Death's Shadow
[A/N: Er. Buzza wrote this originally, and gave me permission to rewrite. I did so. And it went the – er, psychotic direction. Um. ~coughs~ What can I say? But for once, I actually semi-like it, though it does have no plot whatsoever. And it makes no sense at all. As if any of my writing made sense . . . . ]
Sometimes, I feel like I'm living in a shadow. Like I've always been living in a shadow. The shadow of death.
It's there with me. It will always be with me.
I sit at the dinner table. Stare at a slice of pizza. I want to cry. But I don't cry. I slam my fist onto the table, grasp my fork tightly. So tightly the plastic suddenly fractures into pieces.
The deathcries from our battle are in my head.
Have to get out have to get out – my mind churns. Sara's at a slumber party, Mom at work. Only Jordan and me. All alone.
You're always alone, Rachel. You and death's shadow.
I scream. Leave me alone! Why won't you leave me alone?! My words ring out into the night. Did I speak? Did I say anything aloud?
Jordan stares at me. "Rachel . . . . are . . . . . you . . . . . okay . . . . . ?" Her words echo everywhere – hang off the walls, rip through my mind.
Are . . . . you . . . . . okay . . . . . okay . . . . kay . . . ay . . . . .?
She is at my side, looking at me with those round eyes. Child eyes.
When you're young, you're innocent. You think nothing can hurt you, 'cause you're invincible, so forth so on.
When you're young, you're stupid. A fool. An idiot.
I shake her off, and run on silent feet up the stairs to my room. Slam the door. And snap out a razor, cradle it in my right hand.
Press the cold steel against me. And suddenly, before I can think, I snap. Mind snapping goes softly into oblivion black dead all soft cushions cry into the rain dirge calling out – and I rip open my entire left arm with the razor. To the bone.
The pain shudders over me in giant waves, and I feel myself catch my breath, but it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing matters anymore. Matters . . . .
I switch the razor to my left hand, and quickly run it down my right arm, slashing it open as well. The pain comes again, and I giggle. I'm going dizzy all of a sudden – don't understand why why why . . . .
My fingers grab a pen, and I scribble. Meaningless words. A tangled mass of lines that are shaking and get more and more tangled.
I'm getting really dizzy now . . . . everything makes no sense . . . . . don't understand what's going on don't understand can't understandcan'tunderstandcan'tcan'tcan't. . . .
I force myself to focus. All the strange words are echoing in my head, over and over. Are you okay . . . . leave me alone! . . . . living in a shadow . . . . your father and I are getting a divorce . . . . AAAAAAHHHH! . . . . . Let's do it! . . . . . diediedie I hate you! . . . . . you okay are you are you are you . . . . .
The blood seeps out. My skin is becoming translucent. I can practically see through it. See my veins that are being emptied.
[A/N: Well? Liked it, loved it, hated it? Send any and all replies to me at anifuture@hotmail.com. And take a look at my webpage, at http://anifuture.hypermart.net.]