pair of white sandals.

Her expression, although she looked like she could cry at any moment with how her eyes are watering up, was firm and serious. "That…" the thirteen-year-old girl said to him, her breath somewhat shaky given that she DID just shoot a guy, "…That was for my little brother, you fucker."

He cast his glance back up to the ceiling of the warehouse he was in, the warm, rich crimson life within bleeding out as he laid on those stairs. As he slipped into the dark abyss of death, he had but one thought on his mind.

"…To think, all of the events leading up to now…they all started just because I wanted a burrito with cheese…"

(PRESENT DAY)

Light Yagami was a super smart super nerd, despite looking like most Japanese high school girls' definition of eye candy. He had both good looks and good brains going for him, so all he had to do was refrain from becoming the main character of an anime and he'd be golden. In fact, he only had one desire at the moment, a somewhat simple desire, if you think about it.

"…I could sure go for a burrito with cheese," Light thought as the final bell of the school day rang, allowing the students to get their shit and leave. Normally, Light would head straight home from school. However, his craving for that burrito with cheese made him take a slight detour so that he could head to the nearest Burrito Hut and thus satisfy his random craving. Due to that detour, Light was the first person to find that.

Laying on the sidewalk, without anyone else around to feasibly be its owner, was a black notebook, laying face down. Curious, Light walked over and picked it up. When he did, he saw that 'Death Note' was written in big bold white capital letters on the cover. It was also in English which, although Light could speak it, was still a total and inconvenient pain in his ass. "What the fuck is this shiznits?" the gifted student thought as he examined the note book. Without any other reason than maybe his inner klepto taking over, Light decided to put the notebook in his bag and take it home with him.

As a side effect of snatching the note book for himself, Light ended up going home right away, his quest for that burrito with cheese forgotten.

In his bedroom located on the second floor of his family's house, Light sat at his desk as he flipped through the 'Death Note' as it was called. Apparently, someone was kind enough to write some rules on how to use the note book (the rules, again, were in English, another thorn in Light's balls), so Light decided to skim over the first few rules because why not;

Rule number one: The human whose name is written in this Death Note shall die. Also, the note works ONLY on humans; you could, in theory, write the name of Ken from Street Fighter in this note and he'd die, but writing the name of Goku from the Dragon Ball series in this note won't do jack shit. Also, the intended victim has to be fully human; someone who is partly but not fully human, like Raven from Teen Titans, can't be affected by the note either.

Rule number two: When writing someone's name in the note, the writer must have the intended victim's face in mind, otherwise the note won't work. This is to prevent multiple people with the same name from biting it. Seriously, you'd be surprised to learn how many Willy Brownstones are out there.

Rule number three: If a person's name is misspelled, the note won't work. If a person's name is misspelled four times, they can't be killed by this note, or any note, for that matter. There used to be a rule where if a writer intentionally misspells a person's name four times, the writer would die, but we got rid of that rule, so you can make people Death Note-proof without worries if you wanted to. In fact, you might want to hedge your bets and make yourself Death Note-proof at some point really soon. Better safe than sorry, I always say.

Rule number four: If a C.O.D (cause of death) is written within forty seconds of the victim's name, then the victim will die from that C.O.D. Feel free to be creative. No, seriously. Go nuts.

Rule number five: If no C.O.D is specified, then the victim will die of cardiac arrest or whatever. That shit's boring, so please specify a (preferably creative) C.O.D.

"…Well, the book does have a point about how that'd be boring," Light muttered to himself. Wanting to watch something on TV, Light turned on the TV in his room, which conveniently was on a news channel that had a breaking news story about a hostage situation.

"We're standing here live outside of the local Bank as a suspect, identified as forty-one-year-old Barnaby Bernstein, stormed in with a gun and fired a few shots, demanding as much money as he can carry away," a news woman standing live outside of a bank robbery scene said as she was currently on the news. The news then showed a picture of what Barnaby looked like; Light thought that the man looked like he had the face of a thug. "There have been no deaths at the moment," the news woman said as the news flashed back to her, "But police and Barnaby are at a standstill at the moment, as no less than six innocent persons are held inside as hostages."

In Light's bedroom as he watched this on the news, Light looked at the supposed killer note book that he found. He saw the suspect's name on the news, and he also saw the suspect's face as well. "…If this works," Light thought as he began to write in the note book, "Then one, holy shit I just killed a guy, and two, holy shit, I have a killer note book." After a few quick seconds, the gifted high school student finished writing his first entry into the supposed killer note book;

Barnaby Bernstein, accident

"…Huh," Light muttered aloud to himself, "I wonder how long this will take to-"

Light was cut off when, as the TV was still on the breaking news story, people began to file out of the bank. "Folks," the news woman said, "It appears that Barnaby is releasing the hostages of his own volition. This truly is a-" The news woman was cut off when a police officer came up to her, whispered something into her ear, then the news woman continued, "I was just informed just now that Barnaby Bernstein is dead."

Light's eyes widened a bit out of shock; he wrote that Barnaby guy's name in the note while imagining his face, and now Barnaby is dead. What really shocked Light is when the news woman continued, "According to the hostages that saw, a light fixture randomly fell out from the ceiling and crashed into Barnaby's head, making him fall over onto the floor and hit his head hard enough to crack it. As such, the police are ruling Barnaby's death as an accident."

Light looked from the Death Note to the TV, then back to the Death Note, then back to the TV again, and repeated this for a few more times until he finally settled on the TV. "…No fucking way, dude," Light muttered to himself, refusing to believe what he had just seen.

Later that night, Light remembered that he was still craving a burrito with cheese, so he decided to take a stroll to the nearby Burrito Hut, only to see that, due to some accident involving the soda fountain being maintained improperly, the place was closed a few hours before Light came by. Annoyed, Light decided that he'd just grab a convenience store-brand burrito from a nearby convenience store. It was no burrito with cheese from Burrito Hut, but hey, what can you do?

As Light stood outside the convenience store, eating the burrito that he had just bought, he saw a guy on what he assumed was an elaborate and highly expensive motorcycle; it resembled a giant white ring than an actual motorcycle. The guy sitting on the motorcycle's seat had fair skin and yellow-blonde hair, with some of the hair in what Light assumed where the guy's attempts at having Jedi padawan braids.

The guy on the motorcycle was having an argument with a somewhat shorter man with orange-reddish hair that stuck up like broom bristles; this second man stood on the ground as he talked to the guy on the motorcycle. "Oh, come on, Jack," the second guy said, "Give me a ride home, will ya? My ride's been towed, so I'm stuck walking home otherwise."

"The exercise will do you some good, Birdbrain," replied the man on the motorcycle, apparently named Jack, who spoke in an Australian accent. Jerking a thumb at himself, Jack continued, "The last time I gave you a ride home like this, we were called gay by no less than half a dozen passers-by. And if there is one thing that Jack Atlas is not, it's gay."

"Well if you're not gay, then at least you're a douche bag," the second guy remarked.

As Jack Atlas put on a motorcycle helmet, Light, to satisfy his curiosity, decided that since he finished his convenience store burrito, he sat down on the ground, pulled out the supposed killer note book (he brought it with him in his bag), took out a pen, then wrote the following while deciding to be a bit more creative this time around;

Jack Atlas, Traffic Accident, thrown from his motorcycle when hit by a large vehicle, motorcycle still in usable condition afterwards

"If this works just like it did earlier, then two things," Light thought as he went about putting the Death Note away, "One, that'll teach that asshole for not giving his friend a lift home, and two, sweet merciful fuck, this thing really DOES kill people."

Right as Light finished zipping his bag back up, he was startled by the sound of a crash coming from the direction that Jack Atlas fellow took off in. Looking over, Light saw that Jack guy's friend running to the scene of a collision where a large white van crashed into Jack as he was on his motorcycle. The man had been thrown from his ride and hit the ground nearby really, really hard. From what Light could see, Jack was not moving.

"Holy shit! Jack's dead!" the friend identified as Birdbrain exclaimed. Going over to the downed motorcycle, Birdbrain said as he set the motorcycle back up, "…Huh, Jack's motorcycle seems to be just fine." Getting on his late friend's motorcycle, Birdbrain turned it back on and rode off into the distance, not at all caring that his friend had just died, or that he was essentially stealing said friend's motorcycle.

As the sounds of police sirens came from the distance, Light, wide-eyed with worry now, decided that now would be a good time to make like a bird flying south for the winter and get the duck out of there.

As he made his way home, Light stumbled slightly into a wall in order to keep from falling over. Light was sick to his stomach, due to realizing that the supposedly killer note book, this 'Death Note', actually worked. With both of the entries he made coming to fruition, Light knew that there could be no mistake. Not only did the 'Death Note' work, but because it did, Light himself had killed two innocent men.

…Well, that Barnaby guy did storm a bank with a gun and demanded a lot of money. But that Jack guy only left his friend to walk home; was that truly worthy of punishment, regardless of how much of a Grade-A asshole Jack was being to his friend? Light was so shocked, so sick, that he nearly threw up, only barely able to keep from bringing his convenience store burrito back up. This 'Death Note' was truly a frightening power, if it can kill people as easily as it has so far.

…However, Light could see how the note book could be a tool for good as well. And things were starting to become boring as shit around here, so Light figured that he had nothing to lose. Even so, Light knew that he had to be careful.

He still didn't want to end up as the main character of an anime, after all.

(A FEW DAYS LATER)

Light walked into his family's home one day after returning from being a high school student, since that's mostly all that Japanese people his age is good for, apparently. After walking up the stairs to the second floor, Light walked into his room and closed the door behind him. When he turned around he saw some guy roughly a few years older than him sitting on his bed.

This guy was fair skinned, had jet black slicked-back hair that reached the tips of his shoulder blades, wore a baggy light gray long-sleeved shirt under a Steelers jersey, a pair of black tripp pants with red threading and a pair of black work boots. There was a sign that said 'Shinigami' hanging around the guy's neck. The guy was also eating a pear.

"'Sup, I'm Ryuk," the guy said in a casual tone, "I'm a Shinigami." Light only stared blankly at this Ryuk fellow for a few seconds before turning to his side and pointing at his door.

"…Get the fuck out of my family's house, asshole," Light remarked.

"No, seriously," Ryuk continued, "I'm an actual Shinigami. Throw that school bag you got there at me if you don't believe me." Arching an eyebrow, Light, with a wry look on his face, decided to humor this creep. Grabbing his school bag with both hands, Light threw it two-handed at the supposed Shinigami. When the bag reached Ryuk, it simply phased through him before it hit the floor; it was as if he were a hologram or something. This caught Light's attention.

"You're…a Shinigami," Light said to Ryuk.

Patting himself on the chest with his hand that didn't hold the pear, Ryuk replied, "One-hundred percent bona-fied Shinigami, right here."

"You…don't look like what most would expect of a Shinigami," Light remarked as he went about retrieving his school bag.

"One, that Bleach series made Shinigami look very much humanoid," Ryuk began, "And two, taking forms like this is surprisingly loads less stressful on Shinigami than it would be to go about in our true forms."

Figuring that he'd have nightmares for weeks if he asked to see what Ryuk's true form looked like, Light decided to leave the matter be. After picking up his school bag, Light said, "I'm assuming that you have something to do with the 'Death Note' that I picked up a few days ago, do you not?"

"Yeah, I was the one who dropped it into the human world," Ryuk replied, "Intentionally, might I add."

Shooting the Shinigami with a wry, confused look, Light asked, "Why would you do that?"

Shrugging indifferently, Ryuk replied in a casual tone, "Shits and giggles."

After considering Ryuk's response for a few seconds, Light shrugged just as indifferently as Ryuk just did, figuring that Ryuk's response was as good as any. "So, I…take it that you're going to want to take the Death Note back?" Light asked.

"Nah, I still got my own copy," Ryuk replied as he pulled out his own copy of a Death Note. Opening the Death Note up, Ryuk showed Light one of the entries;

Lite Ygamey, accident, dies on XX/XX/XX.

Light Yagamei, accident, dies on XX/XX/XX.

Lite Yagami, accident, dies on XX/XX/XX.

Light Yahgahmi, accident, dies on XX/XX/XX.

As Light read what Ryuk had written, observing that all of the dates were the same date which was a few days ago, Ryuk himself said, "This way, you can't be killed by any Death Note ever. You're welcome that I did this for you, by the way." Closing his Death Note and putting it away, Ryuk asked, "Speaking of, how come you didn't go about making yourself Death Note-proof before I did you a solid?"

"I…was busy," Light replied as he slowly took his own Death Note out from his school bag.

"Busy?" Ryuk repeated in a mildly confused tone, "Busy doing what, might I-" Ryuk was cut off when Light opened his Death Note and showed him what he had written. To Ryuk's surprise, there were loads and loads on names written in the Death Note held by the gifted high school boy that stood before him. "…Yeah," Ryuk remarked, "I'd certainly say that you have been busy over the last few days."

"What I would like to know is why you're doing all of this," Light asked as he closed his Death Note and put it away, "What's your end game?"

With another indifferent shrug, Ryuk said, "I'm bored as fuck, and I figured that doing all of this would keep me entertained." Pointing to Light, Ryuk continued, "I knew that you were using the Death Note somewhat, but what I didn't know was how much you've been using it. The fact that you've done so much in the first few days since obtaining it means that I was lucky as hell that someone like you was the person who picked up the Death Note." Putting his hands on his hips, Ryuk continued, "I want to stick around and see how this plays out. You okay with letting me tag along, maybe act as a sort of guide if need be?"

"Umm…" Light began, "…Would…wouldn't there be some sort of Shinigami hierarchy, and wouldn't they be pissed if you're doing all of this?"

"Pfft," Ryuk began in a dismissive tone as he waved his right hand in a dismissive manner, "There is a hierarchy, but things have become rather lax now and days. I can pretty much do whatever the fuck I feel like, outside of killing a human with anything other than a Death Note, starring in poorly made live-action movies that are excusive to some sort of video streaming service, and dissing Steven Universe. Doing that last one will really piss off the Shinigami Queen."

"Shinigami Queen, you say," Light replied.

"Yeah, we have a Queen now," Ryuk explained, "We used to have a Shinigami king, but we don't anymore because reasons."

Light then began to ponder Ryuk's request. After a few seconds, close to a minute, of thought, the gifted high school boy gave an indifferent shrug. "Aww," Light remarked in a causal tone, "Why the fuck not." And so, this began a tale of epic proportions, destined to piss off a lot of diehard Death Note fans on the internet.

END, CHAPTER ONE

Author's notes:

So…yeah, I'm actually writing a Death Note story. Believe it or not, this was all inspired by me discovering the 2017 Death Note live action movie on Netflix. I did a little digging around and learned that the aforementioned movie…did not sit too well with a lot of people. It didn't sit all that well with me, either. As such, I'm making my own Death Note story in response.

In case you can't tell, I'm going to be changing a few things, such as motivations, certain minor plot points, and featuring certain elements from other animes (think of those elements from other animes as Easter eggs). I'll also be adding Death Note rules, removing ones I feel won't really come up, altering rules, and combining a few smaller related rules into one. This story will still have some suspense, as suspense and 'Death Note' go hand in hand, but more than anything, my aim with this story is two-fold; to playfully mock Death Note a little, and to try and provide people with at least one good laugh. Also, keep in mind that this story, if anything, is meant to be seen as a parody. Try not to take things here too seriously, alright?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get a burrito with cheese.