Disclaimer: I don't own 'The Bill'. Song is Pasha Bulker by Bob Evans

A/N: For Krissie whom I upset, let down and then trod on. I was unfair and it was for no good reason. The worst bit is that we can't even tease each other about our ridiculous pairings any more. So… this sucks. So, this is my sorry-ness…

Hindsight… it's a wonderful thing
Max and Beth

I took my worries to the waters edge

Chances…

Made.

Lost.

Taken.

Forced.

I've lived them all.

I've lived them all with her.

To drown them peacefully

Chances Made…

To hold her hand would be such sweet sorrow. To know what she knows. Her past. Her loves. Her worries. Her fears. To share drinks, jokes, highlights and lowlights. To see in her eyes that she feels the same about me.

Saw my reflection on the horizon

Chances Lost…

After work drinks. A moment when she looks across the bar and catches my eye, a lingering softness in her face. After Lenny Jones, those words shared. Chocolates given. Hope in my heart. A moment passed. After Monks. Terror… had I lost her before I could get her? Again. I fail again.

Always chances lost…

A stranded ship like me

Chances Taken…

A drink. A smile. A passed word in a hall. I fall back on those small times, weird times, good times to get me through.

I just need something to get me through without her…


The waves spat vitriol against the cliffs

Chances Forced…

One little mistake. One little hope. How was I to know? How was I to understand? How was I to see the mistake I was about to make?

As if to beckon me

She told me she loved the sea. The gulls. The splashing waves. The sounds of ships horns in the distance. The smell in the air.

So I brought her here and I told her.

Her voice caught in the wind and it whispered back that she felt the same…

She loved me too…

If I keep walking it's all over

But she was already gone by then. The only one I'll ever love. She'll never return to me.

And it was all my fault. An operation gone wrong and she was caught in the middle. I got her involved. I sent her in there. I led her like a lamb to the slaughter.

There were so many things I should've changed. So many things I should've done.

I stare out to the sea

So I played this song at your funeral because it spoke of the sea. I talked about how tough you were and how we'd always be… we'd always be something.

Where did I go wrong?

I should've done things differently.

Then maybe you'd still be here.

But hindsight's a wonderful thing isn't it?