Without Dreams

Chapter 1

As she folded yet another small shift her blue eyes glared at the brown peeling wallpaper in front her. The flickering celling light made the wallpaper look like a large crooked claw, quietly disappearing into the shadows, waiting a for an opportunity to snag an unsuspecting child that would walked underneath it.

If only...

Folding another piece of small clothing into the pile Usagi rubbed and blew into her cupped hands. The laundry room was cold. The heater to her left just barely warmed that side of her small body. Though she was wrapped in two jumpers and two long pants, the material of the garments were old and thin, handed down from the previous owner once they out grew them.

Usagi picked up another piece of clothing, again slowly folding it neatly and placing it beside the others. She repeated this action till a sniffle pulled at her jumper.

"U-chan." She stopped folding a shirt midway, and slowly took a deep breath before looking over to the small boy, streaked with tears and snot.

"What's wrong Matsu?"

"Shou took my ranger." and began to wail.

Usagi rolled her eyes and sighed. She only has few more clothes to fold and as the young boy told his story of how his toy ranger was stolen from him she grabbed a small pile of shirts and passed it to him. "Here Matsu, take this. Wipe your nose first." she watched as he wiped his nose along his faded blue jumper, a line of clear mucus streaked across the length of his arm. Matsu took the pile shirts, holding both ends on each arm and continued with his unfortunate tale.

He sniffled loudly as Usagi collected the remaining pile, stacking pants, underwear then jumpers on top of each other before standing up. "Come on lets go."

They slowly walked up the stairs and into the main hall of the building before taking another flight of stairs up.

Matsu stayed quiet for the duration of the walk towards the boy's dormitory. They stopped in front of mock-wood shoji screen doors, and with a small kick Usagi balanced on one foot and wedged her toes to slide the screen left.

Carefully she walked through the small cramped room towards the boys common wardrobe drawers. Placing her pile carefully on top the furniture she took the pile from Matsu and neatly stacked them inside drawers before placing her own pile in.

"U-chan, my ranger?" Matsu's voice began to break and sniffled loudly. Usagi ignored him and began to pick up torn books and small toys from the floor. "Help me put these away." She ordered.

Matsu did as he was told. Albeit messily but so long it was not on the floor. "Come on." Usagi spoke holding her hand out to the little boy. She grasped his small cold hands into her own and slowly walked out of the boy's room. They crossed the hall into a larger room littered with used toys and a row of chairs that stood by an icy window.

Matsu released her hold and charged towards a boy playing with a green action figure. As Matsu tried to snatch the toy from the other boy, Shou, Usagi only watched them impassively. The other children in the room stopped and watched the scene unfold again.

"Papa gave that to me!" Matsu cried, trying to wrench the toy out from Shou's grasp. Shou being slightly older pushed against the younger boy's head, "It's not yours anymore!"

Taking a deep breath Usagi slowly walked towards the fighting boys and when an opportunity arose she snatched the action figure from their hands. "Nothing belongs to neither of you." Usagi threw the toy onto the very top shelf, she heard the toy collide with the wall before it fell behind furniture. The silence was louder than Matsu wails.

Usagi gazed back to see Matsu stomping his feet as Shou stood there with his head down. He would learn. While some of the children have lived here majority of their lives, and others having been neglected or abused by their immediate family, Matsu on the other hand had lost his family. He had only arrived a month ago.

She stomped over towards him, Shou backing away quickly but she ignored him, Usagi grasped Matsu shoulders firmly, "This is your life now! No one here is coming for you! No one wants you! Nothing belongs to you!" she screamed. Matsu hazel eyes gaped at her blue. His tear streaked face, with mucus running down his down nose and lips did not make Usagi's frown go. She released her grasp and turned towards the analogue clock. Oo-five forty-five.

"Tidy up everyone it's time for a bath." She ignored the groans, and they did not argue. "Shou. You'll take Matsu to the baths and wash him."

"Y-yes Usagi-san."

She left the children to their own devices. They would not disobey an order from someone older. Age here allowed you to maintain a hierarchical status. You did not disobey the older children.

She returned to her own dorm, sliding the plastic screen into a room cramped with five beds. Only two had folded futons on top of the metal beds. At the two small desks sat another girl around Usagi's age, her head down beneath a small lamp light as she scribbled down notes.

"Takara-chan." Her head and turned towards Usagi.

"Usagi-chan! You scared me. Are you going to work tonight?" Takara asked as Usagi walked over to her personal drawers.

"Yeah. I won't be back till eleven-thirty. Can wait for me by the doors tonight?" Takara nodded her head, "Of course."

Usagi stripped in front of Takara. There was no personal space here. Everyone shared a room, the bathrooms, the toilets. She shivered as she stripped off her warmer layers and quickly shoved her uniform on. "Hey Usagi-chan. Can you get me some Poki?"

"I'm a bit short on cash, if it's on special today I will." she replied. "Do you have an exam tomorrow?"

"Yeah..."

Usagi hummed as she fixed her hair. She wrapped her woven pink scarf before she exited her dorm. "I'll see you later Takara-chan."

"Bye Usagi-chan!"

As Usagi walked down the stairs she felt a light draft along her neck and wrapped her scarf tighter. Before Usagi left the building she knocked at a door to the left. A light knock later she let herself in. Two older women sat a wooden table looking over papers and muttering to each before, the plump women sitting behind the desk lifted her gaze at her.

"Yes Usagi-san?"

"I'm off to my part-time job, I finish at eleven, I should be back by eleven-thirty. Takara-chan says she'll open the door for me. I've sent the younger children for their baths."

Both women smiled softly. "Thank you, Usagi-san. Stay safe." Usagi bowed before leaving and as soon as she closed the doors she heard them, "She won't make it."

The cold air stung Usagi's cheeks immediately. Thankfully there was no wind however the sky was void of any clouds promising a cold winter night ahead. Her feet already felt frozen in her old boots, her body shivered despite her winter coat. Icy mist shot out her nose each time she exhaled. Usagi stuffed her cold digits into her coat pockets as soon as she locked the gates.

She jogged quickly to the bus stop and as she waited, jogging on the spot, she ignored the snickers from a group of girls. When the bus finally arrived Usagi seated herself right the front as the girls brushed past her.

"Did you see what she was wearing?"

"Looks like my grandmothers wardrobe."

Usagi ignored their raucous laughter as they walked past her towards the back of the bus.

Not ten minutes in one the girls sat right behind her. "You know that coat is like out of fashion now, like fifty years out of fashion." Her friends laughed behind them.

The girl leaned closer behind Usagi, reaching her head. "So, what's your name? Where do you live."

Usagi looked over at her indifferently before turning her gaze towards the front of the bus. The next stop was hers. "You know it's rude to ignore people."

Ignoring her, Usagi pressed the 'stop' button and the bus lurched to sudden stop causing the girl behind her to lose her grip on the seat handle. She landed on her side, hissing in pain as Usagi stood up.

The bus driver snapped at her "Next time press earlier!"

Usagi bowed towards the driver. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

The bus drove away but not before Usagi caught the sight of the girl being thrown back by the force. She smirked and jogged towards a small convenience store.

"Ah Usagi, right on time. Lucky you, you just missed the peak hour!"

Eleven at night could not come sooner. The shift was slow, tedious and she easily caught the last bus back. When she arrived at the wooden doors of her home there was no Takara waiting by the doors. Her teeth chattered loudly and her body prickled from the cold. "Come on Takara-chan." she shivered. She banged the door numerous times till one of the care-takers opened the door instead. "Usagi-chan! Too loud." She pushed in, breathed in relief of being indoors. "Sorry, Chio-san. I'm going to bed. Goodnight." Chio mumbled a goodnight before Usagi dashed off towards her dorm.

Takara was asleep and snug in her bed. Frowning, Usagi shoved her icy cold hands beneath Takara's blanket and straight to her warm skin. She laughed gleefully as Takara shot up from her bed with a loud yelp. "You forgot to let me in!"

Takara groaned and wrapped her whole body into a blanket ball. "And for that," Usagi murmured on top of her, "no Poki for you." Takara shifted her body, throwing Usagi's off. She pouted, her brown eyes doefully look down at her. "But I have an exam tomorrow."

Usagi grinned at her "And for that you get only one Poki box, I get to keep the other for myself."

Both girls laughed as Usagi stripped quickly into her pajama's and lunged into the warmth of her roommate's bed.

As Takara's slow breaths hit the back of Usagi's neck, she counted in her mind the pay she would receive for the month. She worked more hours than she had in recent months but the total sum that Usagi calculated in her mind was not enough to live out on her own. She would need to take another job on the side. School mattered little to Usagi. With no parental help she would get nowhere. Best secure jobs with good rapport help with her oncoming adult life.

Usagi gazed back towards the girl behind her. Next month Takara would turn fifteen and she would receive her first monthly salary, left by her immediate family's death, and have more than enough leave this place into a home on her own. Takara was like Matsu, was fortunate because she, unlike Usagi, was wanted by her parents.

Unlike Takara, Usagi was a throwaway child.

\

\

\

I had a thought. Why are orphans in anime so popular. So out of curiosity I began to read about the orphans of Japan, and like everywhere it's depressing. It certainly makes sense why Mamoru is the way he is. There was one quote by an Japanese orphan that really tugged my heart, "I don't have any dreams [for the future]."

Japans throwaway children.

Not Beta-read. I'm sure you can tell.