"Honey, I'm home" Says Peridot entering the destroyed spaceship "The stuff at the store was too heavy for me to carry while I was fighting the cops, so, I just built a hammerspace machine"
Peridot pulls a small laser gun and shoots it at the ceiling, which creates a portal
Several green pieces of furniture fall from the portal right before it closes
"So, what do you think?" Asks Peridot "You didn't say which color you wanted, so, I took some liberties"
The only response she had was the sound of something hiting something else repitely
"Aqua?" Asks Peridot
Peridot slowly walks though the dark corridors of the ship, until she finds the room she was looking for
"Hey Aqua, are we playing hide and seek? Because I think it may be relevant for you to know that I can't count past six" Says Peridot entering the room
Aquamarine, who was hitting her head against the metal wall multiple times
"Oh, you're back" Aqua says, as she notices Peridot "Great"
She hits her head in the wall one more time, with enough strength to make the room shake
She quickly turn around with and gives the best smile she can
"Hi" Says Aqua
"So, did you fix the computer?" Asks Peridot
"Nah" Says Aqua "I think it's broken for good."
"You mean like, for good good?" Asks Peridot
"Well, I managed to make it acess something called EBay, but there's nothing useful in there" Says Aquamarine "If we want to take this ship off the ground we'll have to build another one from scratch."
"And we'll also need to fix the outside, with a metal strong enough to resist faster than light travels" Says Peridot "Not to mention the propellers, I checked it a while ago and there's like, literally nothing left of them, they were vaporized"
"Great" Says Aqua in a sarcastic tone
"Oh, we also need to find a way to generate an energy equivalent to that of 10 gigaton explosions every second to power up the ship" Says Peridot "And there's also so broken internal machines that we'll have to fix so that nothing goes wrong along the way"
Aquamarine gives her an annoyed look
Peridot seems not to notice or care
"I may be able to fix the forcefields with the pieces of my time machine, and some of the cables with some magical stuff that I stole from a giant some time ago. The 11th dimensional matrix of the ship may be a little harder to fix, but I'll try hitting it with a hammer until something happens" Says Peridot "Also, I brought you a gift from the store"
Peridot hands her a small box
"You bought something for me?" Asks Aqua
"Of course not" Says Peridot "I stole it"
Aquamarine opens the box, and from it, she takes a cellphone
"You gave me a rectangle?" Asks Aquamarine
"It's called a cellphone" Says Peridot "It's like my table, except my table is better"
"Oh" Says Aquamarine "What's a tablet?"
"It's kind of like limb enhancers" Says Peridot "But with stupid stuff like this"
Peridot turns Aqua's phone on and conects it to the internet. She then uses it to play a video of a guy doing a bad cosplay of Count Dracula at Comic Con
"What's the point of this?" Ask Aqua, confused
"None" Says Peridot "It's just there so we can point and laugh at them"
"Oh" Says Aqua with a grim on her face "I can get behind this"
"You'll love the internet, I think you'll fit in pretty well" Says Peridot
They then hear the sound of helicopter coming close to the ship
"What's that?" Asks Aqua
"Oh, it's probably just that time of the month again" Says Peridot "Don't worry, I'll take care of it"
Peridot goes to outside of the ship while Aquamarine keeps looking at her cellphone and laughing
"Hello" Says Peridot with a smile looking at the helicopters
"Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG, you are under arrest" Says the man piloting the biggest of the helicopters
"Under what charges?" Asks Peridot
"Unauthorized time travel, murder of a high class member of the Illuminati, theft of magical items, invasion of property, interplanetary terrorism, genocide, illegal possession technology, unauthorized interstellar travel, and many more, we would be here all day if we were to mention them all." Says the man
"Oh, those charges" Say Peridot
"Surrender peacefully or we'll have to take you by force" He says, as all the helicopters point their guns at the green gem
"Alright, don't worry, I'm going" Peridot puts her hands above her head and slowly walks towards the helicopters
Some soldiers come down from the helicopters, with their guns still pointed a Peri's face
A soldier comes closer, with handcuffs in his hands
Before he could out them on, Peridot whistles, which makes several laser beams, coming from Peridot's satellites, fall from the sky, destroying everyone in the helicopters
Before they could react, Peridot steals the indentity documment of one of the soldiers and runs inside of the ship, which locks itself down instantly
"So, how are you going in there?" Asks Peridot as she enters the room
"Fine" Says Aqua "I found this thing called Candy Crush"
"Isn't that the game from the Emoji Movie?" Asks Peridot
"I don't know what an Emoji is" Says Aqua
"I'll have to show it to you someday" Says Peridot "You guys have a lot in common"
Their conversation is interrupted by a huge explosion outside of the ship
"What was that?" Asks Aqua
"That sounded like a gigaton explosion" Says Peridot "Don't worry, the forcefield I built will hold them for a while"
Peridot then puts the ID she stole in the computer and starts pressing random keys
"There, I hacked into the official CIA website" Says Peridot "Now I just have to find their main base, invade and then blow everything up. Wanna come?"
"Ok" Says Aqua, only looking away from the phone for the fraction of a second
"Alright" Says Peridot as she pulls a pocket watch from her hair, opens it and presses a button in it
The pocket watch quickly generates soundwaves that crack open a hole in the space-time continuum, creating a 4,293,616 dimensional vortex, which is incomprehensible to being of the 3rd dimension
They quickly go right though it, and right after crossing the complex space between time and the simple time between space, they arrive in their objective
"Alright, here we are" Says Peridot s she steps on the island sized giant turtle of dark matter
"Hey Peridot" Says Aqua, looking away from her game for just a second "Are we on a island sized giant turtle of dark matter?"
"Of course" Says Peridot "Where else would the main base of the CIA be?"
"Oh, ok" Aqua quickly says right before going back to her game
Peridot satarted looking around the giant shell of the dark turtle, that's when she caught a glimpse of light coming from the sky
"Oh, they already know we're here" Says Peridot as she looks at the incoming missiles "They're good at this, but don't worry"
Dramatic pause
"I'm even better" Says Peridot as she quickly pulled a white shining muffin made of pure light out of her hair and took a bite
Less than a second later, her eyes started glowing in the same white light, and from them, a giant laser being of magic light came from her eyes and flew towards the missiles at the speed of sound, and as it hits them, they all disappear without a trace
"That's a super muffin I made" Says Peridot "It gives whoever its it the ability to erase a target from existence on a conceptual level"
"Why do you explain every invention you use?" Asks Aqua without looking away from her game
"Because I like the sound of my own voice" Says Peridot "Plus, the readers need to undertand just how weird this fanfic is"
"But wouldn't it give the opponent an opportunity to do something like that?" Asks Aqua
"Like what?" Says Peridot, right before her super muffin is stolen by someone who was right behind her
She quickly jumps away from the opponent and looks at him
As the light from the muffin illuminates him, she can clearly see what she is dealing with: a young hybrid, half Easter Bunny, half Santa Claus, it had a prosthetic silver arm and wore a cape made of pure physical magic, one of his eyes was shining red and had some kind of ninja symbol in it and it was holding a golden sword with a 3,312,474th dimensional blade
"Well, there's something we don't see everyday" Says Peridot "You're Santa Bunny's son, aren't you? What was your name again? It was something like Random, wasn't it?"
"My name is Haddon" He says "And I have trained for 20 long years to defeat you and avenge the death of my father"
"How could you train for 20 years if Peridot only killed Santa Bunny two years ago?" Asks Aqua
"Yeah, she has a point" Says Peridot
"It makes sense if you start thinking 4 dimensionally" Haddon says
"Oh, the 4th dimension sucks, it is full of losers" Says Peridot "And trust me, I know a loser when I see one"
"That's because she's a loser herself" Says Aquamarine "Losers know each other"
"Yeah, she's right" Say Peridot
"Are you guys trying to change the subject on porpuse?" Asks Haddon, clearly annoyed "You think something will appear to save you if you can keep this conversation going for long enough?"
"Nah" Says Peridot "Aqua is just trolling you because she's evil, while I am trying to distract you for long enough so the effects of the super muffin wear off so you would lose the ability to erase me, which should be around now"
As soon as Peridot finished that sentence, Haddon's eyes stoped glowing
Before he could take another bite of the muffin, Peridot quickly pulls a laser gun and shoots and the muffin, which makes it go though quantum breakdown and become pure energy, and before Haddon could do anything, Aquamarine catches him with her tractor beam and throws him into outer space
"Man, this head ribbon of yours is pretty useful" Says Peridot
"Yeah, it keeps me in fashion" Says Aqua "So, what now?"
"Aren't you gonna keep playing your game?" Asks Peridot
"Nah, that guy was so distracting that I got game over" Aquamarine responds
"Well, I brought a void bomb" Says Peridot "We just need to blow it up here and the entire island will phase into nonexistence, and then nobody will be looking for me. Should last some hours before I get into more trouble"
"And what about that guy?" Asks Aqua
"Well, generally, when I throw people into space, they just stay there until they become rocks, and then they stop thinking" Says Peridot
"Then why is he coming back?" Asks Aquamarine
"Wait, what?" Asks Peridot in surprise
Peridot pulls a capsule from her hair, which then becomes a telescope after she throws it on the ground
As she uses the telescope to look into space, she finds out Aquamarine was right, Haddon's magic cape had tranformed into wings, and he was returning to the atmosphere
"Well, damn" Says Peridot "But don't worry, I have plan"
After a few seconds, Haddon reachs the turtle once again, and violently grabs Peridot and breaks her into pieces
To his surprise, the thing he just attacked was not Peridot, but a Peridot-shaped void bomb
In a yoctosecond, his wings shapeshift again, creating a shield around him, and as the bomb explodes, the island sized giant turtle of dark matter phases out of existence, along with everything in it
"Well, that was interesting" Says Aquamarine, as she watched from far away into the sky, while carrying Peridot with her hands "Do you do that kind of stuff everyday?"
"Yeah" Says Peridot "That is, except for the days when the Camp Pining Hearts reboot goes out of hiatus, then I lock myself in a room for a week and watch the entire franchise again so I would have it fresh in my memory to watch the new episodes"
"Oh" Says Aqua
However, when they least expected, a giant silver arm came from downwards and captured Peridot
She was quickly pulled downwards at the speed of light, until she came into eye contact with Haddon
"Look at what you've done" He says "Now you've killed my dad and my cool cape" Says him
"Oh, your came made a shield that was erased from existence instead of you" Says Peridot "Interesting"
He pulled his higher dimensional sword and was ready to kill the green gem with it
"Wait a second, before you stab me to death, is that a silver shapeshifting arm made by the gnomes from Nowhereland?" Says Peridot "I've been there before, nice place"
Shut up" Said Haddon angry "You think you can talk your way out of everything, but your tricks are not going to work with me"
"What? Me trying to trick you? No, I would never do something like that" Says Peridot with the most sarcastic tone she could master, which only enraged Haddon even more "I was just trying to tell you that those things don't respond very well to manetism"
As Peridot quickly touches the metalic arm with her hand and activates her metal manipulation powers, the hand quickly stats to become unstable right before falling apart
"No!" Screams Haddon "My badass hand! What have you done to my badass hand!?"
Peridot quickly pulls the same lase gun from before, ready to turn Haddon into energy to finish him off for good, however, as Peridot fires it, another laser beam comes out of Haddon's red eye, and both beams stop as they hit each other
"What is this? Dragon Ball Z? I though we only watched good anime in here" Screams Peridot
"Do you ever shut the hell up?" Screams Haddon
When it seemed like they were stalemeted, a tractor beam came from the sky and surrounded Haddon, paralysing him, and making his beam stop
Peridot's laser quickly hits Haddon, which causes him to undergo quantum breakdown, turning him into nothing but particles of energy
"Hehehe, we did it" Screams Peridot "Thanks Aqua"
"Don't worry" Says Aquamarine "That guy made me lose at Candy Crush"
"Oh, speaking of which" Says Peridot "I wanted to show you this other website, it's called , and there's a lot of..."
Before Peridot could finish her sentence, the 3,312,474th dimensional, which was the only thing left of Haddon, quickly came to life and attacked Peridot
She instinctly jumped to dodge as the sword kept trying to kill her
"Do all swords on this planet do that?" Asks Aqua
"He probably used some magic to make a copy of his mind inside the sword" Says Peridot "And since it is a higher dimensional sword, I couldn't turn it into energy"
Aqua quickly tries to paralyse the sword with her beam, no effect
"It is higher dimensional" Screams Perdiot and she keeps dodging the sword "Nothing three dimensional will work on it"
Peridot quickly pulls a teleporter out of her hair and uses it to teleport herself to near Aqua, she then quickly teleports both herself and Aqua back to their ship
"We don't have time" Says Peri "The sword will keep followin us until we destroy it, but I have something that might work"
"Well, then do it" Says Aqua
"I'll have to use your cellphone" Says Peridot
Less than a minute later, Peridot was coneting Aqua's cellphone to the ship's maind computer and to her pocket watch
"I made this watch as a way of transportation" Says Peridot "I had instantaneous teleportation, but an instant was too much, I had to move even quicker, so I made this watch that would give me acces to 4,293,616th dimensional space, which generates waymore energy than the sword, but I can't use it for combat unless I overload it, and that's what I'm gonna do"
"You're gonna overload a higher dimensional watch with a cellphone and a broken ship computer?" Asks Aquamarine
"Elementar, my dear Aquamarine" Says Peridot "I'm gonna download the entire internet in a second, the watch won't be able to hold it and will release the entire energy into the sword, and then bye bye Santa Bunny Jr."
In the moment she said that, the sword came crashing though the wall ready to attack
"Aqua, press the red button, now!" Screams Peridot
As Aquamarine pressed the button, the computer powered the cellphone, which was potent enough to download everything on the internet in one second, and as that happened, the watch overloaded and released a powerful beam of higher dimensional energy into the sword
The light from the beam of energy could be seen from another planet, and some of the energy that managed to escape made the sky change color several times
It lasted around five seconds, until the watch stoped releasing energy, and was the light slowly fades away, it leaves behind a surprise:
The sword was still intact!
"Oh, I think I left the safety on" Peridot says right before pressing a button on the watch "Press it again"
As Aquamarine presses the button once more, the same explosion happen, but far superior to the last one, the light left the boudaries of the solar system and illuminated all of the infinite universe, releasing beams of energy that could be felt from the other side of the multiverse
It only lasted two seconds, but it was more than enough, as the sword burns down into nothingness right before the beam of energy stops completely just as quickly as it began
"Well, that was awesome" Says Aquamarine
"Oh, speaking of awesome..." Says Peridot, as she unplugs Aqua's phone to check it
Oh, sorry about that Aqua" Says Peridot " I think your cellphone now only catches 14,222,491,000,000th dimensional wi-fi"
"Oh" Says Aqua
"I can get you a new one tomorrow if you want" Says Peridot
"Nah, don't worry" Says Aquamarine "I live on a weird ship with the weirdest roommate of all time, I think I can handle some weird internet"
"Was that a compliment?" Asks Peridot
"Yes" Says Aqua "Yes it was"
"Oh, thank you" Screams Peridot as she jumps at Aqua and hugs her "You're the best roommate of all time"
"Can we please have a rule about hugs around here?" Asks Aqua
"Only if you let me use your headband for something I am working on" Says Peridot "Deal?"
"Deal" Says Aqua with a smile as they shake hands